Walmart's Scan & Go Is... Mostly Awesome

 Finally, I have tried Walmart's Scan & Go app. How was it? Not too bad, but I do have suggestions...

The Good:

• It was fast. My family didn't have to wait as long for me to shop and check out.
• It was easy. The app is user-friendly and easy to learn.
• It was better than "regular" shopping. For the most part!
• You are seeing your shopping totals as you add things to your cart. That was awesome. There were no surprises at checkout like "What did I spend so much on?!?!?!"
• It's super convenient, especially when the store is crowded.
• I didn't have to pull out my wallet at all.

The Not-So-Good:

• The scanner in the app wouldn't read one of my items. I put it back.
• You do have to hit a self-checkout register to, um, check out.
• There is no checkout register designated for Scan & Go customers.
• Not all the staff seem to know about it. Maybe.

Overall, I am impressed. I will probably always use Scan & Go when I have to be in the physical store.  For parents or other caregivers, it should be so much better to Scan & Go. Get in, shop, and get out. I would have loved Scan & Go when I shopped with my young nephew or my wheelchair-bound sister. 

I was a bit lost at first when I opened the app. I didn't realize that I had to wait to be in the store (connected to their Wi-Fi) to use it. The app walks you through the process from scanning and adding items to your cart to removing anything you decide you don't want after all.  Here are some parts of the process I really liked:

• After the first 3 or 4 items, the app prompted me to verify the amount of items in my cart. 
• When aiming the camera at a product, the scanner sort of searches for the code. As long as the code was somewhere in the photo square range, the scanner thing would "find" it. So I didn't have to worry about perfect aim.
• The scanner is not picking up and adding random items because you have to press "Scan" for each item. It's easy to do one-handed. 
• The running total is awesome. Every time I added an item to the cart, I got a total. It's a great way when you know you only have x amount of money. Like I said, no surprises at the end or having to put something back while people are watching.
• You can check your receipt when you have checked out. There is a photo of an actual store receipt right there on your phone. (You don't get that kind of receipt when using delivery or pickup.)
• You could change your mind and take things out of your cart if you wanted. The app will let you subtract that item.

My other slip-up was that it was only after I'd checked out that I remembered to go grab some bags for my items. This is another reason I think there should be a designated checkout station for the app users. Maybe I will remember to bring my own bags next time.

I think Walmart employees should be better educated on Scan & Go. The lady monitoring self-checkout was a bit confused when she didn't see me actually ringing up my items. She followed me to ask if she could "help me". Poor woman. She probably thought I was just a brazen shoplifter! I held up my phone to show her the "Exit Pass" on the app. 

The young dude manning the exit, was also a bit confused when I held up my phone to show him the Exit Pass. He let me go but still looked concerned. I walked out and that's when I remembered I needed a couple of bags. That poor guy at the door was really thrown when I came back for a quick moment, then left again with my items bagged. 

In spite of a couple of hiccups, that was probably the best-ever trip to Walmart. I wasn't all stressed out when I left, nor was I checking my purse to make sure I had my wallet. It was so easy, that it felt like cheating.

In contrast, my SIL took way longer to finish shopping for 3 things than I did for 6 things. The checkout line is where you save time.

Like I said, there is a little bit of room for improvement but I really was pleased. The main thing that bugged me was not having a designated checkout scanner. All I needed to do was get to a checkout register and scan the barcode on the screen. That basically completed my checkout and triggered the Exit Pass on my phone.  NOTE: This could be a real pain if the self-checkouts are all crowded... Designated registers will be a huge improvement...

Overall, Walmart is killing it with the Scan & Go app. It wasn't buggy or irritating to use. Next time I will try to remember to take screenshots at different stages of the process.

Peace

--Free

Walmart Is Spotlighting Black-Owned Brands

 I thought I would pass this along. Walmart is putting a spotlight on black-owned beauty brands. This is great for those of us looking for hair and skincare targeted to our specific needs. 

And, here's the thing: just because the brands are "black-owned" that does not mean they don't have products for all hair and skin types. 

Look at all these beautiful people

Since I have been working on streamlining my personal beauty routine, I've tried not to be lured into buying every new thing that comes along. However... LOL. Looking through this section of items on Walmart's site, I am seeing brands I never heard of before. I may have to snag one or two items over the summer.

One day, I'm going to put together a post listing all the beauty brands I've come across. I've found some amazing products from K-beauty, Afro-beauty, and Euro-beauty. I need to do a big ol' link list. In the meantime, take a gander at the Walmart list.

Something in every category

By the way, I only noticed a few weeks ago that some products on Walmart's site are eligible for subscription purchases. I guess they are keeping up with Amazon's Subscribe & Save option.

Well, now you know. I am going to scroll through some of the items but I'm sticking to my new streamlining method. I don't buy anything new in a category until I have used up what I already have. But the first thing I do want to try will be from the Pardon My Fro brand! 

Peace

--Free

Lazy Shopper's Rejoice

A lot of you know that I am the world's laziest shopper. So far, I depend primarily on Amazon and Walmart for delivery of most goods. Now it looks like those guys are going to have a little more competition.

Without jabbering you to death, I'll just get right to the details. Here are some of the articles I've been seeing about shopper options:

• "Here's how Walmart is taking on Instacart, Target, and Amazon" (Like with most long-distance deliveries, I can get everything but perishables from Walmart. I can order and pay for some grocery items to be picked up at a local store. That option is somewhat limited and, obviously defeats the "home delivery" purpose.)
• Here's a more concise breakdown of the Walmart delivery service. This is still in a test market phase, I guess.
• The Penny Hoarder review, "Shipt Grocery Delivery Service: Is It Worth the Added Cash for Convenience?" lays out some pros and cons of the Target-acquired delivery service. (In my opinion, you have to factor in things personal to your situation. I don't mind the hassle of arranging my budget and splitting my shopping between the different merchants. It's a hassle and there are costs but I also don't pay for a car, insurance, gas, and upkeep. As for my budget, I think that shopping this way keeps me within bounds. It's easier not to impulse shop or go over budget because I am seeing totals and fees before I actually pay. Finally, when I am shopping from home, I can run in and double-check my pantry before I order too much or too little of something.
• It looks like Kroger is testing a delivery service. This is good news for some shoppers. I don't think there is a Kroger's near where I live.

A couple of things that I'm surprised more people don't know is that in metro areas (Hi, Houston, where my best friend lives) you can get same-day delivery of groceries via Amazon Fresh. I was just stunned that my friend didn't know about this. We both shop Amazon so much that we should get alimony if we ever break up with Prime. She lives in one of the WORST places to drive so Fresh should be her new boyfriend.

Of course, as soon as I sign into Fresh, I get notified with a quickness that it's not available in my rinky-dink town. However, if I wanted to order groceries for my elderly aunt, I could do so just by changing the delivery address. In this day of aging relatives and such, that's a nice feature for some of us.

Just choose from your address book or add a new one

I love how they don't deliver to my small town address, but I can choose to ship "outside the US". Really, Amazon? You so trifling...

If the linked articles are on your "read later" list, just know that, along with Amazon, Target and Walmart have or are testing out same-day delivery services. Instacart is another way to get deliveries from local stores. For me, that means Hyvee and Petsmart. Yay.

I hope this was helpful. Now I have to go and read some of those long articles for myself.

Peace

--Free

P.S.: I picked 2 videos this time. 

 I love this one because the editing (?) is sheer genius. The old footage is a history lesson of sorts. (And, by the way, we don't need to make America "great again". She wasn't always that great for everybody but we were moving towards better until... well, never mind.)

This one is a favorite because I love the original Glenn Miller recording. Cool how somebody "funked" it up to another level. Enjoy.

**REVIEW** Walmart Winter Beauty Box 2019 (Hydration Heroes)

My best friend and I decided a long time ago that the best pick-me-up for a crappy day is to get an unexpected goodie in the mail. For her, it's pricey clothing and cookware. For me, it's one of my 5-or 10-dollar subscription boxes. I am down to only 3: the formerly $7 but now $5 Target box that I get every now and then; the $5 Walmart beauty box that comes on a quarterly schedule; and the $10 Ipsy bag that I just started back up with for next month. My favorite is the Walmart beauty box.** There's always at least one really useful goodie to discover.

These are the ghosts of boxes past:

This was a Walmart Summer Box

Walmart Spring 2018

A Target Summer 2018 box

A 2018 Ipsy bag

This is the current Walmart Winter Beauty Box for 2019.

I sharpened the photo
so you could see more details

The theme - Hydration Heroes - is perfect for this particular winter weather. It has been warm (and dry), cool (and dry), and below zero (and dry). Ugh. So out of all the items in this box, I will start with my favorite of the bunch:


Curel HydraTherapy Wet Skin Moisturizer

12 oz is $10.94
and also comes in an "itch defense" formula
for the same price

The first thing I tried was this moisturizer and I wasn't expecting to love it. I've tried other out-of-the-shower lotions before (Jergens brand, I think it was) and wasn't too wowed with the lasting effects. This one lasts. Also, I have been using it in between without water and I think I like it more that way, tell the truth. This is something that I would buy.

SooAE Black Charcoal Bubble Sheet Mask

$2.50 per mask as shown in the pic.

I am not a huge fan of facial masks because I don't really have "problem" skin and masks are kind of bothersome. For one thing, they can be messy. Also, not reusable.

When I tested this mask, I was only able to leave it on for about 2 minutes (of the 10 suggested) because it made my face itch in a couple of spots. I have a common sense approach to facial care: if something irritates my skin in the least, it comes off. Immediately. 

Looking like someone's nightmare. For real.

It didn't help that I could scare small children and pets with that thing. Not a good look...

While this was on my face, I could def tell it was doing something. First of all, there was an effervescent bubbling going on and, second, that itching started. I have a feeling that this might be best for people with oily skin but even then I would do a spot test before going full face with it.

PRO: The bubbles work and you can feel them working. For oily skin, that might have been wonderful. After being on for a very short time, once I rinsed, I could tell that my skin had been cleansed.

CONS: Too too messy for me.

That's the mask folded in there.
Had to unstick it to apply to face.

The mask was difficult to unfold because it was all glopped together in one big soapy/sudsy mess. Once on my face, the mask kept sliding around - even when I lay back and tried to stay still  - and I was worried about getting the solution in my eyes. My skin was cleaner feeling even after the very short time I had the mask on, but it was too drying and that leaving it on any longer was only going to damage my mostly normal skin.

NOTE: After the test, I read more on the mask's product page and realized I should not be using it ever. This one that I tested is for "acne and blemishes". This one is for solving dryness and is the one I should have used...


Neutrogena Collagen Kiss Collagen Infused Lip Mask

$2.47 (single); $4.95 (2-pk); $7.41 (3-pk)

If I don't rave over facial masks, you can guess how I feel about lip masks. It just seems a little silly to me. I actually have another one of these lying around in a makeup drawer from another subscription box. However, just for this blog post, I went ahead and gave the Neutrogena one a try.

You can see the list of ingredients

(That plastic outer seal is what's helping me save this for another use. Going to seal in vac bag and give it another go tomorrow.)

When you remove it from the plastic, there is a bit of oily residue visible.

I felt like an absolute idiot even in the privacy of my apartment. The dang mask kept sliding off my mouth and I looked like the Joker's girlfriend. (I might dry one out and use it for Halloween makeup this year.)

I don't know why they make these masks so large. Even someone with the fullest lips would leave a lot of this going to waste.

I mean, really, kiss me, baby, kiss me real good.

Enough for 5 sets of lips...

~sigh~

However... I have to say that, once I got the thing to stay put, the cooling sensation was extremely soothing and felt very hydrating. I would have gladly gone for another 5 minutes or so but I made it almost exactly10 minutes before my phone rang.

PRO: Felt amazing while on my mouth. Has an oddly relaxing sensation. The after effects were also good. It was as if my lips had been massaged with a high-quality moisturizer and a sheen of the ingredients remained for quite a while.

CON: A bit messy and the mask is way too large.

Like I said, I've vac-sealed the used mask and might try using it again while relaxing tonight. I enjoyed this and will now be using the other mask that I got in a box some time back. I won't buy any for now because I'm sure to get more in future boxes.

This is the KNC lip mask from, I think, an Ipsy or Birchbox:

(By the way, I tried the face and lip masks separately but I kept giggling when I thought of them together:)

my attempt at humor

Olay Daily Facial Hydrating Cleansing Cloths

$7.46/30 cloths

I used to love the Olay Regenerist serum but never use any of the other products. This wash cloth is pretty much the same as others. I was not disappointed, but I wasn't wowed. I don't generally use soaps on my face and I don't enjoy the feeling. I prefer cleansing with oils. This cloth is a nice idea for when traveling and wanting to freshen up the face. I'll pass this and stick with my oils.

Garnier SkinActive 3-in-1 Face Moisturizer with Rose Water ($9.96/ 6.75-oz jar)

Garnier Fructis Damage Repairing Treat Papaya 1 Minute Hair Mask ($2.97/ 3.4-oz jar)

I've tried both of these before and liked them enough to purchase each. I still have some because a little goes a long way with such dense creams. Here are my thoughts on the face cream. The hair mask is something I only use about once every 6 to 8 weeks. It lives up to the "repairing" hype and I probably should be using it more often during these colder, drier days.

This was a decent box. When you consider that you're only paying $5 for the postage, it's a cheap way to try new products. The one gripe I have with the Walmart boxes is that there are often repeat products. I've gotten the exact same Garnier products before and this time I didn't get any coupons. However, I did get notice of some other Neutrogena products I'd like to try (and I've never been  Neutrogena fan because they don't pay much attention to brown skin):

(I do want to try the Smooch Lip Oil!)

And... I got this nifty little bag.

Okay, the bag was ruined by the Walmart logo, but at least there was a bag. That's a little Ipsy-ish of Walmart, ain't it?

I am happy with the haul. Next one is not until the Spring 2019 box and I can't wait to see what's in store.

Peace
--Free



 ** There is also a Walmart (grooming) box for men.

**REVIEW** Hirt's Gardens via Walmart.com

My budget is about as bad as my emotions sometimes are. Broke and depressed, I have found that houseplants are the cheapest way to beat the blues and decorate a home. I've already told you all about this though. Since I haven't been driving, it's best that I do what I can online. Or maybe not.

Walmart's Garden Center had beautiful and affordable plants when I was there a couple of weeks ago. I had to look at the budget and pay some bills first so I only just now got one for $13, but I'll get back to that later.

My photo does no justice!

When I saw online that there were a Cordyline and some other plants that I could actually afford (even including the shipping), so I ordered them and waited anxiously for their arrival. The shipping time was shorter than estimated. That's one good thing at least. The problem is, the plants were MUCH smaller than I thought they would be. They all - all FIVE - came in a box smaller than the one I once got a coffee pot in!

Okay now, let's play the ol' what-I-ordered-and-what-got game...



What I ordered...

Hirt's House Plant Collection

..and what I got

As you can see, that snake plant is a hearty little thing. It's the one I've been advising my friends to get if they have trouble keeping houseplants alive.


What I ordered...

Peace Lily Plant - Spathiphyllum

..and what I got

Okay, this one didn't come out so bad; it just wasn't as lush as the product photo represented.

 What I ordered...

Chinese Green Ti Plant - Cordyline 

...What I got

How sad is this?!

Tragic

I think the cordyline was the biggest disappointment. It wasn't the size (I didn't expect a huge one), but that poor thing was all kinds of beat up! It's been about a week now and I'm slowly getting her to perk up. I was sick in bed myself the past day and a half so I checked on her this morning to see how she was doing. Thank goodness she's starting to look a bit healthier.

That's what happens, I guess when you order certain things online. And this is what happens when you go in and actually look at stuff in person...

Again, my camera kind of sucks!

 There were only three of them left. I guess I wasn't the only customer shocked to see such a great price on such a beautiful plant. I don't even want to think about what this would have cost me in Anchorage. Okay, I will guess at a low estimate of $30 maybe? I'll have to see if one of the nieces can run over and do a price check for me.

My camera does not show the full beauty of those colors. I do think the Walmart folk were over-watering her because her leaves have some browning and are brittle in a couple of places. At any rate, I love the plant. On my worst days, I will go lay in the living room just to look at all the plants and this cordyline is extra special. They should place these plants around patient areas in hospitals, seriously.


By the way, I don't see the brand of Hirt's Gardens on the large cordyline. Hmmm... This is what she looks like next to her mini-me:

Big sister, little sister

Now, I don't want to bash Hirt's because I'm sure they do the best they can to carefully package the plants for shipping. I kind of want to put the blame on the carrier. I could tell when I unpacked the plants that the box had gotten knocked around - and Hirt's had boldly labeled it as holding LIVE PLANTS. C'mon now people.

Anyway, I wanted to do this post for anyone else who may have thought of ordering plants online - from any seller, not just Hirt's.

Soon as I'm feeling better, I will do another post on the plants I've collected (yes, another one!). Meantime, I'll leave you with something I recently saw on Pinterest: don't stop be-leafing.

Peace
--Free

Online Groceries Shopping: Walmart vs Amazon Pantry

Ever since I even planned to move here to the Lower 48, I thought about doing most of my grocery shopping online. Now that I am here and mostly settled in the new place, I had a chance to try out the online grocery shopping experiment.

For my meats and dairy items, I can walk the block and a half to the little city market. The nearest large grocery store is too far away for me to get there on foot. Even if I could, getting the groceries back would be a hassle. The nearest Walmart is just over 7 miles away in the neighboring town.

I have a Prime account and an online Walmart account. I decided to see which would be most affordable for buying basic household supplies. I'm talking about pantry items (soups and some cooking staples) and things for cleaning and storage. Here is what I ended up listing:

• Paper towels
• Toilet tissue
• Sanitary/feminine hygiene items
• Soup
• Beverages (I like Pellegrino in particular)
• Trash bags and food storage baggies
• Dish soap
• Coffee

Since I wanted to know which online store would be best, I opened carts in both Walmart and Amazon's Prime Pantry and loaded them with almost identical items (brand, size, count, etc), then I compared costs.

Walmart ended up being the most affordable. The item prices were not only cheaper, so was the shipping. With Walmart, I get free shipping on orders of $35 or more. With Amazon's Pantry, things are more complicated. 

Okay. For Prime Pantry, the free shipping is contingent on ordering a certain amount of "qualifying" items. If you don't have 5 or more of the "qualifying" items, the shipping cost is $5.99 per box.

NOTE: straight from Amazon, here is the definition of a Pantry box:

Prime Pantry boxes vary in size and can hold up to 45 pounds. Your order will be packaged in an appropriate-sized box, based on the dimensions and weight of the items. This box could be anything from the size of a shoe box to as large as a suitcase.

That sounds simple enough, and I actually thought it would be easy enough to get at least 5 qualifying items. Uh... Nope. 

As I was filling my cart, there was a little meter showing me my "fill rate". I realized that it is a bit harder to fill a box with qualifying items. Unless I wanted to shop based solely on qualifying items, I was going to be paying that shipping fee.

Let's zoom in on some of that:

Of course, Walmart tends to be cheaper than almost any other retailer. Throw in the free shipping when I order over a certain dollar amount of goods and... Walmart is the winner.

There was another benefit to using Walmart: most of the items ship faster. Maybe because of the location of where they ship from? Also, there is the option of putting together an order for Store Pickup.

Here is my first Walmart order. Total cost for at least a month and a half supply of everything on my list: $70 + tax.

At any rate, I will probably continue to use Walmart for my every-other-month shopping of basics household stuff. I will reserve Amazon for the other Prime items I use. 

Hope this helps anyone who has been thinking of using Amazon or Walmart for basic household shopping needs.

Peace

--Free

Oh, How I LOVE Dollar Stores!

One of the biggest benefits to living in the Lower 48 again is that I have access to all the "dollar" stores.

• Dollar Tree - where everything really is a DOLLAR. (Okay, there is the 7% tax thing, but, hey...)
• Dollar General - lots of premium items and no-name-brand on the cheap
• Family Dollar - same as Dollar General

Of course, I still love Walmart (for the prices, not always for their practices), but I am starting to get the hang of how to use the "dollar" stores to stretch my budget. I call Walmart and "the Dollars" my Top 4. (And I still love you too, Amazon Prime, but a girl has to shop around.)

Some of you might remember the last time I went nuts over these "dollar" stores. And then, there was also the time I had my romance with Big Lots. The nearest Big Lots is about an hour and a half away in Des Moines. No bueno. 

Anyway, I'm happy with having 3 of the "dollar" places along with Walmart. When I had to throw this apartment together, I used my Amazon Prime for about 10% of what I got - the bed being the most important. The rest, I got from the Top 4. 

For people turning up their noses at the Dollars, I say go ahead and burn your money. Of course, like anyone else, I'd rather have the best of the best. But, like most tight-budget folk, I have to o with the best of the cheap. Sometimes, I have found that paying more doesn't always mean getting better.

For instance, I ordered some kitchen towels from a seller on Prime but was really disappointed with the quality. - especially after laundering them... Afterwards, I picked up a couple more items from Dollar Tree. Guess which was the better bargain:

The raggedy-looking towel on the left? Yeah, I paid too much for that... 

The only reason I didn't replace the more expensive towels with something from Dollar Tree is that there were none in the colors I wanted. Yeah, I have this thing for red. I'll be making another trip to the Tree next week.

Basically, I did my entire kitchen - minus the coffee maker - for around $80. That was between shopping sales at Walmart (for the toaster, staples canisters, and some glass bake ware), then hitting all of the Dollars for the rest. I literally got all of my kitchen towels - minus the horrible ones - mixing utensils and bowls, and miscellany for $1.00 - $5.00 each. I even got dust cans for the bath and bedroom from the Dollars. And, of course, I have photographs...

Also got trash bags & plastic storage bags

Paper towels & (name brand) toilet tissue?  From the Dollars. 

Sugar, flour, baking soda? The Dollars

Bleach and laundry soap? Toilet drop-ins and cleanser? The Dollars.

When I "splurged" the other day and bought myself some of those sparkling cider drinks I love. One dollah each.

Now, I'm not saying that everything from the Dollars is great. That's why I do a shopping circuit between the Dollars, Walmart, and Amazon. I am saying that I know people who consider themselves too good for the Dollars. Let me tell you something: even if I were to magically become rich, I'd still bargain shop. It's stupid to spend more money that you have to. If you want to throw money around, why not throw it at a charity or someone in need? 

Anyway. 

I'm pretty much finished with the apartment set-up. The only thing I need - and it's not urgent - are curtains. I'm keeping my eye out for some bargains!

Peace

--Free

The Fitting Room Blues

Yesterday I had it out with a bra in Walmart. This bra:

Yes. The "Genie" bra. "As seen on TV." According to Tristar Products (they rep the item), with the Genie Bra one can "enjoy all-day comfort and support."

Oh... really?

Well, I guess so. I mean, anything would be relatively comfortable after contorting yourself to get into the damn thing. (Side note: I just noticed how much I italicize when I'm pissed off or being sarcastic - in this case, both.)

If I dared, I would post pics of what I looked like trying to work my way into this contraption. I don't dare. I almost need sedatives to let my doctors see this body... But I'm getting ahead of myself, so let me back it up for a sec.

I went to Walmart specifically to buy a bra. After months of being in denial, I have accepted the fact that I've gained 63 pounds (yes, that much) and that my perky little 38B's have turned into 40C's. (I swear I believe that most of that is just re-positioned fat and not real titty. I dunno.) I have dreams about the day I can venture back into a Victoria's Secret store... For now, I am out of the market for cute bras like...

the "Scandalous Bandeau" from Free People
(my favorite style - EVER)

... and into plain black, white and tan blah-bras. I've even stopped caring about style. I'd wear a slingshot if it fit. (We won't even talk about "pannies" other than to say that I now wear only the boy-short variety. Also found at Walmart. In black, white and grey. I may never have sex with the lights on again. Why I am playing? I may never have sex again. Period.)

Anyway, bottom line is, I no longer wear underthings that can be described as "scandalous," "deliciously teasing," or even "minutely attractive in the barest and most common way possible..." Nope. In just a few months, my entire wardrobe has gone from Working-Gal-Funky to Homebody-Frump. Mature-and-Sexy to Old-and-Slumpy. It's hard to be attractive with this body and no money. Fat and broke. Damn.

Now, before I get my ass kicked by some other women, let me say something. I know there are the Big & Beautiful females who look damn good and can pull off sexy that will melt a man's shorts right off. I have those women in my own family. Being that way (being any way) takes a woman years of getting comfortable with her natural body. My natural body was a size 0 (teen-aged years to 20's), size 4 (20's to 30's), size 6 to 8 (30's to 50). I didn't feel really good and confident about my body until I was around 40. Seriously. I knew how to walk and sit and prance and dance - In. My. Natural. State.The size I am now, I can't even cross my legs without getting seriously out of breath. That's not sexy. Hell, that's damn near not even normal. Hate me if you want, but that's how I feel.)

Sorry to get off track. For a minute there, I forgot to tell you what happened in the fitting room at Walmart!

So, I'm browsing the aisles on my way to the underwear section when I see a display of the Genie Bra. My sister and I had been seeing the TV ads and wondering if these bras really were "all that."

The first thing I noticed was the price: $19.99. For 2 bras. That sounded pretty good since I was expecting to pay around $20 for one decent bra. (By the way, Frumpy is cheaper than Sexy.) The other thing I noticed is that the sizes were given as shirt sizes (i.e. "XS/S," "Large," etc.) instead of cup sizes.

I should have had a clue then. The chick on the cover of the box should have been the other clue. 

(Look at her. She's probably a real nice lady, but, oh, how I hate her at this moment.)

Being realistic (mostly) about my the current state of my body, I picked up a "Large" and headed back to the fitting rooms. The attendant/clerk name-tagged as "Sue" had attitude while she led me to a room (Cranky bitch. Acted like she was pissed about having a job.)

Now, the bra itself is not awful looking. Just kind of plain-janey.

Notice that this is a "pull-over" style. That's tricky if you don't want to muss a hairdo. My hair is short & natural, so no problem for me there. My problem was that whoever determined the sizes on these bras might have been a tailor for Barbie dolls at some point. This thing barely fit over my head. No way was I going to try pulling it over my boobs. 

I wanted to ask "Sue" to bring me the next size up, but when I peeked out the fitting room door, she glared at me like I owed her money. (Again - bitch.) I might owe every-damn-body else in the world, but not this heffa.

Skip to size 1x, 2x and 3x. I brought them all back to the fitting room. 

The 1x - no go. It got stuck partway over my head. I forced it anyway, got it over my boobs and almost lost consciousness. I thought I'd have to cut my way out of it, but managed to escape without scissors. Somehow.

2x. I got it over my head okay. Whew. Got it over my boobs with same results as above (except I could take small gasps of air). The bra was on! I couldn't move much and I'm pretty sure that my already high blood-pressure was on the rise. I was kind of relieved about being in the bra at last until I noticed that the bottom part was rolling up. That really hurt my feelings. I never felt so fat. The more that fabric rolled up, the more I felt like a sausage whose casing was coming apart.

3x. Better body fit, but...

Now I noticed the real problem with the Genie Bra: the cup sizes were all the same!

Son-of-a-boogeyman.

I matched the cups of all three sizes and - yep. Same cup size, no matter what. Basically, even if you manage to get the contraption over your head and onto your body, it does you no good if you have more than a handful of boob. I always had and still have a handful - for a good sized pair of hands, but what about someone who is truly blessed? Poor thing would look like she had a frontal hump instead a nice rack. And on top of that, she'd be in cardiac arrest from being squeezed to death.

On the positive side (uh, yeah), for anyone who can fit into the Genie Bra, I will say that it seems very sturdy. The colors are decent and the bras come with removable padding, which is nice for laundry purposes. And, again, you can't beat the price.

Damn Genie Bra. Obviously, the thing is made for a well-endowed doll. I was pretty depressed because there was a time - like a year ago - when I could have fit this bra and worked the heck out of it.

...Sigh...

When I left the fitting room, there was old "Sue." Cow. Just to be spiteful, I stood right near her station and called the manager to complain about her attitude. She ignored me, then rubbed it in by being super sweet to another customer. I hope she gets an all-day toothache. (And, by the way, did you know that Walmart posts the manager's number all around the store? Handy.)

Whatever.

I ended up buying a few $5.98 bras in different colors by Simply Basic

On my way out, I stopped by the display just to take a peek at what a size XS/S looked like. I left the store feeling damn near suicidal.

Peace

--Free