**RANT** Is It Just Me...?

It's time for a not-so-serious post. After a couple of rough days, I'm feeling better and just wanted to post something silly and fun. After watching a couple of videos to check out a particular cosmetic I'm interested in, I had the perfect topic. That topic is: When Did Makeup Become So Complicated?

What happened to the days of blending in a little bit of foundation and maybe some highlighting color, lipstick, eyeliner, and mascara?  I mean, I am the woman who almost put out an eye the first time I tried applying eyeliner so...

Like I was saying, I was wanting to check out a new (to me) product. It's a "glow" or illuminating lotion and I wanted to see how one of the shades looked on a complexion as dark as my own. I went over to YouTube and basically clicked the first thumbnail with a photo of a woman of about my skin shade. All I wanted was to see if the lotion was too light or dark or heavy, etc. What I got was a full education on applying about 10 coats of makeup.

First, there was the lotion I was interested in. Okay, but I kept watching because I thought the vlogger was going to add more of the lotion or use it on her eyes or something. No, no. This woman - who is quite attractive barefaced by the way - proceeds to do things with various creams and colors and brushes until I was wondering if her skin could even breathe.

I kid you not, I stopped counting after the foundation, concealer, 3 contouring creams, and some kind of setting powder. The finished product was gorgeous but no very natural-looking at all. When I do brush on some foundation and maybe a little powder, I end up hating the mess when I am cleaning my face later on. I can't even imagine the sludge that must come off someone's face after adding all those different products.

When I do wear foundation or powder, I'm always very conscious of transferring any of the shade to paperwork, clothing, etc. And that is with a very light application of makeup.

Here's what I wonder: Do most people find heavy makeup attractive? I mean, even if you do all that contouring and shading or whatever to achieve a "natural" look, it's not accentuating your features, it's changing them. Right? So what happens when someone catches you in a baldfaced lie barefaced?

Everyone has an opinion and mine is just that makeup should be used to enhance - not distort or totally alter the appearance. Unless you have a serious issue that needs to be concealed so that you can function more comfortably in society - and that is a real thing for some of us - I think you should leave the theatrical makeup to, well, the theater or drag queens or the circus.

Like I said, this is just my opinion, but... Stop it, people!

Peace
--Free

One Is Lonely & Dangerous

I'm kind of a loner but my family has the population of a medium-sized state. If I get off to myself for too long, someone will start a man-hunt. Every now and then, though, my folks know that I just need my time alone. I'm not sure what they think I do when I am hidden away from them, but it's really never that big of a deal. Mostly, I do a lot of thinking or praying or reading or- Well, okay, it's not always a big deal, but it can get weird. I'm going to throw this out there and ask you guys if I'm the only one that spends my "alone" time doing things like this:

• Sitting really still and trying to guess what "that" is in the Meatloaf song "Anything for Love." (Looking it up is not as much fun.) Are you like me and only come up with dirty meanings?
• Trying to do things I know I can't do because I've tried them before - like painting cute flowers on my fingernails or writing my name in calligraphy. My nails end up looking like the polish spilled on them and the calligraphy? That looks like I tried to write with my left hand - and I am right-handed.
• Think of insane ways to change my life up. I once did complete research on how to live in Guam on $30 a week. I'm told it is possible. I don't know about Guam, but I am giving Colombia some thought.
• Write and perform songs in my head that sound SO good! In my head. They sound good in my head. I've heard of air guitar and karaoke, but I think we need to have full-on fantasy bands.
• Use my unique thought processes to come up with a new product that will infect every consumer with buyer's lust. Apparently my thought "processes" are so strange that I once spent 3 hours thinking hard only to come up with... colored pencils. Yeah, I know.
• If I happen to be bored, alone and depressed, I will listen to music and manage to apply any song lyric to my life in the most negative way possible. You think I'm kidding? After a fight with a long-time friend, I made "Don't Worry, Be Happy" feel like a funeral dirge.
• If I am alone and happy, I love to cook. I just get a little too creative for my own good sometimes. I have recently come up with chicken and cheese bread pizza. I'm serious, so if you go and make money with my idea, I will be looking to sue...
• Do you remember Whoopi Goldberg's earlier comic routines - where she pretended to have long hair? I never did that because I'd had long hair before. But I am only a passable dancer - one who loves to dance. So... I was 

At 1:24 when he said "Punch it!" I threw something out and damn near had to call 911...

Peace
--Free

My Inner Child Escaped

I saw a G+ pal's tagline of "World's oldest living child" and I am stealing it. My "inner" child has always preferred the out of doors and yesterday it was in full swing.

My girlfriend and I had a sort of double date for coffee and pastries. My girlfriend's date was a local guy she'd only recently met and really hit it off with. They would only have a small amount of time to hook up before she'd be leaving town. I was kind of hoping things would work out with them because, as a couple, they'd be a little like my guy friend and me. My guy is in and out of town for work, and spends a ton of his time Stateside. I like the arrangement since I don't do those clingy relationships, where he's breathing in my face every moment. Been there and done that with Crazy Man.

We were drinking our coffee out of actual ceramic mugs (instead of the usual paper contraptions) and my girlfriend, who is fidgety, kept tapping her spoon against the side of her mug. She was a little pissed off and embarrassed that her date was not there and the more irritated she became, the more she fidgeted, tapping the hell out of her cup. My friend (who is always on time, by the way, and is never mad when I am late - or even the time I showed up at the wrong damn place) was trying to be the gentleman and keep my girlfriend feeling included. He asked about her latest project (she's a singer out of Portland and is working on some new songs) and praised a performance of hers that he'd caught some months ago. I am a woman, so I kept telling her how great I thought her new boobs looked. (Not that I believe in surgery for something so unnecessary, but, hey.) I think the compliments on her boobs were working, but then, boy-oh-boy-oh-boy - her date called and cancelled. He should have called way earlier if he wanted to be polite.

Let me say that my girlfriend can not only out-cuss me, but she's a whole lot less picky about where she'll let loose with the language. I am still Pentacostal and mama-raised enough not to cuss in public. But, oh, good mercy, my friend let it rip. Before she hung up her phone, I think her poor "date" had been renamed in Greek, Latin and Ebonics. That shit was almost funny, except I felt bad for the guy. Plus I was embarrassed as hell about all the cussing. I tried my damndest to slink down into a crack of my chair. My guy friend handled it by talking really quietly to my girlfriend. I guess that's the trick about people mirroring your behavior. Whatever. All I know is he got the heffa to shut the hell up.

I embarrass very easily and I'm already in early menopause, so right there in the middle of a busy coffee shop, I bet I sweated off about ten pounds. But what happened to my girlfriend after her little rant would have crippled me emotionally for life.

When she quit cussing and being so freaking loud and country, she went back to doing that spoon-tapping thing on the cup. She was tapping so fast it looked like her hand was vibrating. I don't know if it was how hard she hit the cup or if she'd just already cracked it, but the cup just suddenly shattered. Coffee went everywhere - all over her, the table, the floor.  And, the natural reaction to something like that is for a person to jump out of the way or scoot back, right? I jumped up, my guy friend reached over to grab his phone off the table, and my girlfriend scooted back. Except her chair didn't scoot with her.

Oh my good happy hell. I have no idea how it happened just from trying to scoot back, but my friend's chair tipped back and she ended up (just for a couple of seconds) like a lyric out of that dirty rap song. I forget the name of the group, but the lyrics were something like "Face down, ass up."

I am so wrong, yes, I know this, but damnit, I laughed so hard I just about threw up. What made it all even funnier is the trouble she had getting herself righted. After falling backwards in a chair - with some of your long hair getting stuck under the chair - there is just no graceful way in this world to roll over, get on your knees and stand up. I don't care how many other people run over to help out.

I told you guys that I've been depressed lately. Well, let me tell you what: I am freaking cured. I still at this moment cannot think about what happened without laughing.

Yes, I should be ashamed of myself because it was horrible. My friend was so embarrassed, but in that way where instead of acting shamed, she acted more pissed off. It never helps when something like that happens and people run around trying to help you. It all just makes you feel more embarrassed. Probably didn't help my girlfriend out that her maniac friend (me) was crying laughing. I think I was a little bit hysterical or out of control. I just could not stop laughing. I swear, it's this fucking menopause.

Anyway, we managed to get out of there without causing anymore damage. My guy friend told me later that it wasn't very cool of me to laugh so hard about it, but that at least I tried not to be loud. (He can kiss my ass because I saw him about to choke trying not to laugh.) My girlfriend is not mad at me, believe it or not. She jokes that she is glad she made me laugh. She is either super-cool and belongs in the BFF club or she is just waiting to get back home and poke holes in a little black doll named Trudy.

So, yeah, I guess I am still a little childish. Don't judge me; you'd be laughing too.

Peace
--Free

For BFF "T"

I needed a smile right about now & this might have done it. I had almost forgotten about it, but remembered it while talking to two of the BFFs. Sent it to T via email and she said she snorted wine out her nose. (It's funny, but... really T? We might have to look into broadening your downtime activities, sis!)

Anyway, I saw it over at G+ and I'm pretty sure I kind of rolled my eyes or something, but it is pretty funny because of the caption:

"You're welcome."

Now, let's see a show of hands from all the guys that are rating this up there as #1

LOL. Whatever.


Peace
--Free

Oh, Whoa, Woe

My mother taught me many things and one of them was to never boast about what you won't do. I didn't quite get it back when she was teaching me this, but I do now.

I'm against the wall here. Looks like I have to make some super-tough financial decisions and one that is bugging the piss out of me is bankruptcy.

How the hell did I get myself to this place?

Right now, I am mentally kicking the shit out of my can't-be-ex-soon-enough. Not that this is all his fault, but... I should learn to listen more to my head than to my freaking heart.

All morning, this has been pattering on my mind like rain hitting a tin roof. I did laundry thinking about this, vacuumed, paced the porch, talked to two of the BFFs and Kita Kat - all with this hovering on the edge of every thought. I am pretty sure that this is how people go crazy a little tiny bit at a time.

What I hate most about the idea of bankruptcy is that, to me, it seems a whole lot like stealing. I mean, I did get goods or services for a price that I now cannot finish paying. Bankruptcy vs Stealing. Difference? Not much except intent.

 Dilemma, dilemma, dilemma. By not filing, I am only sinking deeper and deeper into a pit that, short of winning a lottery or a lost-lost rich relative finding and taking pity on me, is only getting an inch deeper every moment. The bad thing is, even my wealthy relatives are scrimping these days. (Is there humor in that?) By filing, I am signing off on a lot of self-esteem and throwing the towel right the hell in wherever thrown towels go.

I have a headache now. Think I am going to mull this some more - see if any bright ideas pop into my head. Meantime, I'm going to make some calls for advice and do some G+ therapy looking at shit like this:

Okay. That helped a little. Not much, but Number 7 gave me ideas...

Peace
--Free

Today's Attitude Is...

 This

And/Or...

THIS!

Because, if you mess with me today, I'm gonna have something for your ass

Hell yeah!

Um, Peace?

--Free

LOL!!! Somebody's with me on this. This wasn't up but about 3 seconds & I got a message to add the version with the lyrics! Daaaang.... This must be a wrong day for more than a few folks.... SMH 

My Personal Weirdities

My family tells me often that I am a unique kind of person. What they mean (and what my sister and one of the BFFs will come right out and say) is that I have a lot of strange traits or ways about me. What makes me laugh is that some people think I should be offended to be thought of that way. Uh, I'm not, thank you. I'm good with the fact that I am a little out of the normal mold.

I flaunt my uniqueness. I say that I "flaunt" it, but when the BFF dared me to post about it, I did cringe a little. But I have this awful habit. If someone dares me to do something.... (Other than anything involving my phobias!)

So here goes:

Food: I don't like to eat in public. I will though. Of course, I will. Now that I am on prednisone, I'll sit at Queen Elizabeth's table and take food off Philip's plate. Are you kidding me? That's now. I'm less shy now, but when I was a teenager, I'd starve before I'd let anyone out of my close circle see me chewing. (I don't know why, except I read once where a rich chick said, no one looks good chewing or - I don't know what else, maybe she said blinking or something? shrug.)

Relaxation: I will sometimes sleep "ready-roll." That means in my clothes, not in anticipation of fire. My mother hated this when I was younger. She'd sometimes come and wake me up at a crazy hour of the night just to make me put on pajamas. My father didn't think it was all that bad. He'd tell my mom that I was saving her time on laundry. (I have this habit because I always go to sleep either reading, writing or watching TV. Unless I get to have sex. Then the Vicky Secret stuff comes out and goes on full parade. Before I got this fat, I sometimes wore cute stuff to bed just to feel cute. But since I'm fat and separated, no sex. No sex, no reason not to read myself to sleep. It's all good.)

Style: I will cut or dye my hair on a whim. I have no problem doing something strange to my hair because it's the one thing that always came back or could be purchased. Once, I asked a stylist to cut my hair so drastically short that she spent a couple hours trying to talk me out of it. As she put the razor to my nape, she was saying, "Are you absolutely sure?" Then there was the time I dyed my hair with some kind of streaking kit. I was in Texas and it was full-on summer. Between the dye kit and that sun, I looked like that crazy-assed demon spawn that is Nicki Minaj. Don't know who this fool is?

this is a relatively "normal" look for Miss Crazy

Keep in mind that I'm a tad bit more, shall we say chocolate-toned than she is. I'm saner, but darker.

Yeah. So. Moving along...

Mood: It doesn't take much to make me laugh, cry or get really, really pissed off. At Mach 10. (I'd like to blame this on Sarc or meds or hormones, but...) I have what one of my brothers calls a "mercurial" personality. In other words, I can be kind of a sweetheart, a softy or a bitch - with a short time lapse rotation. Usually, you can take a couple of deep breathes in between my mood changes. ("Mercurial." Hmph.) I prefer to think that I am just kind of sensitive and misunderstood & I think that my medical condition does make things worse. However, when I say this to my sister or any of the BFFs, they just kind of go, "Uh... yeah. All right." (I'll get some phone calls the minute I publish this post, watch.)

People: I'm very quick to either like or dislike someone. I think I have good judgement about people. I always pick up on a "vibe" when I meet people. Usually, I am right, but I have, at times, been really, really  wrong. Not often. (I absolutely loathed a woman who is now one of the BFFs, and let's not forget that I married the Permian Basin Pycho.) And I'm the kind that I make the people I like a part of my life forever. Good people are not disposable.

Fantasy Life: (This one is really the most embarrassing.) I once wrote a liar-letter to Michael Jackson so that he'd want to meet me. I was about 13 or 14 and I wrote a fan letter lying about how I was really sick and all I'd ever wanted was to meet him. How freaking manipulative is that? And it's not even very creative, shame on me. (Good thing they didn't have Make A Wish back then or I'd've have done something really pathetic like shave my head and pretend to have leukemia or something.) By the way, I got busted. The letter came back as "Undeliverable" because of a bad address or something. My mother found out what I did. I got my ass whipped with a switch she made me pick from the front yard and I was grounded for a couple weeks. (I think she even outed me in church, but I can't remember for sure.)

Another weirdity involving Mr. Jackson: I told people who didn't know our family well that I was related to the Jackson Five. My mother's maiden name helped with that little lie. I got away with this for most of my Middle School years. I don't know why people didn't wonder why, if I had such famous relatives, we didn't exactly live the lifestyle.

(I'm thinking about all this now and wonder why I was such a little tale-teller when I was young? Damn. I was like a politician under oath!)

You know what? I don't even want to play this game anymore. This thinking about things I've done makes me pretty sure I need to go and pray. Right now.

Peace

--Free