Look at Me, Doc!

Okay, so it's not me, but I have goals now!

You just wait. Once I have enough of my balance back to walk without hanging on to a rail.... it's gonna be on!

I dig this chick. You do your thang, Nicole! (And a Texas gal, too...)

And, now there is a dude doing it. Wow.

Tell you what, this'd be the only way I could Moonwalk!

Peace
--Free

Ain't This About A Blip?

I said I wasn't going to complain.

I'm not complaining.

My mouth is just hanging open in disbelief.

Pretty sure I'm not the only one who woke up to this view and said, "This is some bulls**t!"

Hopefully, the sun will be shining on my birthday - at the end of June!

SMH...


Peace
--Free

Still Here

It does so break my heart every time I hear this song.

I mean, I've heard that she had a lot of heartache and troubles, but she was still here to sing about it. Now she is gone and she will always be one of the many reminders to me that life is life and death is death. I don't want to be punked into giving up  - not by disappointment or shame or hurt or loss or fear. I want to go out fighting a little bit harder than that.

People say that suicide is a coward's way out. I don't think so anymore; I think that suicide is a brave act -stupid but brave. After all, you are rolling dice on eternity.  By giving up in a moment of overwhelming pain, you are forfeiting a chance at any more joy. It's stupid because you don't know how much of your love you are robbing other people of. You are giving up ever finding what could have been your saving hope - a person or pursuit. There could be someone you don't even know who will need you, and you won't be there. 

I bring up all this because there are many ways to commit suicide (and I'm not talking about intentional styles or methods). What I mean is that there are people all around us who are committing suicide by lifestyle and mindset.

A close friend of mine is dying a little every day by sitting and letting life pass her by. She is letting depression kill her without a weapon in sight. (And I am not downplaying the very real problems of depression.) 

Like I said, there are people dying of suicide all around us. When you are depressed and won't let anyone help you, that's suicide by default. When you are in a dangerous relationship and won't get help, that's suicide by shame. If you feel overwhelmed by life and can't lay down your fear or pride or shame to reach out in any way, that is suicide. It's slow suicide. 

Just like we should do for anyone with suicidal tendencies, we have to keep trying to reach people who are lost in their pain. Maybe because I am a Christian (imperfect as I am), I truly do believe that I am my brother's keeper.

I've been the one who needed "keeping." Thank God I had friends who were there for me. I was the one committing suicide by shame and pride and misguided wishing. I didn't want anyone to know I was in a dangerously abusive relationship. Shame and pride. I didn't want to give up on someone I once loved and wanted to love again - no matter how many times he put me in fear of my life. Misguided wishing. 

Anyway, believe it or not, a lot of my thoughts for this post came together out of a simple conversation about the weather. Yeah, I am both complex and simple! (Or just simple.)

It's been an unusual summer here so far. Anchorage is home to some great summertime weather. (Fairbanks has better summer weather, but they also have winters that will freeze your ovaries.) The weather here at this point sucks. It's so gloomy today that I had to have three hits of caffeine just to fall out of the right side of my bed. This is the way things have been since we expected summer starting in late April.

Am I complaining like a champion whiner? Yes, you bet. But I have a new philosophy about everything:

As long as I am here to complain, I'm doing better than I could be. I am still here. Some people left us way too early. I wonder if they can know that we miss them and think about them; crave their presence and need them?

Peace

--Free

I'm a Sixties, Seventies and Eighties Girl!

I'm not too crazy about much music from the Nineties and the Aughts, but, boy, I had a little flashback fun tonight...

I didn't make it to the gym, but I had a good workout dancing to some old faves and their remixes...

Here's an M.J. video that made me remember why he should have called himself the King of Dance...







Peace
--Free

Ginger, Oranges & Me

Spent my morning multi-tasking myself to distraction. I do my laundry every Saturday morning, but I seem to have so much more of it now that I'm stinking up all my gym clothes. (I don't know why I felt the need to share that thought!)

What I came to post about has nothing to do with laundry. I wanted to share my recipes for a couple of little concoctions I came up with. (And lemme stop lying; I didn't come up with a dang thing. What I did was add my own twist to something I saw online.)

This is a recipe for candied oranges.

I'm not as into candied oranges as I thought.

This is a recipe for candied ginger.

What I meant to search for was crystallized ginger, which seems to be candied ginger with a coating of sugar. ~shrug~

Okay. In the madness of all my screw-ups in finding recipes for candied and crystallized oranges and ginger, I went all ADHD in the kitchen and decided it would be nice to have some kind of sweet, sticky stuff to add to my sparkling waters and teas.

Since I already had made quite a mess of the counters, I went ahead, put on some music, and did my own thing.

This is what I came up with for orange-flavored syrup:

Ingredients

• Orange peels (can include mandarin, navel, etc.) 

• Sugar (I use raw sugar or honey and raw, but white table sugar is fine)

• vanilla (opt. If you can get hold of the bean, perfect!)

• vinegar (opt)

• water 

Instructions

• Preferable, but not necessary, to soak the peels for a several hours or overnight in cold water and vinegar to soften and leech any chemicals out.

• Use a knife to cut away all the white from the inside of peels. Cut the peels into strips

• Boil peels in plain water, draining and boiling at least 3 times. This is supposed to get rid of any bitterness.

• When finished with initial boilings, add equal amounts water and sugar (make sure water covers peels), and let simmer. For thicker syrup, more sugar and longer simmering time.

• You are going to keep the peels and syrup together.

I also like to add some vanilla extract (or natural vanilla bean) to the cooling syrup. Store in a tightly-lidded glass container in fridge.

This is my recipe for ginger-flavored syrup:

Ingredients

• Ginger (fresh, peeled)

• Sugar (I use raw sugar or honey and raw, but white table sugar is fine)

• Water

Instructions

• Slice the ginger in slivers

• Cover with water in pan and add equal amount of sugar

• Simmer until syrup begins to form

• After about an hour & a half, even with a thin syrup, the ginger will have flavored the water enough

• Keep ginger and syrup together & store in tight-lidded container in fridge

I like to add the ginger syrup to my drinking water after my workouts. My older brother just likes the syrup in any type of fizzy water.

Adding a couple drops of either syrup to sparkling water or tea (whether hot or cold), makes me feel like I've done something my mother and grandmother would be proud of. Besides, I know for a fact that ginger is good for upset tummies. Oranges are, well, just tasty.

Peace
--Free

P.S.:

Having a Fit, Living Fit

Your girl here has been trying hard to stay on the path of healthy living. Summer is here - even though no one has told the weather that - and there are no more excuses for me not to work out more. There are no more great piles of snow in the parking lot or slick side roads. And I'm back driving, so... As I proclaimed on G+ the other day, "I got a belly roll, belly roll, so off to the gym I go, to the gym I go." I do amuse my simple self at times.

I have been dared - no, double dog dared - to put up before and after pics. Ha! If I still looked like the blueberry gal from Willy Wonka, I'd be able to show an impressive "after" photo. But I look way better than that, so... Pics coming soon, so keep your eye on this space.

Some folks I know have asked what I am doing to get my skin and body back into shape. You do know that gaining and then losing a lot of weight puts your skin through its paces, right? You know now.

As I've done since I've been dressing myself, I've been using any and every moisturizer I can afford. I am in love with the Gene's Creme I told you about before and I still use it on my feet at bedtime. Now I am into coconut oil (organic, un-refined) because it's so versatile. I use it top to bottom - literally. I use it under any makeup and then to take off the makeup. It goes on my hair, my face, body and feet. It doesn't leave a greasy feel so I can use it without staining my clothes. (Ladies, it can even be used in the bedroom, and  I'm not talking about getting dressed.) I even have been substituting it at times for butter on my hot cereals. I really don't want you to lose your mind when I tell you I have been adding a touch of it to my morning coffee. I got started with it because of this chick here. After using it for a couple of weeks, I noticed that it works. Now, after about a month, I walk around soft as a baby's hind parts and smelling like something sweet and tropical.

Of course, I am still NOT smoking! (Yay, me.) I am keeping up with the gym visits. I don't go and stay for hours, but I get in there and do my circuit of 15 minutes on treadmill, elliptical and/or bike and the damn ab machines. I'm starting to hate this one ab machine, but she's the piece of metal trickery that's going to help me get into my skinny jeans! My big goal is to do last 30 minutes on an elliptical. There's one lady at the gym who looks to be about 70 years old. She does nothing but the elliptical the whole time I'm there. I was dripping a river of sweat after 5 minutes and she was watching the news while doing a couple minutes forward, a couple backwards. Switching it up like a boxer skipping rope. True story.

In addition to the outer body care, I've been paying attention to my insides. I'm giving the Activia thing a try. It's only been about 4 days, so I will report back later if I remember to. I'm drinking tons of water. I think the biggest positive (meaning fun and healthy) new thing I'm doing is using yogurt in more of my cooking. And trying new things in the kitchen. With food, people. Get my mind out of your gutter!

BzzAgent sent me coupons to try Fage yogurt for free. I did. I love it. I'm not crazy about plain yogurt, but I wanted to skip the fruit-flavored for something I could incorporate into actual meals. I have tried substituting the Fage for sour cream on food (yum-yum) and I added it to a cake I made. The cake was amazingly moist - and I'm sorry for sounding like a bad commercial, but it's the truth. After I tasted my "sample" cake, I decided to add some Fage to the store-bought chocolate frosting. Oh, good mercy! That was the best idea ever. I hate how sickly-sweet canned frosting sometimes are. The yogurt added a really creamy texture and such a nice tang to the frosting. The best of all: I doubled my frosting. I've refrigerated it and have been dipping fruit and cookies into it. I have to pat myself on the back for that idea! The Activia is fine for my snack, but I don't think I will be using any other yogurt from now on for my kitchen other than Fage.

Now, the best advice I can give for anyone going through the whole it's-a-life-change-not-a-diet thing is to put a really good friend to full use. In my case, it's a guy I bonded with online right after I first got sick. P.D. lives about as far away from me as you can get, but he's become a sort of long-distance platonic lover. I adore him because he is so freaking honest. Brutal, at times. He's lucky he lives on another continent, else I'd get to him and kill him in his sleep two or three times a month. My point, though, is: get someone like P.D. in your life. P.D. encourages me to do a little better every day. He calls to see if I made it to the gym or if I am eating right. That kind of a friend would be known as a nag if it weren't for the fact that he's so happy for the most minor positive thing I manage to do. Having a guy-friend is better when you are dieting; they aren't competing with you like your gal-friends.

Yeah, so, get a P.D. in your life or at least get a mindset of "I can do this,"and you will be on your way. Be your own cheerleader and coach. Right now, I have a pair of my pre-sick favorite jeans hanging on the wall next to my closet. About every other week, I can get those bitches pulled up a little farther. I can't wait for the day I can get them on without removing a rib.

I hope that you manage to find your motivation.

Meantime, here are a couple of sites I like for the information:

• Rodale
• Fitnea
• Care 2 (under health & wellness and green-living)

Welp! I am off to the gym.

Peace

--Free

Clean Mental Closets

I've had a little break from on-line life. My head was too crowded and full and unorganized to be healthy. I felt a little like this

*

and I couldn't breathe right. I had too many things swimming around in my head: worries, tensions, anxieties, fears, unrealistic wishes and impossible dreams. Actually, that's pretty much the way I live seventy percent of my life. Chaotic joy. Lately, it's been too much chaos.

I'm still not all the way fine, but compared to the way it was, my head feels better and all like

It's not perfect, but it's better. I still have to go through the vital things left after I trashed all the worthless crap.

I think I have come to grips with certain probabilities. Probably I am never

• going to have the great jobs I've always landed
• going to be as skinny as I used to be
• going to laugh as loud and fearlessly as I once was able to 
• going to look at anyone with my heart wide open
• going to live a life as weary-free as I did at 25

Probably. But I still have a twinge of hope.

Now that summer seems to be - really, finally, no-joking-around here - I've been getting ready to re-enter the world. My cocoon of disability is loosening its grip. First thing is getting the transportation taken care of - insurance, title, tune-up... Next, a job. I have a friend who likes to call employment a J.O.B. (Journey of the Broke), but she's never been forced out of that journey, bless her.

All in all, things are going okay. I still need to get my butt off the computer and make some call, take care of some business. This here was just a catch-up post. How the heck are you guys? Hope you are smiling.

Peace
-Free

*credit to whomever concerned for those brilliant images used

Oh Yeh for Fage!

Recently  I got coupons to try Fage's Total Greek Yogurt totally free. (This is one of the two best benefits of joining BzzAgent: trying out products and trying them for free!)

(If you have heard of Fage, you might already know that it's pronounced Fah-yeh. I was saying "Fage" and saying it with an attitude like I just knew!)

Now, as excited as I was to try this yogurt, I had forgotten I'd had Fage before. It was back when I was still kind of sick and suffering from memory problems. I have no idea what it was like back then, but I can tell you now that it is YUMMY.

I have always liked yogurt. It's a fun food. Reminds me of when I was young and had a love for things like Jello - I could eat it night and day and liked nearly all the different flavors. If someone had come up with an improved Jello, I'd probably feel the way I do about Greek Yogurt.

If Greek yogurt is an improvement (IMO) over "regular" yogurts, then Fage's Greek yogurt is an improvement over all the Greek yogurts. It's very rich and creamy. I don't usually like plain yogurt, but I gave this a shot and I've decided to use it in place of sour cream and fruit toppings. It's that good.

Hilariously, I did a very Trudy thing and forgot the dang coupon for my freebie when I went to the store so I paid for the first couple containers. (Don't worry, I will be going back!)

I gave my sister a taste of the strawberry yogurt. My sister is not into what she calls "weeds and berries and such," but she was all up into that yogurt! LOL I gave her a coupon to get her own container.  Since Fage puts the leaves the fruit separate from the yogurt, one thing my sister liked was the ability to add as much (or as little) of the fruit into the yogurt.

My favorite things about Fage?

• The creamy texture. You get that by stirring the yogurt well before mixing in the fruit (or just eating the plain). 
• The taste of the fruit. Not too sweet or tart or "fake" tasting. (The fruit flavors partly from concentrate, by the way.)
• The 11 grams* of protein. (Important for some folks, like my sister)

For vegetarians and other health-minded folks, the calories run from 170 to 220* and the product is gluten-free. Other nutrition information is given here.

Aside from eating the yogurts right out of their containers, you can serve them up prettily (like this), or you can try some of the recipes given by the folks at Fage. Also, check out their tzatziki sauce (for savories, like gyros) and their feta.

If you haven't joined Bzz Agent yet (and why not?), check back to see if Fage has coupons available. In the meantime, if I know you, I'll hand you a coupon the next time I see you!

Peace

--Free

* for the 5.3 oz Total Zero variety

DISCLAIMER: I received coupons for free Fage yogurt from BzzAgent.

Movie Madness, Culture Crazy

It has occurred to me that I have let "pop" culture invade more of my life than I ever intended. Between celebrity news and gossip, movies, music and social networking, I know more about the rich and famous than I do about the smart and talented.

I had better start getting my act together. If I keep it up with the useless information I absorb, I'm going to die of stupidity.

The other day I was watching "Batman: The Dark Knight". Two characters were stranded outside, wet and freezing and one character said the most absurd thing ever to the other. The "sage" mentor type guy was showing his younger charge how to get warm. (I only suppose he was supposed to be sage; he talked slow and deep, as all sage characters do.) "Rub your chest," he instructed. "Your arms will take care of themselves."

At the time, I thought old boy was pretty cool. I mean, he had the voice and look of someone smart. If his advice wasn't a weapon against cold weather, well, then I don't even wanna know!

What a dumbass.

I live in a pretty cold place. I don't mean pretty and cold - although that is the truth.

Alaska

Obviously the cold has given me irreversible brain freeze since I believed such b.s. even for two seconds... I've lived here for most of my life. You think I'd know that if you get wet and sit outside in this kind of cold, rubbing your chest will be impossible. Your freaking arms would be too dead from the frostbite. Too bad they wouldn't be "taking care of themselves," huh? What - that's a job for the legs or something?

Yes, I should have known better, but, just for a moment (okay, okay - for the whole movie), I bought the advice of O Sage One...

Shit like that is going to get me killed one day.

Just think of someone new to life in this ice-box called Alaska. If rubbing their chest is the first thing that pops into their head, they had no business coming here. And, just in case this might end up being you one day, here's real-life advice: Put on your coat, dummy!" Better yet, how about trying not to fall into water outside during the winter?

Now I don't think any of us is really that dim, but still...

There is too much emphasis in society on learning how to get out of a limo without showing your drawers instead of how to own a limo service. Know what I mean?

Everybody wants to be a celebrity more than they want to be a hero to their own family and friends. This whole fifteen minutes of fame thing has just gotten way out of control.

Remember the old worries about smoking in movies? People were concerned that such a thing led to higher rates of teen smoking. No one seems to be as worried about what other elements of popular culture are influencing all of us.

We all would like to be better-looking, but with all the pressure from celebrity culture, we are willing to do more to reach that goal. I've heard of very young people talking about wanting plastic surgery. Plastic surgery? Like Doctor 90210 for Toddlers.

And, okay - let's not look that far. Let's think smaller and maybe closer to our "regular" lifestyles. How many really young kids do you know who have use of cellular phones? Don't know about you, but I was twenty and paying bills before I had my own house phone! I guess that fits with my upbringing since I was still playing with dolls at fourteen and fifteen. I can't imagine that for a girl these days - not without it being kind of a big deal.

I'm not exactly saying that movies and music and other segments of popular culture is to blame. After all, we all are part of that culture, whether or not we participate. If we don't participate, we tolerate. We don't seem to be pushing alternatives.

Instead of so many people running around, trying to be a gangsta, celebri-lite, or anything attainable for the sane and steady-minded, we might have a rush on folks wanting to be scientists or change-minded politicians. I'm an easy catch for someone smart. It's always been a kind of fantasy for me that someday there will be gangs of astrophysicists and red-carpets for aerospace engineers. Kind of makes me sweat...

With the regular cycles of furor over the latest release from a singer or movie studio, I doubt my fantasy will ever come true, but a gal can hope. Any single rocket scientists out there?

Peace
--Free

I Believe Fat Meat's Greasy

Growing up, I heard my mom use a particular saying for someone (me) who was stubborn or "hard-headed."


If I made a mistake once, Mom would hug me and tell me to learn from it. If I made that same mistake a couple times over, Mom would give me the side-eye and say, "You don't believe fat meat's greasy."

The saying also applied when I knew I was making a mistake, but just didn't want to believe it. Like when I trusted the wrong "friend," or tried to convince myself that the ground was Up and the sky was Down. (Or that Mama wouldn't know that I was lying about something...)

I don't know what it says about me as a person that I only learned a few years back to be more cautious in my life.

Until I got my little heart broken real good, I believed that if someone told you they loved you, they meant it. I didn't think that person would lie to you or cheat on you. I thought that if someone said "I love you," they knew how to love. It took getting hurt to learn that, while every one of us wants to be loved, the love we need is not all the same.

Last evening, I got a call from an old friend. There was a time that my heart would have jumped right out of my chest at the sound of his voice. I'm not that person anymore. I've grown past anything I could have had with him. Now, if he had been ready for me way back when... Well, two people can be together and grow apart, but they can't grow together, apart. If you know what I mean.

I talked to my old friend and it was nice, but I won't be hearing from him anymore. What he has to give now doesn't apply to who I am today. Probably, he was a mistake back then and I just didn't know better. I am learning, though. At least now I know and believe that fat meat's greasy.

Peace
--Free