Friday, February 15, 2013

One Is Lonely & Dangerous

I'm kind of a loner but my family has the population of a medium-sized state. If I get off to myself for too long, someone will start a man-hunt. Every now and then, though, my folks know that I just need my time alone. I'm not sure what they think I do when I am hidden away from them, but it's really never that big of a deal. Mostly, I do a lot of thinking or praying or reading or- Well, okay, it's not always a big deal, but it can get weird. I'm going to throw this out there and ask you guys if I'm the only one that spends my "alone" time doing things like this:

  • Sitting really still and trying to guess what "that" is in the Meatloaf song "Anything for Love." (Looking it up is not as much fun.) Are you like me and only come up with dirty meanings?
  • Trying to do things I know I can't do because I've tried them before - like painting cute flowers on my fingernails or writing my name in calligraphy. My nails end up looking like the polish spilled on them and the calligraphy? That looks like I tried to write with my left hand - and I am right-handed.
  • Think of insane ways to change my life up. I once did complete research on how to live in Guam on $30 a week. I'm told it is possible. I don't know about Guam, but I am giving Colombia some thought.
  • Write and perform songs in my head that sound SO good! In my head. They sound good in my head. I've heard of air guitar and karaoke, but I think we need to have full-on fantasy bands.
  • Use my unique thought processes to come up with a new product that will infect every consumer with buyer's lust. Apparently my thought "processes" are so strange that I once spent 3 hours thinking hard only to come up with... colored pencils. Yeah, I know.
  • If I happen to be bored, alone and depressed, I will listen to music and manage to apply any song lyric to my life in the most negative way possible. You think I'm kidding? After a fight with a long-time friend, I made "Don't Worry, Be Happy" feel like a funeral dirge.
  • If I am alone and happy, I love to cook. I just get a little too creative for my own good sometimes. I have recently come up with chicken and cheese bread pizza. I'm serious, so if you go and make money with my idea, I will be looking to sue...
  • Do you remember Whoopi Goldberg's earlier comic routines - where she pretended to have long hair? I never did that because I'd had long hair before. But I am only a passable dancer - one who loves to dance. So... I was 

At 1:24 when he said "Punch it!" I threw something out and damn near had to call 911...