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A friend brought to my attention that I haven't been posting consistently for the last month or so. As if I don't know this without being told. So here are my latest thoughts and rants:
Moving took a ton out of me. My lack of energy sometimes astounds me. There's days where I have to trick myself into getting out of bed. I'll tell myself that if I don't get up, I will be missing something vital that life outside my bedroom has to offer. I got a gift cert from one of my girls and I got some beautiful wall art with it. Haven't hung up a thing yet. The art I got is sitting in a corner of the living room. I have some more, smaller pieces on layway & it can stay there until I feel like risking my life on the step stool. I've been beating hell out of myself for being such a slug, but now the fam has jumped on that wagon. "You only need the energy to get up, that will get you going." Or, as one of my friends said the other day, "Half of getting something done is just wanting to." Really? What's the other half - a magic wand?
Yeah.
Or my sister or one of the brothers will call up and make me feel guilty. "Yes, you're sick, but I'm going to come kick your ass if you don't get up and move." (Or they'll play the Mama card: "Mama would want you to be stronger than this." You do know that black people and Jewish people are true brothers and sisters, don't you? No one can play the guilt game better.) I've actually started lying. When certain numbers pop up on Caller ID, I can sound like I'm running a marathon - while I'm actually half in a sleep-coma.
Anyway.
So, even though I feel like crap (whine, whine, whine), I am up today and actually checking off a list of things to be done: laundry, post on blog, laundry, clean the bathroom, laundry, take out something for dinner, laundry, pick up prescriptions, laundry, finish D.J.'s video in time for his birthday, laundry, make my calls to the out-of-state aunties, laundry...
I really do need to do something about my life.
A friend of mine who travels in and out of town, and who is a little more than a friend but a little less than a lover, thinks I need to go away somewhere. Yeah. He has a job and things like credit cards and disposable income. My food stamps just got shut down - all $19 freaking dollars. Whoops! No more extravagant food purchases for me. Gonna have to live without that fresh spinach that I love...
Okay. I'm done with the whining. On to the good stuff:
I am getting back into reading my Bible. I used to be good about studying and praying on the Gospel, then I got sick and fell into my pity-pot. Something my 12-year old nephew said made me feel ashamed and just knocked chased me to my knees in prayer: "I love you, Auntie Roo. I'm so glad you didn't die when you were in the hospital. I prayed for you."
That made me cry with gratitude and shame. I don't want him to know that I was in danger of dying, but to my little nephew, I am old. Old and close to death! LOL. Funny/not funny. I love that little dude.
The truth is, even though I didn't die, maybe, as my mother used to say, God was trying to tell me something. Maybe I need to learn to listen for His voice. Yesterday, I watched a video called The Daniel Project. Good stuff, if you like Bible prophecy. Good stuff if you need motivation dust off your Bible.
Anyway, I apologize for such an unorganized post. I swear I think that sometimes I only post because typing at 70wpm is something I can still do and feel good about.
Peace
--Free
Moving took a ton out of me. My lack of energy sometimes astounds me. There's days where I have to trick myself into getting out of bed. I'll tell myself that if I don't get up, I will be missing something vital that life outside my bedroom has to offer. I got a gift cert from one of my girls and I got some beautiful wall art with it. Haven't hung up a thing yet. The art I got is sitting in a corner of the living room. I have some more, smaller pieces on layway & it can stay there until I feel like risking my life on the step stool. I've been beating hell out of myself for being such a slug, but now the fam has jumped on that wagon. "You only need the energy to get up, that will get you going." Or, as one of my friends said the other day, "Half of getting something done is just wanting to." Really? What's the other half - a magic wand?
Yeah.
Or my sister or one of the brothers will call up and make me feel guilty. "Yes, you're sick, but I'm going to come kick your ass if you don't get up and move." (Or they'll play the Mama card: "Mama would want you to be stronger than this." You do know that black people and Jewish people are true brothers and sisters, don't you? No one can play the guilt game better.) I've actually started lying. When certain numbers pop up on Caller ID, I can sound like I'm running a marathon - while I'm actually half in a sleep-coma.
Anyway.
So, even though I feel like crap (whine, whine, whine), I am up today and actually checking off a list of things to be done: laundry, post on blog, laundry, clean the bathroom, laundry, take out something for dinner, laundry, pick up prescriptions, laundry, finish D.J.'s video in time for his birthday, laundry, make my calls to the out-of-state aunties, laundry...
I really do need to do something about my life.
A friend of mine who travels in and out of town, and who is a little more than a friend but a little less than a lover, thinks I need to go away somewhere. Yeah. He has a job and things like credit cards and disposable income. My food stamps just got shut down - all $19 freaking dollars. Whoops! No more extravagant food purchases for me. Gonna have to live without that fresh spinach that I love...
Okay. I'm done with the whining. On to the good stuff:
I am getting back into reading my Bible. I used to be good about studying and praying on the Gospel, then I got sick and fell into my pity-pot. Something my 12-year old nephew said made me feel ashamed and just knocked chased me to my knees in prayer: "I love you, Auntie Roo. I'm so glad you didn't die when you were in the hospital. I prayed for you."
That made me cry with gratitude and shame. I don't want him to know that I was in danger of dying, but to my little nephew, I am old. Old and close to death! LOL. Funny/not funny. I love that little dude.
The truth is, even though I didn't die, maybe, as my mother used to say, God was trying to tell me something. Maybe I need to learn to listen for His voice. Yesterday, I watched a video called The Daniel Project. Good stuff, if you like Bible prophecy. Good stuff if you need motivation dust off your Bible.
Anyway, I apologize for such an unorganized post. I swear I think that sometimes I only post because typing at 70wpm is something I can still do and feel good about.
Peace
--Free
