**CROSS POST** A Sense of Wonder

Warning: this is one of my posts from my blog about faith. Non-believers may want to exit now. 

This is one of those Does Anyone Else? posts. So... Does anyone else sometimes just sit and wonder what Heaven is like?

This is a frequent pastime of mine. Reading certain passages of the Bible can set off one of these musings, or thinking about a loved one who has died. Thinking about my own mortality is another fuse that lights my wonderings.

My best friend is currently not just "not doing well" but at the "may not make it" stage of her being ill. One morning last week, when I got the news from the family of her recent trip to the emergency room, I was sad for the rest of the day. I couldn't do anything but think of my own potential loss. I've already lost my only biological sister and now I was losing the person I call my "sister of the heart". 

I will miss her so much when she is gone. I will have no one like her to call and tell things that I could only tell her or my later sister. I will not get the phone calls and messages and support of this amazing woman who has been my friend for almost 30 years. I will be so much sadder and lonelier in this world for the loss of her.

Yeah. I spent almost an entire day in the I-zone of misery.

Then, because my Bible reading plan has me in parts of the books of Corinthians, I remembered the verses we inserted into my mother's obituary:

For we know that if our earthly tent which is our house is torn down, we have a building from God, a house not made by hands, eternal in the heavens. For indeed, in this tent we groan, longing to be clothed with our dwelling from heaven, since in fact after putting it on, we will not be found naked. For indeed, we who are in this tent groan, being burdened, because we do not want to be unclothed but to be clothed, so that what is mortal will be swallowed up by life. Now He who prepared us for this very purpose is God, who gave us the Spirit as a pledge. (2 Corinthians 5:1-5 NASB)

Yes. That part, as the kids now say.

Once I re-read the passage, I stopped the tears. I began to think of how happy my sister-friend is going to be when she steps out of the pain of her earthly tent and into the joy and peace of her heavenly existence.  And then, I went on to muse about her being there in Heaven.

Will she meet my mother and sister again? Will they recognize each other? And will it matter to them in Heaven who they once were on this earth?

I like to try to imagine an existence without the sins and temptations of mortal life. What must it be like to have no social, mental, emotional, or physical ailments to deal with?

If this is what we mortals can imagine, 
just think what God has prepared.

The other side of thinking about Heaven and what it will be like, always makes me appreciate salvation. I think that the greatest joy of Heaven will be being with the Father, meeting Jesus face to face. And the worst of Hell is being forever not in the presence of our Lord.

So, I can never lose this wonder I have about Heaven. I know that my human mind cannot come close to imagining what it is going to be like but it's a comfort to me when I think of my sister leaving here for there.

Peace

--Free

Resting In Peace?

 Here is a post I just did on one of my other blogs. I hope that you will all go over and take a look.

Peace

--Free

Sad (In Real Life)

I feel so sad at this moment, that I am almost physically ill, but I have to write this post. All I have at a time like this are my words. I don't even know if I can get through this post without making myself feel worse, but I'm going to try. This is my memorial to my friend.

I've lost the best friend that I never met in person, but who has been such a big part of my life since just before I got sick. If I had never gotten to know Perry,  I don't think I would ever have gotten as well or have ever been as (mostly) happy as I learned to be. And all I got was a mass email notification of his passing. I keep asking myself if I would feel better right now if he had just disappeared from my life? Then, at least, I could imagine him still here on earth and okay and just on one of his crazy bike trips. Or somewhere doing all the other brave and amazing things he liked to do - things I would never do: snorkeling, skiing, camping in some weird and strange place...

Perry, what will I do without your phone calls and emails and little encouragements? What will I do without knowing that you are somewhere out there in the world, rooting for me and just being there?

Because I never met you "in real life," I don't know what to do with this pain I feel at losing you. You were here and now you're just gone away. I feel cheated.

I have, vaguely, wondered before what happens when people who connect online lose touch. At least I am lucky enough that someone thought to contact me. I don't know. I might have preferred just not knowing.

All day today, when I felt like I was so lost and alone in this world, I kept reaching for my phone to check for a message. From Perry. Every time I thought of something funny, or amazing, or scary - I wanted to tell Perry about it.

A couple of weeks ago, I felt so brave, coming here to a strange place. I felt like I was on an adventure because that's how Perry encouraged me to look at it all. This morning, I felt a big whole tear right into the bottom of my world. I'm not feeling so brave now. I'm not feeling like I can hear Perry's voice telling me that I can do this.

There is no more Perry on the other end of a phone call or email. There won't be anymore little bits of crazy humor from him to make me laugh. You aren't here to remind me that I am smart (when I feel dumb), or pretty (when I feel horrible), or tell me to get off my pity pot and just be thankful. You aren't here anymore to just help me keep trying to be a better person.

How can you just be so gone away from me?

I now have one friend left that I don't know "in real life" and I'm going to tell her right now and right here how much she means to me. For +Sandy Sandmeyer:

"I love you, Sandy girl! No matter where in this world you are,  and no matter what might happen to either one of us. you must know that."

Because Perry always ended our calls by saying something about taking care of myself or being good to myself, I didn't miss the chance to let him know how much he meant to me. He also liked to end conversations with, "In my heart, Tru." I hope he can still know that, wherever in Heaven he is, he is always in my heart too.

There are a lot of little memories that are going to one day make me smile when I think of Perry but, right now, I can't think of anything except that he's not here. One day, I will write about you but, for now, just rest in peace.

And, for any of you who knew Perry - or who have lost a friend - I'm going to encourage you with what is encouraging me. From 1 Thessalonians 4:13,

But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope.

And, because this is my blog and my memorial, I'm going to go ahead and include one of Perry's secretly favorite songs.

Peace
--Free