Friday, February 10, 2006

Games Married Women Play

Now that I have your attention.
On a talk show yesterday, a couple discussed their sexless marriage. (Sexless. Marriage. That's just single & wearing a wedding ring.) In the case of this particular couple, after 4 years, the husband was no longer "turned on" by his wife. Now, I'm not going to get all up in their business - even if they did put it out there - but, basically, the more the husband rejected the wife, the more she let her appearance go. To sum up, in the past 2 years, they'd had sex 5 times.Okay then.

Now I know that marriage isn't all about sex, but sex is important & unless you have some medical issues, I don't think there's any excuse for not keeping the home fires hot.

As a single woman looking forward to a Mr. Right-For-Me, I can't feel sorry for any married woman who plays the game of keep-it-tight-just-til-the-wedding-night. So, to all the married women who think that getting the ring was the whole & only point, I have a few things to say.

Ladies, if you "get" your man & then stop courting him, that's not love. That's entrapment. One thing that being single has taught me is that the best way to keep a man is to keep up with whatever you did to get him. I know because we Singles have to work harder in a relationship.

The whole game of Get Him & Then Forget Him works in some marriages (if those kinds of relationships are what you want to call "marriages.") We've all seen couples in those situations - they're the ones who shlump around in public looking bored with each other. I can spot them from around corners. (And you can just imagine what their sorry sex lives must be like: a little roll-over in the middle of the night, then rolling back onto their side of the bed. See? Boring.) Whenever I see these folks out there, just broadcasting their lack of hotness, I feel a whole lot better about being single.

Newsflash for all the neglectful married women: Damnit! You got a man. If he ain't abusing your mind, body or soul, or neglecting his responsibilities - either treat him right or send him back out to the rest of us. You picked him, so if you ever loved him, then take some Do & Don't advice from this single woman who'll be waiting for you to throw him back.

DO...

...Keep yourself looking, smelling, feeling & tasting good. We can't all be in Ms. Halle's orbit, but your man must have loved something about you since he married you. All I'm saying is keep that up.

...Remember to look at him the way you used to when you were dating. You know the look: the one where you're talking nasty with your eyes & he likes what they're saying.

...What a good mother always taught her daughter: be his lady in public & whatever he wants you to be in the bedroom. The whole "public" thing includes not acting ignorant or embarrassing
(unless maybe you got a man who's into that kind of thing...I don't know what to tell y'all).
...Let him be as important to you as you want to be to him. Which is not to say you should lose yourself in his issues, but, come on girl, you remember how you used to bump something from the schedule to make a little time for him. And you remember how you loved it when he did the same for you.

...Have His 'n Her lives. You don't have to be all up in his space every time he coughs. You don't have to try sneaking yourself into all his plans with the "boys." And you do realize that this means you have to trust him? If you don't, you got no business together in the first place.

and now...

DON'T...

...Criticize so much. That's called nagging. Of course, you want to gently help him out with any minor flaws, but don't be pointing out his ashy feet if you got them jacked up never-had-a-manicure fingernails. Everybody has flaws. Work with it. If your man got ashy feet, then give him a massage with some oil or Eucerin or something. Maybe he'll treat you to a paraffin treatment.

...Forget that he's a man & that men just don't think the way we do. I know it gets on a nerve but, as one man told me: "I can't read your mind." You know what? Even if men could read our minds, they wouldn't know what to do with the information. So, the next time you're mad about something & he seems not to know why, either tell him why or drop the attitude. He ain't there.

...Get mad because he acts like a man. That's what men do. And I know, I know, I hate it when they do some of that guy stuff too - like like dozing off while I'm talking about my best friend & her mother having a crisis in their relationship. You should give your man a standing ovation if he even pretends to listen to one of these 2-hour monologues, because it's a wonder we don't bore ourselves sometimes.

...Forget that he is the man who made your heart stammer, caused your toes to curl & made you lose a little bit of your mind - and that was all just by looking at you the right way.

Most of all - don't ever forget that there are a lot of women out there with no morals, scruples, or self-respect. They won't even wait for you to throw your man back - they'll come all up in your house to get him.

You've been warned & if you've been slacking, you might want to make some Valentine's Day resolutions.

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