Showmanship vs Salvation

I saw this over at C&D and I thought it was going to be a little bit humorous. Shame on me.

I'm not sure how I feel about this "sermon." I mean, there is a message and their seems to be a lot of sincerity, but... Does it really take all that? I grew up going to the Holiness church, so I'm used to the style of preaching, but when they rolled that casket out... and then when he made his "re-entrance," all I could wonder was, was he preaching to reach people for Christ, or was he just showing out? (Imagine the conversations later when people are talking about how he "Sure did preach today!")

Lately, I've been through some major stuggles and changes in my life. I have been crying out to God and literally putting my face to the floor in prayer. When I see this over-the-top kind of theatrical preaching, I'm thinking that's not what people need in these tough times. People need a pastor who is touching them in a way that matters to their situation. If I'd been sitting in that congregation, I'd probably have wanted him to stop all that carrying on and just put his hand on my head in prayer. Or preach about getting through trials. All that acting out that he did would have probably sent my nerves right over the last edge. We have to start getting real here, folks, times are really rough and souls are in pain - even Christian souls - and if I want a show, I can go to a movie. Church is for faith and strength and encouragement to hold out in this race we are in.

I know that some of you are going to think I'm being too critical, and maybe I am. I just don't know how this one makes me feel. Take a look for yourself.

Alone-ness

I thought that marriage was going to mean never feeling alone. You know - even at the worst of times, financial, emotional, worry, joy, tears, laughter - all that would be shared. I thought that being married meant having someone who understood you better than anyone had since you were a child & your mother could tell your mood just by glancing at you. I thought that I would feel somehow more complete.

I don't think I have ever felt more alone than since I got married.

When I was single, I never really felt alone. I guess because I realized I was single & didn't have the expectations of a married woman. I had friends and family and my writing - and that was all I counted on. But to count on another person only to be disappointed... I guess that's what the saying "You don't miss what you never had" means - except in my case it would be, "You don't miss what you never hoped for."

Now, these days, I often contemplate leaving my marriage so that I can be more fulfilled. Or at least have a reason for feeling lonely.

Wow.

But I am trying to hold on just a little bit longer. Mostly because I take my marriage vows so seriously, but partly because I am afraid of leaving just when things might actually get good & marriage might just become what I had hoped.

Isn't the mind a funny thing?

Peace
--Free

Going Through It

Lord, Jesus, help me.

What a month I've had. Who am I kidding - what a year I've had!

I hate to get on my pity pot, but your girl here has been through more crap than the Lord should put on someone.

The latest: after 6 months of marriage, I'm just about ready for a d-i-v-o-r-c-e. For real. And, trust me, I've given it my all. I have put up with stuff that I never thought I would. I have stuck with this man through nothing but thin. At what point do you say to yourself "Enough" and make up your mind to move on? After he's lied over and over? After he's promised not to lie and still lied? After disappointment's too many to count???

One of the reasons I've hung in so long is that I want to believe in real love. I really want to believe that if you love a person enough and stand by them through bad times that they will grow stronger. Well, that has not been the case in my situation.

I fell in love with a man who doesn't have anything in terms of material wealth. He's not the most handsome man. He's not any of the things that most women would look for. But I love him. Why? Because I think he really does have a good heart. The problem: he's weak. Too weak to face anything negative and make it better. Too weak to stand up to life and get through.

I still love him, but I can't depend on him for the emotional support that people in a relationship should share. I have to always be the "strong" one. I have to be the one to handle the problems and hardships because he will just fall apart under any kind of pressure. Well, guess what? I'm tired of being the strong one. I want to be able to lean on someone sometimes. I want to be able to know that I've got a partner who can take some of the pressure off us. I want to be the "traditional" woman.

Whew! Okay, I got that off my chest. I feel a little bit guilty about ranting so publicly, but, hey, this is MY forum to do what I want.

Who knows - maybe he will buckle down and get his act together in a few days and we will have a chance, but my patience is running soooooo thin right now. If things don't get better soon, you all are going to be seeing another post soon where I talk about what it's like to get on with life after major let-down...

Peace
--Free