So Not In The Mood

Today has been one of those days.

But my head SWEATS

I woke up grouchy so I was hoping the day would go uphill and not down. I think it started with the heat last night.

The heat snuck up on me around 1 or 2 in the morning and I sweated out all of my perfect curls. Normally, I can hold a good set of curls for a week. My hair is good the first day after a wash and condition, but it's marvelous the second day on. That's when all the leave-in products have had time to work in and loosen up my curl pattern. Well. That was done for in under an hour because of the heat.

First thing I saw on my phone this morning was a warning about the heat index. I guess that's when the temps and the humidity collide to make each other act the fool. The "heat index" around nine this morning was 101 and getting worse.

Things got so bad here that by close to noon, the building manager put out a printed notice for everyone to stay hydrated and use their air conditioners. Then, of course, because this is Iowa where the weather is sociopathic, the temps suddenly broke a little and we got rained on. The rain cooled things off, but... really Iowa? Really?

Since it was so hot (and I don't do well in the high heat and humidity), I felt slightly more fatigued than normal. Listen. my 'normal' fatigue is so bad that it's driven me to have my depression meds upped. It's a serious problem, people.

There was no question about getting anything done around the apartment because the humidity was like a wet wool blanket weighing me down. So I stripped down to my bra and undies, started drinking water like I was in training for, I don't know, something, and lay down to watch some movies. It's the only thing to do when all you have the strength for is staying as still as you possibly can.

The first movie I watched was pretty awesome. I have to be honest and admit that Christian movies aren't usually known for their production value. It's probably a budget thing. Everybody knows Christian entertainment doesn't have a lot of support. This movie though was kind of up there with the acting and everything. It's called Divination and it's on Amazon -free with Prime. It was so good - especially the special effects - that I went over to recommend it to my Facebook fam.

While on Facebook, I got a friend request from someone who is also friends with a family member so I accepted the request. About 3 minutes later, this person messages me to say that he thinks we might be cousins. He is, he says, cousins with the family member we share as a FB friend. Oh. Nice. He then asks me a question about my family which I think is a little forward so I ask him how he happens to be a cousin to my family member. Instead of answering me, he continues asking me for information. Weird, right? I give him a couple of chances to answer my question but he just kept trying to get info out of me. My jerk radar goes off so... Block, Mute, Unfollow, and restrain self from thinking bad thoughts about the goofball. That, coupled with the heat, put me at Grouch Level 1 (or DefCon Grouch-Con 5).


About this time, the temperature has dropped from severe to merely uncomfortable. I drink some more water and make my 200th trip to the bathroom where I almost knock myself out on the door sill when I lose my balance for a second. I don't get any grouchier from that but I feel a little bit woozy from the knock on the head.

Once my vision cleared, I check my phone for the current temps and there's a warning about the rain that's coming. The heat index warning has disappeared (but I don't know why because I still feel like I'd be breathing in water if I went outside for a moment).

Since I have phone in hand, by reflex - yeah, sad, isn't it? - I check Instagram. At first, I'm happy because there are new photos of my beautiful and baldheaded baby niece and even a couple of new pics of my boyfriend-in-my-head, Keanu. You'd think this would boost my joy levels, right? You would think...

My joy level dropped to my toes when I notice is that in at least 3 of the photos of my 'boyfriend', he's making devil signs or wearing devil-themed shirts or being, I don't know, devilish. And not devilishly handsome or flirty but just plain, devilish. Oh, man.. How can someone with such a seemingly wonderful heart and soul be down with the Devil? You know what, Keanu? I have been your top fangirl even back when I had to defend that choice to my friends - you know, back before John Wick and everybody was jumping on my Keanu wagon and got all diehard for you. I'm so offended right now. How you gonna go and break my heart like that? I can't be digging on somebody who's rooting for Satan! C'mon now. If I have to choose, I choose holy over hellish. I'm going to be praying for my ex to come over to the light side.

Okay, so I had to dump the guy who, let me be real, was never going to be my man anyway. Still, he was my dream crush. That little breakup hurt. It put me at GrouchCon 2.5. That's almost to three, people. That, coupled with my noggin bump was not a good thing. I got all fired up and had to drink some more water just to cool down...


By now, it's full-on raining outside and I realize I forgot to take out my trash last night. And I have more trash to throw out (including my little VapeWild illustration of Keanu, the traitor). This means that I have to change out the garbage bag and leave the old one tied up and sitting on the kitchen floor until I can take it out. Whatever.

I'm still a little dizzy so I go back to find something else to watch until I can take out the garbage. I pick another uplifting-sounding movie because I feel like I need to cleanse the Keanu-digs-the-Devil from my broken heart. I choose a Kevin Sorbo movie. Kevin Sorbo - a Christian actor, Keanu, you hear that?

The movie I pick is called Let There Be Light. Okay. I could use a little light right about now. As long as it doesn't involve any heat. The movie starts out okay, then it gets to the part that most Christian movies have showing some of the less-than-stellar acting.

Sorbo plays an atheist writer promoting his latest book by slaughtering a Christian apologist on a debate stage. That part comes off well enough - I mean, as far as the acting. The bad acting comes in during a party scene when you are introduced to the characters of Sorbo's fashion model date and his book agent. Both those characters are so badly acted that I was briefly entertained a little by the bad acting. I'm not sure what the actor playing the agent was going for but he came off somewhere between British, maybe gay, and woman-chasing-creepy.  Like I said, I have no idea what he was going for, but it was very over-the-top Norma Desmond-ish. Try to imagine that. I mostly stuck with the movie because I was too tired to look for something else to watch.

The movie wasn't all bad, but it got a little cliched and syrupy at some points. But it wasn't enough to turn me completely off. UNTIL one of the scenes involving a couple of the main characters doing an interview with another devi, I mean, Sean Hannity.

Now, for those of you who haven't stopped reading and started cursing me, let me explain my problem with Hannity who is as crazy far to the left (oopsie-edit) right as Rachel Maddow is annoyingly far to the left. However, I've never heard Maddow refer to herself as Christian.

Hannity is a man who portrays himself as supporting Christian values - apparently unless those values involve being charitable towards immigrants and their children. He obviously is a cheerleader for a president who - when not bragging about grabbing women by the ***** because "when you're a celebrity,  you can get away with it" - lies, mocks people like a pre-pubescent schoolyard bully and spews racist and egotistical hate every time he opens his mouth. As Christians, we are not to serve two masters, but Hannity is most definitely at the beck and call of the vigilante and self-serving Trump. As far as I can see, neither man has let the beatitudes affect their attitudes.

GrouchCon 3 achieved. Or whichever level is closer to being the worst. I've gotten my levels and stuff mixed up now...

Listen. I had to fast forward through every glimpse of Hannity's face. I thought about leaving a movie review just to get my concerns off my chest. I would have, too but the heat and that bump on my head were affecting my thinking. Also, I had to go pee again. What is it about getting past 50 and not being able to hold enough water to fill a teaspoon?

On my way to the bathroom, I decide to toss out my empty water bottle. Keep in mind that I'm still seething about Hannity ruining a not-completely-awful Christian movie.  I'm not paying as much attention as I should to the coordination of my feet. All of a sudden, I trip on something and dang near do an unintentional somersault. Somehow, I manage to just do that trip-and-skip thing and I don't fall on my face. The obstacle that almost killed me? The trashbag I forgot I set out. Not only am I lucky I didn't actually fall but I'm luckier still that I didn't pee all over myself.  Ugh. What a life this is.

So that's how my day went. Thank goodness, things didn't get any worse. I even made up my mind to start praying for people like Hannity and Trump instead of just hating on them. With my luck and bad balance, I will knock myself out and die before I can repent of all these bad thoughts about certain people. I need to remember that the seventh beatitude is about being a peacemaker.

Finally, now that it's late at night - real late, actually - the heat has calmed all the way down to the low 70's. It's still humid but not as bad as earlier. The bump on my head has gone down and I don't think it will be visible by morning. My head still hurts to the touch but I'm glad that I don't have a dent where I hit it. My Grouch Levels are down too. I think I was just feeling a little irritated from the heat and fatigue. If I feel up to it, I will twist my hair real quick, take a cool shower and go to bed thinking clean thoughts. I need to be rested so I can start living my life tomorrow without Keanu in it. I'm going to be praying for him. Seriously.

Peace
--Free

Life in the Sidebar (Part 2)

The sidebar items I personally like the most are the ones showing what I've been reading and watching. When I checked the other day, I realized that my Read & Loved List makes me appear more intelligent that my Watchlist.

My Reading list is varied and thoughtful My Watch list is that of a teenager...

Why it is that I tend to read like a more mature adult and yet, more often than not, watch some of the shallowest things on television?

I only remember right off the last thing I read (well, listened to) because the book had the most unusual narrator ever. It was Nutshell by Ian McEwan, By the way, I want to hate McEwan because he made me feel like such a hack as a writer. "Nutshell" really is a brilliant work. Damnit. Seriously, if you want to read something that kind of breaks the mold, read (or listen to) Nutshell.

Now the last thing I watched was the whole first season of "Riverdale". I binged every night for a week until I was done, Now I can't wait for the next season. I'm caught up somewhere between criticizing portrayals of most characters and delighting in the others. I'm undecided about Archie, but I love the way Jughead is played - all moody and dark. The actors playing the teens (except for Jughead) look way too old! Veronica and Cheryl wear so much makeup that I want to wipe the screen when they are on. But how cute is it that teen stars of ago (Luke Perry and Molly Ringwald) are playing the parents of the kids? 

I'm curious to know what kinds of things my readers are checking out in books and film. Are any of you watching Riverdale? If you are, you're probably either older (like me) and remember the Archie comics, or you're younger (like my 20- and 30-something nieces) who always liked teen operas.

So, what is everybody else watching and reading? Did anything on my list make your list? I hope you'll let me know. And, no, you don't have to identify yourself in the emails.

Peace

--Free

Entertainment vs Real Life

Until more movies start reflecting people and situations as I know them, I'm going to rant. There are two versions of life, apparently: the movie version and the real thing. How do they compare?

Scary movie vs Real life

• Movie: When night comes, everyone goes to their separate rooms. Reality: I'm not going anywhere by myself. If you are going to your room for the night, I am going with you. Matter of fact, I'll get there with you before your skin does.
• Movie: People do things quickly. The first idiot goes off to get killed within the first couple of minutes. Lead Guy and Lead Girl fall in love so fast it's insane. And when Lead Guy is in love, he's pretty quick to get chivalrous. "Stay here," he'll command when something happens - like a strange noise or something. Lead Girl is so in love, she usually obeys. Reality: Not me. I'll never be that in love. Stay here, my ass. Baby, if you so much as move one inch, I'll be so up on you, I'll become your proctologist.
• Movie: It's not just Lead Guy who wants to play the hero. There's always that one ballsy (or crazy) person who runs  off to investigate "that noise." Reality: I'm so nosy that I once fell through my boss's door trying to listen in, but I don't care so much for things that go bump or "screee..." Nah. I'm good. Unless not going means I'll be left alone. In that case, once again - me and your doctor...
• Movie: It takes a lot to happen before everyone is on board that there is a ghost or demon or something. It's usually not until after a lot of inanimate objects move on their own that folks seem to know something bad's going down. Got to be all hardheaded. Reality: When it comes to scary stuff, I'm Lionel Richie. All easy like Sunday morning. You let one door slam even one time. I'm leaving footprints across someone's back getting the hell out of there.
• Movie: Folks will play with a Ouija board or draw pentagrams, or whatever it takes, to "call up" things they have no damn business calling up. The idea is that they can control things. Reality: Not me, boo boo. The way I see it, if it died and came back, or it never lived but is trying to come around here, I want not a damn thing to do with it. I have a six word rule of thumb: "Leave it alone. Let it be." You can set that to music and sing away your troubles.

You let me even imagine I'm seeing something that looks like it came from "beyond" or whatever...

GIFSoup

Romance/RomComs vs RealRoms

• Movie: Guy meets Girl, there's a little bit of conflict, then there's a miraculous resolution. Guy and Girl either live happily ever after or, at the least, end up as really good friends. Reality: Guy and Girl meet. If he's not really crazy, stupid or walking around with the emotional maturity of a fetus, she is. There's rarely a resolution, but often a compromise, in which case they end up miserably connected for life or going through every trouble in the world to avoid seeing each other. (Okay - I went a little overboard on that one, but it's been a rough few years.)
• Movie: The sex is always phenomenal - for both parties - and the morning-after cuteness is never marred with breath that could light forest fires.  Reality: We all know that sex is often good and sometimes phenomenal but, I swear, good sex must create bad breathe. I have never in my life been able to roll over in the morning and say "Hello" in anything but sign language to someone who doesn't love me a whole lot. For anything else to happen, I'd first have go on a water-only fast and refuse to burp.
• Movie: The women always look great - no matter what the situation. The starring actress in, say, a romantic comedy, can survive a horrific physical mishap, a family tragedy, the loss of her job and every decent thing in her closet and she will still look: miserable-and-sexy, smudged-up-and-sexy, forlorn-and-sexy, sexy-and-sexy - or, at the very least, really cute and adorable in a goofy or quirky or "It Factor" kind of way.  Reality: The average and decent-looking woman living in this real world of ours can pull off sexy. I think we all have a sexy-ness inside. Some of us just require the right lighting, some really good foundation and the talents of the makeup girl at Nordstrom to pull it off right. I mean, I can be hella sexy, don't get it twisted. I just can't pull of my sexiest without a good night's sleep and at least one cup of morning coffee. Then I will sexy my ass off - and yours too.
• Movie: Men are always hot in some kind of way. If they aren't built like an Adonis, they are hot because they are so smart or have a drawl or an accent or they have perfected the kind of bad-boy sizzle that can make a gal's toes curl just by giving her a glance. There are men on some magazine's "Hottest" list who some of us would run screaming away from if their names hadn't been top-billed at a theater.  Reality: The guy trying to hit on you in the check-out line at Safeway can have all the drawl or accent they want or bad-boy sizzle there is. If we see them loading their bags onto a bicycle, they won't be feeling anything from us but an arctic chill. We woman can be such bitches in real life - not all cuddly and cute like a Meg Ryan at all. (Because she'd ride that bike with him and find out he has a Porsche parked at his summer home.)
• Movie: The mean mother or nosy sister or awkward friend always adds a little "flavor" to a couple's relationship. Not like in  Reality: where the lovers damn near end up on a TV court show because of the fist fight that broke out at the engagement party or something. I actually have a friend whose parents didn't know she was living with her boyfriend (for FIVE years) before the couple married. The woman's parents (especially her mother) were that awful. 

Cable TV Shows vs Real Life

• Series: Ugly Betty, Nip/Tuck, Desperate Housewives, Weeds Reality: First of all, how many "regular" folk have that much money, that much sex, raise kids that badly and live life with such carelessness? I mean, the world is pretty messed up, but not (yet) that freaking apocalyptic... 

And, don't bring up the so-called "Reality" TV shows. Most of the Real Housewives aren't (or never stay) married. I'd rant more, but the only reality shows I watch are about women in Atlanta and Orange County who are supposed to be classy, fabulous and rich. Most of them dress like poorly paid hookers, trade friendships like Pokemon cards and rent their homes. Yeah, fabulous. But at least they are entertaining. So far.

Peace

--Free