Friday, May 11, 2012

Life On Hold

Seems like I spend too much time on the phone. Not chatting or enjoying myself, but Holding. Can't remember the last time I made a call to take care of business and actually had someone answer right off. Sitting on Hold wouldn't be too bad I guess if the music was better. I always get to listen to something that sounds like bad karoake or the soundtrack to a porn movie. It's like torture.

Guess what I'm doing right this moment. Sitting on Hold. Since 8:29. It is 9:01. For real. The music for this Hold sounds like me learning to play the pan flute. (I don't even know what a pan flute is. What is wrong with me this morning?!)

This is not a good day for being irritated. I'm hungry, have a fresh cold, mystery pains and have been having cell phone problems. (What is up with that? Why is my Infusion starting to act all Courtney Love on me? I'm missing calls, having messages erased... One of the BFF's called my sister in a panic because she hasn't been able to reach me for a couple of days. Damn phone.) Anyway...

One of the most annoying things about being on Hold is the boredom. I try finding something to do while I wait. I mean, I try to get other stuff done, but it's tricky. One time I was trying to sort through a bunch of bills. I had a few piles going on: "Call and Beg for Mercy," "Pay Now Before They Sue Me," and "No Freaking Way." Problem is, between listening to the awful music, waiting for someone to pick up and trying to keep the piles straight, I was going a little haywire. Sometimes when I try multi-tasking, my brain acts like a computer with water damage. That day, when a live person finally picked up my call, I didn't realize it right away. I was busy chanting, "Beg, pay, no freaking way" over and over. When I realized I had a real person on the phone, I got stellar customer service. Pretty sure the lady was so nice because she thought she was dealing with a mental defect that knew where she worked.

The most embarrassing thing to ever happen to me on the phone was a few weeks ago. I'd been on Hold so long that, eventually, I had to go the bathroom. (I'm fifty, on blood pressure meds and suck liquids like a vacuum. When I have pee, I have to pee. Right. Now.)

me on the left LOL


So, I slip into the bathroom, phone on Speaker, and try to pee quiet as I can. That went well. Of course, the second I flushed, there's some guy on Speaker going, "This is Doug, how may I help you?" He paused between "Doug" and "help you." That's because our toilets sounds like a fighter jets taking off.

Yeah. Well. Cringe-worthy moment, but I don't think I will ever be meeting Doug in person.

Right now, I am back and forth between writing this post and cruising the usual news sites. I just had a major giggle over one gossip bit about a popular actress. Apparently she made a red-carpet appearance looking a hot funky mess from head to toe. Especially toe since it was reported that her feet looked so bad, it looked like her toes were throwing up gang signs. That cracked me the hell up! Mainly because the actress is thin, pretty and rich and I'm not.

Yeah, I always find ways to amuse myself. In a minute, I'm going to start making Top Ten Lists of things like: "Super Powers I Wish I Had," and "People I'd Beat Up If I Had Super Powers."

For now, I will just try to behave myself. Going to keep cruising the Net while I sit here on Hold.

Peace
--Free

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