In The Deep

Describes just the way I'm feeling today.
Thanks, Bird York for a beautiful, beautiful song.




Thought you had
All the answers
To rest your heart upon.
But something happens,
Don't see it coming, now
You can't stop yourself.
Now you're out there swimming...
In the deep.
In the deep.

Life keeps tumbling your heart in circles
Till you... Let go.
Till you she'd your pride, and you climb to heaven,
And you throw yourself off.
Now you're out there spinning...
In the deep.
In the deep.
In the deep.
In the deep.

And now you're out there spinning...
And now you're out there spinning...
In the deep.
In the deep.
In the deep.

And the silence,
All your secrets will
Raise their weary heads.
Well, you can pin yourself back together,
Well, who here thought you would?
Now you're out there livin'...
In the deep.
In the deep.
In the deep.

In the deep...

Now you're out there spinning...
Now you're out there swimming...
Now you're out there spinning...
In the deep.
In the deep.
In the deep.
In the deep...

Sometimes, it's good to be in the deep; that's when you learn how to swim.

Two Traveling Angels Story

Two posts today - because I am singing because I'm happy! I finally found the angel story that I had referenced in this post. It's a nice lesson.

Two traveling angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy family. The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion's guest room. Instead the angels were given a small space in the cold basement. As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it.

When the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied, "Things aren't always what they seem."

The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife. After sharing what little food they had the couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they could have a good night's rest.

When the sun came up the next morning the angels found the farmer and his wife in tears. Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field.

The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel, "How could you have let this happen? The first man had everything, yet you helped him. The second family had little but was willing to share everything, and you let the cow die."

"Things aren't always what they seem," the older angel replied. "When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall. Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the wall so he wouldn't find it."

"Then last night as we slept in the farmers bed, the angel of death came for his wife. I gave him the cow instead. Things aren't always what they seem."

Sometimes that is exactly what happens when things don't turn out the way they should. If you have faith, you need to trust that the outcome has a purpose. You just might not know it until some time later...

Peace
--Free

We Are More Than Conquerors

 "I sing because I'm free!"

I've been on such a hard long road & I have such a long hard road ahead of me.

I am asking God to be with me as I start out on a long road of "starting again." I have worries and fears and plenty of anxiety about what life will bring, but I don't doubt God.

A while back, when I was angry about things that have happened in my life, I thought that there was no good in any of it. My mother used to say that God has a reason for everything that happens. I am just now realizing that. I'm not saying that I'm glad for the things I have been through, I'm just more aware that they have changed me for the better.

A few years ago, I was complacent and apathetic about a lot of things. I went to work, spent money, paid bills, ate more food than I needed, bought things I could have done without, and went to sleep not worrying about whether I would wake up.  I took so much for granted. I have since learned how precarious everything is: food, shelter, comfort, laying down to sleep with no known worries. I guess I'm back on the "This Too Shall Pass" thought!

When I get scared about tomorrow or even the next hour, I try to think about people who have been through the valleys and made it to the peaks to praise God from there: Maya Angelou and Tyler Perry come immediately to mind. Now I understand why Mr. Perry is so very thankful.

If you are out there, comfortable and feeling safe in your life, know this from someone who has been there: you should be ever so thankful for every single moment of peaceful rest and daily contentment that you have. Thank God every day for your blessings because it will make you stronger for anything that might come to test you.

I have been (am being) tested every moment right now, but the best way I can give glory to God is to not give up. He knows me, He knows my troubles, and I believe He is with me. I know that He won't let me get so low that I cannot get back up.

But [even] the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not be struck with fear or seized with alarm; you are of greater worth than many [flocks] of sparrows. (Luke 12:7)

My current test is to remember that His promise is for daily bread - not a week's supply or more, not a pantry full, but just daily bread.

So, the following is my favorite promise from the Bible:

Who shall ever separate us from Christ's love? Shall suffering and affliction and tribulation? Or calamity and distress? Or persecution or hunger or destitution or peril or sword? Even as it is written, For Thy sake we are put to death all the day long; we are regarded and counted as sheep for the slaughter.    Yet amid all these things we are more than conquerors and gain a surpassing victory through Him Who loved us.    For I am persuaded beyond doubt (am sure) that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities, nor things impending and threatening nor things to come, nor powers,   Nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:35-39)

Keep this blogger in your prayer.

Peace
--Free

Monday, Monday

I spent a weekend with the satellite screwed up for the bedroom television. So, I did some reading and thinking - all t.v.-free. Read Michael Dyson's analysis of the music of Marvin Gaye in the book "Mercy, mercy me : the art, loves, and demons of Marvin Gaye." (Of course, then I had to jump online and have the Loussac Library hold some Marvin CDs for me. I just HAVE to listen again to the songs to get what Dyson got - cause I didn't get all that he apparently did.

Rounding off my weekend, I read some more Evanovich's Stephanie Plum novels. And because I have mental spasms at times, I got to thinking that Evanavich's Plum stories are a little bit on the... uh, demeaning side when it comes to character of Lula. First of all, Lula is a "former 'ho." Second of all, she is fat and sassy & usually has pink or yellow or orange hair. Probably I'm overthinking it. Probably Evanovich just thought Lula up with no hidden meanings. And anyway, the main character, Plum (a white chick), is kind of skanky at times. And anyway again, the writing is good and the books are entertaining. I just need to get over myself sometimes, or write my own damn books and even things out!

So that was the weekend. Now it's Monday (dialysis day) which means we had to get to the clinic by 6:30. Good thing Walmart opens at 6:00 cause I can always pop in and get some stuff done.

Ran into an old acquaintance in WalMart & it was like seeing a ghost. Had heard a long while back that this person had died (by drunk-falling out of a tipped back chair & cracking his skull). See how rumors get started? Came home to check the news and saw something that tells what others think about Palin:

• British minister says Palin is 'horrendous'from www.breitbart.com "Her politics are horrendous, but actually she's struck a chord with people -- 'I'm a maverick, I'm not part of those powerful people' -- and people identified with that."

Then this (more silliness on the local levels):

• from mudflats.wordpress.com Well, if you’ve been like me this evening, you’ve had one eye glued to the “Obama Sign Cam”. Mudflatter ‘poverty kids’ teacher’ has had an Obama sign stolen from the front yard - twice. So, her son set up a live webcam of the sign in hopes of catching the thief in the act.

Since I'm in a sick-of-politics mood (still), the above was the extent of trolling the Net for more... I moved on to something good (as always) from my web buddy, John Baker:

• from John Baker's Blog by john baker

  At the Blue Metropolis International Literary Festival Eleanor Wachtel interviewed the American writer, Lydia Davis. Both of Davis’s parents were writers and her father taught at Columbia University. Wachtel asked her what it was like growing up in that environment:

  It made you very self-conscious. . . But we couldn’t really say anything after a while - I mean after a certain age; I imagine at three I didn’t mind - but at a certain age we couldn’t speak without being aware of how we were saying something, how it was being phrased, as well as what we were saying. So if we made a sort of clumsy repetition, one of them might very well point out, sort of lightly with a smile, but it was a very language saturated household . . .

  . . . my father would consider very carefully what I had said and that made me feel very insecure. I don’t know if this is a good example, but I remembered it just the other day. When he was in the nursing home - you know how you want to say the things that you don’t want to have forgotten to say . . . our family was not, as you can imagine, given to spontaneity - I said to him, “You’ve been a very good father,” I just wanted him to know that, and he said, “In what respect?”

Now my thoughts are all twisted up. I'm thinking about how we sometimes miss part of life by trying to be what others expect (and how sometimes that is a good thing, but somehow it's a bad thing). I'm thinking about how if we just felt free enough to say and do things the best way we know how (no matter what anyone else thinks), we could be so much more for ourselves and for others. I guess this is what makes the great artists, musicians, poets and writers and statesmen great. And I guess this is why there are probably hundreds of people out there with un-shared talents and gifts and thoughts. So many people probably hiding their light under a bushel (is that the term?).

So.

I decided that in addition to ignoring politics for a few days, I'm also going to give up the heavy thoughts. But just for a few days.

Tired of politics

No more posting about politics or politicians. At least until after the debate. I'm sick of it all.

In the meantime, what's everybody else doing? Are you happy or sad? Doing well or not? Feeling up or down? In love or hating on somebody?

I'm feeling nosy and lazy. Give me some gossip or something else to brighten up this day.

Peace

Unwind

The last several days of the McCain/Palin mess has me tuckered out. So, today during my afternoon errands run, I shut off the talk radio and turned up the Earth, Wind & Fire.

Man.

Nothing like EWF to mellow you all the way out.

Seriously. When's the last time you heard horns like those on "In the Stone"? Or a slow jam like "Wait"? This is stuff you can crank up in the car and not die of shame when you pass a car filled with little kids. No talk about grinding or thongs or mysteriously named body parts. Just plain ol' good music and musicianship.

I haven't listened to much new music lately (except for that damn Hannah Whoever mess that my niece is obsessed with and those little Jonas people and whatever I happen to hear sonic-booming my car when I'm driving around town). I wonder if there are any artists out there actually using instruments the way EWF or Barry White did. Are any of them pouring their soul into their songs like Lenny Williams or Otis Redding or Teddy P. did? The last attempt at putting some old school soul and sweat into their craft was youngsters along the lines of Jodeci (who were good, but sometimes ruined it all by trying just a. little. too. hard).

So, anyway, I just had to toss out that little rant. Maybe some of your "growner" folk will be inspired to take a cue from Mr. Pendergrass and "turn out the lights and light a candle"...

Peace
--Free