I Don't Believe, But...

My friends - male and female - are trying to attack every other problem in my life by trying to toss me back into the dating pool. One problem with is that I am still (legally) married. Another problem is, I hate, hate, hate dating. I kind of think the reason I've married is that it puts dating out of the picture. Being married but separated doesn't keep my friends from trying to get rid of that safety net. Bless them all, they just have the wrong idea of what I want in a man. One friend  wanted to me to go on one of those dating websites. Her suggested profile wording made me sound like a retired show dog:

Fun, unpredictable and mature - yet youthful at heart. Smart, sweet, adventurous and still in fine shape.

Really, bitch?

Another (better) girlfriend has come close to getting my attention, but she did it with astrology, which I don't really want to believe in. (Although, I think that when Linda Goodman wrote her books, she used me as her model for the Cancer woman. It shouldn't even be called the sign of Cancer. Everyone should just call it by my name.)

All kidding aside, I pretended not to be interested when my buddy, T.L., kept throwing stuff from this website at me. If I have to tell the truth though, I almost wanted to go hunting for the nearest available Taurus male when I read what a match with one could be like. I swear, I think I went into heat or something. Or maybe it was just a hot flash. Either way, hormones were involved.

Here's the thing about being 50, female and single: guys I like are not single (or always sane). Guys I don't like are pushy and rude in approaching me. Guys I know nothing about act either scared to approach or they are so busy looking at their own reflections to notice anyone else. I guess I haven't run into an eligible Taurus (or Virgo or Scorpio or, possibly, Pisces) yet. Not that I want to have to go through the entire zodiac line-up to find happiness, but... It's either start selecting guys by their birthdays or I might be single forever. I thought once of trying women, but, with my luck, I'd get the  one who'd want to beat my ass or ruin what's left of my credit. Besides, I'm pretty much strictly dickly, to put it crudely.

Apparently, the Cancer woman is a real pain in the ass for most men! I've always known that that's probably true, but... It's not like I don't hope that there is at least one man out there who thinks I'm worth the trouble. (My guy friend, Perry, explained that if I were a car, I'd I'd be worth the price, but he's not that rich. Is he trying to say I'm high maintenance? Smart ass.)

Peace
--Free

If I Moved Like This...

Now, y'all know me well enough to know that my wild-a**ed dancing days are behind me. Even when I could dance my butt off, I never moved like these guys. I don't even think they have bones.

And, if you noticed them in the first video, my favorites are the Les Twins. I lost a couple of pounds just watching them work it out.

Next to them M.J. & Astaire look like amatuers

(By the way, I've been hibernating and working with the great folks at our state's Voc Rehab center. I hope to feel more sociable in the next couple of weeks.)

Peace
--Free

I Don't Know What I'm Listening For

There has been a lot of stuff going on in my circle of family and friends lately. I lost my brother, one of my aunts lost a great-grandchild and another of my aunts passed away. On his birthday, my estranged husband lost a son of his in a car accident.

Last night, my sister and I were calling other family members with the news of the accident. When we finished, I looked at her with that "What next?" question in my eyes. "Don't ask," is what she told me. "Leave the future to the One who created it." She sounded so much like my mother.

Whenever any one of us went through tough times, Mom would tell us to listen for what God had to say. She didn't mean what elders meant when they'd say, "God is trying tell you something." Mom meant that we need to hold still all our own thoughts and just listen to God. Sometimes, I will tell myself that things aren't going to get better while God is telling me to stand strong. Whatever the message, I usually "hear" Him. Lately, I don't know what to listen for.

Maybe I should be listening for some way to get my discipline back. I started back smoking when my brother died. For two weeks of the hell that happens in a family during mourning, I smoked, drank and popped Valium and Xanax. When things calmed down a little, I didn't miss the alcohol or pills, but I renewed a friendship with the cigarettes. I came clean (ha. ha.) to my doctor and I am back on the Chantix. That will help with the smoking, but it won't do a damn thing for restlessness in my heart. So I'm going to keep listening for whatever God has to say.

Peace
--Free

Chasing After vs Resting In

I am struck by the idea that so many of us are busy chasing after things: money, relationships, possessions, etc. I am guilty of the same. We all have dreams and hopes that we pursue. What I want is to learn to stop more often and just rest in the space where I am. To rest in the peace I have been given.

When does a person today get a chance to just be whatever or whoever they are?

About five years ago, a long-time acquaintance of mine died. She was young - just over 50 - and I assumed she had been in an accident. When someone told me that she was a suicide, I was stunned. As far as I was aware, she didn't have anything to be so desperately unhappy about. She had a job she seemed to like, she had kids and plenty of friends. People who knew her better than I said that she had been fighting bouts of restlessness and depression. She had tried buying a bigger house, a nicer car, getting a complete physical makeover - like she was trying to become someone different. They remarked that she had seemed so discontented.

In the grocery store not long ago, I got chatting with a fellow shopper (because we Alaskans will stop and talk to almost anyone, stranger or not) after she commented on my handbag. This was a really nice-looking woman. Everything about her showed that she put a lot of thought into her appearance. Her clothes and accessories, her  great haircut and perfectly applied makeup - it was all so casually glamorous. She smelled great and had  what seemed like a real sweet personality. She was one of those people who, when you've talked with them for just a few minutes, you think you'd want to be friends with them. The only thing that seemed "off" were her eyes. Her eyes, even when she was smiling, seemed sad and tired. I've seen eyes like that in my mirror when I've been depressed or grieving or heartbroken.

I'm ashamed and sorry to say that I didn't connect further with the lady in the store. I couldn't find a way to ask if she was okay. I hope that, wherever she is, she is happy.

My point, if I truly have one, is that we are, some of us, walking around in a cloak of despair and sadness. That cloak might look good, cost a lot of money or take a lot of upkeep, but it's still only covering who and what we really are.

I am so glad for my faith in God. When I realize that I can chase. but won't ever catch up to, the things that the world tells me are worthy, I still have the love of God. In the middle of every fear and worry and doubt, I have the promise of a love that is stronger than all that. It's what I rest in.

From the minute we wake up to the minute we sleep, we are pounded with messages telling us to be richer, busier, better-looking, more driven. And we run, run, run to do that, or to catch up to those who seem to be doing that better. Then, when we are all run out, we don't know why we are so worn and tired.

I guess I just want to say that we all need to take time to stop and be thankful and hopeful and joyful for what we have. Stop being so sad and broken over what we don't have. I learned a long time ago that, without the peace I have inside me, I won't enjoy anything the world has to give.

Hopefully, my sarc didn't ruin this post. If nothing else, I hope you got the message that we need to not only find peace for ourselves, but we need to share it.

Peace
--Free

Flashback Talent

Trying to figure out who these dancers are. Some years back, my little brother and a friend of his got into the whole Pop-lock dance craze. They were good. Wonder if, not that they are businessmen and entrepreneurs (and parents of teenagers), they ever remember they moved like this?

                                (starts at mark 1:08)

Good times.

Peace
--Free

(Who's) Reality TV.

My guilty pleasure: The Real Housewives. Of Orange County, of Atlanta, of New York...

So trashy.

My occasional treat is a peek at Couples Therapy. But I do have my criticisms.

First off, Couples Therapy is, in my eyes, like Dr. Drew and his shows: bad for taking a serious subject and turning it into a joke. Shame on Jen Berman and Drew Pinsky. Shame, shame, shame.

With the Housewives, they are so comedic, with the bad acting and over-made-up facades, that it's just plain fun. Now, Couples Therapy? Rehab With Dr. Drew? The "patients" might be seriously looking for help, but it seems that the doctors are just looking for living out a fame fantasy. (In the case of Couples Therapy, I think that even those couples are just addicted to "fame" and will get the attention in any way it comes. How the heck else can someone explain Courtney Stodden?)

If someone wanted to be serious, the Housewives would all be housewives and living a more mainstream idea of life as a housewife. (Don't tell me there isn't anything interesting about real people coping with real life while wearing their real clothing and makeup.) All I've learned from watching those ladies from the Housewives franchise is how ridiculous grown-ups look while trying to look and dress half their age. Oh, and I have learned how to trash friends and look really "sexy" while doing so.

I'm a person who, when I watch movies and dramatic televisions shows, I have to work hard not to think about the folks on-screen pretending to be someone else. It's tough for me to forget that the emotions being shown are not the emotions of the people displaying them. I sometimes think that acting should be limited to bedroom role-play. Seriously.

As far as the shows that seem to be truly trying to help people, I have occasional doubts about their function. I mean, I've watched quite a few episodes of "Intervention." After the first several shows, I started wondering just how surprised the participants were by their actual "intervention." I don't watch anymore, so I don't know if anyone ever admitted to knowing about the trap being set for them by the supposed meeting with the producers. I got to the point where when the narrator announced that "Jay" (or whoever) thought he was going to the motel to meet with the producers. I'd want to scream at the TV: "Really, Jay? After 2 seasons of this show, you have no idea you're being sent to an intervention?" Wow.

What's really sad is that, despite my disdain at the idea of reality shows, I still watch. Of course, it's all a sort of therapy for me. I figure that, no matter what my problems might be, I cannot be as bad off as people wanting attention so much they'd play the reality game.

But I rant. I need to close out this post so that I can get over to Hulu.com and see what those crazy bitches in Orange County are up to.

Peace
--Free

My Rant on the Twitterverse

I haven't been over there in ages, so when I finally signed into my Twitter, I was irritated by the dreck I've been following.

Just spent too much free time Un-following the (put them all in quote marks): experts, life coaches, church planters, DJs, blog-or-book-or-club-or-casino promoters. I am beginning to think that some invisible internet fairy has been adding who I Follow.

Does anyone tweet just to share a joke, some wisdom or personal anything?

Don't get me wrong when I say this, but I am most annoyed with the Christians. I love Jesus, yes, I do, but I don't use my social media as a platform to promote my ministry. How about just living what you teach? How about talking about what you teach along with sharing other tweets?

Yeah, so, the church-planting groups are going to hate me for deleting them, but... Them and the folks who want to tell me how to "align my spirit" or "pray effectively" (as if they have a secret guide for that).

So, yeah. Twitterverse, tweetnation, I'm hunting for people who tweet for tweet-sake.

Peace
--Free

Death and Guilt

One of my aunts passed away last night. She died in her sleep after a peaceful day of smiles and conversation with one of her daughters. Because of a difference in our beliefs, I don't know how peacefully her eternal life will be, but I know that, like in my brother's case, there are some people left behind who won't be peaceful.

 There is a saying my mother had about deaths in a family bringing out either the best or worst in the survivors. From my brother's death (and now my aunt) I am seeing both.

My family knows that, after I die, I wish to have no funeral, no floral arrangements and no formal memorials. I want to be cremated and have my ashes scattered into the wind - it doesn't matter where, just someplace pretty and peaceful. I don't even really care too much if that is done. I am a believer in showing love to the living.

I have noticed that the more mournful someone is at a funeral, the more they seem to be mourning themselves and their actions than they are the loss of the loved one. It's always the person who was most disrespectful and disregarding who sobs the loudest, drops the biggest tears. It's the woman who caused the deepest pain who plays the best widow; the children who weren't there day to day who fight for the most control. The grief we see is so often not from loss but from guilt.

It's only the living who need our love and compassion and care.

The best way to memorialize someone is to love them while they live. Once they are gone, your tears mean nothing. You can't apologize to the dead, you can't do the right thing to them, for them, with them. If you don't love someone right in their lifetime, your grief at their death is only a show of selfishness. Everything you do at a funeral is only for the witnesses who know your motives because, to the dead, your actions are like something that never existed.

And now I am done talking about death and dying, at least for a while.

Peace

--Free

A good name is better than precious ointment; and the day of death than the day of one's birth. Ecclesiastes 7:1

Monday, Monday

You know how, sometimes, when something important happens in your life - like you meet someone special or something awful and life-changing happens - and later on, you can't forget how you were made to feel, but you can't remember the day of the week that it happened on? I've had that a lot in my life.

I can remember meeting my first serious lover and I can remember being asked for my hand in marriage, but I can never remember the day of the week it happened on. Of course, that's what calendars and diaries and old cards are for.

I won't ever forget, though, that it was on a Monday that my big brother died.

Saturday is my day to do laundry and change my bedding. It was on last Saturday that I was putting in my second load of clothes when my phone rang. I had a strange feeling. My stomach fluttered and hot saliva filled my mouth.

My sister was calling to tell me that I needed to get to the hospital. My brother, Chubby, was doing way worse than he had been the night before.

For some reason, I took the few minutes to finish setting up the washer for the second load of clothes - my whites - and putting the first set into the dryer. When my jeans were tumbling and my whites were suds-ing, I ran around to get my purse and keys. I drove like a crazy woman to the hospital.

I don't remember much about that Saturday or Sunday except that I was irritated by everything.

Monday, when we all had to realize that Chubby wasn't going to get better and that he was in a lot of pain, I left his room and took a walk around the parking lot. I got into my car and went home. Two hours later, someone called to see where the hell I was at. I was home, finishing my laundry.

It seems like a crazy thing to do, to go and change clothes from the dryer to hangars and drawers, from the washer to dryer, from hamper to washer. It seems crazy, but it was soothing and normal and like everyday living.

When I did get back to the hospital, I only stayed long enough to go and tell Chubby, once again, that I loved him. This time, he didn't squeeze my hand or look at me like he knew what I was saying. This time, he just slept or dreamed or was already breathing his way home to After.

I left and went over to my niece's house and held my great-nephew.

DJ didn't know that something was happening that was hurting so many hearts. He was tired and wanted to cuddle while refusing to actually go to sleep. He just lay in my lap with the back of his head against my chest, reaching back to put on of  his warm toddler-hands to my face while he sucked a bottle of milk. He didn't see the tears I was trying to hold back.

Some friends came by to bring cold drinks and paper plates and stuff for sandwiches and salads. They stayed long enough to let me know they cared.

My sister called and told me that Chubby was gone. She said that he had been given enough medicine so that he wasn't in pain when he left. She didn't cry - not then - because my sister is very, very strong and knew that I couldn't have taken her crying just then.

That was on Monday. I won't ever forget that my brother died on a Monday.

Peace
--Free

“You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.” 
― Anne Lamott


“It's so much darker when a light goes out than it would have been if it had never shone.” 
― John Steinbeck, The Winter of Our Discontent

Nudging is Nothing New

If you read the various news articles about this plan for behavior modification, you might be angry about it, but, really, this kind of plan has been in place for years.

Media hustlers created cravings for so much of what society focuses on: beauty not brains, sex not love, thin not healthy, trendy not useful. For many generations we have been receiving messages about how to see ourselves and others. The idea of thrift and moderation in anything has been replaced by a consumerist attitude that has us replacing material things before we need to.

This "new" idea is portrayed as being for the good of all, but if we can't handle the sense of right and wrong and good and bad we are born with, why introduce anything new? Why not just start giving credit to the original idea?

Of course, I am Christian so my beliefs are becoming outdated. A lot of people believe Christians need to be re-educated. Maybe all these new ideas for behavior-training a society is to enforce what the Bible has already talked about:

Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter! (Isaiah 5:20)

There's a sort of proof of what I say in the fact that probably half the people who read that are groaning at my "ignorance."

Peace
--Free

Where Love Goes

This is my oldest brother. Of course, this is when he was younger.

My brother passed away yesterday, but not before he made so many friends that we are still getting random calls. He had a career in two branches of the military: Army then Air Force. He was a fisherman, a shade-tree mechanic, a jokester, a master of the backyard barbecue and everyone's friend. If you were hungry, he was going to feed you. If you didn't have a place to stay, he made sure to find you one. He wasn't clean-mouthed, but he was pure in his heart. He didn't quote the Bible, but he treated others the way he wanted to be treated. He wasn't a diplomat, but he was honest.

He was my big brother and I loved him - even when I didn't like him. And he loved me.

When I thought of him last night, all I could do was laugh because (even though I know that Heaven isn't what I decide), I imagined my brother and my mother up there together, planning a fishing trip. This morning I woke up happy to think that at least they are up there together. When I go to sleep in a little while, it will be the first time in a long time that I don't have to worry about him being sick or in pain.

Gwen Jackson "Chubby" Conway
1949-2013

I will see you again, Chubby.

For we know that if our earthly house of this tabernacle were dissolved, we have a building of God, an house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. -2 Corinthians 5:1

When You Were Stronger

When I was little and when you were stronger, I knew that you would do anything to keep me safe. No one was going to mess with your little sister, no one was going to make her cry.

When I was younger, you taught me how to take care of my car. You taught me how to change a tire and check the oil. You taught me what to do if the car skidded on ice. You told me to always watch my rear-view mirror to make sure strangers didn't follow me home - and you told me that if someone did follow me, I was to drive to the nearest police station, fire station or the busiest place I could find.

Just a few years ago, when I felt all alone and was living so far away from anyone who loved me, you said, "Tell me when you want to come home. I will send a ticket or a car or I will just come and get you."

Just the other day, I was looking at you, I realized that everything you gave me - every lesson that a big brother teaches a little sister. This morning, when I was looking at you, looking at the doctors and nurses who were working to keep you here a little longer, I realized you will always be stronger. When you are gone away from this life, you will always be my big brother.

I love you, Chubby.

Peace
--Free

Hotties Then, Still Hot Now

Speaking of milestones - as I did the other day - I was thinking of some of the musical heroes I had. I Googled a few of them. Have you seen how freaking good the guys from Duran Duran still look? It's not fair, they just don't get ugly at all! And Tina Turner? That heffa!!! She looks better than most women half her age do. 

There is this comedian, Bill Burr, who jokes about the differences in ethnicities when it comes to how well we age. A lot of people will say that Black folks have the advantage there. I want to say that that sounds... slightly racist. On the other hand, we get hypertension and diabetes cutting our life-span down, at least we get to look good for the time we are here. 

All kidding aside (and I really was kidding, you guys), I love to do that walk back through my hell-raising days and see how my past celebrity crushes turned out. Did they make it through their youthful craziness like I did? Did they end up finding happiness in adulthood? Let's see:

I just loved Kool and the Gang. I actually met a few of the guys once, here in Anchorage in a lounge in the Sheraton Hotel. Two of them were really nice and one was an egotistical a-hole. Still "Jungle Boogie" was my jam then  and still is today. 

When I was looking for images, I noticed that a lot of the newer photos feature guys that were not in the original lineup. I'm too lazy to look it up - and this is a blog post, not a thesis - but maybe there's a new grouping. These pics are the only good ones I could find. Any other new ones look like Ray,Goodman, and Brown,  not the Gang...

The Jheri Curl days

Looking good, guys.

Duran Duran was the stuff. For my rocking hotties, they were right up there with INXS, Journey and Billy Squier. And, if I was into women, Pat Benatar would have been my squeeze. The boys in Duran Duran are still hot. I mean, hot damn. I just want to kiss the lips right off of John Taylor's face, and Nick featured in a few of my fantasies back in the day. Glad to say that it seems they are all married, settled and happy. Lucky gals, their women.

Even Simon's wife is still hot. 

And Ms. Turner... What the hell? Does this woman have vampire genes? The "Now" pic seems to be from 2010, but, no matter, she looks just as good in 2013. I love her story for two reasons: 1 - She proves there is life after abuse, and 2 - She proves there can be love in later life.

If I could just have her legs, I'd be happy.

I really don't know why it is that some people seem to age so well when others just don't. Bill Burr might or might not be right, but his explanation is hilarious. (I really hope no one takes offense at any of this, by the way!) 

When I was watching this on Netflix, I happened to be getting ready for bed and putting on my nightly lotion. Damn near broke a rib laughing at this man and his insanity. Funny guy, Mr. Burr.

Peace

--Free

Where's My Reset Button

I want to scream as loud as the sky is big.

This has been the 9 days of hell for anything I own with a power button.

My phone decided to act crazy first. It learned the trick of turning off its own sound and then got really smart and would just shut down and take a nap. Of course, I wouldn't notice this until a friend (or the police) showed up because my family put out a Worry Alert.  (They think that my sarcoidosis will rage and I'll go somewhere and curl up in a ball and not be able to find my way home! Just kidding. I think.)

Lord.

Just when I figured out the work-around for the phone (the cure for the volume involves the ridiculousness of twisting that bitch), my computer caught the an attitude. The extended warranty I paid for expired on June 2nd. This mo-fo decided to catch some kind of nasty bug right around, oh... let's say June third. I won't go into all the fixes I tried on the PC before I gave up and just wiped it. Of course, there's a story behind that story...

I'm sure that some people own computers that have a clearly defined way of returning the beast to its factory defaults. Mine is not one of those. When I looked at my options, I could Restore, Recover, and anything but wipe the damn thing clean. Finally, I gave up and called Toshiba. I dared them to try to charge me.

(Just in case you have a Toshiba and want to take your own lumps with this fix, wiping the Satellite P series involves the F8 and Power buttons. Disclaimer: You're own your own if you eff something up.)

Okay, so I now have a reset PC, a somewhat functioning phone and the biggest technology hangover ever. I've been out of touch with half the people I know because (shame, shame, shame), the phone and computer are the mainstays of our communication....

I'm spending today restoring files and bookmarks and my whole dang internet life. Before I go to sleep tonight, I'm going to talk to the Lord about doing a factory reset on parts of my life.

Peace
--Free

On some alternate world, the other me is having a wonderful life.

Milestones

We all have our lives marked in milestones. It starts with our parents tagging our achievements from tooth-cutting to first steps, first this and that.

The first real milestone I waited for was getting my period. Idiot. I lived in agony for two to three days a month for year afterward. Anyone around me lived in agony for a few more days each month. Then came the usual markings for most of us:

• 16th birthday
• First kiss (or serious crush)
• Driver's license & first car
• Graduating high school
• Standard college or the college of life
• Love and Marriage and sex (in whichever order)
• First house or other major investment

And on and on and on.

Then there are the other things that can count as being profound to our existence. For me, having death take away someone I loved showed me how real life can be. I sometimes think that only death can do that.

Do you remember the first time someone broke your heart? Or the first time you did some awful thing that you hope never comes to light?

I remember the first mistake I made that will haunt me for all the days I breathe.

All those milestones are from when I was younger. These days, I take some things more serious and other things don't touch my soul at all. 

The other day, my great-nephew grabbed my face and planted a big wet, snotty kiss under one eye. That was a moment that I never want to forget. Being cherished by a child feels different to me now that I am older.

The milestones that make me shake my head and think of my parents are the ones they warned me about: "Just wait til you have to squint to read anything." Or: "Help me get up from here, and remember that someone will have to help you one day."

I called my sister from Walmart the other day and had her laughing herself into a crying fit.

"Girl, I am in here looking for the Ben-Gay, and you won't believe how old all these people look!"

"You're old(pause)er."

"Not old like them. They look and act old."

Said the woman slinking down Aisle Three, trying to read the labels on jars of muscle ointments.

It probably makes me sound mentally unfit to say that I sometimes want to cry when I can't just spring right up from sitting cross-legged on the floor. Some months ago - too long ago - I had to tell a date to adjust his embrace because I was getting a crick in my neck. Gone are those acrobatic days of magic when I only had to worry about being respected afterwards. These days I'm lucky when I have to worry about it at all and, when I do, the biggest worry is that 911 might have to be called at some point. How embarrassing would that be?

But.

I am so very thankful to still be counting milestones. 

My sarcoid is back and acting the fool (if you can't tell by the poor composition of this post), and I am just sick to death of it. If I weren't at least getting my figure back from the months of prednisone, I might actually lose a little more of what's left of my mind.

But, again, I am so glad to still be here, bitching and complaining about it all. I'm not looking for the milestone that will be marked by a final church service.

Peace

--Free

Devil Has Been Busy

But so has God.

I finally got over to Vocational Rehab to see about getting back into some kind of career post-Sarc. Of course, the sarc heard that I had plans so it came out to visit. On my birthday. Just like the gift it is...

That's be irritating news. The better news is that I have been working on my courses over at CodeAcademy. I'm pretty pleased with myself since I have managed to get through almost all the HTML training. I'm well on my way to learning some actual programming language because Java is  up next. (By the way -for anyone who did get over to one of the free training sites, I can tell you that viewing some of the Udemy vids is a good way to make some stuff stick.)

That's the about-me news. The rest of the news would be all about idiots doing stupid things to get their 15 minutes of fame. I won't even go there. What I do want to do is give you something to smile about.

When I was feeling all achy and creaky and morose the other day, I got an email from a friend. She ended the email with the saying I've always loved:

That's the real truth there (in my life anyway). And it's not a bad thing. Cheered me up, so I thought I'd post this link to a site of great Yiddish sayings. Nothing like a little common sense served up with a smile...

YiddishWit.com

I like: "In a beautiful apple sometimes you find a worm"

Just like life.

Peace
--Free

P.S.: Hello to all my super-special group of G+ friends (you know who you are). I will be back there soon to hassle you! lol

Character or Success

I guess I'm just in a pissy mood - or else ranting is my way of letting off steam without hurting someone.

Looking at the trashy news from time to time, I see so many folks who have been blessed with so much who throw it away. The latest member of this club is a pro ball player, making millions, who killed a friend over some criminal b.s. First of all, to kill anyone, let alone a friend is its own kind of twist on a basic character defect. Second of all, to be hanging on to criminal behavior when you have been given an out, well...

It's not that there aren't as many decent, honest, real people in this world, but when is the last time that any of them get more attention from the media than the idiots? It's much easier to find news and information about the trash of this society. Matter of fact, it's kind of hard to avoid it. The way things are going now, if I were one of the idiots, I'd have advice for any kids I might have today:

• Instead of wasting too much energy on your school studies, work on your looks. Be as good-looking or quirky as you can. That way, you can break into media as a fashionista, YouTube sensation or reality show contestant.
• Learn to rap or sing (or not). If you can't rap, latch on to someone who can and become a member of their entourage. If you can't sing, work on a look that will distract from your lack of vocal talents.
• Forget what you've ever been taught about being polite. What you want to do is work on being snarky enough to be amusing to people who don't care about manners (or to be intimidating enough to people too polite to shut you down).
• Learn to be vicious enough to take what you want. The slogan was never to "Ask for life in a fair and honest way," but to take it by the reigns.

I know that sounds pushy, but, really - why be king when you can be bold or brazen? Why be sweet when nasty gets peoples attention?

Parents, quit teaching your daughters to respect themselves; better to teach them how to seduce the man they want. Doesn't matter how honest or sweet they are - there are a lot of dead goldfish, but the barracudas live!

Don't teach your boys to be "nice" and honorable. Not too many girls are looking to mate for life with that one. They are wearing shirts that tell you exactly what they are after: "If you're rich, I'm single." They have their own TV shows: The Real Housewives.

Teachers, stop trying to teach kids how to count and read - well, I think you have done that, but... Teach them how to fluff up a weak resume. Show them how to talk a better game than they really know how to play.

That's real life, real as it gets today. Makes me think of Gandhi's “Seven Deadly Sins":

Wealth without work
Pleasure without conscience
Science without humanity
Knowledge without character
Politics without principle
Commerce without morality
Worship without sacrifice.” 

Peace
--Free

More & Less (of what we need)

I'm supposed to be doing something else right now - something unpleasant and tiresome. Before I get to that, I will blow off some steam with a little (big) rant about people. There are just certain things more people need to be doing more of and other things many of us need to be doing less of. . Of course, all this is just from my opinionated point of view, but here's today's rant:

More people need to spend more time...

• Getting up and moving around. I'm not talking about just getting up and going to work every day (although that's always good). I'm talking about physically moving your body just to be moving. Take a walk, dance around the house, visit a museum or bookstore. Just do something to keep life interesting. I know people who don't work and still don't use all that free time to live some kind of a life. That's a lot like mental suicide. If nothing else, you are spitting in the face of an ability that some people would give anything for.
• Learning something. I love the Gandhi quote: "Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever." You can read tons of studies talking about how lifelong learning is important for staying mentally spry. I'm not elderly (yet), but I'm not very mentally spry. I'm going to do everything I can to work the brain muscles I have left. With the technology we have today, there's no excuse not to take advantage of the opportunities to learn. If you don't have a computer, libraries do, friends do - somebody can hook you up. If you don't have access to a library or friends with a computer, then ask around for help with that or other resources. I bet if you didn't have food, you'd know how to apply for assistance. I'm just saying.
• Helping each other. Someone you know needs something from you. Maybe some words of encouragement. Maybe they need to borrow your computer! (heh heh) You might be really good at something (cooking or cleaning or math or balancing a budget) that someone else could benefit from learning. 
• Accepting help and advice. If someone has criticized you, think about the criticism before you get mad and shut down. Sometimes people are just hating, but, sometimes, there's a little truth in a comment - insensitive or not. Don't complain about being sick and tired or depressed if you don't even want to make an effort to get better. Everyone has problems. Not everyone wants to do what it takes to solve their problems.
• Improving their situation. Unless you are perfect, there is room for improvement. That could go along with any of the previous points. 
• Being kinder to each other. It is not going to hurt society for all of us to start being a bit more pleasant. When your parents taught you as a child not to talk to strangers, I don't think they meant to turn you into a rude adult. It won't kill any of us to nod, say "hello" or make friendly eye contact with one another. Sometimes I walk through a public place wondering what the hell has everyone so mad or sad. 

If more of us need to be doing more of certain things, lots of us sure do need to stop doing some things. 

• Stop trying to be "gangsta" or a "hottie" or whatever ignorant, unoriginal thing that happens to be going around. Ever notice that when gangster rap went mainstream, a lot of folks started dressing, talking, walking and having the gansta attitude? You can go into a grocery store and feel crowded out by all the suburban kids trying to be Ice Cube. You want to roll your eyes and shrug it off, but you can never be sure just how far the wanna-bes are willing to go with their role-playing. And don't get me started on the kids running around trying to be the local version of some fake-a-lebrity or reality show idiot. I look at these people talking and acting like whoever is the latest trendy embarrassment with a TV show and think to myself, "What a horrible world." I think to myself, "What. A. Hor-ruh-bull world. Ohhhhhh, yeahhhh!"
• Stop supporting things that are bad for us, the world, arts and entertainment. If I could wave a wand and do one thing, it would be to stop another semi-talented singer from taking over the world of music, fashion and (in some cases) politics. Just because we live in a time when almost any one of us can do and be anything, that doesn't mean we should want to do or be just anything. Why not be someone promoting positive and worthwhile issues? If I see another influential singer, rapper, actor or whoever promoting a brand of liquor or rip-off debit card, I'm going to puke. The one thing I hate about some entertainment biggies is that once they get above their former life circumstances, they send nothing positive back down the ladder for others. People, stop validating celebrities who have such disdain for the rest of us. 
• Stop being victims of the latest thing. I remember way back when somebody scalded themselves with coffee from a fast-food place. Everybody fell on the bandwagon. Now, we can't buy gum without warning labels on the wrapper not to get a paper cut. The latest thing is bullying. I wonder sometimes if we don't live under a herd mentality. The first time I heard  of a person feeling damaged from being bullied, I remembered how I was picked on because of my scrawny size in my early school years. Later on, I got teased for being so dark-complected. Eventually, I learned to fight the kids that physically picked on me, then I grew a thicker skin and a stronger self-esteem against the problems. It was maybe a couple years ago that I first read about someone being driven to suicide by bullying. What? Maybe I am not fully aware of the type of problems going on in schools these days, but... There are kids who have to go to school (or just live day to day) in the middle or war zones and famines. When I hear about first-world problems like bullying, I kind of expect people to be just a little bit tougher.  (Please understand that I am not blowing off the fact that people have been hurt by bullying to the point of suicide. If kids in our schools are being subjected to bullying of such an extreme extent, something extreme should be done by authorities or parents before it gets that out of hand. Maybe what's happening today isn't the type of bullying I grew up with.)

There are a lot more things I could rant about, but now that I have this off my chest, I feel better.

Peace

--Free

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle." (Plato)

"For Attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.

People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, reclaimed, and redeemed. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself and the other for helping others." (Sam Levenson)

(both quotes from Good Reads.)

Speaking of Learning

Since I mentioned my hopes of getting into the field of coding, I thought I would pass along links to the different sites I've been seeing. Whether you are looking to learn something, or find (like me) a new career path, or are just interested in learning for its own sake, here are some resources:

For coding -

• Codeacademy (nicely set up for the beginner to track learning progress)
• W3Schools (self-described as "the world's largest development site)
• Udacity has an Intro to Computer Sciences that looks organized & practical.
• Hackety Hack is a downloadable program to teach you to... program. 

For app development & other -

• Coursera offers free courses of all kinds, including those in computer science. Check to see which courses are open for which dates. 
• General Assembly offers courses both online and in classroom. The Mobile Development and  Web Development courses look interesting.
• Sitepoint offers to show how to design apps without having programming skills. (Should I be worried?)
• Mozilla offers a tool to help you get creative while Google has a learning spot for developers interested in their products. (Now that Google has surpassed Apple as the most valuable company, it might be nice to jump in on the learning.)

There are tons of courses and classes and intructors to be found on the web for just about anything you want to learn. For this post, I listed sites that I have seen mentioned more than once in articles and reviews. I also tried to list only free courses, but some sites offer a choice of free and paid, so read the small print. Most of all, have fun learning something new. At 50-and-change, I am just trying to keep up with the kids.

Peace

--Free

New Things

So, I am still on what I am calling my "Discovery Tour." I'm trying to discover a new career path. Actually, I'm pretty open to a new life path! (My sister says I am just having mid-life jitters, but more on that in a moment.)

Since I loved my last job, I hope there's a way I can get back to it, but... There would have to be some modifications and I don't know how well that would go over. My next option would be a business, but I am too much of a dreamer and my pockets are too flat right now for that avenue. Finally, I come to the option of learning something new that will keep me motivated and employable.

Ta-da!

I want to learn to write code. For someone who has days where remembering how to write her name, this might sound ambitious. It is, I guess, but I have made up my mind. I only have a couple anxieties about it right now: this kind of crap and the fact that I might not get the encouragement I need from the folks at Vocational Rehab. Another worry - from inside my own head is - about my ability to learn and retain the necessary information. I've always been a quick study, but I haven't always been "over 50" or struck with any serious illness.

Whatever.

I have made up my mind to give this my best shot. I want to start with writing code and progress to programming.* We will see how it goes. I hope that one day this will apply to me:

Peace
--Free

*As a programming teacher, one thing does irritate me: the persistent misuse of the word “programming” when the author means coding. Programming is creating the logic, coding is translating that logic into code. Many students come into class able to code, but almost none come in able to program — that is, create the logic. They think sitting down and making spaghetti code is programming.

Tom Fordham (Yep)