More & Less (of what we need)

I'm supposed to be doing something else right now - something unpleasant and tiresome. Before I get to that, I will blow off some steam with a little (big) rant about people. There are just certain things more people need to be doing more of and other things many of us need to be doing less of. . Of course, all this is just from my opinionated point of view, but here's today's rant:

More people need to spend more time...

• Getting up and moving around. I'm not talking about just getting up and going to work every day (although that's always good). I'm talking about physically moving your body just to be moving. Take a walk, dance around the house, visit a museum or bookstore. Just do something to keep life interesting. I know people who don't work and still don't use all that free time to live some kind of a life. That's a lot like mental suicide. If nothing else, you are spitting in the face of an ability that some people would give anything for.
• Learning something. I love the Gandhi quote: "Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever." You can read tons of studies talking about how lifelong learning is important for staying mentally spry. I'm not elderly (yet), but I'm not very mentally spry. I'm going to do everything I can to work the brain muscles I have left. With the technology we have today, there's no excuse not to take advantage of the opportunities to learn. If you don't have a computer, libraries do, friends do - somebody can hook you up. If you don't have access to a library or friends with a computer, then ask around for help with that or other resources. I bet if you didn't have food, you'd know how to apply for assistance. I'm just saying.
• Helping each other. Someone you know needs something from you. Maybe some words of encouragement. Maybe they need to borrow your computer! (heh heh) You might be really good at something (cooking or cleaning or math or balancing a budget) that someone else could benefit from learning. 
• Accepting help and advice. If someone has criticized you, think about the criticism before you get mad and shut down. Sometimes people are just hating, but, sometimes, there's a little truth in a comment - insensitive or not. Don't complain about being sick and tired or depressed if you don't even want to make an effort to get better. Everyone has problems. Not everyone wants to do what it takes to solve their problems.
• Improving their situation. Unless you are perfect, there is room for improvement. That could go along with any of the previous points. 
• Being kinder to each other. It is not going to hurt society for all of us to start being a bit more pleasant. When your parents taught you as a child not to talk to strangers, I don't think they meant to turn you into a rude adult. It won't kill any of us to nod, say "hello" or make friendly eye contact with one another. Sometimes I walk through a public place wondering what the hell has everyone so mad or sad. 

If more of us need to be doing more of certain things, lots of us sure do need to stop doing some things. 

• Stop trying to be "gangsta" or a "hottie" or whatever ignorant, unoriginal thing that happens to be going around. Ever notice that when gangster rap went mainstream, a lot of folks started dressing, talking, walking and having the gansta attitude? You can go into a grocery store and feel crowded out by all the suburban kids trying to be Ice Cube. You want to roll your eyes and shrug it off, but you can never be sure just how far the wanna-bes are willing to go with their role-playing. And don't get me started on the kids running around trying to be the local version of some fake-a-lebrity or reality show idiot. I look at these people talking and acting like whoever is the latest trendy embarrassment with a TV show and think to myself, "What a horrible world." I think to myself, "What. A. Hor-ruh-bull world. Ohhhhhh, yeahhhh!"
• Stop supporting things that are bad for us, the world, arts and entertainment. If I could wave a wand and do one thing, it would be to stop another semi-talented singer from taking over the world of music, fashion and (in some cases) politics. Just because we live in a time when almost any one of us can do and be anything, that doesn't mean we should want to do or be just anything. Why not be someone promoting positive and worthwhile issues? If I see another influential singer, rapper, actor or whoever promoting a brand of liquor or rip-off debit card, I'm going to puke. The one thing I hate about some entertainment biggies is that once they get above their former life circumstances, they send nothing positive back down the ladder for others. People, stop validating celebrities who have such disdain for the rest of us. 
• Stop being victims of the latest thing. I remember way back when somebody scalded themselves with coffee from a fast-food place. Everybody fell on the bandwagon. Now, we can't buy gum without warning labels on the wrapper not to get a paper cut. The latest thing is bullying. I wonder sometimes if we don't live under a herd mentality. The first time I heard  of a person feeling damaged from being bullied, I remembered how I was picked on because of my scrawny size in my early school years. Later on, I got teased for being so dark-complected. Eventually, I learned to fight the kids that physically picked on me, then I grew a thicker skin and a stronger self-esteem against the problems. It was maybe a couple years ago that I first read about someone being driven to suicide by bullying. What? Maybe I am not fully aware of the type of problems going on in schools these days, but... There are kids who have to go to school (or just live day to day) in the middle or war zones and famines. When I hear about first-world problems like bullying, I kind of expect people to be just a little bit tougher.  (Please understand that I am not blowing off the fact that people have been hurt by bullying to the point of suicide. If kids in our schools are being subjected to bullying of such an extreme extent, something extreme should be done by authorities or parents before it gets that out of hand. Maybe what's happening today isn't the type of bullying I grew up with.)

There are a lot more things I could rant about, but now that I have this off my chest, I feel better.

Peace

--Free

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle." (Plato)

"For Attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.

People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, reclaimed, and redeemed. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself and the other for helping others." (Sam Levenson)

(both quotes from Good Reads.)

Speaking of Learning

Since I mentioned my hopes of getting into the field of coding, I thought I would pass along links to the different sites I've been seeing. Whether you are looking to learn something, or find (like me) a new career path, or are just interested in learning for its own sake, here are some resources:

For coding -

• Codeacademy (nicely set up for the beginner to track learning progress)
• W3Schools (self-described as "the world's largest development site)
• Udacity has an Intro to Computer Sciences that looks organized & practical.
• Hackety Hack is a downloadable program to teach you to... program. 

For app development & other -

• Coursera offers free courses of all kinds, including those in computer science. Check to see which courses are open for which dates. 
• General Assembly offers courses both online and in classroom. The Mobile Development and  Web Development courses look interesting.
• Sitepoint offers to show how to design apps without having programming skills. (Should I be worried?)
• Mozilla offers a tool to help you get creative while Google has a learning spot for developers interested in their products. (Now that Google has surpassed Apple as the most valuable company, it might be nice to jump in on the learning.)

There are tons of courses and classes and intructors to be found on the web for just about anything you want to learn. For this post, I listed sites that I have seen mentioned more than once in articles and reviews. I also tried to list only free courses, but some sites offer a choice of free and paid, so read the small print. Most of all, have fun learning something new. At 50-and-change, I am just trying to keep up with the kids.

Peace

--Free

New Things

So, I am still on what I am calling my "Discovery Tour." I'm trying to discover a new career path. Actually, I'm pretty open to a new life path! (My sister says I am just having mid-life jitters, but more on that in a moment.)

Since I loved my last job, I hope there's a way I can get back to it, but... There would have to be some modifications and I don't know how well that would go over. My next option would be a business, but I am too much of a dreamer and my pockets are too flat right now for that avenue. Finally, I come to the option of learning something new that will keep me motivated and employable.

Ta-da!

I want to learn to write code. For someone who has days where remembering how to write her name, this might sound ambitious. It is, I guess, but I have made up my mind. I only have a couple anxieties about it right now: this kind of crap and the fact that I might not get the encouragement I need from the folks at Vocational Rehab. Another worry - from inside my own head is - about my ability to learn and retain the necessary information. I've always been a quick study, but I haven't always been "over 50" or struck with any serious illness.

Whatever.

I have made up my mind to give this my best shot. I want to start with writing code and progress to programming.* We will see how it goes. I hope that one day this will apply to me:

Peace
--Free

*As a programming teacher, one thing does irritate me: the persistent misuse of the word “programming” when the author means coding. Programming is creating the logic, coding is translating that logic into code. Many students come into class able to code, but almost none come in able to program — that is, create the logic. They think sitting down and making spaghetti code is programming.

Tom Fordham (Yep)

Money in Your Jammies

I've had the worst past few days. EVER. I won't soak your shoulder pads with all my tears, but just to give you an idea:

My computer is being crazy. I might have to reset it and start over.
Even when my PC was behaving, my internet service wasn't. Shame on ACS!
My phone has decided to cop an attitude...
For the last few days, I have felt (physically) like a microwaved turd

Yeah. Just... Yeah.

But I am considering it a blessing that I am here to complain. And here to share something with you.

You ever wondered if there was something you could do to make your downtime work for you? Not me, but I have wondered if I could maybe make some money until I am back on a "real" job. Let me tell you, any and every piece of monetary metal would be a blessing over here. I can't remember how I found the first site, but once I did, I scouted out a few work-via-the-internet leads. Without further ado, here you go:

• CloudCrowd! 
• MTurk (Amazon)
• Shorttask
• Rapidworkers
• Minifreelance

I am not doing reviews of the sites because I haven't tried any yet. Those listed above, though, do see to have the most positive commentary by other bloggers and forum members. There are ton more that I heard of or found:

• Textbroker (*I lied. I did try this site years long time ago & was not thrilled, but it could have been my writing!)
• ChaCha (this is a strange set up)
• Freelancer
• oDesk
• Rent-acoder

Just for kicks and snickers, I did a search and came up with so many sites: getacoder, guru, getafreelancer, scriptlance, ifreelance... ~shrug~

I sure hope that some of these sites are worth your time to check out. Times are a little tight for a lot of us. Sure would be nice to score some income without having to put on your good underwear.

Peace

--Free

(And to +Alex Taller, +Sandy Sandmeyer, +Kim Barnes, +Spencer Bryant, +Marla Hughes & +J.D. Hughes and so many of the sweethearts over on G, I will be back soon to check up on all of you!)

One Song, Many Feelings

You all know that I love music. I think it's one of the most wonderful gifts from the Creator.

One of the greatest songs ever, ever, ever recorded is, I believe, Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah." But not  as sung by Cohen. Or Rufus Wainwright. Or anyone else I've heard sing it - although this version is pretty in a self-conscious way. Bless Cohen for the lyrics that try explaining love, but it's the Jeff Buckley version that moves me to a beautiful place.

The song is on my mind because it's one I use to set the tone as I work on one of my on-going stories. Sometimes, when I need a good memory of love, I play the song in an loop for hours. Listening to it when I've been assaulted by thoughts of my lat relationship is like taking a shower after rolling in mud.

I felt so strongly that Buckley made the most perfect version that I spent a few minutes searching some information. According that bible of secular wisdom, Wikipedia, I'm in the majority. And I find it lovely that Buckley himself was able to put words to a thought I had when he described it as a "hallelujah to the orgasm." Not just a physical exclamation of the senses, but that spiritual sort of sealing of a bond we make with someone we love. It's a pretty powerful song.

Here's Rufus Wainwright. I found his version nice, but not intimate or sweet enough for the words being sung.

And the lyricist Cohen. This version made me feel like I was being prayed over by a fire-and-brimstone minister.

And Buckley, who sang as if he truly understood what it would mean to sing the words only to someone who deserved hearing them.

As you listened, did you find yourself holding your breath?

Peace
--Free

Polish, Oil & Cleanse (the body, that is)

Since I have been having such a suck-y couple of weeks, I decided to treat myself to something special after the gym today. Instead of my usual mad-dash shower at Planet Fitness and sun-drying on the way to pick up my sister, I came home and pampered myself before getting back out in the sun. Here's the treatment, if any of you are interested in trying it (guys too!):

• Salt Scrub (salt ground down to a consistency slightly finer than table salt) I use this salt scrub from my health food store: 
  
  

  

  A dead sea-salt scrub $5.99 at Natural Pantry
• Oil (I prefer coconut or olive, but that's just me. I supposed a good cooking oil cook do...?) This is what I have a HUGE bottle of that I got on sale: 
  
• Warmth. I turned the heat up and barricaded myself in the bathroom with the hot-water shower running for about 10 minutes to get it nice and steamy.

If you are using your own salt and oil (and not a pre-mixed scrub), first put the oil on your skin, then add the salt. I did my legs and torso - front and back. Massage the salt and oil gently so as to exfoliate skin. Let the oil and salt rest on your skin for a while as you sit in the humid heat. When finished relaxing, shower with water only. After your shower, apply some oil and lotion all over.

When I finished this treatment, I couldn't stop touching my skin. It really felt nice, especially while I was applying my lotion/oil mix. I suggest that, unless you are going straight to bed, um, naked, lightly pat yourself down with a towel so that you don't stain your clothes. (Even though, I've heard that coconut oil is a natural sun-block, I use a 100 SPF on my face anyway.

I left to pick up my sister, looking great - all smooth and dark brown and shining like new money! LOL

By the way - the "cleanse" part of this is something that +Marla Hughes & I had a giggle over. It's cucumber water. Just a big tall glass of it. But ONLY when you are going to be near a restroom for several hours. The first time I drank this water, I was at the gym. I had to get off the treadmill, wipe it down (because of gym rules, not because I peed on it!) and do a Jesse Owens getting to the bathroom before I embarrassed myself. TWICE in an hour and a half. I finally gave up my workout and went home. 

Cucumber water is easy (and thanks to my niece, +Gabrielle B for telling me):

A cuke, sliced very thin, put into a BIG pitcher of water. Leave overnight and - you got Cuke Water. One good-sized cucumber produced a pitcher and a half of water for me. I drank the first pitcher half-way until the water got too "strongly" flavored, then I added more water for the next day. Gabby says she adds a little sweetener to hers. I drink my sugarless. I read here about the benefits of this water. I wish I could find again the page saying cukes are nature's strongest diuretic... I did find this page of benefits of cucumbers. Here is another source of info. (This is the www, so grain of salt, folks.)

Peace

--Free

Peace Amid the Books

There is no place like a library, is there? Even with all of our electronics that allow us to read "books" on our computers, phones, tablets, phablets, Kindles... there is something about a library.

My mind has been playing Jumblina on me lately. I can't concentrate long enough to work on my story. I can't hold thoughts long enough to finishing thinking them.

The library was a nice place to be yesterday. When I couldn't work on my manuscript, I just sat there and enjoyed being alive and in the presence of what other writers have accomplished. Told myself that everything will soon be alright.

God bless Mr. Loussac.

The *Ann Stevens Room (view 1)

The Ann Stevens Room (view 2)

Peace

--Free

* Ann Stevens was the first wife of the late Senator Ted Stevens.

We All Laugh As One

I needed - and I mean needed - a good, refreshing laugh today. This video, shared by +Susan Lewis on G+ did it for me.

I have nothing else to say. I couldn't talk right now if I wanted to. My mouth is too full of laughter. (By the way, this explains what set off the giggles.)




Peace
--Free

Death, Stephen King and Other Musings

I was surprised (at least a little) by this article on Stephen King and his belief in intelligent design. What surprised me is not that he believes in a Creator, but how interesting his view is. He admits that his beliefs are inconsistent. Not many people will cop to that. Most of us will swear that we have never had a doubt in our minds or hearts about what we believe.

Some Christians (me, me, me!) are pretty hardcore about what we will admit when it comes to our faith. I think that's because we want others to see our choice as sweet and easy. "Wade on over here to the Ark, folks! Don't worry, the water's fine!" We try to sell the Christian life as a luxury cruise and not a journey in the hold of a slave ship. The truth: it's kind of both. Depends on which moment of which day you are in the trip.

(Let me borrow some of Stephen King's honesty here and say this: I believe in God, but I sometimes doubt my faith.)

My niece and I were having a conversation about life and death and God and faith. We got caught up in the old wages-for-a-day vs wages-for-a-few-hours dilemma. I don't care how strong my faith is, there are times when I just have to pray hard about that. (By the way, I'm talking about how we all get the same salvation, no matter how early or late we ask Jesus for it.) My niece and I were also questioning the whole issue of whether or not suicides go to Heaven.

For years, I was so staunch and expert (hah!) on all things MY FAITH. I had my very set ideas about how God handles things. All things. I've read the Bible, therefore... I can tell you everything about how God will judge others, but I know He will make exceptions when it comes to me. So there.

Seriously, though, as I told my niece, I know what God says is right and wrong in most general situations, but we are all going to judged individually - not in groups, pairs or on a friends and family plan. I truly believe that, when it comes to how we live our lives - as sisters and brothers, mothers and fathers, friends and lovers - when we die, we are all going to have our own conversation with the Lord.

Just because I might know how a person lived, who am I to say what was in their heart when they died? Who am I to understand God's conversation with you about your sin when I am still trying to have my own discussions about my own problems?

Peace
--Free

Cleaning Day (Flashback) Music

This is not my usual day to clean house, but got all caught up in the writing yesterday. And, because I am sort of neglecting the blog, I'm doing a cheat post.


I went all "Old School" on it. Here's what I'm vacuuming, mopping, dusting and dancing around to as I try to pull this disaster area of an apartment together:

Can you tell that I LOVE Klymaxx?

Have a great day, all. Let's try to get it together for the week coming up...

Peace

--Free

For The Glipho Group

I was talking to a really nice guy over at the Glipho.com social blogging site & really wanted to explain the beauty of Alaska to him. I'm talking about the beauty that we can see just driving around in our cars - not having to fly out over the mountains or get a guide...

So, here is a photo post by someone is not that great of a photographer!

Just a sunset I caught while riding around midtown Anchorage

This is out at Beluga Point. Friend & I drove out one day. 

Can catch a great view even from Walmart's parking lot!

On drive to Beluga Point

Campbell Creek, running next to my family's house

The Homer Spit. Went with fam so they could do fishing charter for the day

Houses sitting on the mountainside at Beluga Point.

Was a beautiful walk in the fam's neighborhood today!

And here are some webcam views

• From the Sheraton Hotel downtown
• Midtown
• Downtown
• Some "weather-cams" at various locations

So, yes, Anchorage is gorgeous when she wants to be, but the winters are getting too long for me. I need some heat!

Peace
--Free

A Sneaky Peeky

Okay you guys. I never do this, but a really dear friend encouraged me to.

I am going to post a snippet of an excerpt from the rough draft of my current work. According to my friend, this will force me to tighten up my writing. He also thinks that I need to feel "exposed" as a writer so that I can really create. This friend of mine says that I am both wild and repressed. (Some friend, huh?)

Anyway, I am always so paranoid that someone is going to take my story and run away to Printland with it! I can't even talk about it anymore, so I'm just going to do it.

Untitled Work

(by T.M.Conway)

Of course, I felt stupid. I was sixteen but felt five. Being here in this new/old place where I’d been born but never lived, it made me feel out of sync with my soul.

My cousin let me feel lost for a second then said, “I started smoking when I was fourteen. Quit for a while, then I met Boogie and started back. It was smoke or get pregnant.”

Now I felt even more stupid. Who was Boogie and why did smoking keep Sugar from getting pregnant. And why was my cousin doing things at just a few months older than me that could get her pregnant? Then I learned that Sugar had her own way of carrying on conversations. She answered me without prodding.

“I was trying hard to keep from smoking,” she said. “Mother Henry dying the way she did just about scared shit out of me about cigarettes.”

(Mother Henry? Someone from the church then. I was keeping up.)

“She had so much trouble breathing right before she died that they said Brother Henry had to prop her up so high in bed, looked like she was ‘bout to take off running.”

Overhead, the Collinsford sun was bright. I liked the way the heat made my legs feel longer and prettier. The heat did things to me, I’d been noticing. Texas heat was different from the heat in Anchorage or Seattle. Texas heat made me think things and want things and even (if it was nighttime and the air still enough) feel things I didn’t know how to resist feeling.

Sugar’s voice came at me from like a dream I was having about being back here in my mother’s hometown – my birthplace.

“Said she’d only smoked for six or seven years when she was real young. Got saved and joined church and never lit another stick. Wouldn’t even let Brother Henry have his pipe anywhere but outside on the porch. All that and then died without being able to take a good deep breath.”

Somewhere an insect made a strange noise. A car or truck coughed to life a few streets away.

“I had to go over there one time and sit with the old lady. Just long enough for Brother Henry to get some rest while everybody else was at the church for a big prayer meet. I sat there for about an hour and almost lost my mind, listening to that woman trying to breathe. Poor old woman sounded so bad, I started talking to God about whether or not it would be a sin to put a pillow over her face and just let her rest for real.”

My heart seemed to be beating really slow, like through syrup or history or… something. I propped my elbows the scarred wood of my Aunt Sadie’s porch, lifted my face to the sun  and closed my eyes. (Dreaming awake.)

“So you quit smoking?” My voice didn’t sound as if it came from me.

“For a while. It was too hard though. It was like when you try to make your mind empty. All you can do is fill it up, right? And I stayed cranky cos all the time I was either hung-over or sore. Pretty sure Boogie was starting to hate me.”

I turned my head, squinted against sunrays to look at Sugar.

She shrugged. “Cos I was always drunk or fucking. Was the only way I could keep my mind off smoking.”

My heart punched into my ribs. I’d never heard the word “fuck” spoken. Images flashed through my mind. Images of the time I’d seen a magazine hidden behind the toilet tank in a school friend’s house.

Sugar snorted a little laugh my way.

Was she laughing at me?

“Yeah. So. I don’t wanna end up with a baby hanging off my tit. Not yet. Not til at least after I finish school.” She yawned and leaned back, elbows against the top step, legs stretched down the other three.

I turned my head to look at her once more. Her eyes were closed against the world.

“And maybe not even then,” she said.

(© T.M. Conway)

Peace
--Free

Don't Be Fickle, My Readers...

Really, people? Anytime I go away for a few minutes - from either the blog or from G+, you guys just stop visiting my posts.

SMH

Shame on you!

Seriously, though. I am away on very important life business. For one thing, I have to determine what I am going to (be able to) be doing with the rest of my life; for another thing, I have to really get something done on this book I am writing. I need to finish this thing.

I will be hit and miss on G+ and here on the blog, but I do check in & I sure hope you guys keep supporting my blog by stopping by. I mean, it's not like you can't go back and (re-) read some of the older posts! LOL

Miss you guys & be back with you regularly soon.

Peace
--Free

Unlikely Crushes

Since we are all talking about crushes on both G+ and my new social hangout, Glipho, let me talk about crushes that might surprise you. Why not? I've talked to death about obvious crushes I have. (And, yes, this is something of a filler post. I haven't been keeping up the blog like I should, so...)

Number One: Katt Williams.

This was tough for me to admit. Not less than a year ago, I was trash-talking this man like I knew him and he owed me money. All I'd ever heard about him was so negative. I actually believed he was a pimp, so that was a big strike out. When I did see bits and pieces of his comedy shows, I heard three things that turned me off: weed, "ni**ers" and impolite names for female anatomy. I didn't even hear the jokes.

I'm not sure at which point it was that I listened to Katt Williams tell a joke all the way through to the punchline. I do remember when I heard about his love for children. That was a few months back when I started hearing about all the supposed troubles he was (is) going through. Out of that, I remember hearing more of his concern for his children. What made me fall head over heels into my crush on him was when I found out that he has eight children - seven of them adopted. Wow. Now that's man that makes my heart flutter. Y'all know how I am about smart being the new sexy, well manning up is the new swagger.

I have to admit that even when I am (now) listening to his comedy routines, I cringe a little at the language, but I am cringing and laughing. I laughed so hard one time that I literally almost fell over off the stool I was sitting on.

So, Katt Williams tops the list, for being smart, kind, a family man and funny. I sure hope he can hold up through all the trouble he's said to be dealing with. As my mother used to say: Satan gets busy sometimes.

Number Two: Michael Croslin

Yes, I know, I know. You probably have not heard of him. I only know because I looked him up when I learned that it was he who invented computerized devices for monitoring pulse and blood pressure. I have a gratitude (and hotness) for the science-minded who have made life better for the rest of us. It's the whole "smart/sexy" thing again. Even if Croslin (born before my mother) is that much older, I have to crush a bit.

(By the way, if anyone has more info, I'd appreciate some links. I found very little online. Surprise, surprise. I guess if I wanted a category with a million references, I should have been looking up killers or rapists instead of scientists and inventors. ~shrug~)

Number Three: Tito Puente

What can I say? He had rhythm and style and an what I call "elder suave." Look at him. Still had it.



Just love any man who can move and/or make others want to move.

Peace
--Free

Do I Really Want to be This Alone With My Thoughts?

Ever since I saw a post on G+ about relaxation tanks and deprivation chambers, I've been fascinated with the idea.

It seems therapeutic to take a little time to clear your head and just think without all the distractions of life. I started thinking how nice it would be to experience this kind of restful solitude and I wondered if there were any local places that offered the chance to try it out.

You know that anytime you start a search for one thing, you have to wade through twenty-million other things, right? I always start my searches way too general and never do get around to specifics.

A check for deprivation chambers brought up the expected tidal wave of results. I ended up checking out a link to how the chambers work.

Oh boy.

I got exactly 14 seconds in with this video and damn near had to call 9-1-1. Did you see her nose going under water? I couldn't stand to watch any longer. I almost drowned by proxy.

This video is not as exciting and artistic-looking, but at least I got the point without needed follow-up therapy.

Hmmm. Sounds nice, right? Except I didn't hear anything about cost or time limits. Pretty sure these aren't the kind of setups that you can have in an apartment as small as mine, even if you could afford one. Still, I did like the idea of getting enough relaxation and stress-relief to replace hours of sleep.

I sincerely liked the idea until I realized that I would be locked into a tank with nothing but some quiet relaxation. And my thoughts.

Speaking of therapy.

I have trouble with too much relaxation. Seriously.

The other day, I started using the background sound videos on YouTube. I've been playing 4 to 8 hours of rainfall, ocean waves, wind-chimes... It was starting to sound like some sort of temple in my bedroom, but the soothing noises do help me stay focused on writing tasks. I liked the effect so much that I decided to use a video of sounds to help me sleep.

Okay. Once again I need to bring up my strange personality - phobia, weirdities and all.

Night One: I drifted off to sleep to the sound of crickets and wind and something that gently ticked. I woke up having a screaming nightmare about insects crawling over my body while I stood naked in a dark windy field looking at a scarecrow that was dressed like the priest in The Exorcist.

Night Two: I tried dozing off to some meditation chants and that seemed to work. I slept longer, but still woke up at around 3 in the morning with memories of having performed strange sex acts with someone who (in my dreams) reminded me of my ex. I doused my room with holy water, said some prayers and told Satan to get thee behind me.

If I react like that in my sleep when I get too relaxed, I can't imagine the counseling I'd need after an hour or two in a deprivation chamber. I write to get thoughts out of  my head; nothing sane can come of spending too much time with them.

Peace
--Free

Reading, Writing & Will I Flip?

No, I won't flip out, but I was driving myself a little batty the other day while trying to focus on writing.  I've had so much trouble concentrating since my bout with Sarc that I'm thinking of talking to my doctor about it. I mean, what's happened? Have I developed some sort of attention deficit problem?

Anyway, I did manage to concentrate long enough to figure out a way to battle my problem with keeping focus. I resorted to something my father once taught me about: background noise. I should say that my father taught me to choose my own background noise to rid myself of the distractions caused by random noises.

Can I stop here and say that there are wonderful benefits to living in this day and age? Back in the day when I needed some background noise, I had to plug my ears and listen to my heart beat. These days? Well, let's just give YouTube a standing ovation, shall we? This is one of several videos I found to provide some nerve-calming sounds to your situation:

Um, it was at least something like this one. There are a TON!

Of course, you know how I am - easily-distracted and attracted. I spent thirty minutes checking out my options. There were videos with rain, rain and thunder; rain, birds and thunder... I'm pretty sure that if I'd kept looking, I would have found something even more specific, like maybe rain from the summer or '69 at two in the afternoon. Seriously. Go take a look. 

Once I chose a video and got down to work on my writing, I couldn't believe how much more focused I was. I was so focused that I felt more creative than I had for a long time.

But you know me. Or maybe you don't.

After a couple of hours, I started to feel like there was something missing. Something that would complete my writing experience.

I found it in this little application: Qwertick.

Oh, boy. Once I had my laptop keys sounding like a real typewriter, Hemingway couldn't have told me Nah-thin!

Isn't it funny how the mind works? Or maybe it's just my mind. Something like a change in background noise or the sounds a keyboard makes can change up the whole writing situation.

At any rate, I thought that I'd tell you all about my experience. Especially my buddies over at G+, where I haven't been in so long that I'm offended no one has sent out a search party. 

Speaking of social networks, and since I am blogging, I need to mention just one more thing I ran across in the last couple of days. There is this blogging network called Glipho. It's described as a "social publishing engine." You will  have to check it out. I am on there now, but just feeling my way around. If you do join up, come by and say Hello to me.

Now I need to turn off my distractions, turn on my background sounds and get back to work. (Maybe after I run by G+ and say Hi to the folks over there!)

Peace

--Free

Bookshelf Dreams

That time of year is coming around again. It's a day that brings out the best and worst in me. My "inner child" comes out to play once a year. Sometimes she is a good girl, but sometimes, she is a pure and perfect nightmare of selfishness.

Yes, my birthday is coming.

Meh.

Yep. That's about  the way I look at it.

Even though I refuse to "grow up," my inner child is getting a bit wiser. The older I get, the more curious I am about things. I wish I'd had such a hunger for learning and discovering when I was younger.

I know am in tune with the saying about youth being wasted on the young.

When you are young, you do everything with gusto and no experience. It's the conundrum of life, I suppose. I mean, I couldn't appreciate a good heartache until I had blundered through a couple. Sex was only sex until I learned what real love was about. Smoking, eating, drinking - what a child I was about it all! How nice it would be to go back and enjoy the "first time" of some experiences, huh? But with the wisdom and palate of maturity.

But I ramble (because that's what older folk do).

This post is supposed to be about my dream bookshelf. Not a bookshelf of dreams, but what I dream of having on my bookshelf.

In all the moving around I've done over the past several years, I slowly let go of things that weighed me down. Getting rid of my books is a big regret. I did pass them on to friends and family, but, still. Thankfully, we live in an age when books are weightless, only taking up room on the microchip in our phones or tablets. What a world!

Having books on a microchip is pretty handy, but, as with photographs and letters, some things are better when we can touch them and hold them. Until I can collect hard copies of them, here are the books on my dream bookshelf *:

• The Conjure Woman
• Till We Have Faces
• The Marriage of Heaven and Hell
• The Souls of Black Folk
• The Art of War (though I probably won't read it)
• Everything by Zora Neale Hurston
• The Alchemist

There are so many more. There are the Christian fiction series by people like D. Brian Shafer and Frank Peretti. I also want to read more of the lesser known literary works of early African-American writers. 

Anyway, this is what I wish to see on my bookshelf. From now on, when I meet people, I'm going to ask what they would wish to have on their bookshelves.

(Note to my family: this post is not a hint, but do what you must!)

Peace
--Free

* I use Wikipedia in most links because it will provide an overview for those not familiar with a title and author.

When Apps Go Right

I am a horrible person. Not horrible in a mean-gal way, but horrible at learning new languages, and horrible about mimicking other people's accents!

While my sister is the champion of mimics, I am the ruling monarch of sucking at languages. When I'd meet someone who spoke something other than English, I used to at least try to learn how to say "hello," "please" and "thank you" in their tongue. Oh, that and a couple of naughty words or phrases!

A long time ago, in a place far away, I met a young Welsh woman, so I asked her to teach me how to say something impolite. For almost 25 years now, I've been telling folks I know how to tell someone in Welsh how to kiss my a**. I just used Google Translate. I don't know what I've been saying for all these years, but it doesn't seem to be anything like what Translate brought up.

For all the time that I have been in love with some of my celebrity crushes, I've planned that, upon them seeing me and falling instantly and deeply in love with me, I would say something charming in Spanish or French. At the rate I am learning, I won't be able to say "Hey handsome, what's up?" in English.

I bring up my horrible language skills because I found an app that just fascinates and amazes me. It's called the Rosetta Course series from, of course, Rosetta Stone.

Now, I have heard people complain that the Rosetta method is too expensive. Let me say this: the app that I checked out is just a taste of the Rosetta course and I managed to learn a Japanese word in about 20 seconds. Ask me, the Rosetta folks aren't charging enough!

With the app I am toying with, I attempted the Japanese before I almost sprang my tongue. I switched to Spanish. Nice.

This is surely an app to check out.

Raha*
--Free

(*Swahili. According to Google Translate: Raha = rest, joy, comfort, bliss, contentment, enjoyment.)

Look at Me, Doc!

Okay, so it's not me, but I have goals now!

You just wait. Once I have enough of my balance back to walk without hanging on to a rail.... it's gonna be on!

I dig this chick. You do your thang, Nicole! (And a Texas gal, too...)

And, now there is a dude doing it. Wow.

Tell you what, this'd be the only way I could Moonwalk!

Peace
--Free

Ain't This About A Blip?

I said I wasn't going to complain.

I'm not complaining.

My mouth is just hanging open in disbelief.

Pretty sure I'm not the only one who woke up to this view and said, "This is some bulls**t!"

Hopefully, the sun will be shining on my birthday - at the end of June!

SMH...


Peace
--Free

Still Here

It does so break my heart every time I hear this song.

I mean, I've heard that she had a lot of heartache and troubles, but she was still here to sing about it. Now she is gone and she will always be one of the many reminders to me that life is life and death is death. I don't want to be punked into giving up  - not by disappointment or shame or hurt or loss or fear. I want to go out fighting a little bit harder than that.

People say that suicide is a coward's way out. I don't think so anymore; I think that suicide is a brave act -stupid but brave. After all, you are rolling dice on eternity.  By giving up in a moment of overwhelming pain, you are forfeiting a chance at any more joy. It's stupid because you don't know how much of your love you are robbing other people of. You are giving up ever finding what could have been your saving hope - a person or pursuit. There could be someone you don't even know who will need you, and you won't be there. 

I bring up all this because there are many ways to commit suicide (and I'm not talking about intentional styles or methods). What I mean is that there are people all around us who are committing suicide by lifestyle and mindset.

A close friend of mine is dying a little every day by sitting and letting life pass her by. She is letting depression kill her without a weapon in sight. (And I am not downplaying the very real problems of depression.) 

Like I said, there are people dying of suicide all around us. When you are depressed and won't let anyone help you, that's suicide by default. When you are in a dangerous relationship and won't get help, that's suicide by shame. If you feel overwhelmed by life and can't lay down your fear or pride or shame to reach out in any way, that is suicide. It's slow suicide. 

Just like we should do for anyone with suicidal tendencies, we have to keep trying to reach people who are lost in their pain. Maybe because I am a Christian (imperfect as I am), I truly do believe that I am my brother's keeper.

I've been the one who needed "keeping." Thank God I had friends who were there for me. I was the one committing suicide by shame and pride and misguided wishing. I didn't want anyone to know I was in a dangerously abusive relationship. Shame and pride. I didn't want to give up on someone I once loved and wanted to love again - no matter how many times he put me in fear of my life. Misguided wishing. 

Anyway, believe it or not, a lot of my thoughts for this post came together out of a simple conversation about the weather. Yeah, I am both complex and simple! (Or just simple.)

It's been an unusual summer here so far. Anchorage is home to some great summertime weather. (Fairbanks has better summer weather, but they also have winters that will freeze your ovaries.) The weather here at this point sucks. It's so gloomy today that I had to have three hits of caffeine just to fall out of the right side of my bed. This is the way things have been since we expected summer starting in late April.

Am I complaining like a champion whiner? Yes, you bet. But I have a new philosophy about everything:

As long as I am here to complain, I'm doing better than I could be. I am still here. Some people left us way too early. I wonder if they can know that we miss them and think about them; crave their presence and need them?

Peace

--Free

I'm a Sixties, Seventies and Eighties Girl!

I'm not too crazy about much music from the Nineties and the Aughts, but, boy, I had a little flashback fun tonight...

I didn't make it to the gym, but I had a good workout dancing to some old faves and their remixes...

Here's an M.J. video that made me remember why he should have called himself the King of Dance...







Peace
--Free

Ginger, Oranges & Me

Spent my morning multi-tasking myself to distraction. I do my laundry every Saturday morning, but I seem to have so much more of it now that I'm stinking up all my gym clothes. (I don't know why I felt the need to share that thought!)

What I came to post about has nothing to do with laundry. I wanted to share my recipes for a couple of little concoctions I came up with. (And lemme stop lying; I didn't come up with a dang thing. What I did was add my own twist to something I saw online.)

This is a recipe for candied oranges.

I'm not as into candied oranges as I thought.

This is a recipe for candied ginger.

What I meant to search for was crystallized ginger, which seems to be candied ginger with a coating of sugar. ~shrug~

Okay. In the madness of all my screw-ups in finding recipes for candied and crystallized oranges and ginger, I went all ADHD in the kitchen and decided it would be nice to have some kind of sweet, sticky stuff to add to my sparkling waters and teas.

Since I already had made quite a mess of the counters, I went ahead, put on some music, and did my own thing.

This is what I came up with for orange-flavored syrup:

Ingredients

• Orange peels (can include mandarin, navel, etc.) 

• Sugar (I use raw sugar or honey and raw, but white table sugar is fine)

• vanilla (opt. If you can get hold of the bean, perfect!)

• vinegar (opt)

• water 

Instructions

• Preferable, but not necessary, to soak the peels for a several hours or overnight in cold water and vinegar to soften and leech any chemicals out.

• Use a knife to cut away all the white from the inside of peels. Cut the peels into strips

• Boil peels in plain water, draining and boiling at least 3 times. This is supposed to get rid of any bitterness.

• When finished with initial boilings, add equal amounts water and sugar (make sure water covers peels), and let simmer. For thicker syrup, more sugar and longer simmering time.

• You are going to keep the peels and syrup together.

I also like to add some vanilla extract (or natural vanilla bean) to the cooling syrup. Store in a tightly-lidded glass container in fridge.

This is my recipe for ginger-flavored syrup:

Ingredients

• Ginger (fresh, peeled)

• Sugar (I use raw sugar or honey and raw, but white table sugar is fine)

• Water

Instructions

• Slice the ginger in slivers

• Cover with water in pan and add equal amount of sugar

• Simmer until syrup begins to form

• After about an hour & a half, even with a thin syrup, the ginger will have flavored the water enough

• Keep ginger and syrup together & store in tight-lidded container in fridge

I like to add the ginger syrup to my drinking water after my workouts. My older brother just likes the syrup in any type of fizzy water.

Adding a couple drops of either syrup to sparkling water or tea (whether hot or cold), makes me feel like I've done something my mother and grandmother would be proud of. Besides, I know for a fact that ginger is good for upset tummies. Oranges are, well, just tasty.

Peace
--Free

P.S.:

Having a Fit, Living Fit

Your girl here has been trying hard to stay on the path of healthy living. Summer is here - even though no one has told the weather that - and there are no more excuses for me not to work out more. There are no more great piles of snow in the parking lot or slick side roads. And I'm back driving, so... As I proclaimed on G+ the other day, "I got a belly roll, belly roll, so off to the gym I go, to the gym I go." I do amuse my simple self at times.

I have been dared - no, double dog dared - to put up before and after pics. Ha! If I still looked like the blueberry gal from Willy Wonka, I'd be able to show an impressive "after" photo. But I look way better than that, so... Pics coming soon, so keep your eye on this space.

Some folks I know have asked what I am doing to get my skin and body back into shape. You do know that gaining and then losing a lot of weight puts your skin through its paces, right? You know now.

As I've done since I've been dressing myself, I've been using any and every moisturizer I can afford. I am in love with the Gene's Creme I told you about before and I still use it on my feet at bedtime. Now I am into coconut oil (organic, un-refined) because it's so versatile. I use it top to bottom - literally. I use it under any makeup and then to take off the makeup. It goes on my hair, my face, body and feet. It doesn't leave a greasy feel so I can use it without staining my clothes. (Ladies, it can even be used in the bedroom, and  I'm not talking about getting dressed.) I even have been substituting it at times for butter on my hot cereals. I really don't want you to lose your mind when I tell you I have been adding a touch of it to my morning coffee. I got started with it because of this chick here. After using it for a couple of weeks, I noticed that it works. Now, after about a month, I walk around soft as a baby's hind parts and smelling like something sweet and tropical.

Of course, I am still NOT smoking! (Yay, me.) I am keeping up with the gym visits. I don't go and stay for hours, but I get in there and do my circuit of 15 minutes on treadmill, elliptical and/or bike and the damn ab machines. I'm starting to hate this one ab machine, but she's the piece of metal trickery that's going to help me get into my skinny jeans! My big goal is to do last 30 minutes on an elliptical. There's one lady at the gym who looks to be about 70 years old. She does nothing but the elliptical the whole time I'm there. I was dripping a river of sweat after 5 minutes and she was watching the news while doing a couple minutes forward, a couple backwards. Switching it up like a boxer skipping rope. True story.

In addition to the outer body care, I've been paying attention to my insides. I'm giving the Activia thing a try. It's only been about 4 days, so I will report back later if I remember to. I'm drinking tons of water. I think the biggest positive (meaning fun and healthy) new thing I'm doing is using yogurt in more of my cooking. And trying new things in the kitchen. With food, people. Get my mind out of your gutter!

BzzAgent sent me coupons to try Fage yogurt for free. I did. I love it. I'm not crazy about plain yogurt, but I wanted to skip the fruit-flavored for something I could incorporate into actual meals. I have tried substituting the Fage for sour cream on food (yum-yum) and I added it to a cake I made. The cake was amazingly moist - and I'm sorry for sounding like a bad commercial, but it's the truth. After I tasted my "sample" cake, I decided to add some Fage to the store-bought chocolate frosting. Oh, good mercy! That was the best idea ever. I hate how sickly-sweet canned frosting sometimes are. The yogurt added a really creamy texture and such a nice tang to the frosting. The best of all: I doubled my frosting. I've refrigerated it and have been dipping fruit and cookies into it. I have to pat myself on the back for that idea! The Activia is fine for my snack, but I don't think I will be using any other yogurt from now on for my kitchen other than Fage.

Now, the best advice I can give for anyone going through the whole it's-a-life-change-not-a-diet thing is to put a really good friend to full use. In my case, it's a guy I bonded with online right after I first got sick. P.D. lives about as far away from me as you can get, but he's become a sort of long-distance platonic lover. I adore him because he is so freaking honest. Brutal, at times. He's lucky he lives on another continent, else I'd get to him and kill him in his sleep two or three times a month. My point, though, is: get someone like P.D. in your life. P.D. encourages me to do a little better every day. He calls to see if I made it to the gym or if I am eating right. That kind of a friend would be known as a nag if it weren't for the fact that he's so happy for the most minor positive thing I manage to do. Having a guy-friend is better when you are dieting; they aren't competing with you like your gal-friends.

Yeah, so, get a P.D. in your life or at least get a mindset of "I can do this,"and you will be on your way. Be your own cheerleader and coach. Right now, I have a pair of my pre-sick favorite jeans hanging on the wall next to my closet. About every other week, I can get those bitches pulled up a little farther. I can't wait for the day I can get them on without removing a rib.

I hope that you manage to find your motivation.

Meantime, here are a couple of sites I like for the information:

• Rodale
• Fitnea
• Care 2 (under health & wellness and green-living)

Welp! I am off to the gym.

Peace

--Free

Clean Mental Closets

I've had a little break from on-line life. My head was too crowded and full and unorganized to be healthy. I felt a little like this

*

and I couldn't breathe right. I had too many things swimming around in my head: worries, tensions, anxieties, fears, unrealistic wishes and impossible dreams. Actually, that's pretty much the way I live seventy percent of my life. Chaotic joy. Lately, it's been too much chaos.

I'm still not all the way fine, but compared to the way it was, my head feels better and all like

It's not perfect, but it's better. I still have to go through the vital things left after I trashed all the worthless crap.

I think I have come to grips with certain probabilities. Probably I am never

• going to have the great jobs I've always landed
• going to be as skinny as I used to be
• going to laugh as loud and fearlessly as I once was able to 
• going to look at anyone with my heart wide open
• going to live a life as weary-free as I did at 25

Probably. But I still have a twinge of hope.

Now that summer seems to be - really, finally, no-joking-around here - I've been getting ready to re-enter the world. My cocoon of disability is loosening its grip. First thing is getting the transportation taken care of - insurance, title, tune-up... Next, a job. I have a friend who likes to call employment a J.O.B. (Journey of the Broke), but she's never been forced out of that journey, bless her.

All in all, things are going okay. I still need to get my butt off the computer and make some call, take care of some business. This here was just a catch-up post. How the heck are you guys? Hope you are smiling.

Peace
-Free

*credit to whomever concerned for those brilliant images used

Oh Yeh for Fage!

Recently  I got coupons to try Fage's Total Greek Yogurt totally free. (This is one of the two best benefits of joining BzzAgent: trying out products and trying them for free!)

(If you have heard of Fage, you might already know that it's pronounced Fah-yeh. I was saying "Fage" and saying it with an attitude like I just knew!)

Now, as excited as I was to try this yogurt, I had forgotten I'd had Fage before. It was back when I was still kind of sick and suffering from memory problems. I have no idea what it was like back then, but I can tell you now that it is YUMMY.

I have always liked yogurt. It's a fun food. Reminds me of when I was young and had a love for things like Jello - I could eat it night and day and liked nearly all the different flavors. If someone had come up with an improved Jello, I'd probably feel the way I do about Greek Yogurt.

If Greek yogurt is an improvement (IMO) over "regular" yogurts, then Fage's Greek yogurt is an improvement over all the Greek yogurts. It's very rich and creamy. I don't usually like plain yogurt, but I gave this a shot and I've decided to use it in place of sour cream and fruit toppings. It's that good.

Hilariously, I did a very Trudy thing and forgot the dang coupon for my freebie when I went to the store so I paid for the first couple containers. (Don't worry, I will be going back!)

I gave my sister a taste of the strawberry yogurt. My sister is not into what she calls "weeds and berries and such," but she was all up into that yogurt! LOL I gave her a coupon to get her own container.  Since Fage puts the leaves the fruit separate from the yogurt, one thing my sister liked was the ability to add as much (or as little) of the fruit into the yogurt.

My favorite things about Fage?

• The creamy texture. You get that by stirring the yogurt well before mixing in the fruit (or just eating the plain). 
• The taste of the fruit. Not too sweet or tart or "fake" tasting. (The fruit flavors partly from concentrate, by the way.)
• The 11 grams* of protein. (Important for some folks, like my sister)

For vegetarians and other health-minded folks, the calories run from 170 to 220* and the product is gluten-free. Other nutrition information is given here.

Aside from eating the yogurts right out of their containers, you can serve them up prettily (like this), or you can try some of the recipes given by the folks at Fage. Also, check out their tzatziki sauce (for savories, like gyros) and their feta.

If you haven't joined Bzz Agent yet (and why not?), check back to see if Fage has coupons available. In the meantime, if I know you, I'll hand you a coupon the next time I see you!

Peace

--Free

* for the 5.3 oz Total Zero variety

DISCLAIMER: I received coupons for free Fage yogurt from BzzAgent.