Cranky Is As Cranky Does (UPDATE)

I first published this post on 7/5. Today 7/9, the first package of items arrived.

 Amazon told me to just keep the package. So now I have plenty of tissue. Pah-lenty.

You know, I should know better than to interact with people when I am deprived of calories. I'm not the most social person when I'm in a great mood, but I dang sure don't need to be set loose on the world when I'm cranky. Here's what happened today:

I had put in my regular order for some household items the other day. And which service did I use? Amazon. Prime. Fast shipping, baby.

For those who may not know, you can sign up for text alerts regarding your deliveries. And of course, I signed up way back when. Keeps me from missing parcels. If I'm not home, I can have a neighbor hold them for me. Usually, I am at home. So when the text pops up that my items have been delivered, I can go to the door and grab them.Easy peazy and a lazy shopper's boon.

Today, I got the text alert that my order of items was delivered but, when I check, there's nothing outside my door. Huh. I go back and check online to see what's up. Maybe the text was wrong. Nope. My order was showing as delivered and accepted. Accepted by somebody named Mike M___.

I have no idea who this Mike dude is. I'm bad with names so I can't tell right off if he's a neighbor in the building or somewhere else on the block. The building manager hands out a list every now and then, updating with the names of the tenants. I, of course, always lose that list. And by "lose" I mean I throw it out. I can't deal with clutter and I have enough from my writing projects.

So, who in the heck is this Mike? I have no idea but I do know who to ask. If he lives anywhere within a 3-block radius of this building, there's one neighbor who will know something about him. She keeps up with that kind of thing. I go ask and, sure enough, she knows for sure that there is a Mike in the building but she doesn't remember his last name. She doesn't remember exactly which second-floor apartment is his either but she does know there's a little statue of a duck outside the door. Listen, if I ever turn up missing, somebody contact this woman. She will have some kind of intel for sure.

Let me mention that at this point, I'm irritated. Normally, things like this don't faze me. I'm generally a very easy going gal. But not today. Today I am in a post-birthday funk. The voices in my head keep reminding me that I'm older and that the older I get, the harder it is to stay in shape. Those voices had the nerve to tell me that I should lose some weight. I mean... The. Freaking. Nerve. Right?

Yes, I have let the prednisone take over my willpower. And, yes, I need to be a little more disciplined. Also, since apparently prednisone is going to always be some part of my life, I need to stop using it as an excuse and just deal with the extra fat on my ass. But I really don't appreciate my personal Jiminy harping at me until I started covering all the mirrors in my home.

Yes, I covered the one full-length mirror that hangs on the back of my bedroom door. It was getting to be a pain to remember not to look whenever I passed in front of it.

Anyway. I've been severely restricting my caloric intake. This is just to jumpstart things. In a couple of weeks, I will test the waters of a couple hundred more calories but, for now, I am in a low-carb mode and not my usual sunshiney self. Listen, when I measured out the sweetened creamer for my coffee this morning, I actually licked the residue from the spoon. Yeah, that's where I am in my life...Anyway, this leads me back to the part of the story where I practically stomped into the elevator, then down the second-floor hall - hopefully burning some calories. I was on a mission to find a duck statuette. I was going to confront this Mike dude. because I wanted to know where he got off with stealing my delivery. Matter of fact, I was planning to inform him that his theft had caused me some serious emotional suffering. Also, who the heck would steal someone's order of toilet paper and bottled water? Tell me that.

When I spotted the duck, I didn't immediately knock on Mike's door. I kind of put my ear to it for a moment. I wanted to know if Mr. Mike was possibly talking to someone about his theft. Maybe he was even sharing my toilet paper and water, handing out rolls and bottles to his... partners in crime???

I knocked at the door and... nothing. I waited for at least a count of 100, then knocked harder. Finally, I hear someone telling me to "hang on, just a minute". And that's when I realized I might have been just a little bit out of control. I wished I had realized that about 5 minutes earlier because, boy, did I feel like an ass when that door opened.

Mike is an old guy - maybe in his early 80's? - and he's on a walker. Yeah. And he's got the kindest eyes and this really sweet smile. Right then, I could hear my mom turning over in her grave. Shame on me. Just shame.

Of course, Mike didn't have my package. And that made me feel bad enough but when he offered to help me look for it, I died a little inside... I felt like such a thug.

I thanked Mr. Mike and apologized for bothering him. And then I slunk all the way back to my apartment.

I was home for maybe three minutes before I got a real bright idea (you know, the one I should have had first) and called up Amazon. Because someone had accepted my delivery, right?

Guess what? Turns out that there had been some kind of snafu with the delivery service (I won't name names but I will share initials, U.P.S.) For some reason, my delivery never made it to my building. It got to town and then was sent back to the last station where - get this - it was accepted by some worker named Mike M___.

The Amazon rep couldn't even figure out the why of the situation and was as baffled as I was that the packaged had been marked "Delivered" instead of "Returned". Whatever. She was awesome. In addition to refunding the money back to my original payment source, she gave me a complimentary gift card to put towards my next purchase.

Sunshiney, sensible and well-fed me would have used that credit toward that re-purchase of goods. Cranky me ordered a freaking dutch oven...In my defense, I've been wanting one forever. I'm going to need something in which to cook all that carb-free and low-fat protein I'll be eating for a long while to come.

Listen, I know that I handled everything in my life wrong today. That's why I'm going to up my calorie limit a bit asap. Happy me is already misunderstood but cranky me... I'll get kicked right off the planet. Regardless, I don't want to be a meanie. All I was trying to do was shut up those voices in my head

First thing tomorrow, I'm starting my day with some protein. I might have to torture myself long enough to bake some bread or cookies to take up to Mr. Mike, but I know I need more food before I face anyone.

Peace
--Free

A little D'Angelo always calms me down.

Confusion: Low-Carb/High-Fat vs Low-Carb/High-Protein (lots of links)

There is a bit of confusion for me as I'm nearing the end of Week 3 of the low-carb situation. Someone emailed me and gave me some clarification. So... I've had to regroup.

First, I started out doing a low-carb/high-protein diet. I lost weight and felt better, but wanted to kick-start the whole ketosis thing. I made a first attempt at an "egg fast", which was wonderful (as far as results) but I didn't realize it was a low-carb/high-fat regimen. I simply didn't think about it.

Second, like I said, I am seeing weight loss, though not as much as I would like. Today I realized that I may be switching up on the eating regimens so much that they are canceling out one another. Apparently, I'm sharing company with a lot of other confused folks.

Egg fast with lots of butter and bacon = low-carb/high-fat.

Normal eating with lots of meat, skipping/cutting back on starches - low-carb/high-protein.

I believe my body is as confused as my mind is so I've decided to take a look at meal ideas for the different types of plans. Maybe clearing things up for myself this way will help someone else!

The first thing I had to do was decide which plan I was going to adopt for a daily for-the-rest-of-my-life eating plan. It sure has to be something I can live with ("live with", get it?) and the prolonged high-protein plan is not for me.

"Prolonged high-protein diets are possibly unhealthy for your kidney or your liver." (source)

That piece of advice is a no-brainer and it's been pointed out to me by doctors who treated my family members.

On the other hand, protein is very important. Since it's protein I'm trying to learn to use properly for weight loss, I decided to keep reading that source article for more info. I only had to glance up one space and there was the answer:

"When adopting a low-carb diet, it’s recommended to aim for 60-70% calories from fat, 15-35% from protein and 5-15% from carbs. Making your protein 60-70% (essentially an Atkin’s diet) leaves very little room for fats, and thus is not recommended." (my emp)

Okay, so that is where I might have been going wrong in my first days. I was loading up on proteins, and trying to completely avoid carbs and fats. Then on my egg fasting days, I was going nuts with only fat and protein. No wonder the MyFitnessPal daily breakdown was always out of whack.

Using the above-mentioned guidelines, I taking some pressure off my kidney and liver. Also, I'll be giving myself more room to meal plan because I can work with that amount of carbs and fats.  Let's face it, when there are carbs even in some spices and seasonings, you're going to miss out on lots of flavor somewhere!

Going by these guidelines, I looked at what kinds of meals I could put together for myself. Keep in mind that I have to share a kitchen so I don't spend as much time there as I'd like. So, when it comes to feeding myself, I need simple, quick and (preferably) pre-planned menus. I want to get in, do my thing, then get out of the way.

Based on my weight and activity level, I've mapped out 1800 calories a day for myself. Using the guidelines I just mentioned, I've come up with this as my daily goal:

Meal Ideas that will work best for me look something like this, which is hard to see, I know. It's a really sucky photo, but maybe if you squint. If not, it's bascially a lot of eggs, bacon, and low carb taco bread.

Looka there. Just 1 carb over my limit, but that sodium.... Yikes. I'm trying to compensate for when I go that high on my sodium by drinking extra amounts of water. However, my blood pressure readings are still great. That might have to do with that fact that I'm no longer smoking. Yay, me!

Of course, I can't do the same thing every day. Well, I could, but I don't wanna. I am learning to switch things up with the groceries I still have left for the month - even though I have had to go back to Costco for eggs and bacon.

That freaking sodium! Damnit!

Okay, I only have to persist for a couple more weeks, then I can be smarter with my next grocery-shopping list. So far, it's looking something like this:

• Eggs (yep, because they are going to be a staple!)
• Cheese (sharp & medium cheddar, and goat's milk, but not too much b/c of the calories.)
• Veggies that I will buy in small quantities throughout the month for freshness/lack of waste. Also, I need to watch my budget. (Spinach, broccoli, lot of cucumbers for my water, asparagus, tomatoes, sweet peppers, avocados, and my beloved collard greens and kale.)
• Nuts (again, not many b/c of calories, but I love sunflower seeds for snacking!)
• Peanut butter (I've found a great recipe for a peanut butter shake that I can't wait to try.)
• Almond milk (instead of my delicious Silk Vanilla Soy. (See the chart below)
• I already have some of the best organic cacao powder around, courtesy of a review I recently did.
• I also have olive oil, red palm oil, and plenty of coconut oil.
• Coconut Milk

source

Apparently, milk choices depends of individual dietary needs. I'm way more concerned about carbs than I am fat, so I can even use heavy cream in some cases.

source

That peanut butter milkshake is going to be on point! LOL

Once I get through this month and get started on some well thought out meals, I will feel better about my eating regimen. I can't believe that as recently as 40 days ago, I was hitting the stores buying bags and bags of those flavored mashed potatoes (fully loaded, buttered, etc.), and instant soups by the case. No wonder I was swelling up like a black blueberry Wonka chick!

Oh - just for the latest on the weight, so far, I'm down a total of 7 pounds. In the last few weeks, I've lost and gained a couple, but I'm proud of my progress. Also, 7 pounds might not sound like a lot, but I can tell big time when I look at myself naked. Ay yi yi! My face is losing the chubbiness and my clothes are starting to feel more comfortable, probably because most of the loss is in my gut. First to come, first to go.

Here are links to some of the sources I'm using to develop menus and grow into my low carb lifestyle.

• Low carb veggies list
• Recipe Analyzer (an invaluable tool!)
• Food Search - for nutrition info (from same site)
• Low carb beginner's guide
• Keto beginner's guide
• MyFitnessPal (I live by this now & there is also a phone app that syncs w/my online data)

This isn't the complete list. Maybe I will put on together at some point. In the meantime, I want to thank Steve, who emailed to help me correct what I was doing wrong. There is also a former co-worker on Facebook who shared some tips. I will ask her permission to share them in another post.

For now, folks, the journey continues. Hope you keep up with me while I ride this out.

Peace

--Free

P.S.:

I have to emphasis how important it is to moisturize, moisturize, moisturize. When losing weight and working any way to get into shape, the skin will get nuts if it feels neglected. I'm happy to say that my skin is looking and feeling marvelous.

Bulletproof Coffee & Egg Fasting (UPDATE)

***UPDATE*** So... I was supposed to be starting the fast yesterday. Guess what? Had a baby shower to attend. Ended up being at the party for over 4 hours. We had a really good time, and I barely ate anything (and skipped the cake, thank you very much), but I missed almost all my egg meals. Starting the fast over today.

Okay, folks. I'm really excited about the results that I'm seeing on this low-carb regimen. Here is what my weight loss numbers look like since I got the hang of this:

August 1st to 9th - down 4lbs
August 9th to 13th - down another 2lbs
So... 6 pounds in 13 days. Not including the couple pounds lost and re-gained somewhere in that time.

I slid off the wagon on the 10th thru today so I'm not sure how I went down another 2lbs in that time frame! I'm not just climbing back on, but jumping back on the wagon with an egg fast. I hope to do the fast for 4 to 5 days, but y'all know me. I might give up before then. However, I started off well this morning.

There are several places online that discuss/describe egg fasting- like here,  here, and here  (Kaylah's video) - and I have come up with the following for mine:

• A minimum of 6 & a maximum of 10 eggs per day - boiled, scrambled, sunnyside, or however.
• With each egg eaten, also have 1 Tbls of healthy fat (unsalted butter, organic coconut oil, etc) - OR 1oz of full-fat cheese.
• 6oz of full-fat cheese should be eaten each day - either with the eggs or solo. (If you need too break the no food3 hours before bed rule, make sure to save a bit of that cheese to snack on.)
• You can have up to 1 can of diet soda per day. (I prefer having 2 cans of mineral water with a squirt of flavored water enhancer.)
• Very helpful if you can avoid low carb sweeteners, fiber, hot sauce (man!), fresh herbs, condiments - or at least keep the total to under 5g per day. I think this is for carb restriction (?)
• Try to increase potassium, magnesium, and Vitamin C during meals. (I take a multi-vitamin and use a magnesium oil spray.)

Some meal ideas that were given are:

• Egg yolks with sugar-free mayo
• Eggs scrambled in coconut oil
• Eggs devilled with cheese
• Boiled egg with warm with butter (this is my favorite because it's easiest)

I love eggs, but eating so many a day for so many days in a row... Boring! Still, I'm going to look at this like a challenge.

The part of this diet that I like (and that I think I added) is to nurse a "bulletproof coffee" all day. When I give the recipe I found for this coffee you will see why I don't think it's something I could (or should) do on a regular basis. It's perfect for the eggs fast days though because I'm avoiding most other beverages than water. Here's the recipe I cobbled from more than one source, including this one:

• 2 cups black, unflavored coffee
• 2 Tbls unsalted butter (I don't have the recommended "grass fed" type. I don't think.)
• 2 Tbls Organic Coconut Oil (or something called MCT)
• 1 Tbls heavy cream (if you want)
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• 1/8 tsp cinnamon (I use Ceylon cinnamon)
• Emulsify all this in a blender (I use a stick blender)

I add a 1/2 tsp of cacao powder and half a packet of Truvia. Because, me.

Let me tell you, I thought that this sounded SO gross. I do like a little bit of coconut oil in my coffee, but butter? Ugh, right? Well, it's not bad. Matter of fact, one of the reasons I don't use coconut oil more often in my coffee is that I have to be in the mood for the oily taste. Now I know the magic of emulsification. I don't feel any of the oil in my mouth. At all. The vanilla and cacao powder really deepen the flavor to the point that I could do without the sweetener. If I wanted to. Ha!

So that is the egg fast plan I'm attempting. Of course, I'm not a medical (or any other type of health) professional, so I'm only sharing my experiences with you - not advice.

mine looks similar

By the way, I found an article about reasons not to drink bulletproof coffee. Wikipedia helps me understand the concept of  bulletproof or "brain fuel" coffee. By the way, in some cases, I should be typing Bulletproof Coffee. This stuff has become a brand, an industry, and a pretty trendy thing.

I will be checking in to show how the weight is going. It's going to go up or down. Let's hope or down!

Peace

--Free

Postscript:

I got all the information about the fasts and the coffee from too many sources to cite, but I credit I Breathe, I'm Hungry for a super cool blog name and the starting point for most of the information I have. Also, Healthdaddy  and Authority Nutrition are a couple of my go-to sources. 

*Tongue* Patch Diet? Seriously?

As a woman who once weighed less than a gym bag full of wet tennis shoes, my self-esteem was bruised when I gained 30 pounds. Still, I could get away with wearing cute clothes right off the rack. I didn't have to look for anything in certain colors or patterns or the right kind of 'hang' to feel cute. Plus, I knew I was healthy and could easily take off the pounds the minute my busy life let me get from behind my work desk.

Fast forward to when I got sick. The only gym bag to compare my weight to was one Gulliver could have used in his travels. I shot right up 59 pounds faster than I could blink.

Thankfully, I'm better now and I'm able to exercise regularly. I keep music on at home so I can dance around to do chores. Recently, I started back with my 3 days a week at Planet Fitness, and summer is coming. I'm down 34 pounds and have 25 to go before I'm free of wearing long tops and those pants with 'slimming panels' at the belly. Hallelujah and thank Jesus.

Once I get those 25 pounds off my butt, I plan to shoot for another 25 or 30. I might not stay at my best weight, but I plan to visit it for a while. I'll most likely take rooms at the place next door to a loss of 25 or 30 - like maybe 20. I'd be happy to retire there, truth be told.

I've worked hard to drop this weight. All those foods and beverages I inhaled in my twenties and thirties (because it seemed I could just pee the calories away) are gone. Changing my eating habits wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. I eat more for my skin and hair than I do for my nerves. I seem to have lost my cravings for all but an occasional taste of chips and dip or burger and fries. Thank you, menopause. (Coffee is never going out of my life. NEVER. Coffee with lots of cream and brown or raw sugar is my crack. I hope somebody invents vanilla-caramel creamer with lots of calorie-free fat. Yes, indeedy.)

The one thing I won't do to lose weight is participate in any kind of extreme dieting. I'm vain, not stupid. Fad diets mess with your skin, hair and general well-being. What's the use of having your ideal body size if that body is all effed up?

So, I come (finally, right?)  to this "Tongue Patch Diet" I've been hearing about.

Who in the happy hell would want the pain of having that thing sewn onto their tongue? Why not just superglue your lips around a block of wood and leave a straw-hole in the middle?

Maybe it's me. I admit that we all have different weaknesses, but I think that, at some point, self-motivation has to win over pain. If not, then how about the fact that this guy - you know, the guy who came up with this - doesn't even want to say the word 'healthy' in connection to the procedure?

Asked if sewing a foreign object into somebody's mouth was healthy, Chugay said, "Well, it's not unhealthy."

Huh.

Thank you, sir, but no. Even if I could afford the two grand for the procedure, I have this thing where I only go to a doctor to have pain taken away. Wow.

I admit that losing weight is hard. I've been a single digit size and I've shopped in the curvy girls section. Fighting your cravings and desire for comfort is rough. I still have days where I have to talk myself into driving right past the Burger King half a mile up the road. I get a block away and start singing "Dixie": Look away, look away... Boy, there are times when I am glad to have some idiot tailgating my ass so I don't have time to hit the brakes and make that turn into the drive-through.

On the other hand, I have to wonder why, if someone is willing to go so far to lose weight - why not just change grocery-shopping habits? I could just think about the pain of a patch being sewn onto my tongue and steer myself away from the Twinkies. I mean, damn.

I'm not going to criticize too hard. For me, though, I will stick with self-motivation. The only pain there is from the occasional fall off the wagon.

Peace
--Free