Love and Aging

My best friend and I were talking (because we talk on the phone at least once a week) and I asked her if she wanted to find love again. Her answer was that she had never found it before and that she is no longer looking.  Since I guess I am relatively younger (she's 20 years my senior) she lobbed the question back at me. My answer is more complicated.

Here's the thing: I've not been good at or "lucky" in love. A just-uncoupled friend sent me a meme once that said, basically, that being in love and being in a relationship are two different things That is so true that it stings. So, I guess I would take either - love or the relationship - but would prefer the latter.

Love is tricky and, in my opinion, very rare. I know that a lot of people talk about being in love and having found the love of their lives but I think it's more complicated than that. I believe that most people have just found someone they can love and be happy with. I don't think that most people find their truest love or "soul mate". Sorry if that offends anyone.

So, yes, I would love to be 'in love' - who wouldn't? I'd love to just be with someone who most perfectly matches the edges and curves of my soul. That probably won't ever happen but I never give up hope. I would, at this point, settle for being in a really good relationship. And I consider a good relationship being one based on comfort zones, acceptance, and loyalty. I'm not a person who likes to be smothered. I don't want someone breathing up all my air and I don't want to suffocate them. I'm too much of a hermit crab (Cancerian here, remember?) but I do want to make someone happy and I'd prefer not be grow old(er) alone. I take that back. I don't want to grow old lonely.

A long while back I posted what some children had to say when asked: "what is love?" Kids are so damn pure! One of my favorite answers was given by 4-year-old Billy:

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'

Billy was four at the time, people. I can't imagine the man he will grow up to be.

A 7-year-old Noelle gave an answer that, in my opinion, describes a relationship:

'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.'

She has the concept down. There is a tricky difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. It took me until my thirties to figure that one out.

So, love or relationship? Again, I'd like to have both. I'd rather have my name safe in someone's mouth, but I'd take having them just care enough to make me a priority.

I don't think there are many men out there who would want a relationship with me. For one thing, I'm more sensual than sexual and I get the feeling that most men my age date younger because they want children or porn-like intimacy.  I'm the chick who needs my space when I need my space but will often want to sleep in a cling-wrap cuddle.  And I don't like having mundane, pointless conversations because nothing should be mundane and pointless. How nice to be able to enjoy someone in their silence... I want a person who has their own "thing" - something they care so much about that they don't mind if I don't care about it with them; something that gives them a reason to have their own space every now and then. And I want someone who has gotten over themselves enough to be flawed and awkward; someone who can laugh and cry and think without caring what anyone thinks of them for laughing, crying or thinking. I just want someone who makes me feel comfortable being who I am. I remember being married and waking up early just to get rid of morning breath and crawl back into bed with the whole fake I-woke-up-looking-this-good. F*ck that!

Someone once told me that, often, people aren't looking to be loved but looking to be rescued. This may be truest as we age. For certain, there is hope for older people looking for actual love. One of the people who used to live in this apartment building started seriously dating a few months back. And get this: he is dating someone around his own age! The judgemental witch that I can sometimes be was surprised by this. The guy is nice-looking and I suspect that he is really comfortable in his retirement (some seniors here hide their money to live in the building), and he likes to 'party' (read that as hitting up the VFW almost every night). He even asked me out once. Alas, I don't 'party' like that. Of course, because I can be bitter and critical, I just knew that dude had hooked up with someone half his age. Nope. She's kind of hot, but she is most definitely "mature". He likes to bring her by every now and then when he visits with his buddies who still live here. I'm a little jealous now. LOL

As for my best friend, I tease that she doesn't have to be looking to find love. As a matter of fact, I think it's when we aren't looking that it finds us. Now I'm a little scared.

Peace
--Free

P.S.:
I am such a fan of  JM Storm (his Facebook link). He's prolific on Instagram and has books and an Amazon page.

Hotties Then, Still Hot Now

Speaking of milestones - as I did the other day - I was thinking of some of the musical heroes I had. I Googled a few of them. Have you seen how freaking good the guys from Duran Duran still look? It's not fair, they just don't get ugly at all! And Tina Turner? That heffa!!! She looks better than most women half her age do. 

There is this comedian, Bill Burr, who jokes about the differences in ethnicities when it comes to how well we age. A lot of people will say that Black folks have the advantage there. I want to say that that sounds... slightly racist. On the other hand, we get hypertension and diabetes cutting our life-span down, at least we get to look good for the time we are here. 

All kidding aside (and I really was kidding, you guys), I love to do that walk back through my hell-raising days and see how my past celebrity crushes turned out. Did they make it through their youthful craziness like I did? Did they end up finding happiness in adulthood? Let's see:

I just loved Kool and the Gang. I actually met a few of the guys once, here in Anchorage in a lounge in the Sheraton Hotel. Two of them were really nice and one was an egotistical a-hole. Still "Jungle Boogie" was my jam then  and still is today. 

When I was looking for images, I noticed that a lot of the newer photos feature guys that were not in the original lineup. I'm too lazy to look it up - and this is a blog post, not a thesis - but maybe there's a new grouping. These pics are the only good ones I could find. Any other new ones look like Ray,Goodman, and Brown,  not the Gang...

The Jheri Curl days

Looking good, guys.

Duran Duran was the stuff. For my rocking hotties, they were right up there with INXS, Journey and Billy Squier. And, if I was into women, Pat Benatar would have been my squeeze. The boys in Duran Duran are still hot. I mean, hot damn. I just want to kiss the lips right off of John Taylor's face, and Nick featured in a few of my fantasies back in the day. Glad to say that it seems they are all married, settled and happy. Lucky gals, their women.

Even Simon's wife is still hot. 

And Ms. Turner... What the hell? Does this woman have vampire genes? The "Now" pic seems to be from 2010, but, no matter, she looks just as good in 2013. I love her story for two reasons: 1 - She proves there is life after abuse, and 2 - She proves there can be love in later life.

If I could just have her legs, I'd be happy.

I really don't know why it is that some people seem to age so well when others just don't. Bill Burr might or might not be right, but his explanation is hilarious. (I really hope no one takes offense at any of this, by the way!) 

When I was watching this on Netflix, I happened to be getting ready for bed and putting on my nightly lotion. Damn near broke a rib laughing at this man and his insanity. Funny guy, Mr. Burr.

Peace

--Free

Define THIS!

Ever think about what supposedly defines "Middle Aged" or "Elderly"? I do. I think about it every time a kid refers to me as "ma'am."

These are some of the many definitions I found online for Middle age:

• The period of life from about 45 to about 64 (Merriam-Webster)
• Middle age is the period of age beyond young adulthood but before the onset of old age. Various attempts have been made to define this age, which is around the third quarter of the average life span of human beings. (Wikipedia)

And for Elderly:

•  rather old; especially : being past middle age (Merriam-Webster)
• Most developed world countries have accepted the chronological age of 65 years as a definition of 'elderly' or older person... (WHO)

Boy, that Merriam-Webster doesn't come at you easy, does it?

I think I'm going to stick with my usual "I'm only as young as I feel." I'll be real about this. I'm going to be 52 this year. My heart feels 5, my body feels 40. Except for my knees. Sometimes, those feel older than Methuselah. 

I have come to think of being "not young" as not knowing how to laugh loud and out loud, not loving to play like a little kid, and not wanting to have an open heart with people you love.  I still laugh like a hyena when something is funny and I love to play. My little brother thinks I am just a grow-up kid. I have a niece in her teens who loved our driveway one-on-one basketball games (and I don't even know how to play b-ball!). That's fine with me.

People, don't let the world define you. You are defined by the the way you have loved and the way you have lived.

When my body does get old, I'll be the old chick chasing my friends around on my scooter-mobile. Look for me to be wearing my dark red lipstick and trying to do something cute with my hair. I'll be old as dirt and still wearing my earring at the top (or helix of my ear). Cane or no, I'm gonna be dressing like this: 

Hell, I'd rock both these now if I could afford to! (By the way, these are from Advanced Style blog.   Now a part of my sidebar cos it is the ish! Make sure to check them all the way out.) I knew I was down with it the minute I saw this bad-to-the-bone chick. I couldn't do that when I was 40!

Yep. That's gonna be me. Think I'll start calling myself Cleo when I hit 55.

Peace

--Free

A joyful heart is good medicine, But a broken spirit dries up the bones. (Proverbs 17:22)