**RE-POST** From the Archives of 2006

some emails really are funny

                         
(This is an OLD post - from way back on FRIDAY, JUNE 30, 2006 It was from an viral email titled  "For My Lady Blogger Buddies" and I got it from one of my sisters-in-law. It's still funny, and I needed something to post on the blog today! Enjoy...

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Okay - and the guys too. Anyone who wants to laugh. No post today, so enjoy this. It was given to me yesterday when I went to lunch with my office family. I'm surprised we weren't kicked out of the place. I'm not sure who wrote it, but YOU WILL LAUGH. (It's a little long...)

CAUTION: Be prepared to laugh out loud!

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.
It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.

(YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my "honey pot" and stretching down to the inside of my ass cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. OH NO! What have I done???!!! Another deep breath and RRIIP! P!! Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. WHAT?! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, my "man magnet". Which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.

Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. My

LIFE FLASHES BEFORE ME!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. Kooter? Sealed shut! Ass?? Sealed shut! Both sealed tighter than

Fort Knox!!!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to Shit! My head may, quite frankly, just pop off!"

What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!!

I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? WRONG!!!!!!!

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your ass and nether regions glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!!

God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter -

"So girlfriend, my ass and "kitty" are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking your ass and crotch?" She must be reveling in humor and wantsme to repeat it for her enjoyment.

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your "man hole" girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on my cooch, and

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend.

It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.

"IT WORKS!! It works!!"

I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!! Looking like an Osama Bin Laden gotee!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color.....

Now that's funny ........ Notttttttttt.
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Hope this made your day (or night) a bit nicer. Smiles can do that.

Peace

--Free

**Update Attempt** Life-long Learning (links)

*****originally published 8//10 - I have not (yet) updated any links or info because I would like to hear from some of you first. Have any wonderful links to add to this list? If you do, please post them via comments here or on Google Plus. Someone was looking for this kind of info & I think we could all appreciate it. Thanks!*****


I don't usually do this: post info here that belongs on my other blog. But...

I know that some people who read this blog don't always check out my World Wide Wow blog (that's a new name for it, btw!),  and I want to do some shameless plugging for it, so I am posting some self-ed and career links here. If you are into life-long learning or need to refresh or up your skills, these links are for you. Enjoy!

• Learn Well - This one charges only for C.E. credits (in other words, you can learn free & only pay if you want/need credits). Nice, huh? Covers C.E. courses for RNs, Mft, LCSWs, MFCCs, Pharmacists, Dental Health Workers and others. (Don't get discouraged, keep reading the post for more links!)
• O.E.R.  (Open Educational Resources) - Here's how they explain their site: "In a brave new world of learning, OER content is made free to use or share, and in some cases, to change and share again, made possible through licensing, so that both teachers and learners can share what they know."  There are various subjects (Arts, Business, Humanities, Math & Stats, Science & Tech, Social Science) and different "grade" levels. Please explore.
• E-Learning Center - They offer free courses for  those interested in learning HTML, A+, MCSE, Excel and Office. (I see they also have many other courses listed on the homepage - for pay?) Check it out.
• English as a Second Language - is just exactly what the site is about. From the links on the page, I see there are "listen and speak" tools, podcasts and all sorts of goodies. Really cool & should be helpful to those interested.
• Free Ed - Nice site & covers LOTS of subjects. (Minor gripe: lots of ads make the site difficult to deal with, but, hey, it IS free, so...)
• Wanna Learn - good site, lots of topics. A little meandering since you have to find a  subject, then wade through more links to narrow things down. But, again, it's free! LOL
• Open Learning Initiative - Whew! Can be a little intimidating at first glance, but please give it a shot. (First link I spotted was to a course in "Engineering Statics." I thought it was a typo! ROFL. Shows what I know.... There's a course in something called "Computational Discrete Mathematics" O...kay then... I guess if you understand that then you are smart enough to appreciate that it's free.
• Math.com - for those who aren't ready for computational discrete mathematics... LOL (like ME!)
• Wikiversity - Well, we all know how I just love anything "wiki-like!" This is the spot to choose your language preference. When I got to the English page, I noticed that there are supposed to be close to 13,000 learning resources. Wow.
• Creative Commons - I'm not sure how to describe this resource, so here's their take: "Creative Commons is a nonprofit corporation dedicated to making it easier for people to share and build upon the work of others, consistent with the rules of copyright." I do know that it's free and what really caught my eye is that they have MIT Open courseware available. Somebody has got to love that!
• G.C.F. Learn Free (Goodwill Community Foundation) - described as "your free learning source." The offerings listed on its homepage are for Everyday Life, Math & Money, Computer Training and Work & Career. Cool.

I think that may be enough for now (if not overload!), and I really hope you take a look at the full list on World Wide Wow. (I update that blog often as I can, but I think I'm going to  have to take a free tutorial so that I can make it look nice and be a little more user-friendly. If anyone wants to volunteer to help a sistah out...!) Also, if you are looking for specific links on something, contact me & we'll see what we can do for ya.

Peace

--Free