Friday, January 30, 2009

Funny, Funny

Okay. So many of us have been having a crappy, depressing week that I thought it was time for a giggle or two or...Well, just to have a laugh. I found some funnies to share.

One-liners:
  • Someday, we'll look back on this nervously and change the subject... (courtesy of Hilarious Quotes- as is the next line...)
  • I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
  • On the keyboard of life always keep one finger on the Escape key (link here)
Bumper Stickers:
  • Never give yourself a haircut after 3 margaritas
  • Who lit the fuse on your tampon? (Bit o' fun)
  • If you're going to ride my ass, at least pull my hair & make me scream
  • If you're not a hemorrhoid, get off my ass
  • Eat Right, Exercise, Die anyway
  • Damned if I do, Damned if I don't...so, damnit, I will!
  • Horn broken - watch for finger
If you hate your job sometimes:
  • I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead
  • Difference between the Pope & your boss: The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring
  • Work: it isn't just for sleeping anymore
  • The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts
  • If at first you don't succeed, try management
Just cute & funny:
  • Take my advice, I don't use it anyway
  • Even crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it
  • It's not how you pick your nose, but where you put the booger
Confucious Say: (Thanks again to Bit Of Fun!)
  • Crowded elevator smells different to midget
  • Virginity like bubble - one prick, all gone!
  • Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails
  • Man who drive like hell bound to get there
  • Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it
Why...? (Bit Of Fun)
  • ...Is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid with real lemons?
  • ...Don't psychics ever win the lottery?
  • ...Do we drive on "parkways" and park on "driveways?"
  • ...Do we choose 2 people to run for President & 50 for Miss America?
  • ...If "love is blind," why is lingerie so popular?
  • ...Do you press harder on the remote control when you know the battery is dead?
And, even though I know it's wrong...
Yo Mama Jokes:

Your mama is so ugly...
  • ...When she joined an ugly contest, they told her "Sorry, no professionals."
  • ...When she tried to take a bath, the water jumped out 
 Your mama is so old...
  • ...Her social security number is "1"
  • ...When she was in school, there was no History class
  • ...Her birth certificate is expired
  • ...She knew Burger King when he was a Prince
And, okay! That's enough of a giggle for the day. I feel a little bit better - how about you?

Peace
--Free

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