A Little Scare & Lifestyle Changes

 Every time I have one of my regular infusions, I have to have a blood draw to test levels of ... whatever in my body. Most times, everything is fine and I sail right from the lab test and into an infusion chair. Every now and then, one of the levels of... whatever is high or low or something, and the nurses will check with my doctor. The doctor will give the go-ahead for my having the infusion. Usually.

The last time I went in for my scheduled infusion, the nurses called the doctor and he did not give the go-ahead. 

What???

Less than 8
bucks for this

The nurse scheduled me for another lab test and an appointment with my doctor for that very next week. I don't do so well when my infusions are not done within every 7 to 8 weeks.

I was a little puzzled but I didn't get too shook up until the nurse mentioned that the problem was with my kidney function.

Oh, please, Lord, not the kidneys.

I went home and stressed myself to prayer, tears, and insomnia. I worried about my weight (I've put on a few pounds lately), and I worried about not drinking quite enough water. I worried about everything. 

I was in a higher than usual state of stress and anxiety all the way up to my appointment with the doctor. I went and had the labs done, then had to wait another hour until time for the appointment with my doctor.

$7.99
on Amazon

When the doctor came in and saw how tense I was, I think he was confused but he's probably used to me being weird. He immediately let me know that my labs looked good and that he would have my infusion re-scheduled quickly. He said that there had been a problem showing up with my liver on the day the nurse had called him from infusion, but it was fine now. He said that I had probably had some kind of viral infection that had cleared itself up in the meantime.

Well. Okay.

Not my kidneys, then. Oh, thank you, Jesus. what a relief. Whew!

Tasty but
so tangy

healthy
but, ugh!

But... my liver? What the heck? That explains why the nurse had casually asked about whether or not I was a drinker. If only she knew the sorrow of having lost an uncle and two exes to alcoholism. I might be many things but a drinker is not one of them...

I was relieved and kind of mad, then just relieved again. But I realize a need to step things up with my health. And, for once, I didn't just think about doing better, I've actually gotten into the game. I am about to turn 60 so if not now, when?

I now have one of those water bottles with the time markings on it. I empty that at minimum twice a day and sometimes more. I started getting out on the days I can and taking short walks - twice a day most days. I have cut back on creamy-sugared coffee I love and am drinking more tea - and not just tea but the healthiest I can find. 

I can always smell leaves
burning when I get to this block 
of homes

 Do I feel better? I don't know. I still struggle with fatigue. Contrary to what I've been told, walking is not helping to alleviate that. I do think that walking helps with my balance. I mean, I don't go walking on days when I feel off-balance, but my good days are better than ever. I've only tripped on the carpet a few times this week and I have not walked into door frames turning the corners. 

This is the shady
stretch & my favorite
part

One of the reasons that walking is such a challenge for me, even when my balance is good, is that I get anxious. I don't like walking through a lot of people or where there is a lot of noise or activity. I don't know why this makes me feel like laying on the ground and curling into a fetal position. It is what it is. Thankfully, I live in such a beautiful little town that there is plenty of space to walk without going near the crowded beach or park.

If I make it to this point,
I'm probably going to finish

I have gotten used to following a couple of different routes that let me get in a good 15- to 20-minute walk. I try to go before it's hot out or when the day has cooled off. Since I am such an insomniac, this works well.

Let's hope this is true!

There are days when I think I am addicted to the morning walk, then there are days when I have to fight my anxiety and depression to get out the door of my apartment.

Hopefully, I can keep this up. Hopefully, it will help with the weight and the moods. I did not walk yesterday. My fatigue kicked in big time. I couldn't sit up without feeling like my body was made of lead. Maybe one day, someone will come up with some cure for fatigue.

I think that maybe we sometimes need a good scare to motivate us. I wish I had had some kind of warning before I got this silly sarcoidosis. For now, though, I want to baby my kidneys. And getting my weight down is a good way to do that. Keep prayers going up for me, people.

Peace

--Free

**REVIEW** Organic Black Seed Oil

Here I go, trying another oil for my health.

From Sun Essential Oils

That right there, folks, is Black Seed Oil. Another of the remedies that's supposed to be good as an anti-oxidant and anti-inflammatory because of the Thymoquinone in it.

(Believe it or not, I actually take most of the oils and other natural remedies I talk about here; I just stagger their use and try not to overdo it.)

I have managed to gag down a dose of this for a few days. It's tough though. If my sister were here, she'd say that this oil could "gag a maggot". I can barely get it down and I only take a little less than the teaspoon recommended.

Looks harmless. 

First off, the smell is off-putting. Black Seed Oil smells like what I imagine crude oil to smell like if you threw in a couple drops of car-ready gasoline. I am very serious. I have to plug my nose every time I bring the spoon anywhere near my face.

Next up, this oil has one of the weirdest textures ever. And I use lots of oils - face oil, hair oil, skin oil, foot oil. If there is an oil out there on the general market, I have probably tried it. Just like with the smell, the texture of this reminds me of the stuff I see being drained out of car engines.

This is the streaky, stinking, residue in a little bit of orange juice I used to mask the taste. (The orange juice did nothing to mask the smell or taste, by the way.) Notice how it sort of clings to the sides of the cup? Yeah. That's the way the taste clings to the tastebuds.

By the way, I was so concerned about the taste that I Googled it, and apparently, lots of people use words like oil, turpentine, gasoline, and motor oil to describe it. I have a tribe.

As I said, I wanted this oil for the anti-blah blah blah properties. When I was reading up on it, I learned that it's possibly good for weight loss. That's no wonder. For about two hours after I take this oil, I can't eat or drink anything else without that nasty taste echoing back into my mouth. I really can taste this stuff for the longest time. However, I do think there is something to the weight loss thing. For some reason (and not just the gag factor), my appetite goes way down after taking this first thing in the morning. Not sure what that's about because I haven't done much more research.

I didn't realize how small the bottle was going to be with that 9 dollar price. I just wanted to get one that had the best reviews and feedback at a decent price. At first, I was a little annoyed that the bottle is so teensy -

- but after tasting this stuff, I am glad I will quickly finish it off. I like what it's doing to relieve some of my general fatigue so I will probably buy more - in a pill form. though.

As far as using this on my skin or hair, that is a big old nope. This smells as strong and awful as Neem oil does - just in a different way. I don't want to walk around smelling like I work at Jiffy Lube. I have enough issues.

Some benefits (it is claimed) of using this oil on the hair and skin:

• Anti-Bacterial In Nature. The oil is anti-bacterial in nature and when applied on the skin may prevent acne by fighting off skin infections
• Packed With Antioxidants
• Fights Hair Fall
• Improve Hair And Scalp Health
• Fights Skin Infections

The smell of it could run off any kind of infection, I am sure. Still, I am tempted to use it when I know that I won't have to get within 50 feet of another human being. If you want people to keep their distance during this COVID thing, just wear some of this oil or some Neem oil. Yuck.

If you do decide to try this orally, I suggest just taking it straight. Swallow it down fast and then take a sip of lemon or lime juice. If I try any on my hair and skin, I will certainly let you know how that goes.

To Summarize:

There are natural remedies for health and wellness. Do your research. Talk with your medical care team. Ask questions. Find out what other people are using to solve problems/issues similar to your own.

Peace
--Free

Introverts Unite! (Separately)

  Ran across this a while back and thought "Yeah!"

My people!

I'm not sure why my being a home-body-introverted-loner bothers people but I'm tired of being confronted about it.

The kinds of pouty-passive-aggressively rude things I hear when I just don't have the energy to be social:

"You never want to go anywhere." (Not true. I just don't want to go where you want to go or I don't want to go right now.)

"Why don't you want to...?" (Why do I always have to explain? I'm not asking why you do want to go.) ~see how repetitive this gets?~

"It's just for a couple of hours." (I don't want to go. Not for 5 seconds, 5 minutes, an hour. I don't want to go. Period.)

"There won't be many people there." (Many or any. Doesn't matter. I don't want to go. Maybe we can talk one-on-one for while, without an audience or props? Let's try that sometime.)

Or, not too long ago, I got a super-heated and extremely rude passive-aggressive swipe:

"That's because you never get out of the damn house!" (So what exactly is your problem with that?)

Yeah, that made me want to go hang out with the person and be social for real. Guilt me on something and see how fast I want even more to do the exact opposite of what you want me to do. Go ahead. Try it. I'll wait.

I am beginning to think I am not the problem here...

I recently started coming up with retorts to use for specific people and situations. I plan to start calling people on their traits. I know a lot of super-extroverted people and co-dependent, can't-move-without-their-sidekick people. I know people who use the Lord's name in vain so much that I get sore from all the cringing I do. I know people who have recreational habits that I don't like being around. Most people have no idea how gracious I am by not screaming all this at them while they are judging my loner personality.

The problem for extroverts is that we are, of course, outnumbered in social settings. We get called "wallflowers" or "stuck up" when we can't summon the energy or will to put on a socially-expected public facade and mingle, muggle, and do the social snuggles.

Also, like some introverts, I send mixed messages. I'm not overly shy and I can talk someone's ear off - if it's the right person and the right subject. Otherwise, I am faking interest, being Instagram-sincere, and parroting canned phrases to indicate engagement. And it's freaking tiring. It's stressful and draining and sometimes leaves me feeling unduly resentful.

I think that the reason people can be irritated by introverts is that they misunderstand the behaviors. Maybe they think we don't like their company (we do, in small bits and at the right time). Maybe they think we don't appreciate their personality (we do, in small bits and at the right time). And maybe it's because we clash with their social and emotional cycles (our 5 minutes of chattiness runs into their constant chattiness or our need to be introspective runs into their need to be, well, them).

Whatever the case, I'm putting my foot down. I have put up with people's harmless (but very irritating crap) because of love, friendship, or social grace. I've listened to the snide remarks about how "anti-social" (aka: being a witch-with-a-b) I am. However, from here on out, when someone tries to call me out or guilt me on my loner traits, I'm going to flip the mirror and let them know what I think about their irritating traits.

I'm over this and it's time to handle it.

This irritating but funny extrovert here...

My best friend and I were talking about all this the other day. She too is an introvert and, like me, she struggles with depression and social anxiety. She mused that her depression is always worse after having to deal with people who don't "get" her and her personality. I told her that I tend to stay away from people when my depression is worse because they sure don't make it better.

To be honest, I am very sensitive and find it easy to nosedive into depression at the slightest perceived wrong word or action. I don't mind about dings from strangers who don't know my life or struggles, but when someone who knows me insults or hurts me, I shut them down for a while. I realize that about myself. If I feel slighted, my first emotional bandaid is the deepest solitude and extreme avoidance. I don't want to willingly subject my balance of sanity to your thoughtless behavior until I know that I won't lash out in defense. Children learn quickly to avoid hot stoves; I likewise avoid certain social burns.

Besides, being around even the people you really like or really love can be draining at times. Here's the thing I want to tell them: My introverted personality is not about your extroverted personality. You should know me by now. And if you like or love me, you should know me really well. Don't make me go all Harold Melvin and the Bluenotes on you. Explaining is even more tiring...

Drains faster around some people

For those people who wonder what introverts do with their time - and I will speak only for this introvert because we are all different in many ways. Since I only feel fairly well and "normal" for about 3, maybe 4 days a week, my useful loner time is really important to me. My life revolves around my health so... Here is what a good day can be like.

• Cleaning - because things pile up easily in a small space and I find that I feel mentally better in a clean space.
• Feeding and caring for my plants. My plants are a huge part of my mental health therapy. They don't talk or make noise; they just radiate peace and calm and the complexity of the beauty of God's creation. Nature is really stunning to me.
• Blogging here or at Free & Faith or Lotta Laughs. (I have been neglecting the 3 or 4 other blogs because they are too much to keep track of on any kind of regular basis. I can just barely keep up with this one!)
• Reading my Bible and meditating on it. If not for my faith, I don't know where I would be during all these ups and downs of the past 10 or so years.
• Trying to write. I kind of gave up on setting goals for my writing. I can't seem to carry lines of thoughts long enough to put down and pick up where I am in a plot. Now, I just write as therapy and self-enjoyment. (I've been thinking of getting back into knitting or crocheting but don't feel very confident about patterns and designs.)
• To keep my mind as sharp as I can, I check out a lot of adult-learning sites. I even bought a basic Maths workbook once to review algebra. It was a nightmare.
• Sitting and watching this kind of video to calm my anxiety. I have a whole playlist. It's what I use my TV for most. This underwater theme from the Mario game is my long-time favorite music to relax too when I get super anxious. Soothing stuff.
• Preparing meals to last for a few days or a week - depending on how I am feeling or on my budget. Trying new ways to eat healthily is an ongoing quest for this chunky gal. Right now, I'm working on using cayenne, ginger, turmeric, and black rice to boost my mood, immune system, and get my weight in check.

But the one thing I do, no matter how I am feeling, is thinking. When I am out of commission, I can spend hours just thinking about almost anything: life and circumstances; blessings and struggles,; why people do this or that, or what someplace or the other looks like; if turmeric is really all that beneficial to our health and how in the world can I get more of it into my daily diet because the stuff is not that tasty on just any old thing; why it is that plants are so mentally healing; whatever happened to the girl in fifth grade who was so pretty but always looked so sad; what did my mother mean that time 30 years ago when she said I reminded her of Sister Carruth; why I sometimes can't remember my phone number (and still can't remember the house number) but have the main lyrics from "The Crawdad Song" stuck in my head after hearing it the first time when I was about 12 when Daddy sang it to me...

And I heard the Crawdad tune a few weeks ago while re-watching some "Andy Griffith Show" episodes on Prime.

Forgive the Andy Griffith stuff. I get on a kick of watching oldie shows and that one is in current rotation. 

I like the TV show version also

And how cool is it that the families of these men can always go back and look at them through the different ages of their lives?

Anyway.

My best friend has a line she sometimes tosses out when I ask if she plans to go out shopping or anywhere else: "Nope. Can't do people today." Let me tell you: Instacart is our thing!

The worse thing about some extroverts is how petty they can be. Just because you don't like being out and about all the freaking time, they get offended and will exclude you to prove a point. It's as though they are triumphantly (and childishly) saying, "See, you do need people!" 

Here is my triumphant (and almost-but-not-quite-as-childish) reply:

"Of course, we do, you ninny. We just don't need the round-the-clock, in our space, co-dependent, unnecessary, bodyguard-like company to feel okay with life. If that's your thing, have at it. It's not my thing. I put up with your personality needs so why don't you try returning the favor?"

I am, as you can probably tell, feeling some kind of way about this right now...

So, for all my fellow introverts out there, I am just asking the rest of you to stop and think before you go all judgemental and critical of us. We are who we are and you are who we are. Let's learn to get along better - but you know, with you over there and me over here.

Peace

--Free

Sick-bed to ER to Well-dom

 Just over a week ago, I spoke too soon about feeling better. I thought I had the flu bug licked. Until I didn't. My fever came back to visit a couple of times then, just when I thought I really was getting better, one night my throat started hurting and I felt as if it were trying to close up. I took some aspirin and went to bed. 

Oh, Lord. What if I really am sicker than I think? What if I ignore this the way I ignored the sarc and it gets worse? What if I suffocate in my sleep?

Yeah. My anxiety kicked in the door and I imagined being found dead in my apartment. My messy apartment. 

I have a thing about keeping my place neat. I'm not fanatical about it but when your living space is as small as mine is, the least bit of clutter or thing out of place can resemble a scene from that show about hoarders. Seriously. So the only place I let things pile up is either on my bed or at my writing desk. And by "piling up", I mean having my computer, writing paper and pens, and some post-its taking up space. Since I'd been sick, I was keeping all that stuff on the little bed-tray-table thingie I have on one side of the bed. And because I was sick, there were some extra items on the bed - tissue, nose-spray, my pill organizer, a couple of bottles of water, and my Bible. There was barely room in the Queen-sized bed for my body.

The body that my family was going to find dead. In my messy apartment.

from the King Street Gallery
Wish I could afford a copy!

Not only was my bed a mess but so was the kitchen. Again, small space and things out of place. My kitchen is so small that I have to store my toaster on top of the fridge with I'm not using it. All I'd been doing since the bug had bitten me was fixing toast, coffee, and tea. But that had created a mess I had not cleaned up in days - paper plates and used paper towels and spoons sticky with honey and knives coated with old butter.

Someone is going to have to come in here and clean all this up before they can properly mourn my death.

Just like my own kitchen except neater

The more I laid on my bed, waiting for the aspirin to kick in, the more my throat seemed to close up. I was worried that maybe I did have COVID instead of the regular flu or a bad cold. I would die of COVID because I'd been too hospital-chicken to get myself checked. 

Lord, I don't mind dying but I sure don't want to die in a messy apartment.

I felt so sick and sorry for myself that I started to cry. And I started dozing off. Until my throat ache woke me. I sat up and realized I would have to go into the bathroom pantry to see if I had any more aspirin. But I was too freaking tired to walk to the bathroom and back. But my throat...

I guess the crying just made things worse because suddenly I felt like I couldn't swallow comfortably or get enough air in through my snotty nose.

When I called my family, it was about 11 or 11:30. They didn't even hesitate. As soon as I said that I thought I might need to go to the hospital, they went into action. The Conway Calvary was on the way!

Actually, the staff were all
very nice

And, of course, then I had to somehow get dressed. I hadn't showered in days and I had been sleeping in the same yoga pants, ratty t-shirt, bra, and underwear for at least 3 days (don't judge me!). There is not much that can get me to leave my house like that but I just didn't have the energy to do more than mask up my face, lock up my apartment and get myself to the lobby where I could sit and wait for my ride. They were there by the time I made it to the door. Looking all kinds of a hot, pitiful mess.

One I use here all the time

Now here's a weird thing that happened. Not even halfway to the hospital, my throat seemed to be opening up a little. it didn't hurt much to swallow and I actually felt as if I could fall right to sleep. 

The ER people are going to think I am overreacting to minor flu symptoms.

That's what I thought for about 2 seconds and then I remembered that this is 2021 and COVID is a thing. Thankfully, my family is vaccinated.

Too late, my friend.
It's too late,
though we really did try to make it.

So... A 10-minute ride to the ER; 5 minutes to disinfect my hands and sign in; 10 minutes in the waiting area (empty); 15 minutes in an exam room to strip, hide my icky bra and undies in my purse and under my coat (until they could be safely burned); 5 minutes with a nurse; and 10 minutes with a doctor and a lab guy who administered a COVID test. Then I laid there on the table and dozed for who knows how long? 25 minutes? An hour? When the doctor came back he was chipper and non-judgemental.

I don't have COVID. What I had was the lingering effects of the flu. And the problems with my throat closing up? That was most likely from an anxiety attack. I was released with orders to drink LOTS of water, take aspirin for any fever and see my regular doctor asap. I slunk out of there, relieved that I would live.

Funny enough, the ER doc said that he hadn't seen a "regular" flu patient in a long time.

Probably because "regular flu" patients don't rush to the ER in the middle of the night like manic hypochondriacs...

So, yeah. I live. I'm still super-fatigued and am using a lot of energy laying on my side in bed as I type this but at least I don't have COVID.

It was, Apparently, it was.

I've had bursts of energy. I have managed to empty the garbage, pick up the kitchen, and shower myself. I am still living mostly from my bed but I am feeling SO much better. Silly for running to the ER in the middle of the night, but...

If I die now, at least my bed will be the only messy thing about the apartment. 

Today, I made it to infusion and even stopped at the store on the way home for a quick minute. And I have finally gotten to try that WTRMLN Juice I've been hearing about. 

A bit of a 
disappointment :-(

That's the WTRMLN drink I've been searching everywhere for. My family picked it up for me. It's exactly like drinking the juice from a could-be-sweeter watermelon. I don't taste the lime at all, but I keep wanting to add sugar to it. I was disappointed the way I am when I am looking forward to a piece of tasty melon only to get one that's underripe. And I can taste the rind in this. It's not totally disgusting but I won't be rushing out to get more. Nope. (Maybe the other versions are better?)

In addition to trying the WTRMLN, I found a good ginger tea. The WTRMLN I tried might be a bust but...

Instant Ginger Tea with Honey

Now the ginger tea? That is so delicious. I don't like spicy things (wait til I get to the cayenne in a moment) but this is not the same kind of spicy as the pepper I force myself to add to juice. This tea is the first one I could find online that had ginger as the first of the ingredients and didn't have a lot of ingredients - just ginger, cane sugar, and honey. I like to drink it cold with a little bit of apple or pineapple juice or the occasional bit of coconut water (occasional because of the high potassium in coconut water). At night, I will drink it hot before bed.

And, yeah, I have been adding cayenne to my diet - for the capsaicin. Yep, me, the woman who can barely take too much black pepper in her food. 

Haven't had that problem. Yet.

I don't go crazy with it though. I have just been adding a little bit of cayenne powder to my juices and smoothies. If I add it to coconut water or apple juice, the heat isn't too much. Instead of ingesting a lot all at once, I just do little 6-ounce shots throughout the day.  One tip I picked up for cooling the heat is to use dairy (knew that one), something acidic (lime or lemon), or carbs (bread). For me, coconut water or apple juice works well.

Capsaicin is found in various types of peppers but is higher in the hotter ones (I think I'm saying that right). I have heard that, like ginger, it's good for the immune system. I also heard something about how it can rev the metabolism. Hmmm? I don't know. I'm almost beyond caring about that for now. But I can say that it does affect the appetite. On the days that I add some cayenne to my juice, I feel less hungry and less inclined to snack. ~shrug~

So, yeah, I'm trying to help my immune system out as much as I can. 

At any rate, I didn't die in a messy apartment. I am still here and feeling a little more back to my usual (hah!)  level of wellness every day. Hopefully, I will be getting some more posts out of the Draft basket and posted soon.

Peace

--Free

Bread, Bread, Bread for Life

  I rarely toot the horn of a site if I haven't used their services but I'm going to make an exception. Recently, I found this site and I'm kind of excited. I have been checking out their blog also. 

The only reason I ever found Food to Live (FTL) was because my doctor has warned me to get a bit more serious about eating healthier things. I'm not eating super-junky stuff but I need to go harder at the fiber and nutrients than I have been.

The first change I made was to cut out the sliced garlic and herb turkey deli meat I so love for sandwiches. I switched up and kept everything else except for the meat and bread. Yeah. I now use high-fiber bread instead of brioche or Italian white bread and I just enjoy it with the avocado, tomato, and yellow onion. It's a tasty sandwich. Because of the delicious bread and the avocado, I almost don't miss the turkey.

This Aldi's Ancient Grains is the bread I started to fall in love with:

I need to be able to control
that sodium level...

It's pricey though. Like around 5 a loaf. I wanted to try Ezekiel Bread or Dave's Killer Bread but their prices make the Ancient Grains look like nothing.

I've switched over to eating a lot of cabbage and other greens, white meat, and using good oils. When I was going over my budget, I realized I need to find a way to afford really nutritious bread. So...

My family has asked what I want for Christmas. My answer: bread machine. I picked out one that will let me add nuts and seeds or just prep the dough so I can finish the rest myself. Then, while looking for affordable seeds and grains, I found Food to Live.

FTL recipes are heavily vegan and I am not interested. I just want to be able to make my own sprouted grains and seeded bread. It has to be less expensive than keeping Killer Dave in business. Those prices!...

Normally, I am not a big eater of bread. However, I would rather get full from eating a highly nutritious bread than eating a ton of veggies and fruits. I can only take so much of salad and chicken. With the right bread - seeded with tasty nuts - I could go from breakfast to dinner on just that with some butter.

In case any of you are interested, here are some links I have found to recipes. Enjoy.

• Easy Dutch Oven Bread  this one not only looks good but I can't wait to use my Dutch oven for bread
• Fast No-Knead Multi-Seed Bread and this one... that bread looks amazing.
• Seedy Sandwich Bread with Sprouted Wheat I'm not as visually excited by this one, but I love the idea that it's with sprouted wheat.

I was happy to see that The Prepared Pantry had this helpful write-up on designing whole grain bread recipes. That will go up on my fridge.

This all has me very excited to get my hands on that bread machine! In the meantime, I am going to start trying some of these recipes by hand. Pictures (good or bad) will be coming up...

Peace

--Free

Feeling My Age (or Baby Got Bad Back)

UPDATE: Turns out that this back thing might be a bit more serious than I thought. I was rid of it (except for tenderness) for a couple of days. It came back and it's pissed. I am pretty much stuck in bed right now and laying on my side trying to type, drink water, nibble on something, and wait for the back brace to get here. My brother brought me some Advil (a no-no for me) and I am taking them only at the worst of the pain. If things don't get better after a couple of days with the brace, I will have to call my doctor. Until I work this out, posts will be sporadic. 

I will be doing a post on Free and Faith, even if it takes me all day to get it written. Please visit that blog when you get a chance.

Peace.

A while back someone asked users of Reddit when they felt they officially became "old" (or something to that effect). My answer: The first time I stood up and everything hurt for no reason. That was then. Today, I know better. 

My heart and spirit might feel thirty but my body feels its physical age. Maybe even a bit older. I wasn't able to type this post for the past couple of days because I couldn't even sit up. My back has betrayed me. 

I was about to get out of bed one morning but felt a bit unsteady. When my balance is off, I wait til it comes back 'on'. I learned that the hard way. So I'm wide awake and ready to get the day started but had to wait until I knew I wouldn't be walking into walls. After about half an hour, I was ready. My back was not.

My back wasn't really hurting before I sat up. It felt a little bit sore like I had slept wrong, but nothing awful. Then when I sat up, everything locked. I have never felt such pain like that. I literally could not do anything without feeling as if someone had a grip around the lower part of my spine and was daring me to move. 

So there I am, sitting partway up in bed, waiting for relief. That wasn't going to happen. After a bit, I managed to turn so that my legs were on the floor - thank God I sleep right on the edge of my bed - but, nope, I wasn't going anywhere further for the time being. Every thought of a movement induced pain that was like the opposite of an orgasm. Just pain like I have never experienced - and I once cracked a rib by sneezing when I had a cold that kept me constantly coughing or sneezing.

I'm not sure how long it took me to move a bit, rest a bit, move a bit, etc. Finally, I was able to grab hold of the bedside lamp pole and hoist into a standing position. Let me back that up - I was able to hoist myself into a crouching position. And I had to stand like that until the pain crept away just a bit. 

Here's the fun part of this story. Remember, I was just waking up. What's the first thing most of us do when we wake up? Hang out for a while, having conversations with our backs? No. I had to pee. I had to pee like a pregnant woman drinking a Big Gulp. I had to pee so bad that I think I lost calories not peeing myself. 

Somehow - and I'm not kidding when I say I'm not sure exactly how - I managed to creep slowly out of the bedroom and to the bathroom. The problem then became how to get into position. I could hardly get my underwear down but when I did, I couldn't get over the toilet low enough to pee. Eventually, I just held my breath and dropped down onto the toilet. I felt so pretty, let me tell you...

I cannot describe the pain that went through my back. It hurt to pee. It hurt to be sitting, but I couldn't get up right away because moving to do so hurt worse than the sitting. I knew there was no way I was going to make it into the shower that morning.

Now, I have had rare and occasional mild spurts of lower back pain over the past - I'm guessing - two years? Usually, this happened after sitting too long in one position or while sit-slumping. When it happened, I would take my time standing and then stretch out a bit. Or prop my hands against the wall with my feet back in a pushup position. My back would relax and behave. Not this time.

I have no idea how long I sat on the toilet but I had time to contemplate calling my SIL for help. Of course, my phone was in the bedroom so I wouldn't be able to buzz her in and my front door was locked so the manager would have to let her in... Ugh.

Finally, I managed to clean myself up and get off the toilet but the effort made me crave morphine. I would have crawled if I could have made it to my knees. I ended up taking a few steps at a time, holding onto counters, door frames, and walls until I made it back to the bedroom. All I could do was sort of fall onto the bed and just deal with the screams from my back.

And that is where I lay for about three hours, no kidding. And keep in mind that I am doing IF so I hadn't eaten for 18 hours when I first woke up. Now I'm at almost 21 hours and I didn't care about food but I wanted coffee like an addict wants crack. 

"Hi, my name is Trudy and I'm a 'feine fiend."

My best friend called and I was able to answer the phone. She told me to try either to get flat on my back or into the fetal position and to totally relax all my muscles. When I could get up at all, she suggested I put a heating pad on my back. (I don't have a heating pad. Stay tuned to see my substitute.) She also told me to stay down until I could move without pain. "You're making it worse by moving all around the apartment." (Like I was just sprinting around the place...)

Her advice worked. Sort of. Laying flat on my back didn't help like it had in the past. A fetal position, with a pillow between my knees, felt better.  I was able to spray magnesium oil towards the area - sort of - and after a bit, I managed to make a "heating pad".

 

That's some kitchen rags dampened 
& sealed for heating
in the microwave

The heat helped. Sort of. I still couldn't make coffee. I lay in bed for hours, sipping bottled water through a straw and dozing off and on. Every now and then, I would test my ability to move and I managed to get to the bathroom a couple of times. 

At some point during this bed rest, I was just suddenly able to move without crying. I don't know what did it. My back still ached in that spot but I could ease myself out of bed and get around if I walked slowly and carefully. 

After almost 28 hours of nothing but water, I grabbed myself some sliced brioche (it makes great oven toast!) and honey and some more water and went back to bed. 

My back has remained sore but only occasionally seizing up the past couple of days where the pain lasts half an hour to an hour or so. The problem area is still very tender and I am overly aware of every move I make. 

Since I am broke because, you know, groceries and bills and end of the month, I put this on a credit card and cannot wait until I get it:

  

Mueller Adjustable Back Brace

Of course, this part depresses me!

It was the most affordable-but-decently-rated one I could find on short notice. I will get a heating pad next. I don't know what I am going to do about a couch. My futon sofa is the absolute worst thing to try sitting on with a kinked up back. It sits too low and is made for dorm rooms not nursing homes.

 

Ain't this a blip? Just last month, I was thinking that although I'm getting 'up there' in age, the worst thing about my health is my sarcoidosis. Nope. My back is apparently jealous and wants the first place ribbon for that. It's in the lead.

Peace

--Free

Serious IF

NOTE: It dawned on me that some of my vitamins and supplements have calories. If you are doing IF, check that and make sure you know how many sneaky calories you're getting in supplements. Dangit.

A long time back, I played around with an intermittent fasting diet. It was rough and, as with Keto, I couldn't stay on track with it for some reason. At the time, I loved the idea of the IF diet but often felt so deprived and I could not fight off cravings. Recently, I kind of fell back into it unintentionally. I'm serious. I didn't want to blog about it until got into a groove.

Money IS saved!

I was talking with someone who asked about my past experience with IF. They wanted to know why I'd stopped and if I would consider doing it again. I remember telling them that the real deal with IF (or Keto, or anything) is that it really cannot be a "diet" for you. It's such a cliche, but it has to become just the way you now do food.

Not long after that conversation, I had to take a weekly dose of a medicine that makes me feel icky. Every week I take this stuff and for a couple of days, I'm just not into food. All I want is to sip broth and wait for "normal" to return. It's just part of my life. I don't like it but I've gotten used to it and it keeps me alive.

Well now. That sounds familiar, doesn't it? IF is just another life-saving habit to adopt.

When I say that I fell into IF unintentionally, what I mean is that, because of my weekly medicine situation,  I was already sort of doing something like "Modified IF". That is when you do fast, you allow yourself a small number of calories. When you aren't fasting, you can eat what you want - keeping "what you want" within reason if your goal is healthy weight loss.

My problem has not been the fasting itself but the timing of the fasts. So I got myself this free phone app. Actually, I got that app after trying about 5 other apps. iFasting happens to be the best, in my opinion. It's pretty simple and does what I need most: time the fasts and notify me. The only issue I've had is trying to add in the 4 days that I wasn't using the app.

To summarize how I've been doing this time of IF, I will repeat (sort of) the conversation I had when talking with my friend about it. She's thinking of giving it a(nother) try herself. So, in a Q&A format...

Q: How many hours are you fasting?
A: 16 to 18. Usually, 18 because, for some reason, that seems easier than 16. I have just started adding in a 24 hour fast. I'm still on my first one as I type this but hope to do one every week - maybe on a weekend.

If I get to bed around 9, this won't be bad at all!

Q: What times have you chosen to stop and start eating and why?
A: I like to start eating ("feasting") from 8 to 9 in the morning. Here's a screenshot of a  recent fasting day (from the app):

Q: How do you break your fast?
A: With a glass of water while I brew my first cup of coffee. I read that drinking water first thing in the morning (no matter you diet type) is good for you. There are lots of articles about it and this is one I chose at random.  After the water, I start having my coffee that I drink off and on during my feasting hours.

Q: What are some typical foods/meals/beverages?
A: I try to eat a lot of big salads (see below) on most days. When I want, I will "carb-up" with pizza, sweet bread, etc. I try to drink water every day and I am getting better at it. I drink hot tea with heavy cream and sweetened with honey. I mix orange juice (not from concentrate) with black or green tea leftover from the fasting hours. For fun, I sometimes blend heavy cream into orange juice and add a little vanilla extract.

Q: How do you get through the longer fasts? 
A: The first couple of days were the hardest because I had to get back into black coffee. Ugh! I have since learned to use the out-of-sight theory. If I don't pay attention to the food I have around, cravings are not bad. I go into the fridge only to grab water and I stay out of the cupboards where the snacks are.

Q: What do you drink to get through the fasting? 
A: Long or short (remember, I am fasting 16 to 18 hours on a regular basis), I drink a lot of water. I try to get Pellegrino on sale so that I'm getting something sparkling that I like every now and then. I drink black coffee made on the weak side. I think that Luzianne coffee is the best-tasting black coffee I've had because it actually tastes better black that with cream and sweeteners. (It used to be about 4 bucks a 13-oz bag and is no longer available...) Black tea is for later in the day. I am just now starting to drink green tea as well.

Q: Have you ever "cheated" on a fast day?
A: Once. I've been doing this since the 16th (this is the 12th day as I type this). A couple of days ago, after fasting for about 10 hours, I woke up and could get back to sleep. I ended up fixing a slice of pizza and eating a big chunk of vanilla cream brioche. Other than that, I haven't really had a lot of temptations. I decided that as long as I am doing well for long stretches, a temporary setup is not a big deal. That pizza was awesome. See later down in this post for my recipe to jazz up a take-and-bake pizza!

One upside to this is that I find that on the days I eat fewer carbs, I crave fewer carbs. Also, a salad can fill me up to the point where it's all I need to eat for that day.

Q: Are you losing a lot of weight?
A: No. I am losing a little bit every day (according to my scale) and my clothes started feeling and looking better after about (I'm guessing here) 7 or 8 days in. I think I would be losing more weight if I were 'carbing up' every now and then. So far, I've been great about being low-carb but I'm going to play with my menu during the next grocery order.

Q: Do you think that you will be able to stick to it this time?
A: I actually do. Before, I struggled almost immediately. This time, IF feels more natural. Also, I am going to be cutting myself some slack like I did the time I broke fast.

Q: Are you going to make any changes to the way you fast - maybe with modified IF days or adding Keto?
A: No. Other than attempting to do a 24-hour fast on a regular basis - whether once a week or once a month - I am going to keep this simple. I am trying to eat fairly healthily without really depriving myself. I think that the simpler I keep things, the more success I will have in making this a lifestyle habit. So far, the 24-hour thing isn't that much of a struggle. I just looked at the app and realize that I am doing great. I will be up, showered, and dressed by around 8:30 or so and I can drink water until time to have my heavenly coffee at 11:18 when I break the fast. I can keep busy by taking out the trash and unloading the dishwasher until time to break.

Q: Have you noticed any difference, positive or negative up to this point?
A: I wake up with much better morning breath (maybe from not eating so late in the evening?). My urine is clearer due to the increase in the water I'm drinking. My skin seems to feel better (more hydrated, maybe?) and my constant fatigue is a bit less heavy. The one downside is that my nausea from my weekly injection is worse. Maybe I need to carb up before taking my shot? I mentioned that my clothes feel better fitting.

Q: What's the best advice you've heard/read to help with fasting?
A: I figured out for myself the best ways to deal with it. A lot of people find their way to live with IF longterm and we probably share the same pointers:

• To not think about eating. Keep your hands and/or mind busy.
• Put all the "feast" time food away so you aren't seeing it every time you go into the kitchen.
• Drink a glass of water. Drink another glass. Drink some more.
• If you are on IF to lose weight, go look at or try on the clothes you have that you would like to fit better. Do a 10-minute browse through a site or catalog of what you would like to wear in a smaller size.
• Think about the dreaded weigh-in at your next doctor's appointment.
• Take a quick walk to check the mail, empty the garbage, or get some air.
• Realize that it's just food you are abstaining from and that, if you want, you can break the fast. It's a day-to-day situation and every day is going to be different. 

Anyway, this has been my experience. Here is the recipe for 'jazzing up" store-bought pizza and a list of general groceries I keep around lately.

Jazzy Pizza

• Store-bought pizza (I get Adli's Mama Cozzi's or any kind of decent pizza that is NOT Totino-like)
• Mozzarella pearls (this is the cheapest way to get full-fat mozzarella)
• Black olives (I get the canned jumbo size - not sliced) slice them to your liking
• Bacon bit-style crumbles
• Mrs. Dash or Lawry's Seasoning Salt or Garlic Salt, Italian seasoning
• Sweet peppers sliced your liking 
• Onions
• Tomatoes
• Olive oil (I have a sprayer but you can also drizzle) or butter 

Everything is optional. Use what you have and what you like. You could even drain some pineapple chunks if you like a Hawaiian style pizza. 

If you don't have olive oil, you can brush the crust and sides with a little melted butter halfway through baking. I spray the entire pizza slice with the olive oil after I've added all my extras.

 Big Fat Salad

• Bagged or fresh salad greens. I get raw spinach to add to a bag of whatever garden salad is available or just cut up some lettuce and some sweet peppers.
• Tomatoes. Roma and cherry tomatoes have been on sale around here lately.
• Sweet pickles (chopped to your liking)
• Olives (whole or chopped to your liking)
• Bacon bit-style crumbles. I have not yet found bacon on sale to fry up fresh. The crumbles last longer anyway.
• Some kind of protein or combo. I use cheese or eggs and chicken or pork or turkey - whatever I have. I like using those fake crab pieces when I find some on sale. Chop to bite-sized pieces to top your salad.
• You can season with Mrs. Dash-type seasoning or just use salt and pepper if you want.
• Ground flax to sprinkle on top. (I happen to have a huge bag that I bought and keep in the fridge. It's supposed to be good for you.)

Use whatever dressing you like. I love Poppyseed dressing - both creamy or vinaigrette. 

If I eat this salad before I eat anything else, I don't seem to feel as hungry afterward. I can usually eat nothing but a huge salad and I'm done for the day.

I hope this is helpful and/or encouraging for anyone considering IF.

Peace

--Free

**SIFO** Newest Superfoods?

This is the first of what I'm calling Stuff I Found Out (SIFO - sigh-fo)  posts that might pop up from time to time. This will be things I hear about in the news that I usually only share with my family and friends because they haven't heard about it or don't have time to read the source. Here we go...

SOURCE: Article on Chowhound (that I found via the Flipboard app) about new Superfoods.

TLDR Summary: (links added are from me)

• Nervines - a new set of herbs. In the class of herbs known as "adaptogens" that possibly help us combat stress and jitters. Nervines? Think herbs for your nerves.
• Chlorella - algae described as a "complete protein" that is high in B12 and other good stuff. Can be used in powder form to add to soups and salads. (This was a big thing back in Alaska around 6 years ago. The health food stores would put this right on the end of aisles because people were always coming in looking for it.)
• Raw Cacao - is up there with the whole "dark chocolate is good for you" craze. It's high in a lot of good stuff - like antioxidants and has protein and fiber. I will say 2 things here: 1) I actually have used Cacao powder for a few years now and I got my huge bag from Amazon. I add it to my coffee and teas. I will add a photo later in this post 2) I saw an episode of that silly show "Mom" where Bonnie and Adam have a tiff when she eats his chocolate bar made with "Ka-Kow!". It's different from 'regular' choc.
• Fiber - Key to regulating blood sugar and bowel movements. Enough said there.
• Pre-biotics - The popular pro-biotics feed off of pre-biotics. Pre-b's, like fiber, are good for gut health. (I recently started trying to find a decent set of pre-and pro-biotics. It's a bit of a struggle finding something reasonably priced that works consistently.)
• Digestive bitters - These stimulate your body's efforts to break down foods. (I only think of booze when I hear "bitters"!) There is a brand of bitters (for digestive enzymes, not cocktails) listed but the article recommends using bitter herbal teas. Here's Wiki on bitters.

And here is the brand of cacao that I have used. Got my first bag around 4 years ago and it lasted for... possibly 18 months I am guessing. I got my next half-pound bag at a health food store not too long after I moved here and I still have most of it left. It doesn't take much added to my coffee (especially Keto coffee) or tea to give it a real yum yum flavor. If you have to drink black coffee, this is the way to do it! I keep some in a cannister on the counter and the rest heat-sealed in a bag in the freezer.

 Peace
--Free

This is one of my favorite songs.

I watched a documentary about the late Prince the other night. I thought about him when I was writing this post. He was rumored to be a health freak like some of us. The thing is, our mental health may be more important because it has to affect everything else, right Take care of all that you are, folks.

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