All a Woman Wants

It's been said that all a woman wants is everything. Okay, it was most likely a man that said that, but... Come on, ladies, you know it's sorta true. The reason it's so hard for men to understand us is because we are still trying to figure it all out for ourselves.

Let me stop right here and say that, Number One: you might be offended by the rest of this post. Number Two: I don't care. My blog, my thoughts.

If we are talking about clothes, a woman wants garments that make her look more or less thin, thick, tall, approachable, whorish or lady-like. I am with the fellows who get mad at the woman who dresses with her tits falling out of her blouse then wants to blast out anybody who happens to stare at her chest for more than five seconds. (I'm hetero, but, if I was gay, I think I'd be into boobs. If I see a woman with her boobs on display, I can't help but stare like a nursing infant.)

If we are talking about work vs family, a woman wants to be multiple people. She wants to be the wife running the marriage, the mom there for every game and PTA meeting. She wants to be the on-the-go executive on the fast-track to the next promotion. She wants to be in demand yet free, on the move yet rested.

If we are talking about identities, a woman wants to be romanced like a Jezebel but cared for like a a treasure. She wants someone to cherish her but not go easy on her, make her feel safe but not bored. She wants that "bad boy" who will treat her like a nice guy would. She says money doesn't matter but she hates paying for everything. She says a pearls are a nice as diamonds but she's not jealous of anyone's pearls. She wants a man she can "run," but she doesn't respect that kind of guy. She wants friends she can talk to, but she doesn't want them "all up in her business." She wants to be understood, but she doesn't want to open her heart.

If we are talking about just living life, she talks a healthy game but dreams in technicolor sin. She is a black woman who wants bone straight hair and blue eyes, or a white woman who wants the deepest tan and a curvier butt. She wants what she thinks you want but she doesn't understand that you are just the mirror of her.

Got that?

All a woman wants is everything - until she learns to be happy with who she is and what she has within herself.

So if there is a woman in your life you want to make happy, here is what you can do to help:

• Let her be okay with who she is.
• Love her the way she is at this moment and who she will be in the next moment.
• Give her room to make mistakes and when she pulls away from you a little, let her. 
• If she is fat or skinny or tall or short, with hair that's straight or nappy, either love her body completely or leave her heart alone.
• If she is one of those "strong" women, let her reserve the right to be a little weak sometimes.
• When you do find her weakness, try to understand it without exploiting it.
• Let her "sexy" be whatever her sexy is (and her sexy might not be what's on a magazine cover or in a popular movie or song).
• Let her see you for who and what you really are. A front is nice for the "front porch" of a relationship. If you want to get behind doors with her, then get all the way behind those doors.
• If you are going to be her lover, also be her friend. If you are going to be her friend, also be someone she can trust completely. If you are going to break her heart, do it sooner rather than later.

Woman are like secrets within secrets within secrets. We play games - not to hurt anyone but to keep from getting hurt. Any woman you meet today can be someone you only want her to be - or who she really is. How far into her heart you get is up to you.

Male or female, all any of us want is everything, but my everything is not your everything.

Now, that's the end of my little rant for the day. (Don't know why I feel like I should have been reading all that into a microphone with some jazz playing in the background.)

Peace

--Free

Power of the Vote

Last I heard, there were 8 million in the Black community not yet registered to vote. I don't know how many of my White, Asian, Indian and other brothers and sisters there are who haven't registered yet. (I myself am an Independent.) We all, regardless of our race, need to stand up and speak up in the one most powerful way that we can.

Think about this: looks, money, access and other sometimes elusive factors might determine what you can or cannot achieve in certain arenas of society. The one thing that you have that is equal to everyone else is your vote. Bill Gates is richer than most, Naomi Cambell is more beautiful than most, Marilyn vos Savant is smarter than most. One thing you and I have in common with these people? 1 vote.

Please, people, get out there and get registered. Do your thing, express your power. As the young folk say, "Rock the Vote!"

Still not convinced? Here's some Black voter history that might inspire you. And even more relevant to women and young people.

Do we want to go back to a time when this was true?:

By the time of the Civil War, most white men were allowed to vote, whether or not they owned property, thanks to the efforts of those who championed the cause of frontiersmen and white immigrants (who had to wait 14 years for citizenship and the right to vote, in some cases). Literacy tests, poll taxes, and even religious tests were used in various places, and most white women, people of color, and Native Americans still could not vote. (from iwantmyvote.com)

Sisters, especially my Black sisters, think about Fannie Lou Hamer (about midway the page). You can go here to read more about her, or here, or here...

Peace
--Free

Mammy-made Rant (Pt II)

He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words.(Elbert Hubbard)

You guys know by now that I like quotes & that one is one of my favorites. It's also a perfect start for the continuation of my previous post.
After our little falling-out, G (GWA - Girlfriend W/Attitude) and I fell back in - just like we always do. We pitch our little fits because our personalities make us almost complete opposites. BUT G & I will probably always be friends.
That's what I was thinking about when she called me up on Valentine's Day. She was at work. I was at home (and attempting to pack since I'm supposed to be headed to another state in a few weeks). I was busy, frustrated, and surrounded by my life separated into piles of "To Be Sold," "To Be Stored," "To Be Shipped," and "To Be Trashed." I snatched up the ringing phone without checking Caller ID, just ready to take out some of my stress on a telemarketer. The minute I heard G's voice, I forgot everything else. My G was having a crisis.
Like I said, she was at work & she was surrounded by other females who were all cooing over their delivered flowers, candy, and other Valentine's Day loot. Meanwhile, no deliveries had come for her. Not even one of those sweetheart phone calls that can have you floating through the rest of your day. G said that she'd even tried calling her boyfriend to see if he'd gotten the gift she'd sent (a cologne set), but he was either not at work or the receptionist was lying for him. He wasn't answering his home or cell phone either.
Talk about a crisis.
It's bad enough to be single & have to deal with Valentine's Fever at work, but when you're part of a couple... Wow.
Anyway, G and I (always at our best in a crisis) handled the situation. I ordered a delivery of what had to be the last flowers in the state, and when they arrived at G's office, she called me up and talked in such a way that everyone within earshot thought she was thanking someone named "Baby" and "Honey." After work, she came by with wine and cheesecake & we had a great time applauding our combined genius. Her heart & pride was pretty beat up, but I was able to make her smile.
And that's how female friendships survive. Most women don't bond easily with other females, but when we do bond, it's almost unbreakable. This is what I was thinking about as G and I finished the second bottle of wine. And I started thinking that if women had the same criteria for the men we let into our lives as we do for our girlfriends, we'd probably save ourselves a lot of heartache.
I explained this theory to G in that mellow and deeply philosophical way of a person not used to drinking so much wine. G - just as drunk as I - understood me perfectly. We discussed it for a while and I came up with a list of "Relationship Declarations":
I am what I am. I cannot & will not fake being some fantasy woman out of your unrealistic dreams. That's not consistent, healthy, or sane.
You is what you is. Relax and be yourself. I might not like everything about the "real" you, but at least I'll know what I'm getting. I can work with that.
Life is what it is. Life is not going to be one long, perfect, moonlit date with a Grammy-winning soundtrack playing in the background of our relationship. We have to be able to get through the good days and bad.
I finished ticking off these points, then looked over to see if there was anything G wanted to add. I guess not. She was sprawled across my sofa, dead to the world & probably dreaming about killer cheesecakes going after her now ex-boyfriend.
I pulled a blanket out of the "To Be Shipped" pile and draped it over her. When I stumbled to bed, I remained conscious long enough to thank God for the girlfriends in my life. Girlfriends who understand my silence and my words - even when I get on one of my mammy-made rants.

My words for today:

"If man & woman could switch places for a day, woman would explore the mind & man would explore the body." (Free 2/2006)

Listening to:

"You" (Earth, Wind & Fire - from the album "Love Songs")