My (New) Life Adjustment

Living with a disability is challenging in ways other people understand and in ways they don't. Living with an invisible disability has its own special challenges. I like a challenge. Most times.

I have learned various "workarounds" to deal with my cognitive and physical problems. As a matter of fact, I don't even like calling my issues "problems" Let's just call them challenges.

My physical challenges are easier to deal with. I know what I can and can no longer do. The new twist to this is that I have recently relocated to another state and will, for the first time in almost 8 years, be living on my own. When I lived in a household with a roommate or family, I had a lot more support for daily living obstacles that I never really thought much about. Now that I am looking for an apartment here in my new town, I am forced to consider a variety of challenges from new angles.

Getting out and around is going to work differently. When I was living in Anchorage, I knew the streets and basic locations of my personal "landmarks". Because my brain seems to work strangely, there were times when even driving to the most familiar of places (think Walmart on the other side of town) required orienting myself before starting the trip. On a good day, this only required plotting out the route in my head (Get on Old Seward, head towards the church, turn left onto Lake Otis, head down Tudor., etc.) and along the way, I'd make sure to keep track of where I was so I didn't get off route (going past my doctor's office meant I'd missed my turn onto Tudor). On a great day, I didn't miss any turns and have to re-route myself.

Other people are able to use their Google Maps navigation. I can do that too except I might have to pull over to pay attention to the directions because it's hard for me to listen to the instructions while actually driving. Crazy, I know. It's also a little embarrassing. So I find it easier to "self-plot" routes.

Also, I could understand North from South and East from West. Of course. I'd lived in Anchorage for most of my adult life.

Now that I am here in my new town (thankfully a very small town!), I am staying with family while I wait for my application to go through on an apartment. My brother and sister and law have told me that I am more than welcome to use their vehicle anytime I want. I've told them they might want to reconsider that offer. If you think it's embarrassing losing my way in a town I spent over 50 years in, just imagine getting lost in a tiny spot where nothing is more than 5 minutes away from anything else.

Out of my price range for 3 lifetimes!

Yesterday while riding around with my nephew (who has a learner's permit and must be accompanied by a licensed driver), he realized that he had a band practice. He wanted to know if I could drop him off at his school and make my way home okay.

Uh... Probably not. Not only was I still recovering from a weekly medication, but I was just a little bit lost. I had a vague idea of which direction home was, but I wasn't completely sure. So we ended up going home and getting my other nephew (also in possession of only a learner's permit) to do the drop-off.

I can't describe how frustrating this all is. Pre-Slip, I would have been able to make my way around this town on the first day here. Knowing where I was wouldn't matter because I'd have been able to reason out the directions by following a grid or just finding my way back to the street my family lives on. I no longer have that ability or confidence. I've got memories of once getting lost and having a mild panic/anxiety attack while on my way to a doctors appointment. The same doctor in the same location I've been going to for years!

So.

This is where I want to live
Not exciting, but location is everything

I've decided that I probably will not own a car again until I get better. The apartment that I am applying to live in is income restricted and for seniors only. It's situated beautifully in the most convenient downtown location - close to shopping, banking, and leisure. Thank Jesus and please pray that I get in. Half my stress about living solo will be erased if I can get a spot in that building. I won't have to depend on having a car to do most of my necessary business and it will be hard to get lost if I leave my apartment.

Should I have to move into my second or third choice of an apartment, I will be out of walking distance to grocery stores and my bank. That means I will need to rely on family or the special transportation provided for people like myself. Or that I will have to get a car.

Managing daily living is going to also be easier should I get the apartment I prefer. Because shopping is closer, I will be able to get groceries and other necessities at my own pace. Being able to buy as I need things (versus stocking up) will be easier on my budget. The biggest plus is that I will be getting regular exercise in small, daily doses. Even when my balance is off, I can manage short distances. Back in Anchorage, there was no need even thinking about walking to the grocery store - too far away and the route isn't pedestrian-friendly - and the closest convenience store is too pricey. Here, there is a discount grocery literally around the corner from where the apartment is. The bank I joined is directly across the street, there is a Woolworth-type mercantile a block away, and I the streets are very pedestrian-friendly - even for the elderly and physically challenged. There's even a library and church within walking distance.

Praying, dealing with it all, and just living are my immediate goals. Yes, I am out of my routine of many years, but I want to focus on getting healthy and whole again. I want to enjoy this journey - no matter how rocky and precarious it can sometimes be. All that means is that I have to be life-adjustment ready. I am. With God's help, I truly am.

Peace
--Free

Pennies Make Dollars, Dollars Make Sense

Remember that I gave up on making New Year resolutions a while back. I stand by that, but I have started making some New Year changes. The biggest one is to do with money.

When I think of saving money, I normally think of a regular account with my bank. That's not savvy enough. Plus, no matter how much I save in the bank account, I always find reasons to dip into those funds. Always. That money is too freaking accessible for someone as impulsive as I sometimes am.

I'd heard about ways to save with small investing apps. There are a lot of them that sound interesting:

• Acorns
• Robinhood
• SigFig
• Betterment
• Stash

What sounded great about most of them is the small amount required to start an account. What I balked about at first were the monthly fees. Also, I was nervous about the idea of ~gulp~ investing. The only time I've ever been involved with investments is through employer offerings of IRAs and 401ks. Thinking of handling any kind of investments on my own sounded a little scary. Plus, my budget is so tight I actually call it a "budg". 

Still, I knew that I wanted to do something so I had to work on my doubts and concerns.

First, paying a buck-a-month fees to invest in a couple of plans is not that scary. I could give up chewing gum and never feel the loss of that.

Second, yes, my budget is tight, but only because I can be less than smart about my spending. 

My first step was to trim the "luxuries" from my budget. Here is what I cut:

• Netflix was the first to go. I don't own a TV so streaming is my one way for that kind of entertainment. It's a $7.99/month charge I can easily give up. I have Amazon Prime which gives me access to TV shows and movies. Also, I get all the other Amazon Prime benefits that I do use a lot. (I have no idea why I didn't cut Netflix sooner.)
• Planet Fitness was a $20.06 monthly fee that was a little frivolous. I could have had the $10/mo option if I used the gym enough to warrant a membership in the first place. My nephew has a couple of pieces of gym equipment that I can use anyway. 
• I used to give myself a $40/mo allowance for makeup and other girlie goodies. I cut that down to $10. I don't need to spend so much money on hair and makeup until I am getting paid for my appearance.
• I canceled my $15/mo Audible account. That hurt the most. Sort of. I listen to and read books the way some people watch TV. It's my addiction. I rarely am without a book in my hands or ears! The only way I am surviving this cut is by depending on my local library and Overdrive accounts for my fix. (By the way, I highly recommend these for anyone who loves books.)

I am making some other minor cutbacks too. When I grocery shop, I only get what I know for a fact that I'm going to use what I buy. I realized that this was a cut I could make when I looked in the freezer and saw meats that I'd bought a couple of months ago. 

Basically, I've cut over $70 a month from my spending. That might not be a lot to some people, but that's a huge amount to someone in my position. What the heck was my broke, champagne-tastes behind thinking all this time?!                         

I can now invest those amounts. Any type of investing involves risk, but I'm only risking the money that I was previously just giving away. This is a classic win-win for me.

For anyone who thinks that small-change investing is not worth it, take a glance at this:

That there is a screenshot of my Google Rewards history. All those tiny amounts in the middle column have added up over the last few years to the $120 amount you see at the top of the right-hand column. That's how a pennies make dollars. Seriously. 

So, yes, investing small amounts of money can make a lot of sense for people who can't afford to deal with big investment firms. As for myself, I'm really not that high-maintenance. If a ton of money suddenly rained down on me, the first thing I'd do is lock myself inside a nicely stocked cabin with book-lined walls!

I decided to start with Stash. It was a pretty painless set-up process. Now, I am looking at a couple of the other app choices. I can't recommend this for anyone else, but I can tell you that this is one New Year change of habit that I feel really good about.

Peace

--Free

Looking Back and Looking Forward

Remember back when I was complaining of the all the weight that damned prednisone slapped onto my butt? Remember when I was really struggling to find a good balance of diet and exercise? Remember when I was- Oh, wait. You guys didn't get to see me wearing baggy pants and sweaters because I hid from cameras like celeb with a zit. Take my word for it: I wore nothing that snugged any part of my body.

When I gained weight, I wasn't one of those cute and curvy gals. Looking good has more to do with how a person carries their body weight - whatever that weight is. You know there are some smoking hot ladies who can carry the curves with serious swerve. I'm not one of them. For one thing, I didn't have curves in any of the right places. My gut curved like a pregnant woman, but I didn't gain an ounce of ass. I did get some boobage. Yes, that was nice. For the first time in my life, I had enough boob to actually fill a hand. Nice. Other than that, I was a mess. As a thin-framed gal, I can do "skinny". This double-chin here...

chunky-chin me

...I can't make that work for me.

Pre-prednisone, I was heavier than I'd been for a while (140-some pounds), but I was still fairly thin. And sick, which is why the prednisone was a necessary evil. Life-changing time.

Lovely hospital, amazing staff, but I never want to see either again!
(See, no boobies! LOL)

Once I got off the prednisone, I was determined to do two things: wear heels again and wear them with my favorite pants and skirts. Other than eating better and getting a lot of regular exercise (mostly just walking a treadmill at the gym and dancing while at home), I didn't really work that hard. I did take some good advice early on about not weighing myself all the time. That alone would depress that happiest person to nose-dive into a bowl of ice-cream. Since I was stopping smoking at the same time I was starting my weight loss, I had to put my stubborn attitude to work for me when I encountered obstacles.

It's been a grind, but I have actually come to enjoy my healthier lifestyle. Also, I got this body back into some cute clothes.

Thank you, Planet Fitness

Yeah, buddy. That's me. I had an appointment this morning and just decided to pull out that skirt to see how far I could get it past my thighs before the fabric started weeping. About three months ago, I could get it just over my knees before I'd sit down and cry off at least 20 ounces of water weight in tears. Just about a month ago, I found that I could get it on - as long as I didn't attempt to zip it.

This morning, I almost scared myself when I not only got that thing on, but zipped. I damn near cried with joy when I realized I could even sit down without ripping the seams.

Oh, happy, happy, happy me.

It sounds so vain and silly, but getting into that skirt (and my cute-as-hell boots) did my heart more good than dancing in the rain.

I still have a ways to go, but getting to this point is just the motivation I need. If, like me, you are working to get in shape, just know that it really can be done. I will do a post soon on some of the healthy(er) recipes I've been concocting for myself.

If I can say anything to other people who are going through what I am, it's just this: Make sure to take care of your soul and mind while you are dealing with your body issues. Don't hurt yourself with diet pills, don't go to extremes in anything, and don't buy into fad foods that you wouldn't want to spend the rest of your life eating. Do what feels right and works best for you. Do it healthy so you can do it forever.

Peace
--Free