**RANT** Life and Identity

It's been a while since I have done a rant post, but...

Recently, there's been a lot of discussion about the various pols gearing up to run to head the country. Kamala Harris is one person that gets a lot of love and hate from citizens who vote. I honestly don't know much more about her than what I saw during the Kavanaugh hearings. I would have to educate myself before I could voice a fair opinion. But let's talk about the underlying conversation. Let's talk about the whole idea of "identity politics". That's something I can chime in on. I've been wanting to chime in for a while but had to wait until I was having a day when I could think clearly and on point. Here goes.

I abhor "identity" anything: politics, religion, society, etc. We as human beings don't seem to be able to do anything in moderation. We turn enjoyment of everything into addiction or crime. We start out wanting to "identify" with each other to form connections and before you know it, we are forming dangerous religious cults, political hate groups, and crime syndicates. We have worried so much about grouping together - identifying - with one another that we are starting to not think as individuals.

(Before I get this rant properly started, let me admit that I have gone back and forth on some subjects of race and nationality. I'm human and I sometimes have "waffled". That is because I am always maturing in my opinions.  I've talked about race/nationality and things of my blackness here, here, here, and here, and probably in a couple more posts. This post though is going to be one I won't mind having thrown in my face in the future. So, let's go on.)

During a conversation with a family member a few months back, I explained why I wish we could all get over using race to identify each other. In my opinion, when we identify by race (or nationality), we automatically fall back on stereotypes. Ideally, we will learn to identify by cultures and I will speak more on that later.  If we start identifying each other based on other things, we can be more intelligent about socializing.

Now, about the "identifying as cultures" thing. I know that there are different cultures within cultures. As a black American, I know that I have lived or experienced being  so many different kinds of black that I can hardly keep up: black Texan, black Southerner, black Yankee, black G.I. brat, black Alaskan, black Iowan, black woman to a black man, black wife to a white man, black wife to a white Englishman, and a  black divorcee. I can self-identify all over again as all those things as just a woman. Therefore, I can largely identify with other women who have been Texan, Southern, Yankee, etc. We would have things to talk about and relate to. And the race issue matters, of course, but it wouldn't be what brought us into a dialogue.

My best friend is a woman who is 20 years my senior. We only met because we worked together and happened upon a friendship due to some random happenings. Left to our own devices, we might never have been anything more than nod-and-smile co-workers. I am so thankful this woman is in my life. Imagine how many more people are out there I could have been connected with. 

There are plenty of people who check the same boxes I do for gender, race, religion, and nationality with whom I might have nothing else in common. Out of about 10 billion people on the planet, there have got to be hundreds of thousands I can seriously relate to based on other things. Hobbies, phobias, quirks, humor, skills, goals, hopes - if I met someone right now, these are the things I want to talk with them about. These are the things that will connect us. 

Anyway, I am losing some of my coherence so I will wind down but I hope you got the gist of my point. Stereotypes divide us and are just a lazy way to look at the world and justify some of our own behaviors. Stereotypes only "have some truth" because of statistics: out of 10 billion people, you can find an argument for any stereotype. 

I really hope we can all learn to approach each other (or not) in a more sensible way. After all, Ted Bundy and other dangerous people have used stereotypes to their advantage.

Peace

--Free

**Quickie Post** Valley Radio News (Shocking. Not.)

This station bills itself as Mat-Su Valley's first news talk station.

1. The Valley has a rep here in Anchorage.
2. This station just added some negative juice to the rep.
3. Maybe I'm being touchy, but: my blog, my views.  I don't have a radio presence.

Never listened to this station before. Only listened by accident earlier today because I bumped the radio knob while plugging in my phone charger.

I tuned in just as the hosts were doing something called the "Hip Hop Review" segment. Apparently, they feel that parents need info on who and what their kids are listening to as far as music. Today the discussion was a highlight of news of some court-bound rappers. I agreed with what they had to say. I was a little put off by how they said it: mimicking the speech and speech patterns/slang of what they think rappers sound like.

Now, I am the biggest anti-thug, anti-violence person in my circle. I literally preach to the young people in my life about the madness of most "thug" music.

So, what's my problem with this segment that I heard? Not much. I'm just wondering if they have a segment on other types of music/artists who are such bad role models for kids. I won't be tuning back in to find out. I won't be tuning back in to that station. Ever.

Like I said, I don't have a radio presence. If I did, I wouldn't dare generalize the Mat-Su residents with the common stereotypes assigned to them. I know that they are not all pot-smoking/growing/dealing, wild-eyed nutcases, "trailer trash", lunatic fringe of the frozen North. I know that, but someone hearing a radio show that talks that talk might not know that.

Peace
--Free

"Welfare" is NOT a Dirty Word

When I posted about hope for the disabled, I was thinking of how being disabled is stigmatized enough without other problems.

Being out of work is a trigger for depression. You aren't bringing in a paycheck - you are receiving welfare.

Definition of Welfare: financial support given to people in need. (my emphasis)

Welfare isn't a dirty word, but the way many people say it makes one think of a recipient as being lower than a rapist. I think one of the reasons I've always disliked an otherwise likable man is because he popularized the term Welfare Queen. He did for recipients of assistance what many trashy newspapers do for the image of any American person with brown skin.

I've responded before to people who have a negative perception of welfare recipients. (Okay, it was more like I ranted, but I felt provoked.) I probably didn't touch the conscience of the stupid, but I might have made a difference to the ignorant.

On the subject of depression among the disabled (even those who aren't diagnosed as depressed), much of the problem is caused by ignorance. Most of us are guilty of being ignorant of situations we haven't been in. Ignorance is only bliss for the people it doesn't affect. When I run into people who are ignorant about my personal situation as a welfare recipient, I am affected. Sometimes, I come away mad, but I often just feel depressed and frustrated.

An example:

A while back, I was in the grocery store and another shopper started chatting with me. She commented on the ridiculous prices of the fruit we were looking over. She told me how she had lived all over the world and still didn't understand why shipping costs to Alaska seemed worse than anywhere else. That led us into a conversation about other things: places we'd lived, jobs we'd held, our hobbies... We even had a good laugh over being single after forty. She was one of those people you meet and just instantly like. She seemed smart, educated and friendly. We talked for probably a good fifteen minutes before separating to finish our shopping. A couple of times while I was cruising the aisles, I saw her and another woman sharing a cart.

When I went to the self-checkout section, there was the lady and her friend at the register next to mine. She had a bunch of groceries she was almost finished checking out and she gave me a look of "Thank God" when she was just about done. I scanned my three or four items and pulled out my EBT card to pay.

The EBT cards issued here in Alaska look pretty much like any debit card, but most residents know at a glance exactly what they are.

The woman who had been so friendly before saw that EBT card and she developed an instant nose-up attitude. I don't know if she said anything to her friend or not, but I caught them watching me and giving each other looks. I thought about waving when I left, but they were ignoring me pretty good. I'm not blaming this woman for her reaction. I blame media and anyone who promotes negative stereotypes. Still, I felt a few seconds of hatred for that lady's attitude. When I got over that, I spent the drive home wishing something would happen to send her running to stand in line at the local Public Assistance office. I got over that, but the hurt feelings I had lingered for days. Also, I started using my EBT card at the least busiest time in a store - like at midnight.

Maybe I am just being sensitive. Probably. Knowing how welfare is so stigmatized in our society will do that.

I told my sister once that no matter how I'm dressed or how I speak and present myself, that the minute I have to pull out that EBT card at a store (or the Medicare/Medicaid card at a clinic), my soul shrinks ten inches. My sister knows me. She knows that I tend to feel everything too deeply. She has held my hand while I've cried from feeling embarrassed and worthless because of that fucking EBT card.

Being on welfare feels like wearing signs that say things like "I am lazy", "I am milking the system", "I am the reason you pay so much in taxes".

What I want to express here is that not everyone receiving assistance owns those signs. We've paid taxes and we will be happy enough to pay them again. Not all of us wear our situations wear you can see them. We are smart, educated and worthwhile people. We have, at some point, worked just as hard as you. We dream and hope and care and feel. Just like you.

The past couple of years have been tough, but I've learned things about myself that I might never have discovered. A good thing about being at your lowest point is, you can be sure of the sincerity of the people who love you.

If you are someone lucky enough to never need help, be good to the people who do.

Peace
--Free

Stereotypes Gone Buckwild

Some folks are mad at Senator Manchin of West Virginia. He is calling out the producers of a show ("Buckwild") that shows the young people of his state in a bad light. I get why some people are upset with Manchin, and I get where the senator is coming from. He's embarrassed for "his people."

This reality show lets kids show their "country" asses for everyone to snigger at. (Yeah, I said it.) Mr. Manchin is "repulsed." We've all been there. Chris Rock certainly channeled my thoughts about Flavor Flav:

We've all felt like Manchin. If you are a woman, you are Manchin every time you see another female, out in public, wearing something inappropriate for (choose all that apply): her age, body type, body shape; the place, function, etc.  If you are black, you cringe a little (or a whole lot) when you see anyone acting out one of the many negative stereotypes.

Stereotypes are tricky, though. We can feel one way about them one minute and, the next, well... (Then again, I'm a Cancer, so I have a strange way of looking at things.)

A story:
When I was in my mid-twenties, I was at a nightclub with a big group of girlfriends. We were on the prowl ourselves so we noticed any other young women with the same mission. At one point, we spotted a gorgeous girl sitting nearby. She was getting hit on by a really cute guy. She was white, the guy was black. All was well with the world. Until my friends and I could hear a part of the conversation. I don't know where this girl was from, but she sounded like she was speaking a street patois. It was so weird to hear the slang and intonations coming from someone who looked like her. Things got ugly at our table when one of the girls in my group said the most innocently ignorant thing I'd ever heard:

"She sounds black, doesn't she?"

Excuse me? What does "black" sound like? I'm black and I couldn't sound like this chick if I took lessons.  But I knew exactly what my friend meant. Still, my feelings were very confused. Did my friend think that "sounding black" meant not even attempting to speak decent English? (That would be an insult, right?) Or did she mean the girl sounded really hip? (A compliment?)

See, that's the thing: sometimes, we can (any of us) be so very ashamed of things associated with us by race, class, gender or whatever - but at other times, we can feel proud or amused. I watched "Kings of Comedy" with a white friend and we laughed our asses off, but if he ever calls me "bitch" or "nigger," we're going to have problems. (On the other hand, my closest girlfriends and I call each other "bitch" and "heffa" as terms of affection. I don't mess with the word "nigger" at all. It's just ugly to me.) By the way, I believe that interracial dating makes people either way better or way worse at respecting all lovers. After two mixed relationships, I'm better in lots of ways. Toot-toot.

Oh, the conflicts, huh?

Just yesterday, my roommate and I were in a store and saw a woman who looked as if her mission in life is to show the world she has many damns but won't give up one. She was sloppily dressed, wore too much of the worst kind of makeup, and her hair was such a mess that I swear she hates herself.
The thing is, whenever you see someone like this, suddenly you are not just you, the individual, but you are this person's sister or brother or mother or daughter - whatever. We simultaneously feel an association with and a need to distance ourselves from "those kind of people."

But, who knows? Maybe those people - the woman in the store, Walmartians everywhere - maybe they are the ones who have it together? Maybe the ones of us who are embarrassed by association are the ones with the problem.

For me, I'm with Manchin. I get why he's embarrassed. On the other hand, he's asking for censorship. If he wants "Buckwild" off the air, then I have my own demands. I need the immediate obliteration from life any public person, show, photo or advertisment (print or televised) that makes me feel embarrassed:

• to be black
• not to be a size 4
• not to be male
• not to be gay
• not to have long silky or wavy hair, short silky hair, cute hair of any length or style
• not to be the desire of whoever the latest "hot" or "It" guy is
• not to be spontaneously orgasmic at the single touch of a man (or woman)
• because I'm not light or dark enough
• not to be tall enough
• for having morals
• for being from the same state as Sarah Palin (the state of Alaska, not the State of Clueless)
• because I don't put out after the first three drinks
• because my dates don't involve limos or private jets
• for not having the whitest teeth
• for being me

I swear, I could make this into an eternal Benedictine chant. No time for that. I have to go and get the bitch and heffa in the next room (niece and roommate) so we can get the rest of this day moving.

Peace
--Free