Warning: I am in one of my moods.
This one is not too dark, but, like a bruise, it's deep and turning blue.
My best friend and I have both been in the same kind of funk for a while. I wonder if moods are telekinetic over long distances? Maybe we just catch each other's moods because we are soul-sisters. I don't know but she can have this mood back, thank you very much.
I'm not depressed. I almost wish that I was. Depression I can understand. We are friends and drinking buddies, me and Depression. But this mood is one that I can't really define. I'm not sad, but I just feel out of sync with life right now. Like I am a record needle stuck in the wrong groove or something.
What I think I need - what I would love right now is to go somewhere different for a while. I want to be whisked away to breath different air; to wake up hearing noises of another land. I want to go for a walk surrounded by the sounds of people speaking a foreign and romantic language. I want to eat some Mediterranean food - or drink Turkish coffee or eat French pastries or main dishes that I can't pronounce the name of. I want to converse with someone in a language I don't speak so that I have to understand and trust their heart and not their words. I want to sit in a cottage that is surrounded by pleasantly damp weather and newly budding flowers. I want to see miles of deep green fields covered by a brilliantly blue sky. I want to go back in time to visit my great grandmother and sit with her on her porch and drink water from the well in her front yard.
I want to sit up late talking with friends newly and suddenly made. I want us to drink not too much wine and laugh long and hard but not too loud. I want to go to sleep in the open air - maybe on a patio with the stars really bright in the night - and wake up to talk with God in a morning that feels holy.
I think that I just need to feel different air on my skin and taste life from the other side of the plate.
For now, I am going to try to figure out what this mood is and how to deal with it. I won't be going anywhere fast for a while. My passport is outdated and dusty and stored away somewhere in a drawer. I don't like to fly and I'm sometimes afraid that, if I leave this country, I might not want to come back. This is a time for a need of new air, I guess. In the meantime, I am here, just trying hard to appreciate how blessed I am to breathe the air I live in.
Told you. Strange mood.
This has been a favorite ever since I saw the movie "Crash"