But before we get the sun and warmth as a couple, we have to let all this snow melt. There are going to be weeks of nasty, mud-stained streets and gutters; dirty, left-over clumps of snow. This is the part of the year I hate. At least at the end of fall and the start of winter, the new snow kind of eases in on you. I'm never really mad about that first snowfall. I always stare out at it, thinking how beautiful and clean it makes everything look. I think about fireplaces and quiet nights, reading or watching old movies. That second snowfall, though - now that's a bitch. That's when I remember how long our winters seem to go on and on and freaking eternally on...
For now, I have my mind on hours and hours of daylight.
The summer of 2011, when I first got sick, I was mostly kept sane by all the time I spent on the back deck, feeling warm and held together by the bright sunshine. That winter almost broke me. I felt so sad and scared and alone with all that darkness and cold. Sometimes, I couldn't even pray with words, so I just cried because I know that God understands prayers even when they are in the form of tears.
Tell you what: I am going to be a happy woman when I can sit outside again, and when I can walk and walk and walk; when I can feel the sun and fresh air on my skin.
Goodbye winter. Summer is coming.
|No more of this, please|
|No more need for street lights at 4:30 in the afternoon|
|My summer 2011 view for hours & hours each day|
|Can't wait for the flower to look like this again!|
|Want to walk down the street when it looks like this...|