Responding to People Who Say Hurtful Things

I posted here about certain types of people who practice the art of verbal cruelty. A couple weeks ago, a friend and I were talking about people she was having  problem with, It's taken me a while to get the post written out, but here goes: I'm going to attempt to supply some quick responses to those attacks. I can only use my own experience as a guide, with a little help from a friend:

** "Wow, thanks for saying that. I feel so much better now."

** "You do know that I just live for the kindness of your words."

** "If I ever paid attention to the things you say to/about me, I'd've slit my wrists years ago."

** "I'm so glad that someone I care about has such nice things to say to/about me."

** "Aww... Now that's how you express love and compassion."

** "Did you come up with that while you were sitting in church on Sunday?"

** "I'm so glad I have family to turn to when the world has finished kicking the crap out of me."

** "Things like that just make me so glad you are my ______." (co-worker, sibling, etc.)

** "Can you please repeat that? I have just a little bit of self esteem left."

** "Can you slap me with your words again? You missed a spot."

** "Oh, wow. And here I thought you were going to make me the butt of your joke."

** "Do you feel better now? I know I do."

** "Okay then. I guess I know how much you respect me."

** "Are you sure you're my brother? My worst enemy hasn't cut me that bad."

** "Hmm. I guess everyone is laughing so that you don't turn on them next."

** "Just when I was having a bad day, here you come to cheer me up."

** "Do you pray to God with that mouth?"

** "I hope if you pray for me, you have better things to say."

And, yes, I do know that this seems a little passive-aggressive, but for those of us who are not certified jerk professionals, this is easiest.

Peace
--Free