When Truth Hurts

You know how you know what you know but wish you didn't because all that knowing can sometimes be painful?

I know, right?

If you care a great deal about anyone - a child, a lover, or a very dear friend - this right here is one of those sometimes painful truths:

~sigh~

See what I mean?

I have a flaw (yes, only one!): I always think I am right about everything. Ev-ver-ry thing. Especially when I am being critical of someone else's behavior. Or choices. Or logic. 

When The Girls (you know, those 2 kids my sister, mom and I raised in our little village of family) were young, I hated to watch them make mistakes. I didn't want them to find out the hard way what it meant to choose a bad "friend", walk away from a good friend, or crush on the worst guy ever. As their auntie and one of their protectors, I wanted to talk them out of doing things that I knew they'd end up regretting. 

Here's another painful truth my mother always preached: Sometimes you have to bang your own head against that brick wall of life to learn a lesson.

I still attend classes

I've learned from (most of) my mistakes. The girls learned. We all do. Well, we do if we at least admit we are human enough to make mistakes.

What I can't deny, I'll try to ignore

What I love is when people dim their mistakes and flaws by shining a light on someone else's. I know some folks like that. They are the ones who sit on their mountain  to laugh at someone else's molehill. I'm just waiting for the day when they need to borrow my shovel to dig themselves out of their fantasy that they are better than the rest of us. Even if I'm still busy using the shovel for myself, they will learn to see themselves a little clearer when that light is turned back on them. I know this from my own experiences.

I just realize I have another flaw (that's two!): I tend to ramble when I try to blog on the fly! (I'm supposed to be doing a trial run of packing to see how much will fit in my suitcases. I only have one more weekend to finish everything...)

Well, that's today's post. Hope you enjoyed it.

Peace

--Free

Food and Choices

Finally, I've lost enough weight that I feel comfortable again in my clothes. I'm wearing pants that fit a little closer and tops that aren't made to hide things. My clothing choices really marked my journey from the prednisone poundage to the return to a more normal size for me. I didn't realize this until recently when I was tossing old clothes.

The first clothing milestone was when I went from wearing loose pants to prevent chafing to some that were less loose but didn't hug any curves. My tops went from extremely baggy sweater-types to still-baggy but not as thick. I think it was when I was able to see the slimming effects of leotards that I begin to feel like I was making real progress. Before then, any slimming products would just roll up and bunch at the waist and make me feel my blood pressure rise.

My happiest moment was when I was able to wear t-shirts again without feeling like a stuffed sausage. It's so nice now to put on clothes and feel comfortable. No matter what I wore at my heaviest, I always felt like I was bound and bandaged too tight by any fabric.

Now that I am at this point and aiming for my ideal weight, I can focus more on maintaining an intake of good food and nutrition (instead of fighting cravings and feeling guilty when I caved).

Looks sooo good. Except in a pair of jeans...

A lot of my friends and family have commented on my progress. If it helps anyone else, here are some things I've learned on this weight loss journey:

• As adults, we don't have to eat by set rules. Traditional breakfast, lunch, and dinner is just that: traditional. I can have a salad for breakfast if that's what I want (and I often do).
• Canned food is underrated. I love smoked oysters, kippers, and clams. Sardines with crackers and olives is a favorite snack. (I have a best friend who likes to eat her fruit with hot sauce & spicy dips.)
• A meal does not have to have the traditional layout of a meat, vegetable and starch. Sometimes, I just have a piece of well-seasoned chicken or fish - or pork chop. I love a good chop.
• I've learned to eat outside my comfort zone. I've tried (and love) lamb. I'm learning to use more seasonings. (Love basil. Not crazy about cilantro.) I'm trying different kinds of breads and cheeses and sauces. Salt is not my go-to seasoning now that I'm finding other flavors.
• When I enjoy cooking a meal, I enjoy eating it. Instead of frying or baking everything, I'm learning new ways to prepare food. Who knew (I didn't) that there are 7 "basic" methods of cooking and even a list of 15 methods? If you want to go wild, you can try many, many more. The other day, I watched Guy Fieri cook some skewered meat between two cast iron skillets, one skillet place on top of the other. Neat.
• Fast food is not going to go away. If I want a burger or fries or tacos from someplace with a neon sign, I have it. I don't want any of that as much as I once did. I think my system has self-detoxed!
• It helps to learn what other (healthy) people are eating. Right now, I'm really interested in Mediterranean food, but it's interesting to search out what's known about the health of other cultures. I'm reading articles about the 10 "healthiest" and such.
• I think that any regional/cultural food can be healthy with some adjustments.
• Instead of eating (or not eating) to look good, I'm eating to live good.

Try it with hot sauce

My little brother and his wife have inspired me with their garden. I'm going to taste my way right through their yard when I see them! They were telling me about the fresh and "old-fashioned" taste of the veggies they've grown. (Hid your green beans, you guys. I'm on my way! LOL)

I want a garden. NOW!

As far as the suggestions, that's just me and my take on it, but everyone is different. You have to do what is "do-able" for you and your lifestyle and health needs. By the way, even if you are "skinny", you still need to eat well for your health. I have a very thin male friend who had a bypass in his mid-40's. Looked as good in a hospital gown as he did in his jeans...

Peace

--Free

A Mind Scrubbing

After binging on mindless television shows, I decided to do a mind scrub last night and try reading. Thankfully, I haven't seen any readily available books centered on reality TV.

Because I have dreams of being a published (and paid) author some day, I really hate myself for having to find freebie reads. But there are plenty out there. I use Amazon's Cloud Reader and the Kindle app (you can get a free one here) for my phone. When I can't buy or borrow books, I will go over and do a search for freebie reads on whatever subject I'm fixated on at the moment.

Kindle. Because this looks so uncomfortable.

The thing is, I download (and actually buy) lots of books. I love books. The problem here is that I don't always make time for reading. Because I felt bad about this, I did a quick search and found that I'm not the only one who isn't reading. The only thing I can say in my favor is that at least I don't lie about what I do or do not read.

Scrolling through this "List of 13 Books Nobody's Read", I was nodding like an uneducated maniac, thinking, "Haven't read that one, or that one, or... Nope haven't read that one either..." (Maybe I should sorta kinda be ashamed that I had never heard before of "Infinite Jest" by David Foster Wallace. Sadder still, I barely got through the first paragraph of the Wiki article about the book.)

I want to redeem myself so I'm looking at this list of 10 underrated books. Unfortunately, I stopped scrolling after the fifth book. I don't really even like the summary descriptions. Apparently, lots of people are starting certain books without bothering to finish them. Much the way I did with that list.

Best feeling ever

When the girls were young, they almost hated that I had a rule about learning. I required them to do a certain amount of reading every week. I made them watch the news and write me a little one-page report. In her adult life, one of them still refuses to read anything other than People or Us. She does read her Bible though (#shesays). The other one has never been without a book in her hand since the day she picked up her first one.

Take away the electronics. That's how.

Or an HOUR won't hurt

The problem with my slack reading habits of late just might not be all about me. Maybe publishers should stop being so picky and start getting some readable work out there on the market. I'm sorry but I will probably never pick up a copy of Stephen Hawking's  "A Brief History of Time" for any other reason than displaying it on my bookshelf. Or maybe not even then because I doubt I could find a good copy for free. Mr. Hawking is a physicist. If I ever met him, in order to have sparkling conversation, we'd probably have to trade gossip about the "Real Housewives". I imagine that people way more intelligent that I are intimidated by his book. Next time someone tries to act superior with me, I'm going to ask if they've read past the table of contents. I'll have to carry around some cheat notes just so I can make them prove it.

Another reason: books don't talk back.

What kinds of books would I like to see more (or less) of? You know I have a list, right?

• Anything by Stephen King. I don't even care about the stories, I just like so much the way he tells them. I think I have only ever hated a few of his books, but I was ready to lose a friend over the theft of my hardback "Under the Dome". (She's still on friendship probation, by the way.)
• More regional American fiction. I've lived in various places here in the U.S. and want to see more about the times, lives and pasts of other people as seen through their eyes. I want to know what they eat, how they talk with each other, and what they think of people from other parts of the world.
• More historical and AA fiction like "The Color Purple" and less about whorish men and women and their fall from church to the streets. (Not that there is anything wrong with the latter, but that 'genre' has turned boilerplate-ish and tiresome. And I never learn anything from it except how disgusted I am with negative stereotypes. The rest of the world should know more about racial groups other than what they see on BET and MTV.)
• More stories from fellow citizens of this great melting pot of a nation of ours. I want to know about their families: the mamas and daddies, the grands, aunties and uncles, and all the cousins - play and real. Because I feel like there is such a gulf between the Japanese American and African American peoples, I'd really like to see more fiction that might explain that divide.
• Mysteries, thrillers and chillers. Not sexy-dirty-nasty mysteries. Not celebration-of-the-amoral type thrillers. And I'm so very tired of even hearing about vampires, zombies and all that weird crap. Ann Rice did an amazing job with "Interview" and everyone else has taken the genre down in the gutter. Where are all the modern Sherlocks, Marples and Poirots?
• Though I like some spice, I don't get into mainstream porn. I prefer porn of the type couples order online in secret or slink into the local corner XXX store for. Why dress it up so that people can feel okay about walking around with it in their purse to read on the commute? It's porn. If you are into it, own it - in all it's nasty-but-occasionally-fun-way-to-spice-up-your-dried-out-relationship glory. Whatever.
• For Dummies books that don't come with that blazing yellow cover. Take a note from the porn marketers and dress up (or down) the covers better. I always feel like I'm advertising what a, well, dummy, I am when I reach for a tutorial. Not everyone in the library needs to know that I need help with my most basic math skills. Talk about wanting to hide something under a plain brown wrapper!
• I want more books that I can't wait to tell someone else about. I remember that after I first read "Catcher in the Rye" as a fourteen year old, I spent hours trying to explain it to my best friend. That had to be one of the first books I owned outside my Bible. I actually loaned it to that girl. (Unlike my thieving friend, this one returned my book.) 

Please sir...

Most of all, I'd like to see more books that aren't written as though the author was only thinking about the kind of movie it could be turned into.

Write the book
or write the screenplay
#YouChoose

To be honest, there are lots of these books already out there. I just wish I heard about them the way I hear about A Brief History or however many shades of grey there are.

There. #Rantoftheday is done.

Peace

--Free

Those Dang Housewives

I must hurry up and get out of town. If I don't get back to living my normal life (hold on a sec while I stop laughing hysterically), I'm going to be brain-drained from watching too much TV. I'm Dateline-d, Forensic File-d and Cupcake-Wars-ed out! TV is becoming a cancer on what's left of my intelligence.

Now, I know you guys are probably getting bored with my rants about television, but I have nothing much else to post about until I can get hold of some more products to review. In the meantime, let's talk about the "Real Housewives" again. Atlanta, O.C., New York - the location doesn't matter. All those gals are really just the same bunch. The only way you can tell them apart is by their kids, husbands and dialects.

And. sometimes, fake house and fake man

 you have got to follow

Tom Falco's "Tomversation"

If you watch any 3 of the shows (and I just mentioned the only ones I watch), you'll notice that there are only 6 or 7 basic types of characters cast:

• Ringleader Bi*ch The gal who is the queen of bi*ches and is proud of it. In her mind, she is not a b-word, she is just a strong, take-no-prisoners kind of woman. Only, in her dictionary, 'strong' means cruel, selfish and backstabbing. The best thing about her is that she usually makes the show work. I mean, even a crew of circus clowns needs a leader.
• Main Sidekick This is the best 'fr-enemy' of the Ringleader. The start out as besties but, as the show progresses and the Sidekick gets a little taste of attention, she starts staging a coup. Sometimes, this takes a while. The Sidekick will play the part of schoolyard flunky for the longest time until she accidentally shows some guts and pisses off the Ringleader. When this happens, Sidekick either gets booted off the show (after being set up by Ringleader), or she forms her own clique and we start hearing a lot about #TeamSidekick vs #TeamRingleader.
• Nice(r) Girl This is usually the first one to exit the show. She thought she could bring a little class and normalcy to the craziness. She's always wrong. For one thing, 'normal' doesn't get ratings. For another thing, 'normal' people are what the rest of the cast use the same way a boxer uses his mouth guard: spits it right out when it gets all bloody and used up. (By the way, if Nice Girl learns to be ruthless, she can extend her stay or even get a spin-off. Sometimes. Usually, Nice Girl tries but just can't stomach the game. Good for her!)
• Troubled Trouble She has real life issues for which she needs to get real life help. This lady has no business being involved in anything except for rehab or serious therapy. She might be one of the reasons a lagging "Housewives" show picks up more viewers but, in the reality that matters, she just needs help. Once her problems start spinning out of scripted control, everyone should feel ashamed for feeding the demise of her soul by televising (or watching) her instead of wishing for her well-being. Thankfully, this character generally gets booted. It's only fun to watch this kind of tragedy until it truly becomes tragic.
• Queen Freak The one who is down for anything, with anyone, at any time. She is coyly proud of how trashy she is. You can't take her to any of the nice trips, restaurants or shopping venues without her sucking the class factor down to zero. She will talk about all the sex she is or is not having, no matter who is present to overhear. This character will, after a season or two on the show, come out as having a traumatic childhood or other past damage. She will either grow into a better behaving cast member, or she will make the viewers become weary of her. If she gets booed off the show, she will join the other Housewives of the Past. Speaking of...
• Past Housewives These ladies (and whatever man is connected with them), usually go on to be more (or less) successful with their own spinoff show. Successful ones become even more irritating (because what is more irritating than a no-talent talent?). Less successful (or forgotten) ones do a lot of tweeting, Facebook-ing and Instagram-ing so that current 'Wives will badmouth them (thus keeping them peripherally relevant to an extent).
• New Girl Ah... This poor woman here. She comes on either fully loaded for bi*ch or believing that you can sell your soul for fame and still remain above the mess. If she's armed to the teeth and can fight her way through the rites of initiation, she can move into the spot of whoever has been recently kicked off. Personally, I love when the New Girl goes in for the Ringleader. The whole trying to stay clean while rolling in the mud with the meangirls... Well, that never works out, does it? The best New Girl can hope for is that she survives and gets her own "team" of fans.

Yeah. There's a formula to these shows. And we all love it (shame on us!). What I don't understand is how people who (I guess) believe in gender and racial respect will sell it off for some comped vacations and a shot at people knowing just how dysfunctional your personal life is.

I'm trying to be soooo ashamed right now

Last time I watched a "Housewife" show, the trending battle was over spilled secrets. Apparently one wife confided in another wife about marital problems. The confidante blabbed to a third wife. Third wife blabbed to, I don't know, other wives. ~sigh~ (Flashbacks of school days, anyone?) I was almost caught up in choosing sides with the betrayed wife until I realized - wait a minute! You told your marital "secret" on TV. How freaking confidential did you expect that to be? What's really sad is, the logistics of the situation didn't matter. The ensuing drama was great, um, entertainment.

Funny thing. "Housewives" shows don't really seem to promote the idea of a healthy marriage. I'm just saying.

So I (and other criticizing viewers) are just as bad as these TV 'ladies'. We're not bulls in the fight, but we are out here, cheering on the bloodshed. 

Sadly true...

Shame on us all! 

Peace

--Free

Sorrow, Not Regret

Talking to a (temporarily) depressed friend the other day, I could hear in her voice that the root of her mood came from thinking of all the regrets she has. Looking back on only the sorrows of life can bring anybody down. I've done it many times, and I'm sure most people have.

One thing about trying to talk a friend out of a low mood is that your words of advice often will shine back and light up your own situation. That's what happened for me. I didn't notice it until late last night when I was having one of those pity parties myself.

This was a pity party of one, brought on by having too much left to do in preparation for Iowa and letting myself get worked up into a state of post-midnight anxiety. If my family had been awake, I would have been distracted by the chaos that is our usual mode of being together under one roof. But it was late, I was tired and too wired to sleep, and I'm pretty sure that the smoked fish I had for a snack was acting as a organic hallucinogen.

I went from thinking of what to pack into the two suitcases I'm taking with me to wondering if I shouldn't add a third suitcase to wondering about the meaning of all life and afterlife. I actually got up and went outside for a while to stand in the rain and have a conversation with God (who was probably musing at how often we silly humans think for some reason that we have to be looking at something - the sky, tall trees, birds - to talk to Him). While I was outside, it started to rain and, as a result, I went back to the bedroom with not only a full-fledged case of self-inflicted anxiety but nappy hair and damp clothes.

Regrets are rude guests, always coming for a visit at the wrong time and when you are not in a mood to entertain them. They are really only good for one thing: reminding you that you have to be compassionate enough to have them over for company.

except maybe for that really bad high school haircut

Anyway, I said my prayers and lay down to try to sleep. Of course, once I started to relax, I started remembering everything I'd said to my friend. I hadn't said much (for me), but the basic piece of advice I gave her is probably something I retained from what my mother taught me:

Instead of only thinking of what you would undo if you could, try realizing that all choices can have good and bad consequences.

Yes, I could have remained with that first person who loved me. We could have spent all these years celebrating milestones and accomplishments as a couple. On the other hand, we might have separated anyway. We might have done more damage to each other had we stayed together any longer.

I could have taken a different job, or lived in different places, or done so many other things differently in my life.

But I didn't. And you know what? That's okay. It has to be. And it will be.

#SimpleTruth

Like I told my friend, there is no need regretting yesterday because there are no refunds. We can't go back and change anything, but we can live as a person who is changed for the better by the regrets we have.

When I went to sleep, I felt better. When I woke up, I certainly felt better. What I hope to remember from here on out is that I will always have some sorrow, but I'm never going to give time to past regrets.

Sing it, Ella!

Peace
--Free

Q & A (food)

Damn you, Pinterest! I've changed my eating habits and I could do without all the food porn and recipes, thank you very much!

No, no I couldn't. I'd rather spend an hour looking at food and beverages on Pinterest than spend five minutes actually packing 1000 calories onto my (now slimmer) butt. Matter of fact, when I get bored, I now just look at photos of food instead of looking at (and chowing down on) real food. Hey. It works for me.

Doesn't even have to be gourmet food

This is a CAKE, btw

And this one is cake. Cake!

                                      

cake

cake

Baby, I'm amazed...

Because I have both a lot of curiosity and a lack of focus, I can spend hours learning about things I probably once knew and just forgot. (Huh?) Yesterday, I had a monster headache, so I spent a couple of hours lying in bed and looking at Pinterest food pics and checking out all kinds of random info about food. I had some questions and, as you know, Google has answers. The questions and answers? Here we go:

1. What exactly is haggis?
Answer: "Haggis is a savoury pudding containing sheep's pluck (heart, liver and lungs); minced with onion, oatmeal, suet, spices, and salt, mixed with stock, and traditionally encased in the animal's stomach and simmered for approximately three hours. Most modern commercial haggis is prepared in a sausage casing rather than an actual stomach." Thanks Wikipedia.

2. Okay then, why is haggis? Again from Wikipedia: "As the 2001 English edition of the Larousse Gastronomique puts it, "Although its description is not immediately appealing, haggis has an excellent nutty texture and delicious savoury flavour"

 Haggis:

Chitlins:

Not "chitterlings"

Haggis is a Scottish thing. Well, I'm from Texas, so this sounds no more icky than frog's legs, bull's balls, pig intestines or pig's feet. It just sort of sounds like all of that mixed together. So... ick.

James McAvoy.  A hot Scot.

For him, I'd eat haggis, chitlins, pickled pig toes...

3. How come Canadian bacon doesn't look like American bacon?

Answer: Because Americans don't own the idea of bacon. Duh.

I love Canadian bacon. I love bacon, period. But I appreciate that The Kitchn so easily cleared up my confusion about the difference. Basically, American Bacon: Pork Belly. Canadian Bacon: Pork Loin. So there.

I'd eat lots of any kind of bacon for James McAvoy. Just saying.

4. Why is it so hard to replicate the recipes I see on Pinterest? I mean, I can't sew (hell, I can barely thread a needle without having bandaids on hand), so I don't expect to be a seamstress. I can cook. I'm not a fancy cook, but I can throw it down well enough in the kitchen - so why can't I ever get my food to look like the ones I see online?

I mean, I'd never try to make something as pretty as this (although it doesn't look that hard)...

...because I know that even the "fail" pic on the bottom would put mine to shame.

But I actually did try something similar to this because, well, why not? I mean, what could really go so wrong?

Yeah. It went about that wrong, and I burned my fingers because my brain went for a stroll and I tried grabbing the hot cup handle... ~sigh~ 

Answer: because...

A dirty, dirty liar!

By the way, if you are feeling superior to the rest of us, go ahead and try your own hand where we have failed. When you blow up your microwave, you can at least go over here and have a good laugh.

Oh well.

I'm not giving up on gardening just because I once killed a plant that could Death Valley, and I'm not giving up on trying out some more Pinterest finds like these:

Now, if and when I fail, I might have to hit up GoFundMe to pay for my physical and/or mental therapy, but... we'll see. We will see.

Peace

--Free

Early Morning TV Critic

Bad news this morning: I'm up too early. Good news: I'm up early because I am getting some good sleep. Bad news: It's raining, so I won't get much done outside of the house today. Good News: I have access to cable TV.

Wait. That might be part of the bad news.

Give me too many channels to choose from, and I will pick the lowest form of broadcast entertainment before I even get to anything educational or informative.  I always start with the reality shows. So that I can turn into a critic. I criticize the motive and morals and entire idea of "non-scripted" realism of these shows. (I question the "reality" of reality shows the same way I question the "selfie" part of photographic selfies. Question: who exactly is taking the photo in the dark of the sleeping celebrity who looks too sexy to really be sleeping in the first place? What - are there cameras set up to go off at random times during the night to capture that one moment that their hair and lingerie isn't scrunched up all crazy-like? Isn't a "selfie" supposed to be the picture we take of ourselves in front of the bathroom mirror, making a "duck face" and being careful not to get photo-bombed by dirty laundry or the neglected toddler with a sagging diaper? And as for the reality shows: how realistic is it when the "stars" have a hair and makeup team on stand-by and a camera crew that tries to catch them only in the best light? And I know that they try for the best light because I have seen lots of the reality folks when another camera caught them in true light.)

 Before 

After

just saying

But, I imagine the reality stars criticize us the way we criticize them. Their fans are probably laughing at me right now for watching Bravo TV and making someone a few dollars richer. To use a couple of the "Housewives" favorite phrases, at the end of the day, I'll "own" it.

Anyway.

I start off with a little bit of a former housewife (who wasn't really a wife when she was on "Housewives") who is now on a show of her own (now that she is a wife). I refuse to use the term "housewife" to describe the ladies from these shows. Housewives actually make running a household either the first or second priority of their schedules. And most live in typical housing, not places try competing with the Ewing residence at Southfork Ranch.

This is where J.R. Ewing lived

Oil money

And this is where a "Housewife" lived

Wonder if they have a private WalMart...

I'll take the house on the bottom, please

The TV Housewives don't run households so much as they run staff that run their households. And there's nothing wrong with that, at the end of the day, if the ladies would just own the truth about it. (I mean, I want staff. I don't care about the big house. I just want staff. Or at least a driver. Can a broke-down sista get a driver?)

Okay. Backing off that rant and getting back to the former Housewife and current, um, wife and mama and whatever else she is. Whatever all else she is, according to the title of her show, she's not "Tardy". Whatever. ~shrug~

She is Kim (not sex-tape-to-fame Kim, but the one who went from being a side-chick to being a wife who I hope never has to worry about side chicks) and she and her family are on a little getaway - with what looks like a motorcade. Apparently, they are driving to a vacation home or something and they are in a huge motorhome and have at least one SUV following. When I was a kid, my parents hauled four of us kids from Alaska to Texas, via the Alcan, in a woodside station wagon. No nanny, no backup vehicle(s). Wow. Tough times.

Kim apparently has a little bit of a taste for gambling. During a pit stop, she spends a couple thousand on lottery tickets and various other scratch-offs. She doesn't buy tickets, actually - she buys rolls of them. Once she and her entourage get back on the road (and she was scratching off more losing tickets than she liked), she joked (or I think & hope she was joking) that she should have bought more.

Um, bad idea, ma'am.

Number One: The 2 grand you spent was a lesson in bad decision-making so I don't think that spending another grand or two would make you look any smarter.

Number Two: Are you gambling out of pleasure or misery? Or is tossing out 2 grand like that just another way to show the viewers how "rich" you are? (Girl, you are never "rich" if you have to worry about being broke again. You are not even "hood rich" (which is a sort of money-left-after-bills 'rich'), you are "reality tv rich". Neither situation is good or lasting.

Number Three: If someone with money and class were watching you (I have no money and am only classy some of the time!) they would be laughing at you - of just adding to their scientific study of "The Shallow Masses." If he cared enough, you'd be dinner conversation at Bill Gates' house. We'll label that discussion under "Hilarious Ways 'Regular' People Throw Away Good Money".

Ugh.

Then I switched over to the food shows. Bummer. Guy Fieri's not on right now, but that bony little Giada is. I don't like Giada for some reason. She looks to me like someone who seems very sweet and nice, but has an inner bit-h that needs its own show. And she has those teeth. I bet she could chomp off a chunk of steel with those teeth of hers. Or maybe it's just her food I don't like. I'm all for healthy, but I'll never fully love a skinny cook. Until I am skinny again myself.

Moving along.

I watched part of an episode of "The Brady Bunch" and had a seesaw of emotions that made me change the channel. For a moment, I was happy to watch a family living in what now seems like simpler times. (Because everything looks simpler in the rear view mirror of life. At least everything you survive.) It was nice to watch the Brady's for about five minutes. Then I remembered I'd once owned a plaid vest and plastic belt (just like the one Marsha was wearing in this episode) when my crush Elroy James had broken my heart by moving away one summer. Damn the Seventies. Too many memories of ugly clothes, avocado-green appliances, shag carpeting and crushes that were too old for me, too wild for my parents, or just right - right before they moved out of town.

Let's have a glance back, shall we?

Ugly, but hides all the dirt.

Pretty sure I had a dress and wallpaper just like this

Maybe something a little spooky will calm my nerves. Hahaha.

Whenever I watch things like "A Haunting", "My Haunted House", or anything with "paranormal" in the title, I go into my Popcorn Critic mode. I eat popcorn (or, these days, granola bars or fruit) and do that talking to the screen thing that all black people are accused of doing.

Last night/this morning, I caught a couple of ghost-y shows. One of them was so silly, I considered it more comedy than anything. It started with a house and a ghost and a weird landlady. That was creepy enough. The unintended humor came when the landlady turned into a creature herself and... Nevermind. It's too fake to re-hash.

The second ghost tale was better. It had lots of photos of old land deeds and birth/death docs to make it seem more realistic. Here's the thing with me and stories of hauntings: I don't believe in ghosts. I believe in demons masquerading as ghosts. I believe that people "communicating" with these demons are playing with fire - or just being played by the demons. As someone once told me though: it's not the dead you have to worry about, it's the living.

Now this scares me. Seriously.

By the time I got through channel surfing and trying to write this post, I was irritated enough for my first cup of coffee of the morning. I had my coffee, then forgot to publish the post. The second cup of java is kicking in (despite the rain trying to lull me back to bed for a little snooze), so here is the post. Enjoy.

Peace
--Free

Friendships, Conversations and Laughter

In my anxiety (good and bad) about everything happening in my life right now, I saw something hilarious on Facebook:

Thanks Sandy!

Best idea ever for a t-shirt! Of course, I had to call one of my best friends. This friend can always make me laugh, no matter how much I don't want to laugh. While we chatted, I scrolled through some cute images online. Here are highlights from the scrolling and our phone conversation:

I used to be this way

Me:  "How can I have such blazing indifference about a person I once cared about?"
Friend: "When that person is such a blazing mess that I wondered why you cared in the first place."
Me: "Who were we talking about?"
Friend: "That's my girl."

Pray for people to win their battles

Me: "What if I hate Iowa? Do I come back to Alaska for the WINTER? Will I survive that?"
Friend: "If you hate Iowa, just think about spending another winter in Alaska. I bet Iowa is going to win that fight."

Friend: (teasing, I think) "Make sure you pack enough hair products. Iowa sounds wonderful, but I'm not sure if they are going to have a big supply of Afro-Stretch in the stores."
Me: "Thanks for giving me something else to worry about."
Friend: "On the other hand, Iowa is close to Minnesota. Doesn't Prince live in Minnesota? He's wearing an afro again."
Me (after my brain comes out of a tailspin of confusion): "So, what? I'm supposed to drive over and borrow products from Prince?"
Friend: "Or just order your nap control items online. STOP STRESSING YOURSELF OUT!"
Me: (Realizes she was just teasing about packing my hair products.)

I've been hugger & hugged

Me: "If I move there, I should have less stress. Did I tell you I plan to start a garden?"
Friend: "Do you remember that you once killed a cactus?"

Me: "I love you, girl. Promise that I'll never be blazingly insignificant to you."
Friend: "As long as you matter to yourself, you matter to me."

My glass if full of good people

Before my friend and I hung up, she told me something I needed to hear: that we should pray not just for the people we love, but for the people we can't love. That's deep.

Peace
--Free

P.S.: I see you over there, back on G+, Miz +Marla Hughes & I like that you're back!

Rambles

(Let's face it, I have nothing else to post about until I get my reviews going again! So... Welcome to a ramble of my thoughts.)

I woke up this morning feeling so good for the first time in such a long time. Funny enough, I had trouble recognizing the way I felt.

The coming of fall season matches the way I feel: a shedding and preparation for renewal. With that in mind, here are my random rambles for the morning:

• If you want a positive life, you must embrace as much good stuff as you can (and let go of the negative). Even when the negative thought of hitting someone below the belt sounds positive. 
• I've spent the past year or more shedding bad habits and bad relationships. And weight. Let's not forget the pounds I've shed. Mostly my own, but...
• I want to grow a garden. I once killed a cactus. I still want to try gardening.
• It's so adorable when Baby DJ calls me "Boo-Boo". Except when it's late and I'm exhausted. It's still kind of cute when he says it again but in a really sweet whisper because he senses I'm getting tired of it. I never get tired of that.
• I'm going to miss going to sleep with sun in my eyes. Unless this "vacation" out of state convinces me to RUN! Run right back to Alaska!
• One of the reasons I stayed off Facebook for so long might have to do with the games. Now that I'm on there (ahem, just for posting reviews...), I have spent too much time manipulating exploding cookies and gems and bubbles. 
• My new dietary habits have finally stuck. I didn't have my usual servings of water and fruits & veggies yesterday and I could tell by the time I went to bed. 
• Coming up with ideas for blog posts is touch when you get out the groove. Pictures help jazz up the duller posts. Pictures help a lot.

Want this t-shirt

But I'm NOT from Fairbanks

I wonder if my Texas fam would mind?

Peace
--Free

Life's Too Short...

On About.me, I saw a bio that had the greatest profile line ever: "Life's too short to drink bad wine."

How perfectly true is that?

Of course, it gets you thinking about other things. My first thought was, "Life's too short to spend so much of it frowning." Then I had about a zillion other thoughts pinging around in my head.

Here's my quicklist of "Life's Too Short...:

• To worry about the day your outfit was horrible
• For spending time on the wrong people
• To think about what you can't do instead of doing what you can
• For having bad relationships, friendships, unsatisfying jobs
• To put off being happy

quotebites.com

When I feel afraid of change or challenges, I have a way of putting things into perspective. It's a little morbid, but very effective. What I do is think of all the people who lived long, full, go-for-it lives. You know they type: people who laughed the loudest, cried the hardest, and loved with deep passion. If that doesn't work, I think of the people who died before they had the chance to realize just how short life really is. Basically, I read the obituaries that are clipped and saved in our family scrapbook.

The other day, my aunt was telling me about our 97-year old grandmother, *Sadie. "Miss Sadie" had just returned from a trip to Disneyland. Now that's the way to live a long life! She she still cooks and cleans and does all her own errands around town. (I just hope she's not still driving!) About five years ago, Sadie had a boyfriend 20 years her junior. Never mind his age, let's just think "boyfriend".

What does it means to have a boyfriend of any age when you yourself are 90-plus? I'm in my 50's and if I had to come up with an escort, I'd be calling 1-800-Rent-A-Date. (Maybe because I am sitting around reading family obits?)

After my sister was diagnosed with cancer, she didn't sit around crying about the worst that could happen. In her mind, she's so blessed every day that Death doesn't scare her the way it intends to. She's raised wonderful kids, she's been an amazing sister and daughter. She's been in love and she has friends who adore her. She hasn't yet done everything in life that she might want to, but she's enjoyed most of what she has done. 

That's what I want in life. If I die after my next breath, I will be glad that I have loved and been loved. I'm thankful that I will be missed and remembered with a lot of laughter. In my human vanity, I am sure that years from now, friends and family will be telling stories of things I've done (and I'm glad that some of the stories won't be repeated until after I'm dead!)

Lots of people have done more - and had more, seen more, tasted more, traveled more - than you and I. Some people have been known and loved by millions. Some have changed lives of millions. That doesn't make any other life mean less. All that really matters for each of us is that we meant something by being here. If that "something" was special to only one person - a child or a friend or a lover - it's enough. It's enough even if it's only special to us.

Life. What else is it good for other than for living? 

Peace

--Free

*Name changed to protect myself from having my ear pinched!

Makeup & Labels

I was thinking about how much attention I pay to food labels. I pay a lot of attention to almost anything I plan to eat. What I don't often do is take a good look at labels on my cosmetics. The other day, I did notice something about the foundation I use:

Revlon Photo Ready in shade 012/Mocha. I love this stuff because it works so well with my Garnier 5 Sec Blur. Actually what I love is that it doesn't look fake-ish and it doesn't easily streak and leave messy marks on clothing.

What I really like is the attached labeling - at least I did, once I paid attention to it:

Is sunscreen really the reason people buy this?

 I don't know about you, but I have never really bought foundation makeup for the purpose of using it as a sunscreen.

Also, I don't "apply liberally" or reapply ever 2 hours. I'm a once-in-the-morning user. I might blot my face with my makeup sponge a couple of times a day - if I'm feeling sweaty.

Who knew that all this info was included with the product? Not me because, if I notice it at all, I immediately rip off and toss any tags as trash.

Now that I have noticed the information, I have to say that I'm pleased that it's included. When I looked through the rest of my bag of tricks and illusions makeup, I realized that most products don't give such detailed notes.

Now, on to the main point of this post. When I took a closer look at the 2 main ingredients in this (and in many other) makeup, I went from pleased to alarmed to "Huh?" in about ten minutes. Why?

• Because of the titanium dioxide skin-protection factors such as those mentioned here
• Until I realized it might be dangerous because of what I read here
• And then, I read this (which is a bit calming) and threw my hands up in surrender

I don't even want to look at the other ingredients. Bottom line is, I'll get worried if I notice my skin reacting badly. In the meantime, I'm going to just accept that if the makeup hasn't killed me yet, oh well. As the kids say:  #YOLO.

Thanks to Revlon for at least fully labeling a product. And thanks to them for having a decent shade of makeup for darker skin.

Peace
--Free

P.S.: Sorry that I'm slacking on posting & social networking (and responding to everyone online). It's been a rough couple of weeks. I'm now sitting here in the middle of all my boxes, with 6 days left to be out of this place. When Monday comes around and folks are looking for dependable old me to be there, I'm going to keep sitting here just taking care of me for once. Just venting.