Bra Shopping Nightmares & Horrors

 Shopping for a bra is one of my life's most stressful situations. When I find a good bra, I will go broke trying to buy enough to last for years. I hate it that much. 

Recently, I had to look into getting some new bras. Since I am shopping online for them at this point, I decided to try one at a time before committing to a whole stash. I've tried 2. One went back so fast, the mailman was still delivering that day's mail. I kept the other one but only because I had a doctor's appointment and really needed one that wasn't so raggedy looking.

Let's talk first about the bra that I returned.

Oh. The. Madness.

I realize that sizes vary by brand. My favorite brand is Warner's but... pricey. I just need something that keeps me looking decently covered. I don't need cute, sexy, patterned, or intriguing. I just need something to hold and cover. I'm not especially well-endowed.

The first bra was so laughably badly sized that I swear it had to be labeled wrong. Had to be. The minute I tried putting it on, I realized that I had either grown by 2 cup sizes or the bra was sized not by "cups" but by "tablespoons". I didn't even bother getting further than that. No need causing damage to a return item.

someone on Pinterest understands!

The second bra... Wow. Just... 

Okay, this one fit. In some kind of way. I mean, it fit, as in, the cup and strap sizes seem adequate. The problem is, it gave me bullet boobs. Like Madonna at her scariest.

At first, I thought there was something wrong with my breasts. Why did they fit but not fit into the cups? Why did I feel like I needed to have implants the same size as my own breasts - just turned upwards like a cute little button nose - in order to make this bra work?

I mean, they REALLY understand...

Like I said, I was out of options. I mean, I could wear the new bullet bra or go with one of my ugly old ones and risk having to show it during an exam.

I went with the new one. I was tempted to stuff tissue on the tops of my boobs to sort of normalize the cups but... I remedied the situation by yanking the bottom of the bra down low under my bustline and tightening the back strap.

So awkward.

thanks Pinterest.

I needed the humor.

I intended to contact Amazon with a complaint but by the time I got through the appointment, I noticed that the bra was fitting better. I think it sort of shaped itself to me with the help of my body heat. Like some kind of weird Terminator-type material.

At any rate, I kept this one but I am going to just have to break down, take out a personal loan, and get a few Warner's. Instead of another appliance, I should have asked for bras for Christmas...

Peace

--Free