I had a great Thanksgiving and Christmas. It all made me realize how much I have to be thankful for. It also made me realize that this whole "holiday" season needs to be about more to me than it has (for me) in recent years.
Of course, I am thankful. Thankful for having come through a health scare and for a million other smaller things. Thankful doesn't seem to hit all the switches though. Thankful is only about me. I need to get more outside myself. It seems like forgiveness is what I need to focus on.
I've mentioned my stubborn streak. That streak does not coordinate well with my pride and hyper-sensitivity. I've joked that when I get hurt or angry, I can hold a grudge, plotting like Wile E. Coyote to get back at someone. That's what I need to let go of.
Forgiveness is the greatest gift I've been given and it's one I need to learn to give.
Jesus said: "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do" (Luke 23:34 NKJV).
I just about weep every time I read that in the Bible. Usually, I am reading it after I've lost my mind and done something that requires a lot of forgiveness. But, then, I have been the worse kind of hypocrite. I have not only sometimes refused to forgive people, but I also have used that very verse to justify my childishness.
"They knew what they were doing, Father. They knew they were breaking my heart or hurting my feelings or making life miserable for me."
Yeah. I've actually had talks like that with the Lord. I forgot that I am forgiven several times a minute for doing what I know is wrong.
So, this year, I am going to try and forgive any and every thing done against me. I've told myself this before, but I never really set my heart on it. When I am tempted to hold a grudge, I am going to remind myself that, by forgiving, I'm not saving anyone's soul but my own.
Matthew 6:12 is the part that tells us we are forgive as we forgive. I need to remember that.
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