Friendships, Conversations and Laughter

In my anxiety (good and bad) about everything happening in my life right now, I saw something hilarious on Facebook:

Thanks Sandy!

Best idea ever for a t-shirt! Of course, I had to call one of my best friends. This friend can always make me laugh, no matter how much I don't want to laugh. While we chatted, I scrolled through some cute images online. Here are highlights from the scrolling and our phone conversation:

I used to be this way

Me:  "How can I have such blazing indifference about a person I once cared about?"
Friend: "When that person is such a blazing mess that I wondered why you cared in the first place."
Me: "Who were we talking about?"
Friend: "That's my girl."

Pray for people to win their battles

Me: "What if I hate Iowa? Do I come back to Alaska for the WINTER? Will I survive that?"
Friend: "If you hate Iowa, just think about spending another winter in Alaska. I bet Iowa is going to win that fight."

Friend: (teasing, I think) "Make sure you pack enough hair products. Iowa sounds wonderful, but I'm not sure if they are going to have a big supply of Afro-Stretch in the stores."
Me: "Thanks for giving me something else to worry about."
Friend: "On the other hand, Iowa is close to Minnesota. Doesn't Prince live in Minnesota? He's wearing an afro again."
Me (after my brain comes out of a tailspin of confusion): "So, what? I'm supposed to drive over and borrow products from Prince?"
Friend: "Or just order your nap control items online. STOP STRESSING YOURSELF OUT!"
Me: (Realizes she was just teasing about packing my hair products.)

I've been hugger & hugged

Me: "If I move there, I should have less stress. Did I tell you I plan to start a garden?"
Friend: "Do you remember that you once killed a cactus?"

Me: "I love you, girl. Promise that I'll never be blazingly insignificant to you."
Friend: "As long as you matter to yourself, you matter to me."

My glass if full of good people

Before my friend and I hung up, she told me something I needed to hear: that we should pray not just for the people we love, but for the people we can't love. That's deep.

Peace
--Free

P.S.: I see you over there, back on G+, Miz +Marla Hughes & I like that you're back!

Real Friends

• I talk with them using my 'real' voice and not that one I use for answering the phone and talking to strangers.
• They talk to me the same way.
• We laugh about our other voices.
• Laughed with them and didn't worry what I looked like while I was laughing.
• Let the them see see me looking like hell, when I had a good reason for looking like hell.
• Let them see me looking like hell, even when I didn't have a good reason.
• They encouraged me, without hurting my feelings or esteem, not to look like hell unless it was for a good reason.
• If it was for a good reason, they didn't care what I looked like, they only cared what I was feeling.
• Exposed my body, my mind and my soul, without thinking about being exposed.
• Spent time with them - with no music, TV, or noise needed to mask the silence.
• Cried my eyes out when I was sad.
• Cursed a rainbow-ed streak when I was mad.
• They know my family and have met the skeletons.
• They and my family (and the skeletons) are now family too.
• I might not hear from them for weeks but, when I do, we are the same friends we've always been and will always be.
• When we are out together and look at someone, then look at each other, we read each other's minds.
• Doing that sometimes gets us in trouble.
• We are used to getting into a little trouble together.
• Walked away in the middle of their visit when the urge to write hit me.
• Let them make my home their home.
• Fell asleep next to them (male or female) in bed after we spent hours talking, or because it was way too late/dark/cold for them to go home, or because they were too tired/drunk/cried out/silly to drive home.
• If one of us is sick, the other one is going to be there or call or do what we have to do to show we care.
• I let them use my computer and not worry about them seeing my browser history.
• I've seen their browser history and we're still friends.
• Pulled down my pants, lifted my bra or took off my shoe to ask if they knew what the hell that was about.
• Did a Google Search with them when they had no idea what the hell that was.
• Laughed like a maniac with them when we finally did figure out what the hell that was.
• Didn't drop them as a friend for life when they told me why I should never, ever, wear that one pink shade of lipstick again.
• Didn't even get too mad at them when they told another good friend why they suggested I never wear that damn pink lipstick again.
• Let them have a copy of that one really embarrassing photo from my childhood - not the embarrassing-but-cute-in-retrospect photo, but the photo that one hundred and ten years from now will still be embarrassing.
• Being able to act like I am a silly, giggly, ten-year old girl again with them one minute, then being as grown as needed the next.
• I can call them at anytime - the middle of a busy day, in the dead of night - and they are going to answer my call.
• They might end up cussing me out if my call wasn't urgent, exciting, raunchy or entertaining, and I interrupted something that was, but they won't hate me. Much. It depends.
• I'm okay with them cussing me out because of those calls. At some point, I'm going to cuss them out for the same reason.
• They are still going to answer my future calls. I'm still going to answer theirs.
• We know that not all family is blood-related.
• Told them about my fantasies, dreams and goals - even the ones I won't tell anyone else. Ever.
• They've seen me nappy, happy, crappy, cute, bitchy, petty, feral, contemplating naughtiness, regretting wrongs, and being wholly, totally, truthfully, no-holds-barred me.
• They know me and still love me.

"Friends come in every shape and color and, most importantly, in every kind of crazy." (me)

Peace

--Free

From Pinterest...

This is my kind of friend!

Friendship for real

Ruthie, Ruthie, Ruthie...

I'm too lazy to look back at posts to see if I ever mentioned my friend Ruthie here. Put it this way: if I've talked at all about writing, I've talked about Ruthie.

Ruthie is that friend everyone wants to hide from every now and then. She is great, really, but she can be like a bad toothache. The pain is a bitch, but thank god it reminds you to keep up good habits - like brushing and flossing.

The bitch-pain part of Ruthie is that she has more faith in me than I sometimes have in myself. I say I want to be a published novelist. Ruthie knows I'm going to be published someday. She's not going to give up on me even if I have to kill her and write about it from Death Row to make it happen.

We have a pick-up-where-it-fell-off kind of friendship, Ruthie and I. She's married. Has been since the first days of elephant jeans. Actually, if I'd stayed with my first husband, Ruthie and I would be wishing each other Happy 30th anniversaries soon. (Yeah, I do have regrets.) The hilarious thing is, Ruthie and her man divorced once for a few months and got back together but none of us count the breakup. Ruthie gets busy with the "renewed" marriage and her two grandkids (yeah, another thing for me to "what if?" myself about) and our separate lives get in the way. Plus, she lives in another state which forces us to use the phone and internet to keep in touch. The last time we dropped the phone-call ball was last year when I had a minor romance and Ruthie was moving with her husband into a new house.

The other day, Ruthie saw my post about Amazon's writing contest. This blog is her way of peeping in on my life, I guess.

My phone rang at around one this morning.

Those too-late-to-be-good calls always stop my heart for a few seconds. You know how the brain's worry cortex - or whatever it's really called - kicks into gear before you're fully awake, right? Who's sick? What happened? No, God, no...

I've already had enough bad, sad and frustrating news in the past few months to last the next decade. I never even thought to look at the caller's I.D. so I was pretty relieved to hear Ruthie's maniacal cackle when I answered my phone.

"Girl! You sleeping?"

Yeah. That's my Ruthie.

"Sleeping, scared straight, having a minor heart attack. Whatever."

"So, listen. What are you submitting to this contest?"

Ruthie was talking like she was calling during a lunch break. One a.m. here means four a.m. where she is. Really, heffa?

"I'm trying to submit sleep to the contest of 'Be My Ass on Time to a 7:30 Doctor's Appointment'," I told her. "What the hell is wrong with your clock?"

"I got a Keurig for an early anniversary present and I've been trying all the different coffees," she said. "I haven't slept in four days."

"Well, I have a twenty dollar Living Essentials one-cup maker that drips mostly water, so I was sleeping just fine."

"Ooh, girl. We're going to have to get you a decent machine," she came right back. "You know how you get without a good cup of caffeine."

I kept reminding myself how I love this friend of mine. And I really was glad to hear from her - even at the ass crack of before dawn.

"Back up. You got a coffee pot - for your anniversary?" I wanted to know. "What's really going on with this 're-marriage' thing?"

"I got myself the Keurig," she said. "Calling my Keurig a 'coffee pot' is like calling Denzel a 'man' Now, what about this contest?"

One-track Ruthie.

"I'm working on something, but I don't know if it will be done in time."

"No excuses," she said. "Get it done, girl. Just. Get. It. Done."

"I can't rush my process."

"What process is that? The one where you criticize yourself to death while you're writing, then delete everything and start over?"

This is what happens when you have a friend who knows you too damn well.

Ruthie did her full routine. She nagged, she encouraged, she made me feel way more intelligent that I am. By the time she finished, Hemingway was a hack who learned under my mentorship in a previous life.

"Yeah, okay," I gave in. "I will get something submitted. I might go crazy trying, but..."

"Good. Now, are you seeing anyone special?"

I ended the conversation right there by reminding Ruthie I had to be up soon to drive in messy weather. Basically, I damn near hung up while she was still talking. If I let that woman get started on my love life, I'll be married before Valentine's Day.

Hmmm...

Peace
--Free

New Addictions

Looks like I have traded my smoking addiction for new ones.

My Cessation Nation app tells me that I have been smoke-free for 71 days, 23 hours and 31 minutes. In that time, I have bought and used up about 22 candles. I can count the jars that I save to put my Starburst candy in.

Yep. Not only am I buying candles (they keep the air smelling so vanilla and fresh!), but Starburst "Favoreds" and the hard and chewy Jolly Ranchers have become my crack. Sweet, sweet moments of heaven...

I'm not crazy. Everybody knows Starbursts rock. Heck, they have a wiki page.

In case you are thinking that I only gave up one one bad habit for another, I can tell you not to worry. I have a third new addiction that works in my favor, despite all that sweet, sugary goodness going into my mouth.

Yes. Yes, I do have the best friends & family.

I've told you people before that I have friends and family that Verizon never heard of. Those 3 items up there are the latest gift from the roomie.

Since the 20th of last month, I have been walking every weekday. Not miles and miles, not over the willow and through the woods or however the heck that saying goes, but...

My neck of the woods ain't shabby

... I can get 2 miles if I make a few circuits through the neighborhood. With a view just as pretty as any willow or wood I've ever seen.

And apparently my family and friends are a lot more supportive of my fitness efforts than I imagined.

Yesterday, the roomie gave me a b.s. story about needing to make a run of errands and wanting my company. We hit Burlington's and split up while she looked for "some clothes" and I checked out purses. I lost track of her for about an hour. Then we hit Sears and split again. She was still looking for clothes and I was still checking out purses. I'm kinda into purses...

I should have been suspicious about it all since usually we chicks scrutinize clothing together. We are like a panel off of "Next Top Model" when we hit those fitting rooms. For some reason, she kept ditching me. Then,  when she did want my input, it was about tennis shoes. Wha-?

(I was busy looking at cowboy boots. Always wanted a pair because they make your butt look so tooted up there and cute.)

The cowboy boots were cheaply made & hurt. I got these cute booties for my niece's b-day tho!

Anyway, you probably guessed that this is how she sneaked and got me those workout gifts up there at the top of the page.

So, yeah, I have to leave this posting and get over there, light me an energy candle and learn how to use that Step-"thingie." I even have wrist weights to wear when I workout. How cool is that?

Peace
--Free

Friend Power

My sister-friend (what I call one of my very best friends) called me last night. She knows what all I've been dealing with recently. Because she loves me, she doesn't get tired of my crazy moods and emotions. Well, so far she hasn't.

One sign of a good friend is that they can make you laugh when you haven't even been able to smile. This is one of the reasons I love this chick so much. Last night, she made me laugh so hard that, for a minute, I forgot to feel bad.

If you ever watched the show "Everybody Loves Raymond," you probably fell in love with the wife, "Debra." My friend reminded me of one of our favorite "Debra" moments. It's when Raymond spies on his wife and sees her listening to sad music and crying. When he finds out that it's something she does on purpose - to relieve stress and make herself feel better - he is puzzled.

For me and my friend, the funny part is not what Debra does (we call it emotional masturbation), but that Raymond is so mystified. He then tries to imitate his wife.  That is the power of womanhood, you know, that men find us so complex. In honor of one of our all-time favorite shows, and to make me laugh, my friend sent me the link to the following:

I laughed and got through a tough moment. Things haven't gotten any easier, but I'm still smiling. That's what good friends are for.

Thanks, "B.B." You did that for me. This one is for you:

(I didn't cuss!)

Peace
--Free

Something About Love

A BFF is going through some pain right now. Someone she really cared about seems to have started caring more for someone else. It's hard enough to share love between two. When there are three hearts involved, someone is always going to be wondering if they are getting the smallest part of the whole.

My friend called me just to do what we always do when one of us is hurting: Nothing at all but sit, listen and try to pretend we have all the wisdom in the world. After all, true wisdom is just being wise enough to care.

What the hell do I know about love? If I knew all that much, I wouldn't be alone and with a trail of ruined relationships behind me like crumbs. If I knew much at all, I would not be human...

Not having all the answers never stops me from trying to find the words. So I tell my friend that she is, as Sade sings, so much better than she knows. I tell her about how it's okay to be a fool for someone you love. And it is, you know. Don't let anyone tell you that you should walk away, that you should just forget him and move on. Don't let anyone tell you any of that or all the other stuff you already know. What your mind knows and what your heart feels at a time like this - at any time - have nothing to do with each other. If they did, you would not hurt, nor would you ever truly love.

Love is the possibility of hurt. Love is opening your heart to someone, trusting them to take care of all the parts of your soul that you put into their care. Now, there is cautious love and careful love and protect-your-heart-and-wallet love. Those are easy. You can write contracts and plans out for that kind of "love". But real and true, giving and whole love... That is something else. There is no piece of paper, band of gold or cut of diamond that can define it. There are no songs, verses or written fantasies that will capture it.

I don't believe anymore in soul mates. I do believe in finding someone you can trust and want and respect and cherish and be ever-amazed by. I believe that you can end up with the right steward of all that you are and all you need to be. But we don't always find that one right away.

My friend hasn't found the one. In the meantime, she has been brave and hopeful enough to open herself to the hurt she is feeling right now.

We sat on the phone all night. Sometimes, we laughed about the absurdity of love, but mostly we were just trying to understand how to deal with all the feelings love brings. That was a little like trying to pin water to a board.

Finally, we just decided that, no matter what, it's worth it - love is. It's worth it because it's our human way of reaching for joy. It's how and why we dream. It's who and what we were meant to be. It's the part of us that makes our flesh pair with our souls. 

We don't feel any more enlightened this morning that we did last night, but we do feel renewed. My friend is going to survive this heartache. Because of this pain, she is going to be a sweeter gift to the one she is meant to be with.

Peace

--Free

Old Loves. Old Love Songs.

One of my BFFs (J) called me today & we got to laughing & talking about being free of old stuff. while trying to be open to new stuff.

Stuff.

Yeah, okay. Stuff is work, love and laughing.

J has some new "stuff" (of the heart, if you know what I mean) and I've been giving her a lot of crap about it. Because it makes her smile and blush. So dang cute!

Anyway, we have both recently been cleaning out old stuff. We were talking about old loves & such & it dawned on us how much a part music plays in any kind of emotional "big-moment" situation. Think about graduations & the music. Weddings and the music. Funeral and the music (especially in my "Holy Roller" background!) Not so much for births, but I guess that's because it's usually some kind of romantic music that got the drawers dropped in the first place. (Sorry, I am being crude for some reason.)

A n y way...

J and I admitted to some of the songs that have gotten us a little carried away in past romantic situations. I thought some of hers were kind of odd (I mean, Peter Frampton is a guitar GOD, but, um... I don't see how anybody gets all heated up from his music.)

Some of my old favorites were so good to me, I actually went back and listened to some today. There was Van Morrison's "Tupelo Honey" (don't ask), dang near anything by Lenny Williams or Teddy Pendergrass (as the comics say: Lenny cried you into bed with his "I love you, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!" & Teddy damn near made you jump in the bed with his "Turn off the lights!" Couple times I'd be mad at my husband & I'd forget what about once Teddy started crooning. I mean, really - "Turn off the lights, and let's get cozy" - what woman doesn't like to cuddle?), Barry White & Prince could just get nasty. Man, that's for grownups only. Al Green makes you want to snuggle a lot. And I love some Natalie Cole singing about how she "can't say no," but I start selling jewelry to support some bum when I listen to her. I can really just listen to some Shai or even some jazz to feel a mood... But that all kind of appeals to the body only. That kind of thing is great if you're twenty. At this age, I need to get my head and heart involved. (Don't ask me to tell you what J needs for that. You would fall over laughing and start Googling mental conditions to figure it all out. I will just say two words and leave you to gape: "Weird Al.")

Back to me and other semi-normal people... Some music just makes two people want to move in closer and just be together. Nothing complicated, no freaky-deaky, no mental gymnastics. Just a pure I-love-you-like-you-am-crazy-about-you-even-when-you-have-sleep-gunk-in-your-eye.

(Sorry. I don't know what's with me and the word-chaining today.)

My all-time favorite gets me deepest probably  because it's good for it all from I-just-love-you-so-much to I'm-sorry-I-was-a-bit**h (cos, um, I'm a little moody). Listen & tell me if this doesn't want to make you want to be in love...

*sigh*

I'm not even sure what the heck she's sorry about and I don't care that she's probably singing to a woman. Dang, that song just melts my heart.

By the way, I told this to J & that heffa stole my song! I tried giving her Prince, Etta James, Al Green - I was even willing to loan her Van Morrison, but noooo... She's decided that my song fits her and her new man. That's all right, I will come up with something new. Won't be telling J about it tho!

Peace
--Free