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Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Tragic & Sad

I saw this article about Nicholas Hughes, the son of poet Sylvia Plath, committing suicide. What a tragic and sad ending to a life that seems to have been plagued by family history.

Interestingly enough, Hughes lived here in Alaska, in Fairbanks. When I read that, I immediately thought that this was a man who wanted to be away from things while living his life.

Here's part of the news as it runs:

When Nicholas Hughes was in his early 20s, his father, poet Ted Hughes, advised him on the importance of living bravely.

"The only calibration that counts is how much heart people invest, how much they ignore their fears of being hurt or caught out or humiliated," Hughes wrote to his son, who committed suicide at 47 last week at his home in Fairbanks, Alaska, 46 years after Nicholas' mother, poet Sylvia Plath, killed herself.

I imagine that, since he survived and fought under his burdens until he was 47, Mr. Hughes lived as bravely as he could. After all, he was practically born into tragedy...

Hughes was only 9 months old when his parents separated and was still an infant when his mother died in February 1963, gassing herself in a London flat as her children slept. A few months earlier, she had written of Nicholas: "You are the one/Solid the spaces lean on, envious/You are the baby in the barn."

...and it seemed to follow him and his father -

Ted Hughes relived the tragedy not only through the constant reminders of Plath, but also through the suicide of Wevill, his second wife, who in March 1969 killed herself and their 4-year-old daughter.

He didn't even lose his father gently; Ted Hughes died in 1998 of cancer. I love that the father did try to reassure the son about life:

"The only calibration that counts is how much heart people invest, how much they ignore their fears of being hurt or caught out or humiliated," Hughes wrote to his son, who committed suicide at 47 last week at his home in Fairbanks, Alaska, 46 years after Nicholas' mother, poet Sylvia Plath, killed herself.

"And the only thing people regret is that they didn't live boldly enough, that they didn't invest enough heart, didn't love enough. Nothing else really counts at all."

I just have to think to myself that maybe Nicholas Hughes lived as boldly as he could, invested enough heart, and loved as much as he knew how and it still wasn't enough to sustain him.

My heart mourns for this man and for the people who loved him. I hope that there is a place of peace for people who suffer as he did.

Peace

--Free

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

She Blew It (Redoubt, that is)

Well, hell. Just when I might have to travel, that dang Mt. Redoubt decided to blow her top. We've been waiting for weeks now & until last night, all we got was burps and hiccups. Until, like I said, last night (or night before last...)

Here's the thing: last time this volcano acted a fool, we were covered in ash forEVER. I remember planes being grounded. I remember people wearing masks. I remember blowing dust out of our cars forEVER.

**sigh** Anyway, some folks managed to get it on video...






And traveling... Well. Certain airlines have already cancelled some flights while others are trying re-route theirs. Such a mess. It's not like we have but three ways out of the state: via that damn Alcan, by boat or by plane. I've already told y'all about that scenic drive from hell that the Alcan is & you know I don't swim (so I don't do boats).

Things don't look good.

Here's info from the Volcano Observatory:


Beginning last night (Sunday March 22, 2009) at approximately 22:38 AKDT, Redoubt Volcano produced a series of five explosive eruptions that each lasted from four to thirty minutes. The last one ended at 5:00 AM AKDT this morning (March 23). National Weather Service radar, pilot reports, and AVO analysis of satellite imagery suggest that these events produced ash clouds that reached 60,000 ft above sea level (asl), with the bulk of the ash volume between 25 - 30,000 ft asl. Traces of ash fall have been reported in Skwentna, Talkeetna, Wasilla, and Trapper Creek.

You can see pics submitted by readers over at the Anchorage Daily News. I don't know WHY you'd want to see them, but... I'm just depressed now, so bye.

Peace
--Free

Sunday, March 22, 2009

The Truth About Paradise

I got a message from someone organizing a reunion for the high school I graduated from THIRTY years ago. Wow.

Depressing fact #1 - I was a G.I. brat back in those days, so I spent all of 20 minutes at the school I graduated from.

Depressing fact # 2 - It's been 30 years...

Man. Let me tell you - I just didn't realize how long it's been. I mean, I look in the mirror & it's as if I'm looking at the same face from all those years ago. I don't feel like it's been 30 years. And yet... I do. I don't really feel older, but I do feel wiser. I've had so much happen in the past 30 years that I am a little overwhelmed to think about it all.

I've always connected to my own feelings best through music and words, so when I thought about the reunion, this is a song that came into my head:

Hey lady, you lady, cursing at your life
You're a discontented mother and a regimented wife
I've no doubt you dream about the things you'll never do
But, I wish someone had talked to me

Like I wanna talk to you.....

Oh, I've been to Georgia and California and anywhere I could run

I took the hand of a preacher man and we made love in the sun
But I ran out of places and friendly faces because I had to be free

I've been to paradise but I've never been to me

Please lady, please lady, don't just walk away

'Cause I have this need to tell you why I'm all alone today
I can see so much of me still living in your eyes
Won't you share a part of a weary heart that has lived million lies....
Oh, I've been to Niece and the Isle of Greece while I've sipped champagne on a yacht

I've moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo and showed 'em what I've got
I've been undressed by kings and I've seen some things that a woman ain't supposed to see
I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me
Hey, you know what paradise is?
It's a lie, a fantasy we create about people and places as we'd like them to be
But you know what truth is?
It's that little baby you're holding, it's that man you fought with this morning
The same one you're going to make love with tonight

That's truth, that's love......

Sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children that might have made me complete
But I took the sweet life, I never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet

I've spent my life exploring the subtle whoring that costs too much to be free


I guess some people would think of that as a sad song, but I really feel okay about it. None of us can go back and change one thing about our lives. I mean, there are things I wish I had done differently in my life, but I don't really regret what I've had. Of course, my feelings change from day to day (that's the Cancer in my sun sign), but mostly I'm feeling like I've had an all right life - good and bad - and I've got more memories to make.

I'll eventually get to me.

Peace
--Free

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Prayer. Fasting.

I have so much to be thankful for. (I know I say this a lot, but it is so true.) I have some problems in my life right now, but one of the things I am thankful for is that I have a God, a Father, I can turn to.

The big thing with me lately has been my inability to stay focused in prayer. So I am going to be starting a fast this coming week. I don't know yet what I will be giving up during the fast, but I am going over the possibilities. Food? Reading? Television?...

Anyway, while I think on it, I am asking that all of you include me in your daily prayers.

I will be asking that God touch on my marriage and peace of mind. I am also going to be asking that He help me learn to be more forgiving of past hurts and slights. I know that forgiveness of others is what leads to me being forgiven by the Lord. (I haven't been doing too well in that whole forgiveness areas lately!)

Mark 11:24-25 (NIV) "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you will receive it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."

Peace
--Free

Love Hurts. Really, Really HURTS.

Now this right here is just strange. How do you start out having an intimate encounter and have your story end up in the paper with this kind of mention: ...injured in an incident involving a sex toy attached to a saber saw blade...?

I mean, what the hell were these people thinking? I can understand trying to keep the fire in a relationship. You know, trying something a little different every now and then, but - damn! I don't want to even THINK about putting the words "sex" and "saw blade" together.
Saw? Blade? Now, oil, feathers, chocolate - okay. And we've all probably seen the commercial for the battery operated toy that even some little old lady was happy about. But something that (quoting the news): cut through the plastic toy and wounded the woman... CUT THROUGH???

No. Notta chance. Never in my wildest moments. Not even with Keanu Reeves begging me with tears in his eyes.  
(We all know there's not much I would deny THAT man or Denzel Washington.) 


Hell. No. That's not having sex. That's an audition for a horror movie.

Even if you get over the idea that you are possibly flirting with endangerment to some very important parts of your anatomy, what would make you think that this could feel good? How hard is it for you to get aroused that you need a freaking
POWER tool??? I don't know about you, but I can put on some Barry White and lay close enough to a speaker to get kinda "happy." Or drive across speed bumps going just fast enough... Or - okay, lemme just quit.

And the article reports that
The injuries were severe enough for medivac, but the woman was released from the hospital Monday... Released to where? A mental hospital?

I will tell you something very private about myself right now: the only sex-related injuries I
ever want to deal with are ones I can solve with a hot bath, a couple of aspirin and some rest. Just like any good workout, but having sex and being medivacced should have not a damn thing to do with each other.

Now, I was torn between wanting to feel sorry for this woman and wanting to laugh my behind off. I mean, dang, going to the doctor for a pap smear is embarrassing enough. I can tell you now that I would have literally DIED of this embarrassing situation because there is no way I'd've gone to the hospital for this. No way at all.

You have to wonder what this couple talked about when they got home. And will they ever have sex with each other again? Is she even CAPABLE of having sex with anyone again? Damn. Will they ever listen to the song "Love Hurts" again?

**smh**

Lord, Jesus, set my people free...

Peace
--Free

Friday, March 20, 2009

My Auntie Liz

I know that everyone has their favorite relatives. One of mine is my Auntie Liz. The thing is, she's not really my aunt, but you know how we black folk are! She is my Aunt's daughter (my mother's niece & my cousin), but she's older, wiser & to be respected, so I call her "Auntie."

My Auntie is one the coolest people ever. I don't mean cool as in she knows all the latest and trendiest. I mean, she's real. Very, very real. If she has something on her mind, she will say it. She doesn't mince words, my Auntie Liz. This is not to say that she is rude, because she isn't. She is nice if you are nice. You piss her off & you may never piss again.

Here's the thing I love most about my Auntie Liz: you don't have to worry that she is smiling in your face and stabbing you in the back. If you ask her advice or opinion, you don't have to wonder if she is telling you the truth or just saying what she thinks you want to hear. Know why? Because she will always tell you exactly what she means.

The other thing I love about this woman: she will never beat you down when you are down. She might tell you what a dumbass you are, but only when she knows you can handle it! lol

Anyway, a while back, after I had made many, many bad judgement calls & gotten my life into such a mess, I had to sing the chorus of "Take me home, home to my fam-ily...." I called my Auntie, told her I was coming & I showed up at the bus station with my raggedy self at some crazy hour of the morning. I was not only raggedy in body, but my mind and soul were a wreck. My Auntie made sure someone was there at the station to get my sorry behind. When I got to the house, she made sure I was fed, cleaned up and bedded down. And then she just let me rest. No questions or discussions about the bad decisions I'd made for having left then gone back to a man who didn't treat me right. No head-shaking or finger-wagging. Nothing except open arms for a hug before telling me to lay my "little narrow behind" down and rest.

I was able to just stop and breathe for a while. Just think and cry, cry, cry and try to collect up the battered & scattered pieces of my heart. I weighed 107 pounds and had had the will to breathe deeply knocked out of my soul.

After I spent about a week just sleeping (seriously sleeping, only waking to sip broth and go the the bathroom for showers), I was able to stand up on my own without my legs shaking. I think I was really sick from having lost around 30 pounds in a short period of time and not having slept well  for over a month because of fear that "he" would go into a drunken rage...

When I did finally get out of bed and start moving around during the daylight hours, my Auntie Liz would sit with me while we drank coffee and talked about everything except my mess of a mess. Somehow she even managed to make me laugh. And I never felt like she was ignoring my heartache and despair. She was just giving me what I needed (when I didn't even know what that was).

So, yeah, my Auntie is one of my favorite people in the whole world. I never tell her that with words, but I do hope that I've shown her. God knows, she has shown her love for me.

I love you, Auntie Liz.

Peace
--Free

(I am reading this over again in 2011. I have been diagnosed with some strange illness. I have to wonder if I wasn't having symptoms back when all this happened. I've been told by a good friend now - who saw me around the time I was with my auntie - that I didn't seem to be myself at that time. This friend says that because I didn't seem to be able to think and express myself clearly, she thought I'd had a nervous breakdown. Now I have to just wonder: was it a breakdown or this certain illness I have?) December 2011, Anchorage.

Albino Moose

I got these in an email from my niece. Beautiful & interesting pics of some albino moose. As long as I have lived in Alaska, having moose come all up in your yard & on the porch and such, I have never seen this. Come to find out, these pics were taken in Michigan. According to the email (I sure don't know), it's rare enough to see ONE of these moose, let alone two of them. Nice though.










Thursday, March 19, 2009

Totally Random Riff

  • Every now & then, I like to put brown sugar in my coffee. I like the different kind of sweetness that I get with it.
  • No matter how broke I get, I always keep Ambi & Oil of Olay Rengenerist on hand. I mix them and use every morning and night.
  • I hate my hair right now. Too dry. Too unpredictable.
  • I belong to too many sites online. Can barely keep up.
  • I think people with dimples are cute.
  • I have no idea who "Nas" is, but I like reading about him & his wife on the gossip sites.
  • I think Anderson Cooper is hot. I read somewhere that he is gay. I hope not (and how selfish is that? Like I'll ever meet him anyway.)
  • I love sardines.
  • I hate anchovies.
  • I get daily Bible verses by email & sometimes I delete them without reading them.
  • I'm really jealous of Beyonce (but, well, who the hell isn't?)
  • I think that Steve Harvey is hot. He has dimples, damnit.
  • I had a secret crush on a minister once. A married minister. (Not so secret since my husband knew. He told the minister I had a crush on him.)
  • I'm always ordering things out of ignorance in restaurants. Once I ordered Crudités because the name sounded cool. I didn't know they were raw veggies. (I also had to look up the word because I'd forgotten how to spell Crudités.) My mother was with me & she laughed through the whole lunch.
  • I have a weakness for pickled beets. And also garlic stuffed olives. I'm a garlic-aholic. I can't wait to try garlic ice cream.
  • I often boldly criticisze things that I later end up liking. Example One: The Show "American Gothic." Example Two: The Harry Potter books. Example Three: liver and onions.
  • I don't like pictures/paintings of people in the bedroom walls. I feel like the eyes are following me.
  • If I am really tired, I will sleep "ready roll." My husband hates this.
  • I have insomnia.
  • I am slightly manic-depressive.
  • I don't like to walk on dirt, mud or grass. Even with shoes on.
  • I have never smoked pot, but I got a really deep contact high when I was young. Scared the crap outta me.
  • I'm very picky about my alcohol. I only like very sweet wines, Corona beer, but I can't drink any whiskey straight. And I love cognac.
  • I'm addicted to sunflower seeds. Salted and in the shell.
  • I've never lived alone for any long period & I have a fear of it. Can't sleep, hear noises. Will usually stay awake all night & day sleep.
  • I'm extremely generous when I have anything to give, but I can be selfish with my time.
  • I'm a loner.
  • I'm no rocket scientist, but I find smart men very sexy.
  • I got so drunk one time that I thought I was going to die. Well, not really, but I kinda hoped I would die.
  • I have a big family & I love it. I don't like everyone in my family, but I love everyone in my family...
  • I love to cook. Sometimes I can really mess up a recipe.
  • I love cheesecake, hot biscuits with butter and apricot-pineapple preserves.
  • I don't know why I shared all this, but I feel better.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Motivating Women

So... I tagged Soulfull & the sister came back strong with her post on the "5 and 5" list I tagged her with. Let me tell you something: this chick has her stuff so together that she sent out motivating vibes to me.  Any woman, any mother, any daughter - y'all should go check her post. (We are both on Twitter, so I'm gonna get to thank her today! Does anybody else reading this Twitter???)
 
Everyone has a vibe. You can be around some people & start to feel dragged down. You can be around other people who make you feel pumped up and energetic. Some vibes are weak & some are strong. I have the feeling that Soulfull is one of those people who gives off a power vibe. You know, she can make other people want to feel ready to get things done.

A long time ago, when I had first started working in the customs brokerage industry, I had a female boss named "J." At first, I really looked up to this woman. She was smart and efficient and I wanted to be just like her. For the first 6 months or so - while I was learning the basic ropes of the various duties - "J" was really cool. She acted as a sort of mentor to me. I caught on to the job quickly (probably because I enjoyed it so much) and was promoted from clerk to department supervisor. This brought me to the attention of J's boss. He seemed to be pleased with the job I was doing in one department and within another six months or so, he promoted me to head a larger department. Of course, I was thrilled. Like I always had before, I would turn to J for advise about different situations I had to handle. Funny thing: the better I became at my job, the less pleased J seemed to be. Instead of offering advise and constructive criticism, she began to act peevish about anything I did. She stopped dropping by during the day to chat and she no longer emailed me to point out helpful articles and information.

J eventually relocated out of state to another division. I stayed with the company for over 15 years. I worked under a lot of different bosses - male and female. Some of them had mentoring personalities and some didn't. A lot of them made it clear that they were just passing through to the next rung on the ladder.

The thing is, J had started out being such a motivating and energizing presence in my professional life. The way she dimmed her enthusiasm really affected the way I related to co-workers (above and below me). For one thing, I learned how to mentor and be consistent in my approach. But I also learned how much we can affect the people we come into contact with. We can be motivating, apathetic or damaging.

Ever since those first days in that job, I always watch for the kind of energy people give off. I don't mind working with people I might not personally like, but it's a real effort to deal with people who are a drag on energy. It's not productive and it can spread through a workplace like a virus.

Hopefully, in my life, I will meet more people like Soulfull. Because of my old boss, I can deal with people like J, but I prefer positive energy.

Go check out Soulfull's blog & try to soak up some of that motivation (then go out and spread some around).

Peace
--Free

Monday, March 16, 2009

Playing Tag

Two things led me to do this post:

1. I read about Altovise Davis (Sammy Jr's widow) passing away. She was 65. 
2. I got to wondering what "middle-age" is. Found out it is defined as being aged between 40 and 60 years. (So...I've been middle-aged for SEVEN damn years & didn't realize this???)

That all kind of depressed me until I realized (modestly, of course) that no one who meets me believes I am over 35. That helps a little on most days. But, damn - I'm considered middle-aged! And not just middle-aged, but almost 10 years in... Wowwwww.

So. The post is going to be about 5 things I absolutely want to acheive before I die and 5 things I'm happy I have already done. Then I'm going to tag a couple of folks that I haven't messed with in a looooooong time. (Just because the idea of playing tag - even online - sounds young and fun!) Here we go:

5 Things I Wanna Do Before Dying
(sounds like a Tupac song, huh?)
  1. Lounge on a boat in the middle of a beautiful lake on a beautiful day. (Doesn't have to be a big boat - shoot, it can be a raft!)
  2. Take a cruise. (I don't know why exactly. I've never learned to swim because I'm afraid of deep water. And of drowning.)
  3. Walk on a beach at sunset. (A real beach - not the sandy, litter-filled trench that is called Goose Lake here in Anchorage...)
  4. Spend a night on a screened-in porch, talking and listening to night sounds, drinking something warm and comforting.)
  5. Walk around Paris or Rome just people-watching.
5 Things I'm Glad I've Already Done
  1. Held a newborn baby, smelling their skin and watching those little movements they make.
  2. Spent long evenings with my mother, laughing and talking about her childhood.
  3. Made up with my father & had wonderful times with him before he passed away.
  4. Gotten dirty and dusty and played for hours with my cousins on both sides of the family.
  5. Had a grown-up slumber party with a bunch of girlfriends.
I'm going to tag Supa and Soulfull and Mz Newy... Hope they catch it; I been out of touch for a long while! Go get it, sistas"

Peace
--Free

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Real Battles

I have a very, very close girlfriend who is going through some major relationship drama. I mean her drama makes my situation seem like a two-bit stumbling block. So right now she is very down - feeling like her world is coming apart (anybody been there before?) and we were talking about ways to use your faith to get through.

Anyway, we got on the subject of the fear and anxiety and depression she is dealing with (yeah, when I say she is going through some stuff, I do mean through some s t u f f!) and using our faith to combat all that. I remembered some books I had read that dramatize how demons prey on us. There was a series written called "Chronicles of the Host" that tells the story from the war in Heaven to the Crucifixion and Resurrection - but all through the eyes of angels. The other books were Frank E. Peretti's. He told stories of people (and ideas) under attack from demonic forces and he showed the battle between angels and demons.

The point I wanted to encourage my friend with is this: we are not just random things here on earth. We are created beings and there really is a war going on over our souls. We just have to remember that we have a choice in getting and hanging on to our faith that there is a God in Heaven Who does love us. The demons aren't little pointy-tailed imps with pitchforks. The demons are Despair, Pain, Misery, Fear... You know - all the things that keep us focused on darkness. But God is there always. Sometimes, we get so surrounded by our problems that the darkness shrouds us, but even so, there is always that light of our faith out there. The light might at times be just a pinprick of light, so dim or seeming so far away that we feel like we aren't ever going to be close to and warmed by it again - but it is there.

Anyway I was trying to encourage my friend to just try to stay focused on that light. I (yeah, me, with my sad, depressed behind!) wanted her to keep in mind that in life or in death, that darkness can only overtake us if we give up on the light.

I guess I needed to say all that to her to hear it for myself. As I was talking to her, I was thinking how low I have let my faith get.

So, everyone out there, pray for my friend (and for me). Pray for all the women and men who are in those relationships that are dangerous, unhealthy, unloving - whatever. Don't criticize, but just try to offer up some love and comfort.

And those books I told you about? Please do take a look. Those authors were writing under a blessing.

The Chronicles of the Host
that's the author's site
Here is where you can peek at Book 2 of 4
Here is where you can peek at Book 3 of 4
(by D. Brian Shafer)
***
This Present Darkness
The author's site
sneek peak here, or here
Piercing the Darkness
sneek peak here
(by Frank E. Peretti)

**If for some reason the links don't work for you, just Google Booksearch for them**

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Words Just Fail Me

I wandered over to Hot Ghetto Mess to see what it was all about (because I'm always hearing about it), and one of the first pics I saw was this one:


I just.... Oh, my, my, my. I have no idea what to say. These people here - they must be just so... confused? Drugged? In a cult????

Think about it: they actually got up and got dressed and got themselves down to a studio to have this picture taken. On purpose. By a person who could see them. By someone probably trying their damnedest not to fall over laughing.

Is this photo now being displayed somewhere in someone's home? Where anyone can come in and see it??? (I bet you money that I don't even have right now that the studio uses this picture in some way - either as an example of how NOT to pose or just as a good laugh-inducer.)

Foolishness. Just plain foolishness. And don't blame this on the "ghetto." This is just pure mess. Ghetto has nothing to do with this kind of shameful ignorance.

Oh, Lord, someday we all will be free - just not today.

**smh** sigh.....

Peace
--Free

Friday, March 13, 2009

Rest in Peace, Dr. Shannon

I wanted to express condolences to the family of this wonderful doctor.

Too often, we don't hear about people who do worthy things with their lives and careers. This man did so much. And I love the fact that he had a passion separate from his work. I'm glad that he spent his last days enjoying himself dancing and spending time with his wife.

The man was only 55 years old, and I can't help but think "Why?" Why someone like that, with so much to give and live for? Things like this make me question how God deals with us. Not to be fatalistic, but I did immediately think: "Lord, I'm not curing people. I'm not even handling my own life in the best way. So why take this man. Why take someone with his drive and ambition and abilities to do so much good?"

Well, I just wanted to note his passing. Make people aware that there are so many amazing people out there, doing good and living life the way it's meant (I guess) to be lived. I didn't want to NOT note the death of someone like this. (And, of course, the writer in me wonders what on earth caused his death. I mean, is this going to turn out to be something strange and mysterious?)

Anyway, rest in peace, Dr. Shannon. I wish comfort and strength to your family and friends.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Pet Peeves & Mood Swings

I have a bunch of pet peeves, but I have learned that there are bigger things in life to concern myself with than the petty stuff - so I usually ignore my pet peeves and just thank God for my blessings.

But.

I have two pet peeves that just hang with me -

Number One: people who ask you something just so they can argue their own point. You know what I mean - the person who asks something like, I don't know, how you like A-line dresses. Then when you say that you like them fine, they look all right - or whatever you have to say about A-line dresses - the person who asked your opinion proceeds to tell you all that is wrong with A-line dresses and why THEY prefer wrap style dresses with less of a flounce...

What the hell??? You didn't start this conversation with them. And you don't really care which style dress they like. But. THEY asked YOU YOUR opinion. So why then are they going to get into a pissing match with you about it?

So that's my biggest pet peeve of all because before you know it, the person has got this self-satisfied SMUG look on their face while they shrug you off and turn to the clerk and ask to be shown all the A-line dresses in stock. And, of course, it looks as though YOU were challenging their opinion...

Why do people play these games? Boredom. Unhappiness. Spite. Passive-aggressive issues to do with their feeling of importance? Bad day at the office? What? What they hell causes such mean-spirited bullshit?

**shrug**

My peeve was more personal to me, but the next one is maybe more irritating because it can happen anywhere to anyone.

Number Two (and this is one that a blog buddy & I have emailed back and forth about since she had some issues in her life): People who don't know the meaning of "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone" (or however the actual saying goes).

Blog Buddy (BB) and I had a good laugh over a co-worker of hers who just LOVES to point out the faults of other people - when she has some of the exact same faults. For instance - and this is the one that had BB really heated up - the time when Ms. Critic had the nerve to say that another co-worker was ..... wait for it, wait for it.... "too critical." Yeah. And this is after she had sent another co-worker to the bathroom in tears after ranting about how poorly she had done a particular duty. (BB says that the tearful co-worker is one of the sweetest folks you'd want to work with.) Of course, BB is no timid Milly. She had to go off (just a little) and point out to Ms. Critic how insensitive she was. BB reminded this chick that she tended to be a little bit nit-picky herself. Of course, Ms. Critic couldn't see this at all. BB says the woman looked absolutely stunned to think that anyone saw her as being "critical."

Amazing. Throwing stones, caught HOLDING the damn rock with shattered glass all around your feet, and still being surprised when someone calls you on it. "Who? Me? Why, nooo, I was just cleaning up these stones and all that pesky glass...."

BB is now on a mission. She says that she talked Ms. Critic into thinking that it will be for her own good if someone is kind enough to point out to her when she is being a little critical. And BB has appointed herself as the lucky "someone." Kind of has Ms. Critic backed into a corner, huh? The whole time BB is smiling at her, Critic just knows she's waiting to pounce whenever she makes a nasty move. Brilliant.

Like I said though, people just amaze me. I guess they don't ever remember every good Mama's rule of thumb about treating people the way you want to be treated. Nasty is as nasty does, and all that. I mean, do people think they're always going to be the one with the upper hand? Don't they ever stop and think that the power, money, position - or whatever it is they have is not just a blessing but also a test? I mean, if you can't be a decent person when things are going well for you, what the hell kind of person are you going to be if things get tough for you?

I just don't understand people. Oh well, that's why I have my blog. I can get all this kind of stuff off my chest and I don't go nuts. I pack all this away in my little notebook on the study of Why People Do The Things They Do and call it another lesson in the course on humility that God is putting me through - hahaha...

So, Blog Buddy, maybe we should do a post together one day on all the rest of our pet peeves?

Peace
--Free

Tent Cities, Rolex Watches, Apathy... Ignorance?

I have not been watching much of the news lately and it wasn't until last night that I became aware of the tent cities in California.

Tent cities are springing up in California as thousands of people hit hard by foreclosures and big job losses say they have nowhere else to go.
A friend called me and we were talking about our own tough times. I was crying to her about this and that when she reminded me that there are people so much worse off than I. Then she told me about the tent cities. My heart just broke.


Where will all this end? So many people losing everything. So many people just trying to find a way to hang on. And then I see stuff like this item about Miss Lohan (doesn't she live in California), on a shopping spree. She can spend $50k on watches? Her money, but has SHE heard about the tent cities? How much food or water or toiletries would $50k buy for the people living in the tent cities?

But I can't just point at the celebrities. There are businesspeople, other artists, etc, who have vast amounts of money - and who live right there in California. Don't they see the problems? And, yes, I know it's not just California - the financial pain is being felt everywhere - but the state that is such a symbol of fame and wealth... That's just sad.

Here's the thing. The friend who was telling me about the tent city in the first place is just an ordinary woman. She is single and doing okay financially. She was thinking of taking a vacation to California in a couple of months. When she realized what was going on with the tent cities, she came up with the idea of spending her vacation handing out food and water and (she's an animal lover) pet food. She thinks that maybe she can buy some diapers and toiletries, some second hand cookware and give it to these people. She thinks that she would not enjoy a regular vacation when she could be doing something to help those hurting people.

Okay, so if SHE can think about how to help - she, who is not anywhere near wealthy by any means - why can't some of those people who get to live in such luxury?

Maybe I'm missing something. Maybe there are wealthy people trying to help. Maybe. I don't know. Haven't heard about that, but I will try to find some examples.

Remember Mr. Diddy - from my post yesterday? Well, when he was on Ellen's show, he talked about how he likes to Twitter out "positive messages" of encouragement to his followers. Okay. He says he has over 100,000 followers on Twitter. Maybe he could send out a message about taking some positive action and helping those less fortunate. Just think, if Mr. Diddy asked each of his followers to donate at least one dollar to help the poor, that would be some serious help for those in the tent cities. Look where they could help.

I don't know. It all depresses me. It depresses me that I missed the story. It depresses me that people who didn't miss the story aren't speaking up more. It depresses me that there has to be a story. The California mess is just one of many that I am sure is happening all across the country.

Anyway, I am going to be thankful for my own blessings. I'm down about as far as I ever thought I would get, but I'm not living in a tent city. Yet.

I don't have money to give, but I can and will try to remember those people in my prayers. I will pray as much for their minds as for their bodies because I know that one of the "side effects" of a financial crisis is depression. When you get depressed, you lose a lot of the energy it takes to pull yourself back up & believe that you can help yourself.

Peace
--Free

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Cold-Blooded (or maybe not)

Got a call from my brother down in AZ. He says he was over at the unemployment office (thank God, just to give a friend a ride there and back) and saw the funniest (or saddest) thing happen. Some brother was up in there and tried to "talk" to a woman who was there in line with a friend. Apparently, this woman got a little bit offended that a man would try to pick her up in the unemployment office. My brother says she looked this man up and down and went into a Broadway act.

"Lord Jesus, I KNOW I asked You to send me a man. I KNOW I've been praying for a man to come into my life. But Lord, LORD, I didn't mean for You to send him to me from the unemployment line!"

My brother says he just about fell over trying not to laugh. And I guess when the embarrassed REJECTED man slunk off, the woman still wasn't finished with her lament. She went on and on to her girlfriend standing there about why somebody would have the nerve to be up in the unemployment office scrounging for dates.

"What can he do for me? And what can I do for him? I have kids to feed with this money. Neither one of us has a job? And he's gonna come all up on me in the unemployment line?"

My brother says that the woman finally let her girlfriend calm her down, but - DANNNNG! That's embarrassing. I mean, can you imagine? And, according to my brother, the guy didn't even leave the office - he just went over and sat in a corner trying to look innocent.

Now. First off, I wanted to laugh at the guy. But then, I started thinking: this could have been like one of the moments in a Tyler Perry movie. I mean, the guy is out of a job (obviously), but he sees an attractive woman and tries to make conversation. Could turn out that they ended up being an encouragement to each other. Could be, she's the rock that holds him steady while he gets on his feet in life.

Yeah. Right.

On the other hand, that is a little pushy. Asking someone out when you need to be concentrating on getting yourself together. I mean - the unemployment office? Really?

So, I did think it was funny (although, knowing my brother, he probably exaggerated some of the story...)

What do you think? As a man, would you ask someone out while in the unemployment office? As a woman, would you be offended? Anybody feel sorry for this guy & think this woman was a little bit harsh?

I don't know what I think. I'm still just kind of shaking my head... **uh, uh, uh** Kinda made me think of the TLC song about "I don't want your number and I don't want to give you mine."

Peace
--Free

Saturday, March 07, 2009

In The Deep

Describes just the way I'm feeling today.
Thanks, Bird York for a beautiful, beautiful song.




Thought you had
All the answers
To rest your heart upon.
But something happens,
Don't see it coming, now
You can't stop yourself.
Now you're out there swimming...
In the deep.
In the deep.

Life keeps tumbling your heart in circles
Till you... Let go.
Till you she'd your pride, and you climb to heaven,
And you throw yourself off.
Now you're out there spinning...
In the deep.
In the deep.
In the deep.
In the deep.

And now you're out there spinning...
And now you're out there spinning...
In the deep.
In the deep.
In the deep.

And the silence,
All your secrets will
Raise their weary heads.
Well, you can pin yourself back together,
Well, who here thought you would?
Now you're out there livin'...
In the deep.
In the deep.
In the deep.

In the deep...

Now you're out there spinning...
Now you're out there swimming...
Now you're out there spinning...
In the deep.
In the deep.
In the deep.
In the deep...


Sometimes, it's good to be in the deep; that's when you learn how to swim.

Friday, March 06, 2009

Not My Mama's Church

I don't know what I'd do without C&D pointing out this kind of foolishness to me. I'm still not sure if this is really a church or just somebody's creative rent party...





See, that right there is what's wrong with some churches today - not Christians and not Christ, but the churches. This is embarassing and sickening. Why not just invite Beyonce and her dancers in to do the singing while wearing something provacative? I just. don't. know. what. to. say. about. that. mess.

This makes no sense at all. None. I watched this and had to grit my teeth. I just wanted the Lord to show up right when acting a fool got so good to that choir "director." I don't know what makes me sadder - the fact that this happened or the fact that they took it so far. When did singing praise to the Lord start being about the singers glorifying themselves, or about the choir director showing her moves? And, by the way, those were some pretty sorry moves. Looked like she was having what my mother would call a 'conniption fit.' And by the other way, did that singer really believe she could sing well? Sing at all?

SMH

First of all, if they were going to put on that kind of show, those girls could have put on some good bras and girdles for that little walking-in number. All I saw (other than that really bad choreography) was bouncing titties and guts. Then, I could hear people actually laughing. Laughing like they were up in some kind of juke joint or something instead of a church.

Was this a real church? Where was the pastor or church mother or even just a regular person with some sense of reverence for a house of God?


If I am wrong - if I am being too judgemental or if I am missing anything worthy at all here, somebody let me know.

Peace
--Free

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Book Alert

Just a quickie post to shout out:

Please hit the link on the title to this post. I want you to check out the excerpt from "Stigmata" by Phyllis Alesia Perry (and remember that name!) because it is the most readable, wonderful story I have read in a long time.

Once again, here is the link to the excerpt.

Peace
--Free

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Two Traveling Angels Story

Two posts today - because I am singing because I'm happy! I finally found the angel story that I had referenced in this post. It's a nice lesson.

Two traveling angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy family. The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion's guest room. Instead the angels were given a small space in the cold basement. As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it.

When the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied, "Things aren't always what they seem."

The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife. After sharing what little food they had the couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they could have a good night's rest.

When the sun came up the next morning the angels found the farmer and his wife in tears. Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field.

The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel, "How could you have let this happen? The first man had everything, yet you helped him. The second family had little but was willing to share everything, and you let the cow die."

"Things aren't always what they seem," the older angel replied. "When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall. Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the wall so he wouldn't find it."

"Then last night as we slept in the farmers bed, the angel of death came for his wife. I gave him the cow instead. Things aren't always what they seem."

Sometimes that is exactly what happens when things don't turn out the way they should. If you have faith, you need to trust that the outcome has a purpose. You just might not know it until some time later...

Peace
--Free