Just Thinking...

I am thinking:

• About things (or people/situations) I cannot (or don't want or have the energy to) change and/or fix. I give up on them.
• About things that popped into my head today: "Lying as fast as his lips can move." Love hurts, but it doesn't have to." "I want some Lay's potato chips. Plain. The BIG bag. And a Dr. Pepper to wash them down with." (Or should that be: "With which to wash them down" ?)
• That for the past few years, I've been a nomad. Thinking of getting a t-shirt with NOMAD on front and pic of me on back.
• That Halle Berry has worse luck with men than I do. (And she's rich & gorgeous, smart & funny. I got the smart & funny part down. I might be rich after the lottery drawing. Doing all right on the looks, but not at the "gorgeous" level. I'm probably better at cooking.) I like what I see of Halle. She doesn't seem like a "fake" person. I wish we were friends so we could sit around with some junk food and dish shit on the guys we've suffered through. We could invite Sandra Bullock. That's my other friend-in-the-head. Bet we three could all make each other laugh about our messed up situations. Damn, this is starting to sound like a great idea.
• That the Arizona situation is some kind of messed up. What next? They going to start making women stay home during their menstrual periods? You know, we do get a little moody around that time. Plus I'm sure we put a strain on the chocolate and 'tato chip supply when it happens. (And, BTW, just when the hell is my menopause gonna hit? I'm sick of the whole monthly interruption of my life!)
• That today was a beautiful day. It was a little breezy & overcast, but I really dig watching the trees sway in the wind. And I love the smell of fresh-mown grass. Smells like watermelons. Or a promise from God that things really are gonna be all right.
• That I don't know why I love my man so when he causes me nothing but stress and heartache. (Or maybe something is wrong with me and that's why I love him so.) Why didn't I fall in love with someone else?!?!?!?
• That if I die right now, I'll never have flown a kite. Or learned how to swim. Or gotten that damn Samsung Impression I want... (Come to think of it, I want a smartphone. Just to say I have one. Things you don't have always seem way cooler than the things you do have. And isn't that such a human & stupid way to think?)
• That I want to kiss Keanu Reeves just once in my life. (Dang. Thinking of Sandra Bullock, must have put that man on my brain.)
• That my niece Danielle is 13 today. I'm so happy for her. I'm going to need to tell her to enjoy being 13 because it's the very beginning of so much & yet the very end of so much more. (Don't think I will tell her any of that. It's a little depressing.)
• That if I were in Anchorage, I'd be walking around with a sweater on. Here in North Richland Hills, I'm sitting under a ceiling fan. I'm feeling a little bit Hank Hill-ish. Maybe I need to get a beer and go stand out on my Auntie's driveway. (No alley here.)
• That I need to get back to wearing high heeled shoes and earrings. And bracelets - LOTS of those pretty, thin silver ones that I always had so many of. (What the heck happened to all of them anyway? I don't even know where I've lost and scattered stuff while I've been nomad-ing it these past few years...)
• That I will be 49 in June & I'm living like I'm 25. WTH????? Am I counting it wrong, or isn't 49 just 1 take-away from 50? I'm gonna have to start lying about my age now.
• That I won't be drinking any more of that Dutch red wine with chocolate in it. That's not really wine - that's Jack Daniels wearing a disguise. I had a glass of that & watched an episode of Paranormal State & dreamed that Granny from "The Beverly Hillbillies" was haunting me.
• That I really need a new cell phone. Hmmm... 

Tired of thinking now. I'm going to go on over to  the AT&T site and see what's what. There's gotta be something FREE, cute and functional. That will let me keep my same cheap-o plan. And that will come in a not-ugly color or shape. That will-

Never mind. Y'all just keep praying for me. I'm feeling so out of sorts and lost these days.

Peace

--Free

Prayer Needed

It's one of those days.

One of those days when I need strength the most but just can't scrape it up, will it up, find it, borrow it, pull it down from Heaven...  One of those days when the Devil is trying to get into my head. He's a liar, but he's a great liar. I'm doing prayer battle with rusty weapons. Trying to recruit some Hope and Joy to help me through. 

I'm going to have to get face down in prayer - face down, heart down and hands up. I need all you other saints to do some backup praying and choreograph a covering of protection around me.

It's one of those days for giving up and giving over to God because I just can't.

Peace

--Free

American of African Ancestry

I am in discussions with some Twitter pals over the use of terms that designate cultures and races. It's as if I cannot acknowledge that I am black - only that I am American. This all started because I posted a link to a webpage on "African-American History." (By the way, I didn't NAME the page, I just linked to it.) A few points:

1. I did not divide races and cultures into "African," "Euro," "Asian," etc. I DO live in a world were those designations exist. (And that "African" label matters to me a little more than it ever will to you, @melsite1)
2. If I were @melsite1, I might feel the way he does. I'm not, so I don't. My personal history, experiences and heritage have shaped me differently.
3. I am BLACK, I am AMERICAN, I am FEMALE, and I am 49 yrs old. Would I like to live in a world where none of that mattered? Of course. Do I live in such a world? What do you think?
4. Very recently, I had a discussion with one of my brothers & I told him I've decided that I am not technically "African-American." In my opinion, a true African-American would be someone BORN African but an American citizen. And by the way, I'm pretty sure that most Africans don't like me using the term "African-American" for myself. Technically, I think I SHOULD be a BLACK American. In this world, though, my ancestral heritage is African (and probably some other things I don't know about yet).
5. I didn't choose to be African-anything, but neither did my ancestors -YET we have a HISTORY based on that heritage. This was not something in our control, but it is what it is. In discussing it with my brother, I decided that while I had no right to be "proud" of a skin color, I am very proud of the heritage. I am proud of the men in my family who survived what they endured (and they endured things because of their "African-American" designation). I am proud that they served their country. I am proud that they survived ignorance and predjudice.
6. I am also very proud of ANY women and men who understand and share their heritage to bring us all closer to understanding one another. (There are some of us - in every race and gender - who use differences to cause further division. I'm not so thrilled about those folks.)
7. When I can research my family history without having to use books and records labelled and designated as being "colored," "negro," and "slave," then I will drop the "African" from my history.
8. I think it is very easy for folks who don't have my culture and history to tell me to chill out. It's as if they want me to make life more comfortable for themselves by ignoring my roots. Sorry, it's not always very comfortable for me to use those designations either. I have to deal with it & I can't really worry about your comfort level. You CAN ignore it.
9. Asking me to ignore my racial and cultural designations as a black woman is a lot like asking me (a Christian) to ignore Christ. I hear people of other religions ask why we can't just all celebrate our "one-ness." To do that, I would have to ignore my Christ. The same goes for the whole race/culture thing.

I wish someone would ask Hilary Clinton if being a woman didn't matter in her career... 

Basically - we are different. In a better world, we wouldn't be different (or else we wouldn't care). In THIS world, I will wait for that to happen. And, no, I won't be the one to make it happen. If you think you can, go ahead. I'll be here waiting when you succeed. In the meantime, you can deal with life the way you want. If you don't agree with me, don't go to the link I posted. Maybe you can only look at words and titles that suit your own opinions. If that works for you, fine with me. If you are not interested in reading about African-American history, then don't. I will continue to read about my culture, your culture - any culture I can. It benefits me.

(BTW: The best thing about all this is, it got me back active on Twitter after a long absence)

Peace

--Free

Funny/Not Funny (undecided)

Yes, I am wrong for this, but...



 Now that you have seen it, a little background:

No, I am not a cold, heartless person. I was actually in tears while the son was pouring out his heart. Then I got mad. I thought that the dad was about to bust out laughing. How the heck was I supposed to know he was going to do that primal whatever-it-was sound...

*smh*

Enjoy, Explore, Learn

Couple of video recommendations for you. 

I'm just now discovering this man here. Better late than never. This is a trailer for the full video that I was able to watch on Hulu.comhttp://www.hulu.com...



Warning: this is just as heartbreaking at times as it is inspiring and insightful. The language can be pretty rough, so careful around the children.

***

Next, the wonderful video "Let the Church Say Amen." Described on Hulu as: World Missions for Christ Church in the Bloomingdale neighborhood of Washington, D.C. I wasn't able to find a trailer on YouTube, but I did notice  Film Movement is listed as the Network/Studio for the film & checking out their channel on YT, they seem pretty interesting.

Last, the video "Random Lunacy" surprised me. At first, I thought it was silly, but I realized that it deserved paying attention to the people and ideas presented. Very interesting. Again, the full video is over on Hulu. Here is a preview that I found on YT:




Peace
--Free

Blessed Are

Last night I had the weirdest dream. I can't remember much of it, but when I woke up this morning, it was as though I had had an epiphany about my life. (Of course, I woke up with some kind of cold/virus bug this morning. Yay. Maybe my dream was sick-induced...)

Anyway. About that dream I can't remember - or at least the epiphany:

I think that I have lived my life the wrong way. A friend of mine told me more than once recently that I am "too nice." She would hear me relate how I have ended up in the circumstances I am in and she'd shake her head and say,"Girl, you can't go through life being that nice and trusting of ANYbody..." And she'd remind me that I can look around and see that other people aren't that nice and trusting. I would tell her how I've done this or that for someone else and she'd say, "I bet they are better off than you are now." Or she would be really blunt and say, "And where are they now that you need them?"  Or she would get kind of pissed and say something about how it's a good thing I believe in Heaven because I sure messed up the whole life on Earth thing. (Yeah, she pulls no freaking punches, this lady.)

Would I like to think that my friend is wrong? Sure. But I don't think that she is.

If I could live my life over, I wouldn't be mean or nasty, but I think that I would put myself first more than I have. All my life, I had a herd mentality. You know, all for one & one for all, and together we stand... blah, blah, blah... In the end, though, when push comes to shove, people are going to look out for themselves first, then the ones they cherish next,  and if there is any left over, they will share with the rest of us. I was always one to share first & then take what was left. (As a curious side-note, it's been the ones I've done the least for who have done the most for me - including my blunt, no-nonsense friend.)

As someone I know once said, "What's being good ever done for ya?"

In my life, I have given up money, cars, time, convenience, etc. I never thought that I would come to feel bitter about it. I never thought I would ever have reason to. But life is ever surprising.

I'm afraid that my girlfriend might be right. You can be too nice and too giving. 

So. I'm not going to stop being nice, but I am going to be a lot more nice to myself first. Everyone else can get the leftovers. I don't think God ever said that looking out for yourself was a sin.

Peace

--Free

Their Eyes Were Watching God (thank you, Zora)

What an under-appreciated book.

Every single time I read this book, I get something new from it. Ms. Hurston didn't just tell a story made up of words, but she painted pictures of every mood, feeling and point. I keep asking myself why this is not required reading in schools?

Here are some of my favorites lines (& I'm doing this from memory, so don't hold that against me!):

"There are years that ask questions and years that answer"
"They'd look with envy at the things and pity the man that owned them"

I can't remember off-hand, but there was another great line about talking to the uneducated with "jaws full of books."

Wow. Amazing. Beautiful.

The story itself is empowering and wonderful, but the way Zora tells it... *smh*... Just something to experience. Truly.

You can check out a limited preview at Google books here. If the direct link doesn't work, do your own search at Google Books. (And when you do, pay attention to the very first line of the story. It will give you a big idea of how wonderfully the rest of the book reads.)

Peace
--Free

Old School Romance vs New School Bragging

Back in the day (as the saying goes), I remember being taught a couple of things by older women:

1.  Be a lady in public and not in the bedroom, and
2. Don't share your everything with everyone. Leave some things to the imagination

Well, apparently, those lessons are not being taught anymore.

The last few days I've been hearing so much about a song by a young dude named Trey Songz that I had to go and check it out. Title: Neighbors Know My Name.

Okay. I'm thinking the song is maybe about a guy and girl getting closer in their relationship & he's over at her place so much that the neighbors are starting to get to know him.

Not.

The song is all about their sex life being so hot & noisy that the neighbors can hear her calling out his name.

WTH?

What is with this whole thing of sexy and romantic love songs going from being subtle and enticing to just being all out there? Don't get me wrong - I am not saying  that I don't just love a good love song to set the mood. I came of age when Marvin Gaye was causing a baby boom with "Let's Get It On." And we all know that Barry White caused a LOT of heated bedroom action without even being present.

I guess I'm just old enough to still appreciate not being turned on by a man telling me things so much as showing me. And I don't really want everybody having a window of knowledge into what happens in my bedroom. If you're grown and fairly normal, it's an automatic assumption that you're having sex. How you're doing it and who you are doing it with is between you and that whoever. Why do you need to talk about it so much?

Here's another lesson I learned back when I was younger:

Talking ain't doing. Or  better put (and this is from my friend Keen Ya just the other day): Mouth can say anything.

And not to be snarky, but have you noticed that all these popular artists who are writhing around in their videos and talking about how they're "getting it in" (not a sexy phrase to me at all, by the way), are always fighting off rumors? Rumors ranging from how lousy they are in bed (thanks to their groupies) or that they are swinging with transvestites and same-sex partners while not owning up to it?... (And I am NOT singling out any particular artists, just saying that so many get hit by rumors.)

I'm just saying.

Yeah, so, give me a song with some music that fuels the senses and lyrics that talk about getting it on instead of getting it in. "Getting it in"... Sounds kind of surgical, or like talking about using a feminine product. Please stop.

How about this? Go back to "old school" and study some Lenny Williams, Barry and Marvin, Smokey - anybody who knew how to use real music and voice talent to enhance the romantic setting without giving people step-by-step instructions. Unless you need instructions, I guess.

Peace
--Free

I Try. Seriously.

Damn.

Thanks, Ms Macy, for putting music and words with the feeling

Rain, Writing, Sunshine, Moods

Writing is putting me in such a melancholy mood. Probably because this trilogy is really based on my relationship with Tim. Not the relationship we have, but the one I'd hoped for all my life. Sad. I'd probably do better not to listen to my thoughts while I write - if that makes any damn sense!

The practical side of me (which is dominant in most areas of my life) knows that I should be gearing up for moving on with my life, shattered as it is. Like most, I am a practical person when it comes to a lot of things. When you stand outside love, outside someone's relationship, it's easy and comfortable to be practical. If this situation I am in belonged to someone else, I would stand outside their heart and say, He's no good for you. Ain't shit and ain't never gonna be shit.

Yeah, okay. But.

Here inside my heart - even after everything we've gone through, everything he's put me through - I just love him.

I have loved this man since I was fifteen years old. I don't even think I want to love anyone else (even if I could). All I ever wanted was to spend my life with him. Me and Tim. Tim and me.


He's my family. He's my heart. He's my everything.Outside my blood family - of which I will always be a unit - he is my family-family. We did the whole standing before God thing and made it that way. Even if love is not a choice, it has consequences. For me, it would have no matter which turn in life I'd taken.

It's not a choice, really. It's not right, wrong, smart or dumb. It's just love.

I only wish he knew and understood.

So. Back to the manuscript. I can control that.

Peace
--Free

Happy Valentines Day

I really hate this holiday. And, no - not because I am (once again) single, but because it's what I call a "show" holiday. A business-sanctioned guilt trip to force people in this rough economy to express an emotion with their wallets.

*deep breath*

Now, I understand that we all like to show the people we love that we love them. I understand that it's really nice for a spouse or significant other to get that little public display every now and then. I mean, what woman doesn't love getting that flower delivery at work? What man doesn't love it when his lady dolls up or fixes a romantic dinner? I get it. I want it, too. 

The problem is (especially in this economy, but at any other time too), a lot of people try to equate the value of a gift with the value of the affection. I saw a commercial the other day that had two guys racing through stores aisles, trying to out-do each other with gifts for their mate. Crazy.

And, let's face it: we live in a society of shallow folks. People just love comparing and competing as consumers. You drive a SUV? I have a bigger and better one. You got a new house? Ours is bigger... And when it comes to relationships - from dating to marriage to parenthood - men have it tough when it comes to material things. The media does a great job of making a measuring stick out of everything from the type of car a man picks up a date in to carat size of an engagement ring. Get married and attention shifts to where the couple lives, what school their kid attend... On and on and on.

So, I'm not saying that flowers and candy and "pajama-grams" are nice. I'm just saying it shouldn't be such a contest. I wonder how many men and women would gladly give up the gifts of that one day if they could get love, respect and courtesy every other day of the year? That'll never happen. The card, candy, flower industry would never stand for it. They'd probably just go on the offense and make us all feel guilty for further damaging the economy.

Since it seems to be here to stay, I might as well go ahead and say it:

Happy Valentine's Day, y'all!

Peace

--Free

*smh* The Writing Life

I am back to working HARD on "Everything." Getting feedback from friends who have read excerpts, I feel so annoyed with myself.

As I was explaining to someone, my biggest problem with the trilogy ("Everything," "Enough," and "More") is that a lot of the story is my own. Of course, in the first draft of "Everything," the entire story was mine. Let me back up... The basis of the story was mine when I wrote the first draft. A youthful romance (partly fictional) and how it turned out (all fiction). After 3 years and a LOT of changes in my life, I've worked through at least 3 re-writes. The problem is, I let my real life color the story. I'm not sorry about that, but it just made the writing more difficult. 

Right now, I am trying to center myself back onto the story as a writer - and not as the young girl who lived parts of the story.

Looming over all the writing anxiety is the fear of rejection by agents. 

*SIGH*

Well. Time to stop whining about it and just... WRITE. That's what it's all about anyway, right? Just getting the story told. I'll worry about the agents when I have a finished manuscript for them to beat up! LOL

Peace
--Free      

P.S.: In case you are wondering, there was no point to this post. I'm just venting (and procrastinating)...

Ch-ch-changes!

I've been talking to different people lately about changes we've all been through. Something dawned on me: we are supposed to go through changes It's how we grow as individuals. Our life experiences force us to migrate from being, say, a person who has never had kids to a person who has. Or from being a person who has had a heartbreak.

Basically, we are ever go to be in a "Pre" and "Post" stage of something in life.

A few years ago, I had never been deeply in love. I'd never lived without having my mother alive. I'd never seriously questioned my faith. Now, things are different. I am now a person who has experienced, lived through, learned from and (mercifully) survived all those things.

God willing that I am still alive, in a few years, I will be past a lot of other experiences. That's just life as it is lived.

Sometimes the easiest way to see ourselves in through someone else's eyes. It's like when you see a friend's toddler child. If you don't see the child for several weeks, when you do, you can tell how much he's grown or changed. It's a little harder for the parent to see because they are looking at the changes as they happen. 

When I get back to Anchorage, I plan on seeing people I have not seen for 3, 4 or 5 years. I am sure they are going to notice changes in the way I look, act, speak, dress, etc. I don't notice the changes so much. People who have been around me don't notice the changes so much, but - just like with a toddler growing up - we all know that the changes were bound to happen.

So, I say all this like it's always made perfect sense to me, but it's something I haven't really thought about until recently. 

For a long time I questioned the changes in myself. I would read back over journal entries or even postings here on this and other blogs of mine. I'd see how I felt so very strongly in one way about something a year ago and then, reading a later entry or posting, I could see a difference. So I thought: "Wow... You're kind of all over the place, aren't ya?"  No. It's life that's all over the place. 

Anyway. That's what was on my mind today.

Peace

--Free

Shatterings

I woke up this morning & the world felt too big. It's just one of those days where I feel very, very fragile, as if I can't move too fast or think too hard lest I break & just shatter into a million little fragments of me. But I can't let that happen because then I wouldn't know how to put myself back together...

So, I am going to just take deep breaths today. Breathe in deep to inhale some hope and peace, and exhale out all the negativity. I might go outside and sit in the sun so that I can feel God's warmth on my skin, heating and healing my mind until all the sad thoughts rise away from me like steam.

Shattered, in tatters, but going to be okay.

Peace

--Free

The World We've Made

We often wonder why people are so cold, but at the same time we applaud and reward the very behavior we question.

Current television shows (which, like it or not, are a gauge of a society's "cultural" leanings) are more popular when they have the meanest, most ignorant, snarkiest people showcased. "American Idol" has Simon Cowell, right? (And I am not bashing him, but his "honest" and oftentimes hurtful critiques are a centerpiece of the show.) I was kind of stunned to see a show all about a "Bad Girls Club." I mean, really? Seriously? Yep. There are fan pages up for them all overr.

One show that I am guilty of watching on a pretty regular basis (mostly with the same horrified fascination that I watch strange things happen in grocery stores or at public events) is "The Real Housewives." All of them - New York, Atlanta and, my all-time favorite, Orange County. This is a show where members are replaced if they don't create enough crazy strife & drama. (The latest "Housewife" to exit on the O.C. version is Jeanna. She didn't want to play with the "mean girls" anymore. Hah! Good for her is what I say. But I will be watching to see if she pops up on another Bravo show - say, Jeanna of Beverly Hills...)

It's not just in the "entertainment" arena where negative behavior is rewarded. In the workplace, in order to succeed (not all the time, but mostly so), you have to be a little bit brutal to gain respect. People with any kind of sensitivity or a lack of experience in dealing with cut-throats are looked at as not having a "thick skin." And look out if you try to keep a positive attitude.  Do that and you might get confronted by a superior asking "Why are you so damn happy all the time?" (True story, by the way.) And the worst of it? If you insist on not being a jerk for the sake of appearances, a lot of people find your positive outlook suspect. *smh*

So, next time you wonder why this can be a mean, cold world, just remind yourself that we get what we ask for.

Peace
--Free

Memory Storm (for the 3rd time!)

(1/20/10) This is the third time I am re-posting this one. This time is for my girl Miss Carrie :-) 
Seems like a lot of us over on Facebook had our Mamas on our minds. So...


(2/19/09) I posted this the first time almost 3 years ago. At that time, my life was in a cycle of changes, but they were all good changes: moving to start somewhere fresh, new job, new relationships... This time the changes are more painful and harder to bear, but I realize that, God willing, I will live long enough for these hard times to be just a memory. Hopefully, this is just a valley I'm going through on my way to some peaks.) Anyway, like always, good times or bad, when things are at a extreme for me, I think of my mother. So this is, again, for Mama.



(3/14/06)
A Memory Storm
Hey y'all. Your girl here is having what I like to call a memory storm. You know, when you have so much going on in your head that things collide & your brain rescues itself from possible system failure by taking a walk in the rain of pleasant memories. Only the memories aren't nice & organized - they just bounce all over the place, like hail or those hard little raindrops that hurt when they hit you.

Memory storm.

Memories about my mama.

Asofetida - I don't know if that's how it's spelled, but I remember Mama saying it's what her mother used to put on her (Mama's) chest when she had a cold or something. Said it stunk to high heaven & probably only worked because the odor scared the germs away.

Urine Shampoo - Mama told me once how, when they were young, her cousin "Bunky" was the only one in the family with short hair (do y'all remember "In Living Color" where one of the characters talked about folk & one of her lines was about a woman with short hair: "hair so shawt you can read her thoughts!"?) and someone told her that it would grow if she washed it in her urine. This fool saved her pee in a big old jar & once a week, she'd pour the urine on it. I don't know what that old pee must've smelled like, but Mama says Bunky grew enough hair in a few weeks to snatch up into a rubber band. She might've grown more hair if "Aunt Jack" hadn't made her stop with the pee shampoos.

Bacon Grease Lotion - Mama says that if they ran out of Jergens or Vaseline, she and her cousins would use bacon grease (and you know she meant that big jar of "drippings" that sat on the stove in an old Folgers can) instead. One time, one of her cousins oiled up and headed off to work. She was running late, so she short-cut it through someone's back yard. "Someone" had some dogs. Dogs smelled the bacon grease. Cousin had to pull the Wilma Rudolph out of her soul and book like the wind. I guess she was leaping fences like somebody had bet money on her. (I suppose she made it away from the dogs. Mama never said. We were both laughing too hard for her to finish that story.)

Sooty Beauty - Back in the day (Mama's day), there weren't a lot of readily available cosmetics for "women of color." Most of my mother's family has LOTS of color & they go from black as midnight (some of them with grey eyes that gave me serious nightmares & this is before colored contacts!) to Light as Vanessa Williams. Most fall in the middlin' to dark category. The lighter-complexioned folk could get away with over the counter lipsticks & blushes and all that. My mother and the rest had to work something else out. So what did they do? Mama says that they'd find the darkest lipstick (usually some kind of slut-red shade) and they could find, then mix in some soot. Yep. Soot from the bottom of pots or burnt wood... The soot would darken up the lipstick enough to compliment a sister with deep roots. (Another time, Mama told me that there were some cosmetics for black women. These were sold door-to-door or could be ordered from ads in the back of romance magazines. A long time ago, someone sent me an old copy of a black romance mag & I saw an ad for "Lucky Heart Cosmetics." Somehow, I picture this as one of the places Mama would have found her makeup when she was young.)

"Busting" a part - My mother was extremely honest. If she didn't know you well, but didn't like something about you, she'd be polite about telling you. If she knew you well - or "owned" you as she did her children - she'd skip politeness & just get to the damn point. (Mama's bossiness with a person went up with her level of approval of them. I could always tell a friend of mine was "in" with my mama the minute she went from inviting them to "come on in and have a seat" to telling them "bring your ass on in here and sit down, boy. That couch ain't gone bite your ass." Most guys who made it past being like by Mama were keepers as far as I was concerned.) One time, I thought it would be cute to wear my hair with a part down the very center. Mama didn't think it was cute. When I came out to rescue a date from being scared into incontinency by Mama, she took one look at my head and asked, "Why you got your hair busted down the middle with that part, looking like Sista Tutta?" (I have no idea who "Sista Tutta" is & I didn't ask. I was too busy sliding back into the bathroom to get that part out of my hair. And, no, I didn't "keep" the guy I had the date with. He laughed a little too damned hard at Mama's comments.)

TPV Perfume - (This crossed my mind when I did my "favorite perfume" on the ABC's yesterday.) When I was younger, I wasn't allowed to wear make-up (don't forget my "holiness" background), and perfume was too extravagant. BUT - I knew I had hit a milestone of "getting grown" when Mama let me wear TPV to a school "dance" (aka: a bunch of kids standing against the wall in the gym and pretending not to notice each other while music played). Talcum powder and vanilla extract. Yep. I didn't get to buy "Heaven Sent" (or whatever it was called), but I sure thought I was some hot stuff when I wiped that cotton ball of vanilla across my shoulders and then puffed on some powder. Shoot. Too bad the only boy who got close enough to smell it was the boy handing out the plastic cups at the punchbowl.

Chewing tar - This falls into that category of "country health" stuff. I can't even lay this on my mama's generation & end it there because she passed it down to us. Until I was about fourteen (right around the time I was leaving my small town life), I - and all my cousins, play & real - chewed tar. I don't remember where it came from. My mama and aunt would have it to hand out to us. It was clean little pieces & shiny where it had been broken or cut into bite sizes. We'd gnaw on that tar like dogs on rawhide. Mama always said it was good for the teeth. And I have to say, I always had great teeth - until the Air Force let their dentists practice on all of us.

Wow. Memory storm. Mama on the mind.

Believe it or not, I owe almost all of my current manuscripts (the ideas, the characters, the settings - everything) to these memories. Of course, I guess most writers will say the same thing.

Speaking of writers - be sure to check out the new link on the left. John Baker, out of the UK, writes mysteries & we've exchanged links. (John - I'm SO coveting the cover design on your books - just beautiful! - & I can't wait to read these.)

(1/20/10) Can't believe I forgot this one in previous posts... 
Hot Toddy (?) Remedy - This was a concoction of really hot, really black tea with some liquor tossed in. Mama would give it to me for my, ahem, cramps. I joke with my friends now that I don't know if the cramps went away or if I was just too drunk to notice. (And, BTW, I never did become much of a drinker. Just ask any of the ladies who were with me on a particularly hot Mother's Day outing when I experienced something called "Saki Bombers" for the first time. I definitely got bombed...)

Peace
--Free 

OUT WITH THE OLD!!!

For a minute there, I almost forgot my New Year attitude.

I had a person I've always thought of as a friend (not a tight friend, but a friendly friend) surprise me by going ice-cold on me. So I spent a few days in tears and not sleeping or eating well. Until my memory came back.

"Hey!" (said my memory) "This is a new year. A new YOU. You're not going to let this kinda stuff steal any more of your joy and peace!"

Oh yeaaaah. That's right.

I dried my tears, got something to eat and took a nap. When I woke up, the sun hadn't forgotten how to shine, the stars still came out at night, Bill Gates was still rich, and - well, life had not come to a screeching halt.

How liberating.

Now, don't get me wrong. I am not happy that I have lost a "friend" (or whatever) for some mysterious reason. I will always kinda wonder what I've done or said to bring this on, but the bottom line is: if a person is close enough to you to feel slighted by something you've done, then they should either a) have the guts to confront you, or b) shrug it off. But it is just so dang high-schoolish (no, make that kindergarten-ish) to stonewall someone without letting them know why. Apparently, I don't mean enough to the person for them to be up front with me, so...

It is what it is. (LOL - toldja I was gonna make that my new motto!)

So, people, if we have any kind of acquaintance or friendship, I hope you are as mature-minded as I like my friends and acquaintances to be. Mature enough to get in my face if you have to. Better to have you in my face than behind my back. *smh*

(And BTW, for those who wonder why I didn't try confronting the situation... The person in question made it pretty hard to get in touch after they "showed their behind.")
Peace
--Free

Badvertising...

Not only does it seem that there is no truth in advertising, but there are quite a few out-right lies.

After a couple of years of watching all my television online, I recently have been watching cable television courtesy my lovely angel/friend Barb. The commercials grate on my nerves but I pay attention to them. And I've noticed some of the fine-print and doublespeak advertisers employ. It's as if they use one tongue to make their product sound like a miracle while they use another tongue (usually in fine-print) to cover their tails. Here are a few of the examples:

• One currency trading company does everything to entice you to improve your financial circumstances by using their services, AND they just can't tell you enough how reasonable their rates are. I was so busy being brainwashed by the silky-voiced announcer that I almost missed those little words at the bottom of the screen telling me about the "high risk of loss." Hmmm... Well, of COURSE there is a risk. That's true of any type of financial investment, but still... I mean, they made it sound so safe in the actual ad.
  
• All the weight-loss ads include a statement that intrigues and confuses me. You know the statement I mean - that one about results being "not typical." Is is just me, or isn't the point of the actual ad to make you think the results shown ARE typical? I mean, why not just portray participates whose results are typical? *shrug*
• The ads for mascaras really crack me up. I mean, I get it that mascara can make your lashes look darker, and I get it that some mascaras don't smudge as much as others. Okay. But when they start claiming to add length... Riiiiight... C'mon now. Mascara only brushes onto the lashes you already have. Period. I can brush on a whole tube and I will never have lashes as gorgeous as Penelope Cruz's unless I buy some.
  
• Car ads are the worse. They ALWAYS show the bare model price ALONGSIDE a car loaded with all the options. The price for the "as shown" model is always down there in that fine print. For the price they show in big, huge and colorful print you're lucky to get a steering wheel and tires. Puh-lease.
• My favorite of these tricky ads is one for a face-lift procedure. They show these women with sagging skin on their faces and necks and then do all this touting of their inexpensive lifting procedure. The "After" pics show the ladies with firmer, more youthful faces and necks. Faces AND necks. Faces AND necks... Oh yeah? Um hm. That inexpensive procedure they talk about is so inexpensive because it's only for the FACE. Sorry, ladies, if you want the neck job, you better read that fine print and save up your extra change. (I think this one was really a low blow. You know that hopeful people show up for the consultation with their budget all worked out. Can you imagine the disappointment when they realize they have to come up with more money for the whole "After" look - that or invest in turtlenecks to play it off post-surgery...)

I know that we all know there's gonna be fine-print in everything, but it just seems shady when the advertisers get so sneaky about it. I guess that is the point.

Peace
--Free

A Good Life. A Good Year.

I ended 2009 in a haze of confusion, disappointment and anxiety, but God has really blessed me. I have such a feeling of hope. I am realizing that the way to deal with the good and not-so-good in life is to just be thankful for it all.

Last year, I let myself get overwhelmed with circumstances I had no real control over. I focused too much on negative things. I am learning now to truly "let it be." When people disappoint me (and I know some will), and when circumstances get crazy (and I know they will!), I will keep my eye on the blessings God has put in my life. And God has truly, truly blessed me greatly.

I have friends who have loved me and comforted me and helped me to laugh and cry and just be me. I have family who would do anything in the world for me. I have a Father in Heaven who keeps loving me when I can be so un-lovable.

So blessed. So very, very blessed.

2010 is - if nothing else - the year that I have learned to deal with the bad and enjoy the good. 2010 is the year I have learned to be thankful.

Peace
--Free

Music Therapy

From the chick (me) who threw out all that music... I need some Frankie Beverly & Maze. Enjoy this, everybody:



AND... For Drew, since FB is not playing the songs right now, here are the others:






Old school grooving! :-)

Peace
--Free