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Saturday, April 20, 2013

More Beautiful Than You Know

When I hit G+ this morning, I saw that +Justin Wondga had posted a video from Dove that everyone should see and pay attention to. Told him I'd share, so....



There is also one for you fellas, cos you are also more wonderful than you may know:




When I checked over on YouTube, I noticed that there are several. Please check them out & pass along. 
For Dove's whole "Real Beauty" experience, check out their link here: Real Beauty/U.S.version.

Peace
--Free

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. (Leo Buscaglia)

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Define THIS!


Ever think about what supposedly defines "Middle Aged" or "Elderly"? I do. I think about it every time a kid refers to me as "ma'am."

These are some of the many definitions I found online for Middle age:

And for Elderly:
  •  rather old; especially : being past middle age (Merriam-Webster)
  • Most developed world countries have accepted the chronological age of 65 years as a definition of 'elderly' or older person... (WHO)
Boy, that Merriam-Webster doesn't come at you easy, does it?

I think I'm going to stick with my usual "I'm only as young as I feel." I'll be real about this. I'm going to be 52 this year. My heart feels 5, my body feels 40. Except for my knees. Sometimes, those feel older than Methuselah. 

I have come to think of being "not young" as not knowing how to laugh loud and out loud, not loving to play like a little kid, and not wanting to have an open heart with people you love.  I still laugh like a hyena when something is funny and I love to play. My little brother thinks I am just a grow-up kid. I have a niece in her teens who loved our driveway one-on-one basketball games (and I don't even know how to play b-ball!). That's fine with me.

People, don't let the world define you. You are defined by the the way you have loved and the way you have lived.

When my body does get old, I'll be the old chick chasing my friends around on my scooter-mobile. Look for me to be wearing my dark red lipstick and trying to do something cute with my hair. I'll be old as dirt and still wearing my earring at the top (or helix of my ear). Cane or no, I'm gonna be dressing like this: 




Hell, I'd rock both these now if I could afford to! (By the way, these are from Advanced Style blog.   Now a part of my sidebar cos it is the ish! Make sure to check them all the way out.) I knew I was down with it the minute I saw this bad-to-the-bone chick. I couldn't do that when I was 40!

Yep. That's gonna be me. Think I'll start calling myself Cleo when I hit 55.

Peace
--Free

A joyful heart is good medicine, But a broken spirit dries up the bones. (Proverbs 17:22)

Monday, April 15, 2013

**RECIPE** Hot Water Corn Bread & Seasoned Pinto Beans

A favorite pairing of mine. Everyone does things differently. This is the way my mother and sister taught me to prepare these dishes. (I've posted the cornbread recipe before, but revised it as I've prepared it so many more times over the years!)

Hot Water Cornbread
1 cup yellow Cornmeal (I use Albers)
1/4 cup Onions finely diced
1 small Garlic clove (opt) fine-chopped
Green Onion (opt) fine-chopped
about 1/4 tsp Salt
about 1/2 white sugar
Canola for frying (enough to have 1/4'' deep in fry pan)
1/2 tsp Olive oil - to add to mix (opt.)
4 cups Water
(Paper towels for draining.)

Measurements depend on how much bread you want. A cup of cornmeal makes about eight small playing card-sized patties. You can choose shape & size of patties and it's not difficult to make more, so don't worry. Have everything chopped and added to meal before preparing water and oil.
  • Put your water on to boil.
  • Put your oil on, ready to heat for frying.
  • Mix all your other ingredients in a heat-resistant bowl.
  • When water is boiling (this is the most important thing!), slowly add to Cornmeal mix, a little bit at a time, mixing well to get all the meal wet. Stir in and add more water, slowly until your consistency is wet but thick enough to scoop and pour into hot grease - about the same but a touch thicker as for baking cornbread. Now add the olive oil to mix and stir well.
  • Fry until first side is crispy, flip and repeat. (I like my bread a little mushy in the middle, so I fry light.)
Keep in mind that you can always add more water, but you can't take it away. (If you try adding more cornmeal, do it separately with more BOILING water.)

The trick to this is that the boiling water cooks the meal even before you fry it. If your water is not boiling, your patties will be "mealy" and good for nothing.

Make sure to drain your bread well. It is meant to be eaten hot, but some people like it cold. Also, you can let it cool and serve with the beans to heat the bread.

Seasoned Pinto Beans
Cook your beans as bag instructs, except do not soak. Soaking tends to make the beans "hully," with the outer skin falling off. Instead, add about a 1/4 tsp of baking soda for every 3 cups of beans.

Smoked Hock (or smoked turkey)
Yellow onions (diced medium to fine, your pref.)
Garlic cloves (slit as if you are going to dice, but left whole)
*Brown Sugar (this thickens & flavors bean juice)
Salt
Pepper
Onion powder
Garlic salt
Liquid Smoke (about 1/8 Tsp to 3 cups)
Olive oil (1 Tbl to every 3 cups beans)
(A pot of hot water on hand to add to beans if they start "drying" before done)

  • Add the hock (or turkey wing/piece) when you put on the beans and water. I start my beans in cold water. 
  • When your beans first reach a good simmer, add the baking soda, then all of the other ingredients just a bit at a time. You will go back and taste several times as the beans begin to form a juice. Add more seasonings to taste. Trick here is to cook slow and low, adjusting the cover as needed. 
  • When/if you need to add water, add only very hot or boiling water to match temp of the beans.
  • *The brown sugar is added to thicken bean juice. Begin adding (about a Tbl to 3 cup beans), little at a time if you notice beans are halfway to done but juice is not thickening. The flavor is nicer IMO than white sugar.

*********************************
Both these recipes are passed down to me from my mother, who got them from her mother and so on. I have made changes to the beans - no "fried meat grease" and I go easier on the salt.

If you are sharing this food with someone (like me) who needs even less salt, you can leave the beans less salty and add a bit more to part of your hot-water cornbread - if they are being served together.

Peace
--Free

P.S.: My thinking has been a little iffy lately, so let me know if I need to clarify any part of the recipe.

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Laughter Can Be the Best Diet and Exercise

So... I've been making it to the gym. Can't back out of that 20 bucks a month contract now. Damnit.

I'm proud of myself. Eating better, still not smoking, and belonging to a gym for the first time in about 8 years. Yay for Planet Fitness.

The roommate and I dragged our out of shape butts over there twice last week, but since it takes us a good thirty minutes of pep-talking each other to go, we came up with a plan. Three days a week is going to be our goal. That's pretty much giving us a day in between to rev up for and bitch about the next workout. Saturdays are going to be our "treat" day: a luscious, creamy coffee concoction from the Sugar Shack or a burger made by someone who has no idea how to spell "healthy."

When I talk about "treats," I mean, anything decently delicious is the real deal. A Thin Mint would be a treat. Most days I survive on cereal (hot or cold), bowls of chunked-up fruit (cheaper as summer approaches) or those liquid yogurts I've become addicted to. Sometimes though, I have to give one of those staples a break. Last week I ate so much cereal, I wanted to beat a turd out a the Quaker Oats guy.  Seriously.

I can't even cuss about any of this.

Grocery shopping makes up about a fourth of my walking exercise since I can't get it all done in one store. I generally shop at Walmart, Carrs-Safeway and Fred Meyers. I get my canned goods at Walmart. I don't mind getting the occasional apple or watermelon there, but I prefer other places for my colors and packages. (Is it just me, just in Alaska - or does the produce from Walmart seem to start turning the moment you get past the theft sensors?) Walmart clerks already know me by my first name since I use the store as my clothier, Deli and stationers. They see me coming and start pointing out the current bargains.(Who the hell needs Bergdorf when you have Walmart? Hah!?) Lately when I go in, they start re-stocking the canned hominy and seltzer waters. I can't afford much else but fruit and veggies on sale at Fred Meyers, but I have loyalty cards for them and Carrs.

Fruit is the current love of my life, even though, just like with a boyfriend, I want it to go away so I can miss it just a little. I have eaten so many melons and grapefruits that I dream in yellow, green and orange. Melons of any kind make me pee like crazy. They make my roommate burp. My roommate does not care when or where she does this. I was brought up Southern and Pentecostal. We hold stuff like that in until we have a bit of privacy. I once almost put out my back after eating beans that weren't soaked overnight. But. I was talking about diet and exercise...

I don't want you to think I'm complaining. At least, not about the food. No, I save my complaining for the gym. And I'm not talking about the workout itself. The workout is only half the struggle. The real fun started for my me and my roommate when we had to walk around with our reading glasses on to study the label on each machine. We looked like two grandmas come to town for the day.

"Why, looka here, Bessie Mae! This 'un is for your 'pec-, pec-, uh, something-oral." (Sounds like country porn, doesn't it?)

Thank God that Planet Fitness does mark all their machines with nice clear instructions. Hell, they even have illustrations for the really stupid people. I just wish the pictures were bigger so I didn't need my glasses to see them!

If you think we looked crazy trying to figure out what each machine was for, you should have seen us using some of them. That was true entertainment. My roommate will kill me when she reads this post, but, I swear, she was straining so hard to get on the seat of an ab machine that she ripped a big loud toot-toot. And by loud I mean, imagine an air-horn in an echo chamber. I have never been able to hold my laughter. All that came to mind was what my uncouth roomy likes to say after she rips one: "At least it don't stink." She says that every. single. time. This time, I just about slid off the little ab-swivel thingie laughing. I was thinking that a bad smell couldn't make this situation any worse. Thank God and His universe that the gym wasn't very crowded. Besides, Planet Fitness members tend to ignore one another. It's part of the "No judgement" code they have. I'm too new to this code. I laughed so hard I'm sure I dropped about 12 ounces of water weight.

Yeah. We stayed only long enough to slink to the lockers and grab out street clothes. Slid right out of there, quiet as we could.

The excitement over my roomy's oops should have died down by the time we go back on Monday. If not, we will just have to go across town to another location. Whatever. Maybe now the roomy will listen to me and not be so free about dropping toots and belches in public.

Peace
--Free

111 days, 23 hours, 49 minutes.....

Free is still SMOKE FREE!

Thursday, April 11, 2013

**DIY** Lipstick ******UPDATED******

****A helpful clerk at my local health food store gave me a money-saving tip: darken your lipstick with a touch of activated charcoal. Make sure it is pure & not from petroleum. I got a bottle of 90 caps for under $8. Even better, you can,  apparently,  use it for whitening your teeth! This will do for me until I can gather ingredients for the whole recipe.****

I am a woman on a mission. The mission I have chosen to accept is to find the perfect lipstick. Seriously.

Lipstick is the one cosmetic I wear consistently. I'm not too much into foundation and eye-shadow. I've entertained you all before with the story of almost putting out my eye with mascara and eyeliner. Some things are just not meant to be. But I am a woman. I feel a need to be in on that thing called "girling it up." Lipstick is my thing. I like it dark red and glossy. That's what I like. What I usually get is something sort-of-dark, almost-dark or just-a-bit-not-dark-enough.

I have become so frustrated that I've resorted to mixing lipsticks like a mad cosmetologist, turning my bathroom counters into a sort of psychedelic lab. It's crazy. I have finally decided that since I have to work so hard to get a shade of lipstick I'm happy with, why not just start my own from scratch?

If you've had the same thought, but didn't know where to start, I'm going to share my cheat notes with you. By the way, a big huge thanks to all the sources offered up by the internet.

The Recipes

Wellness Mama's is the recipe I will be using, but there are a quite a few more out there. 

The Supplies/Suppliers


  • Mountain Rose Herbs is favored (and linked to) by Wellness Mama. The only thing that bothered me is that the "search" service is clunky...
  • Making Cosmetics is pretty fully stocked with anything you could want to make any product. The link here is for the lipstick molds.
  • OCC has vegan choices in something called "lip tar." I understand this can be used to deepen the color of an existing shade. Or - I'm thinking - add to your homemade batch. They also carry color pigments & I love the colors. Their color "concentrates" look nice. Also in the "Face" section.
  • You can find clays and such here. 
  • There is a stunning array of items at this wholesaler. The problem is that I'm not sure where they are shipping from. At the very least, you can get an idea of colors and items to be on the lookout for at a more familiar supplier.
You can also shop at local places. I am going to try to throw any of my business to our local health food spot, the Natural Pantry. To save shipping costs and waiting times, you could check out places like Michael's and other craft spots.

Good luck.

Peace
--Free

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

**REVIEW** Garnier Miracle Skin Perfector Oil-Free B.B. Cream

B.B. creams are all the thing these days, right? A while back I reviewed one by L'Oreal. Well, there is a new one on the block and I have to say it just might be the one - at least for some of us.

Got my free tube of Garnier Miracle Skin Perfector Oil-Free B.B. Cream from BzzAgent to try out. (You guys really need to get on that site and check them out.)

The Garnier cream is pretty much a winner. The only Con I have for it is big one: I can't use it for all-over coverage. The "Deep" is the darkest shade available as far as I know. I need a shade a couple pinches darker.

Just lipstick, so stop looking at my pores, please!
When I put the cream on, I was in love with it. The coverage is very light. I think it would does just what is claimed on the box:

  • Control oil & shine
  • Minimize pores (hallelujah!)
  • Cover imperfections
  • Provide "oil-free hydration."
Well, ain't that just the ticket every woman looks for? And it is also, get this, BROAD SPECTRUM SPF 20. Until recently, I just slathered on sunscreen without thinking of broad or narrow. I just know that in the summer, we get dang near round the clock sun here, so... By the way, a teensy bit goes a looo-ong way. The 2 ounce tube I got would last a regular user forever

The shade shown on "Deep" pretty much matches the product inside.

I told my niece and some friends about it because they have the best skin tones for this. One is Hispanic with a darker olive-tone. Two are bi-racial (black & Caucasian) and I think the "Deep" shade I received is going to work for them. We are going to play with makeup this weekend and see.

Like I said, I love this stuff so much that I am going to make it work for me in some way.

Every single claim was true. The problem for me was, I repeat, shading

It has a chalkier look than the camera is showing. It looks like I am wearing makeup. That's a no-no!

I have decided to use it as under-eye brightener when I am tired - or as a lipstick base. ~shrug~

Damnit if it doesn't look better in the picture! I swear it looked as if I had paint on!

Anyway, I can truly recommend this - as long as you can match a shade to your skin!

Peace
--Free

**DISCLOSURE: I received a free sample to try out as part of my Bzz Agent membership**





For What Reason Art?

The other day, I enjoyed a conversation about art with someone in my G+ "circles." I learn so much from the folks on that network. The conversation made me think about some art works and photographic works I really like.

I've mentioned before that I love Georgia O'Keeffe's flowers. I don't know if I ever talked about how I love the photographs that her husband (Alfred Stieglitz) took of her. The woman had the most amazing hands! Hands that you expect an painter to have. But my favorite photo is this one:

Taken by Alfred Stieglitz (wikipedia)
This is so honestly and beautifully raw to me. It looks as if she has just finished making love. Nothing dirty about it, nothing glamourized about it, and no bullcrap. Just this amazingly wild and beautiful woman. But, as I told the person I had a convo with: I only know what I like.

I am always curious about what other people like - in music, art, books - and why. And can we always explain why we do like something?

Peace
--Free

Sunday, April 07, 2013

**REVIEW** Nivea Skin Firming Moisturizer

This product is labelled as having "advanced Q10 complex."* Whatever that means. You know how so many of us consumers will try a product that seems to have the advantage of something mysteriously scientific. That's probably why lots of cosmetic products add labels with words like "formulated" on them. Gets me almost every time...

My friend bought this lotion in a double pack when shopping at Sam's Club. How nice that she shared with me, right? (What's she trying to tell me, I wonder? LOL.)

Tried this on my thighs and buttocks. It's an amazing moisturizer. Most of the Nivea products are. I love the way it gives my skin that silky feel. I kept, um, touching myself! Also, it really didn't have any fragrance that I could detect.

If you want skin that feels wonderful, this could be the stuff. But if you want firmer skin, plain old exercise is the best remedy. (Kinda sucks, don't it?) As far as lotions and potions, just about any moisturizer will work as well as this one did - as long as you use it regularly, especially when you are either gaining weight (maybe because of pregnancy or medication) or dieting and losing a weight. This is why generations of expectant mothers use cocoa butter, olive oil and vitamin E on there stretching abdomens.

Basically, that's all I can tell you about this product.

PROS:
Will soften and "silken" your skin.
Doesn't stink.

CONS:
Doesn't do any more than other decent lotions.
You might spend a few dollars more for it because of the labelling.

As far as body lotions, I still prefer the inexpensive Genes Vitamin E Creme that we get at Sam's Club. You can also go directly to Genes site.

Peace
--Free

* Q10 - This is supposed to have many benefits. My opinion is, it might have great benefits in several areas, but if it worked magic on skin, every woman who could afford it would be wearing it like clothing. I've known all my life that the best way to make your skin look good is to take care of it with good food and good habits. Having good genes doesn't hurt.


DISCLAIMER: I have not received any form of compensation for any product mentioned and reviewed in this post.

Saturday, April 06, 2013

Wait Five Minutes and the Weather Will...

Just a photo post of the great time the roomie and I had yesterday on our day-drive to Beluga Point.

If this is the view from the Walmart parking lot, imagine how gorgeous this place is on the open road!


Just a few minutes drive from our apartment, up the Seward Highway.

Nice, clear,dry roads. Not a lot of seasonal traffic yet.


Just a bit farther up to the pull-off

Beluga Point
(Want to ride the train this summer!)

That's not fire & smoke in distance; it's a falls with the sunlight hitting the water just right! Cool, huh?

Yep, some lucky folk live up there. What a view!

We had a great day. Rode around getting out errands done in beautiful sunlight. Spent a few moments at Beluga Point, looking at the scenery. Complained about how freezing cold the wind was. Should have kept our mouths shut...

This is what we woke up to this morning:
I weep...
(View from our living room window earlier today.)
I guess that's what we get for complaining about the cold, huh? Got served an order of snow to go with it.

Peace
--Free

Thursday, April 04, 2013

**Movie REVIEW** Constantine

You all know that I am just a plane trip, an introduction and a few other small miracles away from being Keanu Reeves' main squeeze so, of course, I try to see all of his movies. The other night I watched "Constantine" via Netflix. My overall verdict: Mr. Reeves was wonderful (as usual), but I had to cringe a little at the theology. Not a big deal. Since I was watching purely for entertainment, I enjoyed the film.

I must admit that every time Keanu lit a cigarette (which was a lot), I wanted one so bad I'd wet myself a little. No other man can turn me on by just flicking a lighter. Mercy. The chick playing opposite Keanu is gorgeous. I mean, couldn't they have found a hag for his co-star? Nooooo... they had to go and get a candidate for Prince's "Most Beautiful Girl in The World" video. In between praying that TMWSBM* didn't fall in love with her, I kept thinking that she looked familiar. Not saying that my friends are ugly - because everyone is beautiful in their own special way (heh heh) - but I don't run with anyone this dang good-looking.

When I paid attention to the credits, I saw that the lucky gal who got to work with Mr. Reeves is Rachel Weisz.  Light bulbs went off. She is double lucky because she also played (er, worked) with Keanu on "Chain Reaction." Oh - I loved that film! Ms. Weisz was just as gorgeous in that movie. Damnit, doesn't the woman age or get a pimple or have a bad hair day? Apparently not...


Yeah. See what I mean? Gorgeous. Seems like she is probably also very nice. The nerve.Good thing she is now safely married away to Daniel Craig.

Anyway, about the movie...

Best part was the plot. Interesting and will make you think about random things for a while afterward.  Things like what Heaven and Hell are really like and what angels look like... Might make you nervous if you aren't living well, but maybe not. Sure made me glad I quit smoking, but... I meander.

LOVED Tilda Swinton even though she (it) was kind of bitchy. Okay - Tilda was a tad more than bitchy, but I don't want to say too much.  I don't know what angels look like, but after this, I will forever picture her when I think of Gabriel. Djimon Hounsou creeped me out quite a bit. I have a fear of all things even slightly voodoo-ish (long story that has to do with my step-mother). He was really a good-guy character - in a weird and twisted kind of way. What's really twisted about me is that I thought he was sexy while he was being twisted... I think I need therapy.

I didn't really understand what was going on with the Father Hennessy character. Because I am kind of silly, I was just completely amused that he was a drunk and had Hennessy as his name.

Mostly, I liked this movie because it was entertaining. I enjoyed the various characters and concepts of how good and evil were portrayed. This wasn't a life-altering film, but it was a good watch. Because of this one and "Devil's Advocate," I'm saying prayers for TMWSBM. My baby needs to stay away from Satan for a while.

Yes, I know that this was not the most enlightening review, but, whatever. My blog, my b.s. What's really going to annoy some of you is that I will be doing more film reviews. LOL

Peace
--Free

*The Man Who Should Be Mine!

Tuesday, April 02, 2013

Weather-Bugged

I love Weatherbug. I have the app on my phone, I have the extension on my browser... Just love it. When it comes to the weather, I am always in need-to-know mode.

One of my friends lives in Sydney, Australia. I can even check out his weather when I just feel like hating him. He's always ranting about how beautiful the photos of Alaska are. Can't wait until the day he visits. I have plans to leave him on the side of the road in deep snow for about five minutes.  Not long enough for him to really hate me something awful, but long enough that he won't be so chipper about Alaska winters.

Anyway.

I am posting to talk about the glorious weather we are having. So freaking sunny, I feel like I have overdosed on happiness.

One question, though: why is it going to be so much warmer later in the day?

3 p.m. - 36 degrees...

7 p.m. - 40 degrees
But, really, do I care?

Mostly sunny and FORTY degrees on Thursday. Whoo-hoo!


Nope. Not when Thursday is looking that good. Shoot, that's practically sunbathing weather for (some of) us Alaskans. I stay covered with sunscreen myself, but, dangit, won't it be nice to feel some of that sunshine!!!

If you haven't figured it out by now, it doesn't take much to make me happy.

Let's celebrate with a song. (Change "rain" to "snow" & "gone" to "almost gone" and we've got a hit folks!)



Peace
--Free

Saturday, March 30, 2013

"Don't Hurt Yourself!"

Sometimes I can't believe how much of my "bidness" I put on this blog... At least this time, I'm embarrassing myself in the hopes I will save someone else from getting hurt.

As you know, I am on a mission to be looking fine this summer. I have changed the way I eat, I walk outside as much as possible, and I have collected a small cache of exercise equipment. I have even gone to the gym to work out - even though I hate being around all those beautiful chicks in their matching workout gear. It's like being the sweaty female with no wings in a roomful of Victoria's Secret angels. Agony, inside and out.

The last couple of weeks, the weather has been too  horrible for walking outside. We've had skating rinks for residential streets.  Fine. So I've been working out extra hard at home. Instead of my 30-40 minute walk around the neighborhood, I do an hour indoors. Boring. Unless I have really good music.

I've been careful when listening to my music while walking in the outdoors. I was grooving to some Beth Hart the other week and almost got mowed down by a woman who got her licence when the Model-T came out. I didn't hear anything until I felt the wind of her side mirror fanning my side. Crazy. I should be hell-bound for the names I thought of calling that poor woman.

You'd think I'd be safe enough cranking up the music when I'm doing my walking indoors, right? Well, that depends.

This is what I was listening to yesterday:


Now, is that not the perfect jam to walk to? The beat is just right for a good step, right? And it goes on forever and an hour so you can really get your heart pumping. It's the best music to walk to.

Unless it gets good to you.

It got good to me and I almost walked my behind right off the treadmill.

The thing about that song is, you are marching along just fine until you decide to dance. Treadmills are not made for dancing. I'm lucky I didn't break my neck.

No more Frankie B and Maze for me. At least not while on a treadmill. Think I'm going to learn to walk to some opera or Big Band music. I don't want to break my thang  of mine before I get to swang it this summer...

Peace
--Free

Friday, March 29, 2013

Waiting for Sunshine

I am craving the sun right now. Winter has stretched on for too long.  Already our Alaska daylight is coming earlier and leaving later, but... A little warmth to go with the extra daylight would be heavenly.

But before we get the sun and warmth as a couple, we have to let all this snow melt. There are going to  be weeks of nasty, mud-stained streets and gutters; dirty, left-over clumps of snow. This is the part of the year I hate. At least at the end of fall and the start of winter, the new snow kind of eases in on you. I'm never really mad about that first snowfall. I always stare out at it, thinking how beautiful and clean it makes everything look. I think about fireplaces and quiet nights, reading or watching old movies. That second snowfall, though - now that's a bitch. That's when I remember how long our winters seem to go on and on and freaking eternally on...

For now, I have my mind on hours and hours of daylight.

The summer of 2011, when I first got sick, I was mostly kept sane by all the time I spent on the back deck, feeling warm and held together by the bright sunshine. That winter almost broke me. I felt so sad and scared and alone with all that darkness and cold. Sometimes, I couldn't even pray with words, so I just cried because I know that God understands prayers even when they are in the form of tears.

Tell you what: I am going to be a happy woman when I can sit outside again, and when I can walk and walk and walk; when I can feel the sun and fresh air on my skin.

Goodbye winter. Summer is coming.

Peace
--Free

No more of this, please

No more need for street lights at 4:30 in the afternoon

My summer 2011 view for hours & hours each day

Can't wait for the flower to look like this again!



Want to walk down the street when it looks like this...











 








                                     
...not this


Thursday, March 28, 2013

Resting My Crown

I have finally given in to the horrible and life-saving medicine I am on. I cut my hair - or what was left of it. I just went into the bathroom and scissored everything more than a quarter-inch from the scalp.

While the Bible speaks of a woman's "long" (or un-cut) hair as being her glory, I still have the "crown" of gray. And, boy oh boy, is it gray!

My hair doesn't have just a tint of gray. It's not "streaked"or finely lined with gray. My hair is Crayola-grey gray. Steel-gray. It's way more "salt" than pepper at this point. Who the heck knew? I've been dyeing it for so long that I thought L'Oreal's Mahogany 5.5 was my natural color.

I'm not one to obsessed with long hair. Or bone-straight hair. Or any hair that's not natural-looking to my race and skin color. I would Taylor-Swiftly never-ever-ever-ever dye my hair blonde or blue or  - well, you get it. (Not that there aren't some women that can pull that blondie look off no matter what their skin tone, bless them.)

While I would love to say that I am not that vain, I'm not going to lie right now and say that I haven't been thinking of going out and grabbing some dye. Matter of fact, that's the first item on my weekend "Do List." Right up there above "Pick up that fucking Methotrexate re-fill." (Yes, I cussed. Sorry, but that's exactly what's on my list.)

It's at times like this that I know I am blessed with amazing family and friends. They are either amazingly wonderful or amazingly good liars.

"Oh, shi-damn!" is what my roommate just about screamed when I showed her my newly shorn head. She was blinking really fast. "That is a gorgeous look for you."

Riiiight.... There was just a little too much scream in the first part of her reaction. (She admitted that she was shocked I'd cut it all off.)

My oldest brother is the one of my siblings I want to hide away when I introduce men to the family. He's blunt and kind of cruel in his honesty. His response: "At least you're not fat now. A couple of months ago, that cut would of made you look like a balloon."

Well, damn.

My nephew was super-sweet. "Not many women can rock it like that, Auntie." (He did give me the name of his barber so I can get it evened out and "edged up.")

Bless him and the birthday gift I'll be giving him this year...

I guess it only really matters what I think. I like it. It feels very free-ing. This is probably the first time I have done something without worrying so much (beforehand) what anyone else thinks. Once I get it touched up by the barber and get it dyed, I will put up a picture. It's time to change that one on the sidebar anyway.

Peace
--Free

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

To Be Loved or to Be Rescued

I had an interesting email conversation the other day with someone who was sweet enough to give me advice. He gave me great advice, and the best part of it will probably stay with me all the rest of my life. More on that in a sec.

My running for advice was like a hormonal scream of frustration. I will be 50 + 2 this June.

50-anything is a milestone but not devastating, really. I feel smarter, more beautiful (in the fullness of the word) and sexier than ever. But there are regrets that keep me wake some nights.

There is the almost-perfect relationship that I think I must have just imagined into being. There is the devastation of losing someone I really did love. And then there are the kids I didn't have and never will.

Age is a little bit harder on women. We get past the age of child-bearing. Men don't. We get past 40 and society starts telling us how great we look "for our age." If men get a little depressed at growing older, they should understand why we women feel damn near suicidal.

So.

I was feeling really low a few weeks back. I was feeling like all my hopes and desires suddenly had expiration dates. Falling for someone I can grow old(er) with, having my life validated by the blessings I've secured... I told myself that if all this didn't happen pretty quick, it was going to be too late.

For about a month, I walked around trying to avoid being a witness to anyone else's joy. I don't like to covet or curse what someone else is blessed with, but it's so hard not to feel weary when you see anyone else with what you don't yet have. That's another symptom of aging: when you are young, you feel you have time to get yours; when you get older, every thing you don't yet have feels elusive.

The person I went to for advice is Christian. They are wise and direct and too full of love to lie to a brother or sister. The advice they gave me was perfect, but the part of what stuck with me was this: You aren't looking for love, you are looking to be rescued.

I should be looking for happiness as I am, then I might or might not find someone to share love with. The point is to understand my blessings as things stand.

So I am standing - right here where I am, with my life as it is - and praying and being thankful. If there is someone in this world meant for me, I ask God to bless them. If there is no one, that has to be okay with me too.

Peace
--Free

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Take a Nap. Please?

So... since I haven't spent any real time with my little great-nephew in the past couple of weeks, I went over there the other day. I told his folks I'd watch him while they went to a bar to watch the fight on TV.

He is so dang cute. Got his second "big boy" haircut and he is so handsome that I wanted to cry. The barber "edged it up" for him! Yeah, he is a darling little  boy.

Pretty brown eyes... breaking my heart...
Before I went over to babysit him for a few hours, I packed up some treats: animal crackers and apple sauce. He has his favorites, you know. He already has a ton of toys, so we were set in the entertainment department.

My sister warned me that Baby Boy has gotten a lot more active since I last saw him. I saw him two weeks ago, I told her. Yeah, she said - but he was harnessed in a car seat. Tonight he's loose.

Hmmph. She was talking about my little Stinka like he was Hannibal Lecter or someone...

While Baby's parents were still around the house, I used their elliptical machine. Might as well get my exercise the indoor way, is what I was thinking. Well, I could've saved myself the trouble.

Baby's parents were so happy to leave the house, you would've thought it was on fire. I figured they were just glad to be getting a night out. Bless their hearts.

Yeah.

About ten minutes into my "quality time" with Baby, I was getting a better idea of why his parents left so fast.

This kid just learned to walk without falling and, all of a sudden, he's sprinting around the house like Jesse Owens. I'd catch up with him in the back room and he'd giggle and take off like a shot. I'd catch up with him in the dining room - same thing. That maniacal giggle that I used to think was so cute was starting to grate on me...

I couldn't figure out why he wouldn't just chill and play with one of his nine thousand toys...  The next time I chased behind him, I skidded around a corner and dang near slid through the glass patio door. When my sister finished laughing and caught her breath, she explained, "He's playing his version of hide and seek."

"But he isn't hiding, he's just running like a madman."

"That's his version of it. If you leave him alone, he'll sit and play by himself," she said. "For about five minutes."

"Then what?"

"Then you better go see if he's cooking food or performing surgery on his puppy."

Oh man.

Sure enough, I sat where I could keep an eye on him without him seeing me. It was nice to catch my breath and wipe the sweat off my forehead. He played really nicely with some little plastic golf clubs. I think I went into a restorative coma for a couple of minutes. I came to when I heard that crazy giggle of his...

I got to the dining room just in time to see Baby feeding his puppy (Shadow aka "Saddow") some Puppy Chow. Okay. Not too bad, I thought.

"He's being so sweet, feeding his dog," I reported.

My sister almost popped a wheelie in her wheelchair. "You better get hi-"

I heard the puppy growl.

When I got to the scene of the near crime, Shadow was dang near scaling the cabinets to get away from Baby. That little terror was waving his golf club like Tiger's wife.

"Shit, Saddow, shit!" (This translates to him telling his puppy to sit.)

Shadow had latched onto a cabinet like he was corkscrewed in.

I got the golf club away from Baby just before he almost cold-cocked me. For some reason, I had a quick vision of Jesus sending demons into a herd of pigs. I found myself praying over Baby the way the old sisters back in church used to do for the drunks they fed on Saturdays.

"Loose here, Satan!"

My sister was having so much fun watching Baby run me all over the place that I wanted to hate her. I looked her way once and she was munching popcorn and sipping on a soda. I guess I was the night's entertainment.

It's been years since I've had to deal with toddlers, but I remember that the best thing to do is tire them out so that they will take a long nap.

I played more Hide and Seek with Baby (his version), we played with his police cars, dump trucks and fire trucks; we rolled his bouncy balls down the hall; we had a tea-party with fake tea and real cookies. I fixed green beans and tuna for Baby's dinner. I changed three diapers - one just wet and the other two needed hazmat clearance. I decided that Baby would only be getting graham crackers for the rest of the night...

After two hours, twelve minutes and eighteen seconds, Baby's eyes began to droop. Thirteen seconds later, his eyes were closed and he was breathing deeply. My sister had warned me not to use the word "sleep" to describe this blissful circumstance. Apparently even thinking the word "sleep" will awaken Baby.

Let me tell you what. I have never been so very glad to see a child with their eyes closed and their body not in motion. My own body was buzzing with fatigue.

When Baby's parents got home that night, I was so happy to see them, if I hadn't been so whooped, I'd have thrown them a party.

I was packing up my stuff to go home while Baby's mother started dressing him for bed. He half-woke when she pulled his shirt over his head.

"Say goodnight to Ya Ya Auntie," his mother prodded.

When I looked over at him, the little imp had turned back into the angel I love.

"Yayabye," he mumbled.

Awwww.... My heart is still tender.

Peace
--Free

Required Watching? Should Be.

What do you think, people? Should this be required watching for anyone having irresponsible sex. This is, after all, the possible outcome...



"Dude!"


That was both a little amusing and a little pathetic. I have hope for these two, though. They are young yet.

Peace
--Free

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

**MUSIC** Beth Hart

Where the heck has this singer been all my life? This lady can blow. She's a little bit of Etta, a little  bit of Joplin. Got the soul of Aretha and the stage presence of Michael Hutchence - appropriate since her band has the stealth of INXS.

If you haven't been, you need to be checking her out...


I strictly hetero, but if she was a guy, she'd be my new Marvin Gaye, Michael Hutchence or Otis Redding.

Peace
--Free

Friday, March 15, 2013

Beautiful Discoveries

One thing I absolutely LOVE about the Google Plus community is the sharing. And now I am going to share with you some new music and art I was introduced to this morning. Hope you like it.

+Susan Lewis brightened up my entire morning when she posted this:

Sayaka Ganz @ sayakaganz.com
You know I just had to go over and check out the artist's site. Wow. Fell in love with almost every single thing there... Since I can't afford the pieces, I can show support by sending you over there.

Then my G+ Sophie B. Hawkins friend (listen to her biggest hit and the light-bulb will go off) +David Renaud shared music by a group that I have now also fallen in love with. I like the song that David shared (Fisherman's Blues), but I adore this one. Had YouTube worn out with it while I did my step-board workout.



Last, but never least, is not new to me, but I was reminded by +Spencer Bryant's profile. If you watch a lot of retro TV - or are older than, say, 40, you probably know the show "Good Times." You might not know the artist behind the work ("Sugar Shack") shown during the credits.

Ernie Barnes 1938 - 2009 R.I.P.
We need to show support for artists and musicians who bless us with their talents. These guys all highlight what is beautiful about life.

Peace
--Free

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Simple Lace Cookies

I have about 3 pints of Talenti gelato in the freezer, but I am leaving that for extremely special occasions  Just a few mouthfuls of that sweet sticky goodness means about 2 hours of walking to get it off my ass. (That's just a tiny cuss word!)

So what to do when I have a craving for something other than my beloved Starburst? How about a thin, crunchy lace cookie? Perfect for enjoying in bed with my nighttime cocoa. Well, I found the perfect (and an easy) recipe on food.com.

Wanna see it? Here we go:


Ingredients

2 tablespoons brown sugar
2 tablespoons butter
1 1/2 tablespoons honey or 1 1/2 tablespoons corn syrup
2 tablespoons flour

Directions

 Put 2 Tbsp of brown sugar, 2 Tbsp of butter and 1 1/2 Tbsp of honey (OR corn syrup) into a sauce
pan and melt it.
Once melted, whisk in 2 Tbsp of flour until smooth.
Then drop 1 tsp of the batter onto a parchment lined baking sheet ( about 3 inches apart) and bake
for 6 min at 375F or until they are noticably golden brown all over.
The batter spreads and bubbles into beautiful cookies.
Once they have set enough to transfer, you can pick them up with your fingers and move them to a
cooling rack to cool until crisp and make sandwiches out of them with buttercream.
Or you can shape them into mini ice cream bowls or cones.

Nutritritonal Information

Amount Per Serving % Daily Value

Calories ..................................................38.4
Calories from Fat....................................17 45%

Serving Size:...........................................1 (104 g)
Servings Per Recipe: ..............................1

Total Fat..................................................1.9g 2%
Saturated Fat............................................1.2g 6%
Cholesterol..............................................5.0mg 1%
Sugars......................................................4.3 g
Sodium....................................................17.6mg 0%
Total Carbohydrate..................................5.4g 1%
Dietary Fiber...........................................0.0g

I am about to hurt myself getting into the kitchen to make these cookies. If they turn out not looking horrible, I will post a picture of them later on.

Peace
--Free