and I couldn't breathe right. I had too many things swimming around in my head: worries, tensions, anxieties, fears, unrealistic wishes and impossible dreams. Actually, that's pretty much the way I live seventy percent of my life. Chaotic joy. Lately, it's been too much chaos.
I'm still not all the way fine, but compared to the way it was, my head feels better and all like
It's not perfect, but it's better. I still have to go through the vital things left after I trashed all the worthless crap.
I think I have come to grips with certain probabilities. Probably I am never
- going to have the great jobs I've always landed
- going to be as skinny as I used to be
- going to laugh as loud and fearlessly as I once was able to
- going to look at anyone with my heart wide open
- going to live a life as weary-free as I did at 25
Probably. But I still have a twinge of hope.
Now that summer seems to be - really, finally, no-joking-around here - I've been getting ready to re-enter the world. My cocoon of disability is loosening its grip. First thing is getting the transportation taken care of - insurance, title, tune-up... Next, a job. I have a friend who likes to call employment a J.O.B. (Journey of the Broke), but she's never been forced out of that journey, bless her.
All in all, things are going okay. I still need to get my butt off the computer and make some call, take care of some business. This here was just a catch-up post. How the heck are you guys? Hope you are smiling.
*credit to whomever concerned for those brilliant images used