A Big, Beautiful Belated Gift!

 As you have read here, I lost my very best friend earlier this year. There are days when I still go to dial her number before I realize that I can't talk to her. In the middle of a recent night, I woke up from a dream about her. I couldn't remember the details but we were sitting together somewhere, talking and giggling like kids. I woke up still smiling but then sat up the rest of that night, crying and depressed.

This birthday was my first without her and in September I won't get to call her and do my silly-girl rendition of the Happy Birthday song. I used call her and sing (this is me so calling it "singing" is  hilarious!) in the style of Whitney or Cyndi Lauper or - and this was fun - Prince. She loved it and she would rate me 1 to 10 on style, vocal range, and lyrics (because I always threw in some made-up lyrics).

So I was missing my friend when another friend who I haven't heard from in a really long time called. "Fawn" tracked me down through that evil Fakebook and got my number by tracking down another friend. We all used to work together waaaay back in the day. It was so awesome to talk to someone I knew when we were both younger and sillier. She'd known my mother and sister and I'd met her when her daughter was just starting elementary school. 

Fawn and I spent a couple of hours talking. She's just come through another rough time in life. We talked about that and about happy things, then we talked about the people that Death has snatched away from us. There was one person we both were especially close to when the three of us worked together. I had to break the sad news that I only just found out this year that he too passed away a couple of years ago. It was sad to talk about but it was comforting to do so with someone who also liked him so much. 

Sometimes, you have to talk to someone else to get a sense of tim e and reality in relation to your own existence. As we talked, Fawn texted me some recent photos of her "little" girl and it was easy to forget that I was looking at her granddaughter and not the daughter I once knew. 

We have of course friended each other on Fakebook but she's on there about as often as I am. So now we are to stay in touch via emails, calls, and texts. She might even come to visit me soon.

Before we hung up, I told her for probably the tenth time how glad I am that we have reconnected and then she said something very sad. She said that she was also glad because she was tired of trying to make reconnections too late. Like me, she had not known about that one friend who passed. When I told her about my best friend's death back in February, she was shocked and we realized that the last time we'd been in touch was when I was staying with my best friend. They'd not known each other very well but I'd been the brief bridge between them.

One of the best stories Fawn and I recalled was about going to Anchorage's famous Chilkoot Charlie's. I was staying away from hard liquor and got drunk off beers that kept magically appearing in front of us. I didn't even know you could get drunk off beers! When we were done for the night, I was teetering across the lot in four-inch heels to go lock up my car before calling us a taxi. Sober, I could walk on ice in any kind of shoe but I was not sober that night. At some point, I missed a step and slid damn near four or five feet. I almost kept my balance. Almost. When I hit the ground, my skirt slid up around my waist and I had gravel burns on my butt. Other than that the only thing hurting was my pride. Good thing I wasn't hurt because Fawn could barely help me up for laughing and sliding around in her own heels. I'd hit the ground so hard I think I sobered up.

Fawn and I have quite a few good stories. Funny stories and ones about near-tragic happening and ones about work. Oh, the stories we have about working as customhouse brokerage employees...

Reconnecting with someone can be a lift to the spirit. After I talked to "Fawn" I realized how much we all need our connections. I'm set in my ways and tend to joke that I don't have the time, energy or patience for new friends. That is true but it sure was wonderful to find an old friend. We have texted each other probably 30 times since we talked that day. Just getting a "Hey sis, how're you?" text in the middle of the day makes me feel better. And I loved sending her a text last night to ask her to mail me her lemon cake recipe. She once made me the best lemon cake I have ever tasted.

If I never use Fakebook again, this is one time I was thankful for it. I don't use social media for deep friendships - if that is even possible. Letting someone see you only at your cutest or when you have all your sh** together is not friendship. Pretending to someone that everything in your world is beautiful at all times is not friendship. And I'm sure it's tiring. That's got to be like getting married and trying to never let your partner see you sick or catch you tugging at your bra. Tiring. And inauthentic. I was tempted to marry a man once because he washed my hair and helped me into the bath after I'd caught a stomach bug and threw up all over his floor.

Not to beat y'all over the head with the Bible but...
this is good stuff.

When you know and trust someone enough to tell them things that you can never tell anyone else, that is friendship. When someone's text can make you feel better, that is connection. When someone is there when you are burying your mother, that is friendship. Fawn was there for me even when we were miles apart during some really major moments in my life. I was there for her moments. How the hell did we ever lose touch? I don't care. We found each other again.

There is a passage in the Book of Job, that, to me, speaks of real friendship. 

Then they sat down on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights with no one speaking a word to him, for they saw that his pain was very great. (Job 2:13)

That is the kind of friend I want to always be and the kind of friends I have had. To just be there, not having to speak but to just be present in some way.

So, even though I've blogged a lot lately about all the fun shopping I did for my birthday (and am still getting gifts from my big and beautiful family), hearing from Fawn is my favorite gift this year. My prayer is for everyone to have at least one good and true and loyal friend. And remember to call them, text them, or shout into the other room how much you love them. Do it while you can. Just this month, while a niece and I marked our birthdays, we lost another member of our extended family. I'm so glad he got to come home to say his goodbyes.

Peace

--Free