Obsessed With Pickled Veggies (Because I'm Fat)

UPDATE: After a convo with a neighbor, I wanted to add something to this post about sodium content in vinegar. I made a rookie mistake and used the wrong type of vinegar the first time around. It was "seasoned" and did have sodium. I have since realized I should also use non-seasoned vinegar. I purchased some more vinegar (rice, red wine, white wine), and none of them contain sodium. The same goes for ACV. Read the labels before buying any. 

Another tip I am following is to skip adding salt to my home-made pickling recipes. I thought that it was a must to add salt. I do still add a bit of sugar.

A preamble:

I'm so mad at myself. I have gained some more weight. I realize it might be because I have been laid up sick but, still. I am not happy. So I am really going hard on changing up my eating routine. Well, mostly, I am just finding ways to cut out carbs. I've said goodbye (for now) to my homemade pizza dough and I will not be re-stocking the delicious little potatoes I love to air fry. So, for a while, I will be blogging mostly about how I am preparing food and my meals. Now, on to the first food post...

Pickling veggies is one of those things I wish I'd been doing forever. Seriously. It's so dang easy.

So far, I have pickled onions (red and yellow) and red cabbage. All it takes is your choice of vinegar, some water and seasonings (salt and sugar at a minimum), and some clean jars. I went with rice vinegar and of course, I included some garlic for my seasonings. I love me some garlic and the next thing I will pickle is a big bag of garlic cloves!

Since this was my first time pickling anything, I followed the directions from this dude.

He was funny but got right to the point. I like that he gave some pointers about choosing between different vinegars. You know I have now subscribed to his channel!

Here are my first results. Like I said, I will either be pickling a whole jar of garlic or adding several cloves to the other veggies I pickle. 

I can't quite catch the vivid color of the cabbage.

What I like about having the pickled veggies is that they can be used as condiments or as snacks on their own. While I have been under the weather, I haven't been much for fixing meals. It's nice to be able to snack on some of these tart veggies.

One mistake I made was to try using the same vinegar for both veggies. This rice vinegar is not strong enough to affect the cabbage (or else it takes a while longer???) so I had to add some Apple Cider vinegar to my bigger jar of cabbage. The rice wine though is my favorite flavor overall.

(this is "seasoned" & has sodium)

Another thing I like about pickling veggies is that I can save some things before they have a chance to go bad. I always end up with a little more cabbage or some onions left before I can use them up. Now I can just pickle them and get at least another week or more from them. Of course, I am going to be vac-sealing some of these jars and I have to pay attention to possible spoilage.

I don't think that my onions are going to last long enough to spoil. I cannot stop nibbling on them. Because I am not eating my usual carb-loaded snacks during the day (and because I am sooo sick of boiled eggs), I love chomping on the onions.

By the way, I am so slow that it took a couple of days for me to realize that the vinegar is sort of doing the same thing to the veggies that lemon or lime does to the ceviche shrimp I loved when I lived in Alaska. I mean, I know that pickling is not exactly like doing a ceviche prep but you know what I mean. 

Anyway, I will have to talk next time about what I haven't been doing with my Foodi all this time...

Peace

--Free

Internet: I Have Questions

 ... SO many questions.

Someone needs this shirt

• 
  Can a YouTuber make a video without begging viewers to "Like and Subscribe"? 

I find this to be so annoying. It's not like YouTube is new. I'm sure that 99.99% of viewers know how to Like a video if they like it and Subscribe if they want to. Personally, depending on how annoyingly placed the begs are, I will downvote a video or just stop watching it and go to the next one in my queue.

• What is up with the weird narration voices on some of the YouTube channels?

I don't know if this is supposed to be trendy or if the narrator is just trying to make their channel stand out from the pack. 

There was one channel I used to listen to (but stopped) that had a narrator who sounded as if he was a robot trying to sound like a human trying to sound like a robot who was asking a question in every sentence. The speaking cadence was an up and down monotone of irritation that grated on my last good nerve. Too bad because the content was always very interesting.

Another channel was annoying because the narration was - big surprise to me - apparently digital. Yeah. When I complained about the weird pronunciations and odd speech patterns, another commenter told me that I was listening to a computer. Tech is getting good. I really thought I was listening to a person - but a person with an annoying speaking voice.

• Can we talk about the volume on videos while we're at it?

I don't know why the heck someone would put the time and energy into creating a channel - some of them with a ton of videos - but not get the sound together. I've actually had to get an extension to boost the sound of videos. I sometimes can only hear some of the videos with earphones on. There there are the videos that splice in content without regulating the volume so you're straining to hear one moment and scrambling to Mute the next. 

• Can we just get to the recipe already???

Okay - I am guilty of this one, but I am getting better. It's so frustrating to Google a recipe, go to a page, then have to hear the life story of someone before they post the actual recipe. And, even worse is when they make it tricky to print the recipe without a ton of photos or their own weird formatting. By the way, I have started making it easy to spot where recipes or reviews start in my posts. See? Getting better.

• What is with those It the Clown type pop-ups on every page of the internet?

This has long been a pet peeve but it's getting worse day by day. Every time I go to a site to check an article or find that hidden recipe (see above), I'm slapped with one of those stalker pop-up things before I get a glimpse of the page. They pester readers to sign up for newsletters, joining a mailing list, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. I just feel like yelling at the screen "Can you give me a freaking minute????" 

How do I even know if I want to join your mailing list if I can't see what the heck you are all about first? And why on earth can't the offers be a little less jolting? 

By the way, for all those sites that won't let you price anything or see what they offer without giving an email address? Well, I have a throwaway email just for that. So there.

• Instagram shops: please be honest and upfront about the products you are selling. Please.

I have found a lot of products to peruse after seeing ads that pop up in my Instagram feed. Not that I always buy the product (I rarely do), but it's cool to see something interesting that I might not have heard of otherwise. My problem is when the ads either straight up lie and misrepresent their product. Don't show me a beautiful wig or whatever only to be selling something that looks like it came from a joke shop. And please start being more upfront with the pricing. I have found at least 10 products or services that sound amazing until I find out that not only can't I afford them but neither can half the upper-middle-class population. Very recently (okay, it was this morning), I saw an ad for a product to replace traditional, stripping shampoos. Man, it sounded so good when the ad echoed my thoughts about the detergents and other insane shampoo ingredients. I almost broke a thumb clicking for more info. Actually, I went to Amazon because I dislike clicking on Instagram ads - in case I hate the product. This amazing hair product should only be advertised to the rich. I don't want to lie on this product but I believe the price I saw was around $50 for 8 ounces. Hah! Begone with you. Get out of here and never come back!

• Does everyone on Reddit just have to be so snarky?

Okay - first of all, I love Reddit. I just hate some of the users. A lot of them make it their mission in life to out-snark each other. Some of them just can't comment without trying to be cute - or one-up the last comment. Sometimes, they all just get overly playful and go from being fun and cute to annoying.

I really hate when I find a good post that is interesting and useful only to be ruined by stupid comments. I haven't figured out yet how to get past all the long strings of input from attention-seeking people. 

What's wild is that Redditors tend to be really smart and witty and interesting. I don't know how the mean folks managed to take over.

• Why did Google get rid of Google Plus & why hasn't someone started a similar forum?

I will never and not ever stop being mad about Google Plus going away. I tried some of the other places that Plussers wandered off to. None are good enough. I honestly can't remember off hand the 2 that I tried hard at.

• Why are there no popular forums for the "mature" among us?

Look, there are plenty of tech people who were born in the '60s and '70s. So why has none of these tech-smart folk come up with a "G Plus" or "Reddit" for people who are mature and act mature? Not all of us are "old at heart". Some of us are very interested in connecting and communicating and sharing - without trying to look and act like we are fit & fab yummy mummies and dishy daddies. Some of us, ahem, are north of 40 and 50+ who love our internet as much as the rest of the users.

Maybe I'm just full of sour grapes, but I can't believe I am the only one who could love a more mature and life-focused version of Facebook. Right now, I have 80-year old relatives trying to keep up with the vain and narcissistic people on these other platforms. Maybe I should be asking for a platform based not on age but on mindset? After all, there are celebrities in their 50s and up who only get attention for looking half their age. That's just sad.

So, yeah, I have so many questions when it comes to the internet. Got any answers? Go ahead, I'll wait. In the meantime, I will be adding to this list...

Peace

--Free

**RANT** Be Who You Are & Buy What You Like

As promised in my post about my Poshmark buys, here is my rant about "designer"/luxury goods...

I would change "life" to "fashion"

After I bought those Coach bags from Poshmark sellers, I was telling a neighbor about the site and how I love what I got there. I told her what I paid for the bags and she was so excited to take a look at the Poshmark site that we pulled it up right then and there. She went absolutely gaga over the Brahmin bags she has a liking for. Of course, she joined the site and will probably go broke when she sees that there are a lot of the Frye bags she also loves. Poshmark ought to be paying me for promoting the site!

A couple of days later, that neighbor came over to show me some of the stuff she has "hearted" and while we were looking, she asked to see the 2 bags I had been raving about. Her reaction to this absolute awesomeness -

My laptop fits beautifully in  the work bag

- was... bewilderment.

Basically, she was seeing all the other Coach bags listed on Poshmark and wondered why I chose such plain-looking ones. To be honest, when I see bags like this:

Or this:

- I'm not that impressed. And this next one is just... as Amy once sang: No, no, no.

But, seriously, to each his own. I can see how any of those bags could be attractive to someone. They aren't ugly, but just so loudly branded. You would surely get noticed for carrying it.

And maybe that is why a lot of people get those types of very visibly branded bags: they want or need someone to know they can afford a Coach - or Louis Vuitton or whatever else. And that's fine, I guess. We live in a society where we seem more concerned with appearing happy instead of just being happy. And I prefer not to be a walking, talking, unpaid billboard. Especially for something so pricey that I have to wait until it hits a flea market before I can (maybe) afford it.

Maybe I am just in one of my moods? I am so tired of people doing things and having things and wanting things for... not themselves?

Anyway, I explained to my neighbor why I'm so pleased with my "new bags". For one thing, I love carrying a purse that makes me feel like me: simply but well put together and okay with being simply and well put together. I'm not a dressy type of gal like I was in my youth. I like to be clean and comfortable. And I need a bag that lets me carry quite a bit of stuff in an organized way. I once spent half an hour panicking that I had lost my apartment key when it had just fallen to the bottom of my bag.

One of the reasons Coach bags are - or used to be - so desired is that they are so sturdy and well crafted. (My mother had a couple of really good purses back in the day that lasted for years and years until they got stolen lost when movers packed up our house once.)

I'm pretty sure that my neighbor loves her Brahmin bags because they are so well-made (they really are too - just not my style of a purse). I can tell that she loves the one she carries all the time. And I mean all the time.  I told her all this and she agreed. She said that she feels "matched" well to the bag. It's a beautiful bag that can be handed down a couple of generations. She still didn't seem to love my new bags but that's okay, she doesn't have to because I do.

We all probably have at least that one purse we love but that is tattered and falling apart (and guys probably have that special wallet). I have/had at least 3 well-loved purses in the past several years. Not all of them are well-made either. Along with a really cute cloth mini-bag, this is what I have been carrying for most of the past 3 years:

About $12 at Target (??) a few years back

I love that purse but, as you can see, it's warped on the bottom of one side. Nothing I did would smooth that out. I tried loading it with heavy stuff, hanging from a rail, and blowing a warm dryer over it. Still warped. The cloth mini-bag I had was a freebie included with some purchase I made about 5 years ago. It was small but hung nicely off the arm and I could stuff a lot of things in it. Unfortunately, the handle came loose from one side.

For years, I've had a Coach-not-Coach (aka "Foach") large style tote that is made of such quality leather and so durable that it still looks great after about 25 years. The leather is wearing well just the way leather is supposed to - getting darker and softer in some places but not falling apart. The one thing that gives it away as not authentic is the non-Coach type hardware. A dear friend gave it to me and I use it as a carry-on/carry-around when I am visiting family. Every now and then, I pull it out and rub it down with some conditioner. I love it.

I pulled out the phone-calc and did the math on the age of my leather Foach - I got it in 1991 so that makes it almost 30 years old! Wow. I don't think that even the people at Coach would be hating me for this bag. INXS was playing Wembley in '91 and I was 102 pounds and strutting around in 4-inch heels like nobody's business. Talk about time flying...

Anyway.

The Coach that belonged to Mike is a coated-canvas-type material that I don't want to wear out or stain. Leather is easier to maintain and lasts longer. Also, the branding on Mike's Coach is quite visible - though not loudly so because the material is a sort of black and monochrome. Did I get that right???

Makes me think of her.

There are a couple of other brands I would love to own a bag from. So far, they are out of my reach even on Poshmark. But I am throwing out hints so hard that I am leaving marks on my family! The main brand I want a bag from is Liebeskind Berlin. The cowskin leather ones are soft that they feel like they're made of clouds and unicorn fur.  I am also keeping my eye out for something by Wilsons Leather. That or Frye's. I have heard great things about both.

For now, though, I am extremely happy with my 2 bags. As with the Foach tote, I am treating them with conditioner and making sure to massage the handles when I carry them. I love it when leather gets that beautiful used look.

By the way, for anyone wondering about the history of Coach, there's an article that goes so deep in that it's going to take me years to read it all. Here is the link.

To sum up, I don't want to tell anyone what to do, but I sure hope that the next time you go shopping, you buy things that make you happy and feel pretty. Look at me, I'm over here quarantined and happy to be looking at these purses when no one else can see them!

Well, now that I got that rant out of my system, I feel better. I am going to go and work on my budget now. I will have to be creative next month since I used birthday money for fun instead of being responsible.

Peace
--Free

Love Spreads, Hate Seeps

Is anybody else just absolutely worn out from all this disruption of normalcy? It seems to be making me physically ill and we won't even get into what it's done to my fragile mental state.

Jenn gets me

NOTE: Because of my depression and the darkness of this post, I will be throwing in some images that may make you smile a little or think a lot.


I no longer want to read the news but can't help myself. It's like not wanting to peel back the bandaid to peek at a nasty injury but you have to know if it's getting better or worse. I'm just so tired and discouraged. Even if we do manage to start righting the ship that is our country, it's going to take a long time to fix the damage. And I am not even going to hold back when I say that it's got to start with getting Trump out of office. The man is a walking virus on peace and trust and cooperation.

A lot of people are surprised when I tell them that I didn't vote for Obama for his second term. I felt that he wasn't in line with my personal values as a Christian. Still, I look back and think today that he's such a stark contrast to Trump - and not because of Trump's so-called "Christian" values. Face it, the man is the antithesis of even human values. The contrast is in how the two men affect people just in holding the Office. My brother and I were talking about this the other day and my broken brain had a moment of intense clarity. I said, "Obama represented hope and unity while Trump represents hate and division."




I don't care whether you like Trump as a man or not (I like Obama as a man) but when it comes to the power he has to lead and rule, he's gone so far down the wrong road that we may never make it back.

When people tell me that Trump doesn't represent hate or white supremacy, I want to tell them about the incidents of racism and hate that's happened locally in the name of Trump. A family member called me crying in frustration because some of their family members have started flying Confederate flags and Klan and Nazi symbols.

Okay, let's say that Trump isn't the problem - if you can fix your mouth to do so...  Maybe he personally doesn't support racism and hate but he sure makes it acceptable for others to do so.  There are so many normal citizens who feel empowered to act out on their own ignorance and violence and they do this because they feel good about "their man in Office".

I won't go on like I could for days about this horrendous state we've gotten ourselves into but I have this personal idea about life. Love spreads from one person or situation to another. Hate seeps and creeps. It infects good people and bad. I know this is true because I think of myself as a good person but I am starting to feel hate. I hate the fools who are shaking all the tiny bits of progress we have made away from lynching, beatings, and "midnight rides" of the Klan days. I hate people who are so dangerous that they almost make me forget that not everyone is hateful and dangerous to me.


Back to Obama - and I have to say this - there is a joke among some black people about his contrast to Trump. When Obama was elected, some people joked that he would be the worst stereotype of a black man. He wasn't. He was married to one woman, had no known past disgraces, and did not hate "whitey". He tried to represent every citizen - of every race, gender, creed, and sexual orientation. Trump, on the other hand, has become the David Duke of the White House. He's had multiple marriages, dalliances, and bad business practices. Allegedly. The only thing left for him to do is don a white robe and one of those silly hats.

The worst thing about Trump though is not what he's doing but to whom. He's not benefitting the white supremacist as a person any more than he's benefitting my black ass. He's benefitting the House of Trump. He's benefitting the people who look and live like he does. I probably have more of a chance of being invited to a Trump family dinner than any of the poor whites who are fooled by him.


So I want to say to my fellow citizens - regardless of skin color - Trump has screwed us all. We are going to be living with and trying to clean up his mess of madness for a long time. He and his family will most likely still be rich and insulated from the daily life we have to cope with. He cares as much for you as he does for me.

We better all get it together and start working to make the government work for us again instead of the other way around. We are going to need to ask ourselves if we - regular people who shop at Target and Walmart and have to worry about gas prices and the cost of a loaf of bread - are better off than the people in charge of us.


Peace
--Free


P.S.: Happy 4th.

Politeness Is Not a Weakness

Since I've been slacking on the blog due to some extreme fatigue issues, I thought I'd drop in for a rant. (Sorry. I will be back up with some reviews in the next week or so. In the meantime...)

What ever happened to manners????

I was on the phone with my niece earlier. She lives outside of Dallas and she was shopping at a local Costco. As she was cruising through the lot searching for a parking space, someone actually gunned around her to get to the one she had her signal on for. (By the way, my niece always uses a hands-free phone accessory!)


We were still discussing how rude people can be when my niece got into the store. As she was pushing her cart through the aisles, someone in front of her slowed down to look at something so my niece slowed down. She happened to notice that the lady behind her was not slowing down. She sort of lifted her hand to catch the front of that lady's cart. The woman just pushed into her hand and ran over the back of my niece's heel with her cart.

source

I heard my niece yelp. She told me that the rude lady only issued a " Sorry" because other people gave her curious looks.

This is not uncommon for someone living in a bigger and more crowded city. I think that my niece has just gotten used to it. Matter of fact, I think that she expects people to be rude.

Here in Alaska, one of the most positive aspects used to be how friendly people were. That all changed. I would say that in the past 10 years, Anchorage has started to resemble many of the places residents came her to escape.

What always makes me shake my head is that people have confused what's important. It's important to most people to be intelligent, high-earning, attractive - whatever they think is impressive. This is what children are being taught. However, not enough people are teaching (or using) good, basic manners.

I was with my little nephew in Walmart one day when he started coughing. I reminded him to cover his mouth. A moment later, he did something that prompted me to remind him to say "Excuse me." I hadn't noticed a woman standing nearby until she approached me to say how glad she was to see someone teaching a child common courtesies. We then had a brief discussion about the subject.

source

How crazy is it that something so basic as being a decent person can incite commentary?

It seems that the smarter and more intellectually advanced we become, the less we value basic decency.

Anyway, that's my little rant for the day. Let's go out and be kind to each other.

Peace
--Free

Struggling and Coping

This morning on Twitter, I caught up with someone I connected with long ago during my first days online. This is a smart, go-get-em kind of woman. It seems that she, like me, is going through some trials. I know that she, like me, is going to come through just fine. But, probably, for both of us - for anyone- it`s not knowing how strong you are before a struggle, or that you will be better afterwards, it's that whole period of 'getting through' it. The being in it. The whole truth of these periods of struggle - which always feel like a battle to hang on to the best of what you are - is that you have to go it alone. The only thing you have is your faith and your trust.

So, to my buddy from way back (you know who you are), I don't know what you're going through. I don`t know how you feel while  you`re getting through, but I know that you can make it through.

My current struggle? Fatigue from and exasperation with this damn sarc. Trying to focus through this haze that clouds my mind every time I attempt to write or pray or just think. I figure I'm getting a couple hours of energy each day (at the most) to spend time enjoying my family, keep up with the blog, and taking care of myself. The rest of the time, it`s a terrible effort to do anything. Sleeping doesn't help because I'm not tired. I'm not tired, I'm simply fatigued and fogged.

I need this on a t-shirt

When you get an odd disease, one that's not so recognized and understood in general, your doctors do all they can to fight the progression. You get medicine to keep you alive - and, in my case, to keep me from walking into walls. What you don`t get is lessons in how to cope with the damage that`s been done. Or how not to be so irritable that you begin to hate yourself.

They got a drug for brain fog?

No decent person would expect someone on crutches to run, a blind person to drive, or a mute person to "speak up". It's tough for people to know that I have a disease that comes with its own issues. I don't realize that I'm annoying because I might be asking you the same question now that I asked 10 minutes ago. If I get quiet and still in my body because that helps my mind get quiet and still then, yes, I might get edgy when you pierce that quiet and stillness with a lots of loud noise.

Stop. Please. Or at least PAUSE.

 

Because, while my disease is being treated, no one is teaching me how to cope. I am learning as I go and the going gets ugly. Having to concentrate so hard when I do anything - drive, clean, write, read, pay bills, make appointments- is tiring.

Before this disease, writing was my coping therapy. I wrote short stories and long stories and even novels and, whether they were never going to be read by another person, they were my therapy. Now I can`t even keep grasp of one thought long enough to weave it to another. Before, if I wasn't writing, I was reading. I still read, but listening to audio books is better because, somehow, hearing stays with me longer than reading. If I don`t get frustrated because the audio is more 'noise' than I can take sometimes.

I can deal with most of my symptoms, but this fatigue piled on top of it all is too much. Not being able to sleep well - or to feel rested when you do sleep - and not being able to find the energy to function when you are awake is just too much. I have been meaning to clean the bathroom for over a week now. I did spray cleaner on the shower walls yesterday. That's something. I rinse today. Maybe.

So. I am struggling, but that in itself is a positive. Struggle is action. Prayer is medicine. God is good. This struggle, this fatigue, this strain are just symptoms. They are not the whole of me. My main coping mechanism is one that can't be polluted: faith. I have faith that this, all of this, will pass.

Peace
--Free

P.S.: I promise that the whine session is now over. I'm going to try to get back to posting reviews asap. I have just finished a couple weeks of trying out and using 3 products. Just have to get my notes together. You now know how that will go!

**RANT** Invisible Illnesses

Lord forgive me, but there are times I wish that I had a more visible illness.

You know that look you give someone who whips out their "Handicapped" placard, pulls into a reserved parking spot, then hops out of their car with the agility of Mick Jagger at 20? Sure, you know. THAT look. Well, I used to give people that look. Used to. Not anymore.

Thankfully, I don't need to park in a reserved spot so I never get "the Look". What I get is ignored. Ignored might be something that some disabled people long for, but not when it's worse than a smack in the face. Or when it makes being sick worse than "just" being sick.

Because I don't have an illness anyone can see, I don't get to park in any of the reserved spaces at the store or in life. Nope. Those special "life spaces" are reserved too, you see. Since I look like I can trot through life like a young Mick Jagger, there are lots of things I get a dirty attitude for:

• Fatigued? Well, that's just too bad. I look too healthy (and might I say "gorgeous", or maybe not) to be fatigued. Fatigued from what? I look perfectly healthy. I should be able to wind up every morning and put the Energizer Bunny to shame!
• A little down and blue? Well, none of that pity-pot business for me, my friend. At least I don't have ~insert disease #1 her~ or ~insert another disease~, right? My life is just perfect. I can get any job I used to, or go back to school to learn another job. Oh wait... I'd need to have better short-term memory for that. And then there's the whole fatigue thing. You know the problem I shouldn't have. We won't even talk about the stigma of being sick while looking well and fine. We really won't discuss any of the rest of stuff that can beat you down like Tyson in the ring. All those things like housing and food. Affordable housing and food. 
• Not counting my blessings. Because, you know, I don't have one of those other diseases. And, besides, the one I do have doesn't seem all that bad. And, not that I care what idiots think, but I do count my blessings. I wish I could add more people to the list of blessings to count. (Okay now, that was just plain snarky. Sorry.)
• Discouraged ever now and then? Well, that's just not allowed. Even though I struggle to piece back together some kind of a life. Even though I can't write as well as I used to (the one thing I was good at), and even though I wonder if I'm ever going to feel "normal" again. None of that matters. Especially when other people make it all look so easy.

I could go on. And on. I won't because then I'd get accused of being bitchy. I'm going to have to ask my docs if "bitchy" is a symptom of this disease or a symptom of most invisible diseases. A symptom brought on by, maybe, those other things I mentioned right up there. I'm pretty sure if I ask the wrong person, I'll get the "parking space" look.

So, yes, while I count my blessings and ward off my own bitchiness, I do sometimes want to wear a shirt like this one:

Cos that's what people think anyway
(get this shirt here)

And, by the way, you can hold the advise about how to handle illness. I don't want to handle it, want to beat the crap out of it. And, anyway, no one else - not even someone with the same disease - can tell anyone else how to handle their illness. I think that any disease/disability - no matter how "strong" someone is or how well they seem to handle it - is a personalized kind of struggle. My struggle has my name on it, not anyone else's. And, okay: that doesn't really explain the "bitchy" part. (I'm seriously going to have to ask a doc about that!)

Being sick made me more "natural"???
(get this shirt here)

 For those of you who don't know, I have another problem:

Part of it is this tho

It's true. If I'm not smiling, I look like I'm off to start trouble. That's why I smile so much (and sometimes look like I either have a great secret or better meds). Mostly. Part of it is (sometimes) just this:

I do have a flaw (yes, just one) of my own: I have a problem hearing other people complain about their little aches and pains when some of us are dealing with bigger stuff. See how I fell right into that whole "your problem vs my problem" thing? That's what happens when I turn my head and you see my other face.

So, yeah. This is a shout out to you all who are healthy and well. Don't make those of us with an invisible illness have to wear our bitchy face just to repel your "parking lot" attitude.

Peace

--Free

P.S.: Again, I'm thinking of Perry. I used to have him to vent all of this to. I guess I'll be using the blog to sometimes "talk" to him.

What is Beautiful?

(Warning: My brain is tired today, so this post might ramble just a bit!)

There are a lot of us bloggers who feature cosmetics and clothes and, well, all things "beautiful". Male or female, all of us want to be liked, loved, attractive, appealing. It's just part of our in-built need to feel connected. If we feel attractive, we feel that we have something visible to offer others on a (shallow) immediate basis.

After scrolling through a bunch of photos the other day - photos of friends and family - something dawned on me: many of those people were posing and putting out a show-off-y vibe.

If you are on an online social network, just check out all the selfies by regular folk. (Celebrities don't count. Self-promotion is part of their resume.) Most of those selfies are of folk trying hard to look like they aren't trying hard to look really good. We've become a nation (world?) of desperate-to-be-beautiful people.

I bet most people don't find certain things "attractive":

• Too much makeup
• Too much skin
• Too much weave
• Too much posing
• That stupid "duck face" thing people do

I really hate the duck face. That's a real sincere look, right?

We've distorted what is really most attractive in any person: being genuine.

When I see stories about this woman, who transformed herself into a doll image, I just wonder.

She's a living, breathing... Barbie?

And another one

Barbie & Ken?

What is going on here? (By the way, there is a suspicion of a tinge of racism in one of these cases. I don't think it's racism. I think it's complete body-image ignorance.)  I've read stories of people trying to change their appearance to downplay their racial features. That's some real self-hate there.

There are more of these "human Barbies" than I thought. Enough for a slideshow, apparently. I found a black "Barbie" without looking too hard. Their are no racial lines when it comes to distorted body images. 

I wonder about the sanity and character of a person who is attracted to a person who looks like a plastic doll.

Growing up, I used to have the normal (?) pre-pubescent fantasies of being with whichever boy was the cutest in my school, a popular band, or on a TV show. Because I did grow up (and because I had great parents and other role models), I learned to appreciate people for their whole selves: personality, character, and motivations.

I have made some mistakes in judging some people but, overall, I am mostly attracted to people who are comfortable with who they are and how they look.

What's beautiful?

• A genuine smile
• Kindness in the eyes
• Intelligence
• Humor

I am sometimes socially awkward, so I relate to that in other people. It's also really cool when someone is socially comfortable -despite their looks, bank account or connections (or lack of).

A lot of us are attracted to people for reasons we can't put our finger on. We explain our attraction to certain people by saying that "there's just something about" him/her.

Instead of buying into and promoting shallow attributes, we should learn to find that "certain something" that is in all of us.

Peace

--Free

More & Less (of what we need)

I'm supposed to be doing something else right now - something unpleasant and tiresome. Before I get to that, I will blow off some steam with a little (big) rant about people. There are just certain things more people need to be doing more of and other things many of us need to be doing less of. . Of course, all this is just from my opinionated point of view, but here's today's rant:

More people need to spend more time...

• Getting up and moving around. I'm not talking about just getting up and going to work every day (although that's always good). I'm talking about physically moving your body just to be moving. Take a walk, dance around the house, visit a museum or bookstore. Just do something to keep life interesting. I know people who don't work and still don't use all that free time to live some kind of a life. That's a lot like mental suicide. If nothing else, you are spitting in the face of an ability that some people would give anything for.
• Learning something. I love the Gandhi quote: "Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever." You can read tons of studies talking about how lifelong learning is important for staying mentally spry. I'm not elderly (yet), but I'm not very mentally spry. I'm going to do everything I can to work the brain muscles I have left. With the technology we have today, there's no excuse not to take advantage of the opportunities to learn. If you don't have a computer, libraries do, friends do - somebody can hook you up. If you don't have access to a library or friends with a computer, then ask around for help with that or other resources. I bet if you didn't have food, you'd know how to apply for assistance. I'm just saying.
• Helping each other. Someone you know needs something from you. Maybe some words of encouragement. Maybe they need to borrow your computer! (heh heh) You might be really good at something (cooking or cleaning or math or balancing a budget) that someone else could benefit from learning. 
• Accepting help and advice. If someone has criticized you, think about the criticism before you get mad and shut down. Sometimes people are just hating, but, sometimes, there's a little truth in a comment - insensitive or not. Don't complain about being sick and tired or depressed if you don't even want to make an effort to get better. Everyone has problems. Not everyone wants to do what it takes to solve their problems.
• Improving their situation. Unless you are perfect, there is room for improvement. That could go along with any of the previous points. 
• Being kinder to each other. It is not going to hurt society for all of us to start being a bit more pleasant. When your parents taught you as a child not to talk to strangers, I don't think they meant to turn you into a rude adult. It won't kill any of us to nod, say "hello" or make friendly eye contact with one another. Sometimes I walk through a public place wondering what the hell has everyone so mad or sad. 

If more of us need to be doing more of certain things, lots of us sure do need to stop doing some things. 

• Stop trying to be "gangsta" or a "hottie" or whatever ignorant, unoriginal thing that happens to be going around. Ever notice that when gangster rap went mainstream, a lot of folks started dressing, talking, walking and having the gansta attitude? You can go into a grocery store and feel crowded out by all the suburban kids trying to be Ice Cube. You want to roll your eyes and shrug it off, but you can never be sure just how far the wanna-bes are willing to go with their role-playing. And don't get me started on the kids running around trying to be the local version of some fake-a-lebrity or reality show idiot. I look at these people talking and acting like whoever is the latest trendy embarrassment with a TV show and think to myself, "What a horrible world." I think to myself, "What. A. Hor-ruh-bull world. Ohhhhhh, yeahhhh!"
• Stop supporting things that are bad for us, the world, arts and entertainment. If I could wave a wand and do one thing, it would be to stop another semi-talented singer from taking over the world of music, fashion and (in some cases) politics. Just because we live in a time when almost any one of us can do and be anything, that doesn't mean we should want to do or be just anything. Why not be someone promoting positive and worthwhile issues? If I see another influential singer, rapper, actor or whoever promoting a brand of liquor or rip-off debit card, I'm going to puke. The one thing I hate about some entertainment biggies is that once they get above their former life circumstances, they send nothing positive back down the ladder for others. People, stop validating celebrities who have such disdain for the rest of us. 
• Stop being victims of the latest thing. I remember way back when somebody scalded themselves with coffee from a fast-food place. Everybody fell on the bandwagon. Now, we can't buy gum without warning labels on the wrapper not to get a paper cut. The latest thing is bullying. I wonder sometimes if we don't live under a herd mentality. The first time I heard  of a person feeling damaged from being bullied, I remembered how I was picked on because of my scrawny size in my early school years. Later on, I got teased for being so dark-complected. Eventually, I learned to fight the kids that physically picked on me, then I grew a thicker skin and a stronger self-esteem against the problems. It was maybe a couple years ago that I first read about someone being driven to suicide by bullying. What? Maybe I am not fully aware of the type of problems going on in schools these days, but... There are kids who have to go to school (or just live day to day) in the middle or war zones and famines. When I hear about first-world problems like bullying, I kind of expect people to be just a little bit tougher.  (Please understand that I am not blowing off the fact that people have been hurt by bullying to the point of suicide. If kids in our schools are being subjected to bullying of such an extreme extent, something extreme should be done by authorities or parents before it gets that out of hand. Maybe what's happening today isn't the type of bullying I grew up with.)

There are a lot more things I could rant about, but now that I have this off my chest, I feel better.

Peace

--Free

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle." (Plato)

"For Attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.

People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, reclaimed, and redeemed. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself and the other for helping others." (Sam Levenson)

(both quotes from Good Reads.)

A Little Honesty

Okay. I'm going to put myself out there and admit that I can really be one petty bitch. (I'm doing this as a  sort of cleansing exercise. New Year, new me, blah, blah, blah...) Here's some mini-rants I need to get off my chest and out of my head:

1 - I love my roommate, I swear that I do. I love her more than she knows. My hydrophobic ass would swim an ocean to get to her if she ever needed me to. But. (Don't act like you didn't know this was coming.) I am going to go all Katt Williams on her ass the next time she leaves dirty dishes on the counters right after I've cleaned the kitchen. Or when she leaves the dryer vent looking like a Wookiee or something. Come on now. I have phobias! Fire is one of them! She knows this! Damnit. I'm not just being a neat-freak. This is sometimes about safety. (Okay, not the dishes on the counter, maybe, but...) The other day she fell asleep in her recliner (which is right by the deck door - which is an emergency exit) with boxes and bags of old give-away clothes just surrounding the chair. I cleaned it all up (in case of a fire) and told her that if a fire does break out and she's blocked an exit, I'm moon-walking right over her narcoleptic ass. I'll send a firemen back in for her but... SMH

2 - This next rant is all on me. It's something I have to work on if I want to be a better person in 2013. I am, um... How can I say this?... Here it is: I am sometimes a pretty petty bitch. (We won't talk about dishes and blocking exits here, okay? Okay.) What I mean is, sometimes out of spite I will begrudge someone their proper due.

One example I can give of this is probably something you've done yourself: An acquaintance comes around looking nice. Maybe she has a new haircut or has learned to dress as if she actually owns a mirror. Let's say that she is looking really good. Let's keep talking and say that everyone is noticing. So when a friend mentions to me that old Sally is stepping up her game, do I agree that Sally's game is, indeed, stepped up? Probably I do. Out loud. But in my head, where the real me lives, I'm thinking: "So what? So the heffa got a raise and spent it getting her hair and makeup done instead of paying a bill." Then I tell myself that as soon as her perm (or weave) grows out, she'll be the same old Sally.

Now that's just an example. I've never really had those thoughts in a real situation. No. I've had worse thoughts in different situations. Sometimes these thoughts are fleeting and I ask God's forgiveness immediately. Sometimes, though...  I can hold those thoughts until I'm halfway to Hell.

I don't know why I'm like this. Usually, the Bad Trudy only comes out to play when I'm tired or mad about something. Usually. Then again, Bad Trudy has come out at times when I'm drunk. Not good. Drunk me doesn't just have thoughts in my head. If it's thought, it's said. Loudly. Yeah. So.

3 - Why do some people do the stupidest things then want the rest of us to feel sorry for them? Or at least want us to listen while they moan and cry? If I do something super-stupid, I'm only telling the nearest and dearest of friends - maybe. Some folks will cry their heart out to anyone over anything. To those people I say:

     Don't spend the last of your money on the 18th of the month when you know you will be broke at least until the 1st of the next month.

     Don't get a $60 outfit at Old Navy when you haven't bought groceries or paid the $50 cell phone bill.

     Quit telling all your friends what a loser your old man is if you're going to get mad when they call him a loser.

     Quit sleeping with random guys you don't really know if you're going to wake up tomorrow crying to me about what disease you might have. Get your ass down to a clinic, then start practicing knee kegels.

I could go on, but you get it. The people I am talking about are not young and still attending Hard Knocks High. When you get to a certain age, you should have learned some lessons already.

You know what I just realized? I need to quit being so hard on other people. (Notice how I finished my rants first?) Most of the things that irk me about other people are the things I've done myself. It's childish of me, I know. Like  a toddler laughing at an infant who still wets himself.  That's another New Year goal for me: being more understanding.

Yeah. For the New Year. Meanwhile, there's more than 2 days left in this year. I'm going to go find my roommate and have a discussion about those dirty dishes...

(heh heh, thanks to +Kim Barnes)

Peace
--Free

Mammy-made Rant (Pt II)

He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words.(Elbert Hubbard)

You guys know by now that I like quotes & that one is one of my favorites. It's also a perfect start for the continuation of my previous post.
After our little falling-out, G (GWA - Girlfriend W/Attitude) and I fell back in - just like we always do. We pitch our little fits because our personalities make us almost complete opposites. BUT G & I will probably always be friends.
That's what I was thinking about when she called me up on Valentine's Day. She was at work. I was at home (and attempting to pack since I'm supposed to be headed to another state in a few weeks). I was busy, frustrated, and surrounded by my life separated into piles of "To Be Sold," "To Be Stored," "To Be Shipped," and "To Be Trashed." I snatched up the ringing phone without checking Caller ID, just ready to take out some of my stress on a telemarketer. The minute I heard G's voice, I forgot everything else. My G was having a crisis.
Like I said, she was at work & she was surrounded by other females who were all cooing over their delivered flowers, candy, and other Valentine's Day loot. Meanwhile, no deliveries had come for her. Not even one of those sweetheart phone calls that can have you floating through the rest of your day. G said that she'd even tried calling her boyfriend to see if he'd gotten the gift she'd sent (a cologne set), but he was either not at work or the receptionist was lying for him. He wasn't answering his home or cell phone either.
Talk about a crisis.
It's bad enough to be single & have to deal with Valentine's Fever at work, but when you're part of a couple... Wow.
Anyway, G and I (always at our best in a crisis) handled the situation. I ordered a delivery of what had to be the last flowers in the state, and when they arrived at G's office, she called me up and talked in such a way that everyone within earshot thought she was thanking someone named "Baby" and "Honey." After work, she came by with wine and cheesecake & we had a great time applauding our combined genius. Her heart & pride was pretty beat up, but I was able to make her smile.
And that's how female friendships survive. Most women don't bond easily with other females, but when we do bond, it's almost unbreakable. This is what I was thinking about as G and I finished the second bottle of wine. And I started thinking that if women had the same criteria for the men we let into our lives as we do for our girlfriends, we'd probably save ourselves a lot of heartache.
I explained this theory to G in that mellow and deeply philosophical way of a person not used to drinking so much wine. G - just as drunk as I - understood me perfectly. We discussed it for a while and I came up with a list of "Relationship Declarations":
I am what I am. I cannot & will not fake being some fantasy woman out of your unrealistic dreams. That's not consistent, healthy, or sane.
You is what you is. Relax and be yourself. I might not like everything about the "real" you, but at least I'll know what I'm getting. I can work with that.
Life is what it is. Life is not going to be one long, perfect, moonlit date with a Grammy-winning soundtrack playing in the background of our relationship. We have to be able to get through the good days and bad.
I finished ticking off these points, then looked over to see if there was anything G wanted to add. I guess not. She was sprawled across my sofa, dead to the world & probably dreaming about killer cheesecakes going after her now ex-boyfriend.
I pulled a blanket out of the "To Be Shipped" pile and draped it over her. When I stumbled to bed, I remained conscious long enough to thank God for the girlfriends in my life. Girlfriends who understand my silence and my words - even when I get on one of my mammy-made rants.

My words for today:

"If man & woman could switch places for a day, woman would explore the mind & man would explore the body." (Free 2/2006)

Listening to:

"You" (Earth, Wind & Fire - from the album "Love Songs")

Mammy-made Rant (Pt I)

Get your snacks, y'all. This is going to be a loooong one.

I had a little bit of a falling out with a friend. When I decided to do a blog, it was because I thought it would be a cool way to document this journey of mine into the new life I'm headed for. It's been even better than I thought. Since I get to let out all my wandering little thoughts, worries & stress moments in writing, I don't talk to myself as much as I used to. That helps cut back on the nervous stares of fellow Walmart shoppers. (I still hear some of the little voices in my head, but only the nice ones.)

Anyway, I'm a true techno-dummy & I was pretty proud that I was going to be blogging. (By the way, I'm still trying to get the hang of some things here, so everybody please be patient - or throw some useful tips my way!)

When I got my blog account all set up, I called my friend to let her know about Being Free (the blog), just like I have called her about Being Free! (the state of mind). She sounded a lit-tle bit skeptical. Until I quit the job a while back, my friend & I had worked together for almost 13 years. When she didn't throw a party at the news of my blog, I assumed she was remembering the times when, just by sitting down near a company PC, I could make grown Tech Support guys weep with frustration. (Those techies actually assigned a code name to me - you know, like the Secret Service does for POTUS & family. My name wasn't anything as cute as what first ladies get. Mine was "Target" - as in: "Guys, get ready to cover the HR Department. Target is logging on to Unit 1 in Station 4.") Yeah. It was kind of embarrassing that I could crash a PC just by opening Excel... Otherwise, I was so good at my job that, instead of being fired, I was given an assistant who handled all work on the PC. (The Techs started sending her roses once a week.)

But back to my GWA (Girlfriend With Attitude). It turns out that her concern was not that I would accidentally do something to crash the World Wide Web (is that even possible? Please god, tell me it's not), but that I would infect the web community with what she has the nerve to call my "old-fashioned, mammy-made values." Yeah - she actually said "mammy-made." Talk about showing her age. Old country-assed heifer...

"Now, girl, don't take this the wrong," she told me. "But..."

Pause that. You just know that when somebody says "don't take this the wrong way," they're about to tell you something that's going to make you mad no matter how you take it. And then, you notice, they always add the "but."

"But, Free, much as I love you girl, you know you got some strange ways of thinking when it comes to..."

I tuned out. I'd already heard GWA give this little speech many times over the years. She and I are roughly the same age & we had both his the court system around the same time to take back our maiden names. After divorcing my husband, I took a year off, but GWA had hooked up with a man she met in the courthouse elevator. Basically, she & I have really different ideas about relationships & socializing.

I let GWA finish her little speech about how since we're now in a dating pool with "younger fish," we have to "change our stroke. " Usually, I let GWA have her say & just be done. I always felt so guilty for my "old-fashioned" values that I could never take a stand about them. This time, though, some of my "mammy-made" southern girl fire flared up & I decided to stand hard & have my say.

"You always say I'm old-fashioned - like it's a nasty rash or something. I guess I got "funny ways" just because my idea of romance doesn't involve getting hot over some old-ass fool in a club who's trying to look 10 years younger & talk to me like we'll be sharing pillows in the morning." I said this all without taking even a little breath. Anger gives you strength. When I did take a breath, GWA tried to get a word in.

"Girl, I didn't-"

I cut her off because I was on a roll & my neck was working with it. "Yes, you did," I told her. Then I mumbled too much like I remember my grandma doing, "Just cause I like knowing what a man things about the economy, the war & the way his mama raised him before I know what he thinks about the beauty mark on my thigh..."

"Dang, Free. You ain't got to trip."

"Oh, yes I do. When good brothers & sisters out here got to wade through all the thugs & hoes just to try to find each other. Yeah, I am going to trip."

"I know you ain't calling me a-"

"I did not start the name-calling," I said. (And yeah, I did sound like I was six.) "I'm too old-fashioned for that."

There was this real long silence while GWA tried to decide whether ot not she had a right to be offended. Finally, she laughed in that silly way that some young dude told her was "cute" and said, "Aw, girl. You know I love you. You and your funny ways."

Yeah. Me & my funny ways.

- to be continued -

Oh, yeah - and I bet you thought I forgot this: My words for today --

"Nothing is as complex as the mind a woman - except the mind of a woman in love."

(Free 12/2005)

Song I'm listening to: "I Wanna Thank You" by Maze f/Frankie Beverly