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Tuesday, October 25, 2022

When Your World Stops

 We lost one of my nieces this weekend. I'm not sad for her because she got saved about a year ago. I'm sad for all of us she left behind. I'm sad for her twin brother. I teased her once by calling them "wombmates". 

What is so hard to deal with when Death takes someone you love is that the world goes on - with or without you. The morning that I was told my niece had passed, I was struggling to understand why UPS was still running packages and people were walking down the street, talking and enjoying their lives. 

I got so irritated every time an email notification chimed or when I could hear my neighbors going down the halls talking and laughing and living life like my niece no longer can.

I couldn't sleep so I stayed up doing laundry and cleaning the kitchen and doing anything to keep from thinking about my niece not being here. Every now and then, when I could hear the sounds of life happening, I wanted to yell for everyone to just stop.

But the world doesn't stop for you to mourn. When a rich person, homeless or hopeless person or famous person, or a royal person dies, the world spins on and on and on.  Death is death and there are no red carpets on the way out of here. 

All we have is the remembrance of love given and accepted. We have photographs and videos and memories. But that person is gone. They aren't going to be worried anymore about laundry,  mail or work, or loneliness. All the things they owned won't matter. All the shoulda, woulda, and coulda things won't matter. Nothing matters but the love they got and gave while they were here.

One day soon - but not for a while - I will wake up and not feel like I do today. One day, my niece's twin will be able to think of her without feeling like he's been orphaned. One day, our family will get together and share our stories and memories of my niece. One day we will cry because we miss her but we will feel so blessed that we had her.

This day, niece, you are in Paradise with the Lord.

Peace

--Free

Sunday, October 23, 2022

Doing IF Again (and can talk about it now)

I didn't want to talk about my current intermittent fasting until I knew I could stick with it. Well, it's been 39 days (or since Sept 14th) and I am down 18.6 pounds. Yes, I am using a weight loss tracking app

I started out doing the 16:4 plan and have been altering it to fit my life. The day before yesterday I felt strong enough to switch to the 20:4 plan. I really want to reach my goal weight by the end of the winter season.

What made me try IF again? I don't know. My big ol' bathroom mirror?

LOL. But seriously tho...

I think I was just feeling ready this time. And my appetite has been changing in recent months. And I was feeling unhappy with my weight. Really unhappy. 

After trying every kind of way to lose some extra pounds over the past 3 years, I was ready to give up. I had decided that my age (61), my health issues, and my low willpower had lost the battle for me. I was so upset about it that I had a small breakdown during an appointment with my nephrologist.

Losing weight is beneficial in the fight against CKD and for general wellness. Losing weight is incredibly difficult for some of us. The older you get the more difficult it gets. And, for me, that's been very frustrating.

I was not over-eating. During the past year, my daily calorie intake was around 2200 each day. Yeah - not great but a big cut down from 2300-2400 I'd slid up to in recent years. I was walking or riding an exercise bike a couple of times a week and I had cut back on sodium, potassium, and phosphorus. (My labs have been excellent.) I wasn't eating out, nor was I eating a lot of junk. But I can cook. And I like to cook. I can also bake. And I like that too.

Back to my public emotional breakdown.

Dr. T. let me whine about the yo-yo-ing up and down by 5 or 6 pounds. While he listened, he was scratching down some notes on the back of my lab report. He asked me a couple of questions while I talked. What time do I generally go to bed and and wake up? Why am I not resting well? Am I drinking enough water and cutting back on caffeine? I told him and finished whining. He finished scribbling, then he handed me his notes. 

I have kept that piece of paper because it changed everything for me. Almost immediately. But at first, I scoffed. As I said, I have tried intermittent fasting. I've tried it more than once - and it didn't work. I've tried the Keto diet, and the Mediterranean, and I even dang near went vegetarian for a minute. Why should I bother with IF again?

My doctor told me to trust him. He says that I was probably practicing IF wrong. He says that when we think of making changes in how and what we eat, we have to make it work -  for us.

This is that life-changing (or at least body-changing) piece of paper:


Dr. Fung's videos are useful

I have insomnia so my sleep schedule is insane but I generally get into bed around 10:30-11:00pm. I told the doc that I get up at 6:00-6:30am - sometimes 7. (In actuality, I was getting up between 5:30 and 6 most days and I don't know why I didn't want to tell him that.) The doctor wanted me to think about my personal schedule and lifestyle. He was right. It makes a huge difference.

As you can see, the doctor had me breaking 2100 calories up during the day. I gave his schedule a try for a couple of days, then modified it. Like he said, I had to make this work for me

The doctor also recommended getting more rest (maybe he knows I lied?) so I'm getting up now around 7-7:30  but I'm not a breakfast person (I'm a coffee person). Also, I don't like eating meals late at night. This is what I came up with on Day 3:


I'd get up and drink water until I have my first calories (aka my morning coffee with sweet cream!). I never had a full 700 calories because I just cannot usually deal with food before lunchtime. Every blue moon, I might have a muffin or some toast. Once I have my morning shot of java, I'm a happy gal. 

From 2 to 4 is when I would have my main meal. I got into a routine of having a piece of chicken with a piece of buttered bread sprinkled with herbs. I would use my 1200 calories and any leftover from the morning 700 allowance.

From 5 to 6 is when I would fit in any last snack or nibbles.

Garlic knots
from Mama Cozzi's dough

In between my meals, I drank a lot of water, maybe a Fresca or diet tonic water. Those are the only diet drinks I can stand. I hate the taste of fake sugar! I even got into the habit of drinking herbal tea - citrus or anything tangy are my favorites.

I adhered to this routine for almost two weeks. I would look forward mostly to my morning coffee and that lunch meal. I didn't really feel a need to snack. At some point, I realized, I didn't even need a heavy lunch. I switched from chicken to pasta with a little sauce to broccoli and pasta to rice with some butter and seasonings. 

One day, I decided that I didn't even that want much to eat. I got some summer sausage and cheese and Ritz crackers. That's what I would eat during the day. I cut back to one cup of coffee and started drinking more seltzer water and herbal tea. 

Pizza from Mama Cozzi's
dough

Basically, for the last couple of weeks, I have been having what I call "nibble meals".  I think my body has reset itself as far as appetite. I now eat what I crave and if I'm not hungry, I don't eat just because it's mealtime.

When I do want something, I have it. If I'm not hungry, I don't eat.

The other week, I found these packs of take-and-bake pizza dough. I will fix a couple of breadsticks with it or make a small pan pizza. I love making garlic knots with the dough. My whole grocery shopping routine has changed. Some of what I have been keeping & rotating on my grocery list:

  • Mama Cozzi's Pizza Kitchen Pizza Dough
  • Beef summer sausage (snack)
  • Pizza sauce
  • Broccoli florets
  • Mixed vegetables (to eat with rice)
  • White rice
  • Alfredo sauce
  • Ritz Crackers (snack)
  • Tuna (canned in water)
  • Mozzarella cheese shredded
  • Mild cheddar block
  • Chicken thighs (these cook up SO good in the Foodi)
  • Gelato bites (dessert)
  • Dark chocolate bar
  • Cheese dip (to eat with bread stick/pizza)
  • Frozen blueberries (for smoothies/ice cream)
  • Macadamia milk
  • Cashew milk
  • Bread (cottage or thick-cut white)
  • Spring water
  • Diet tonic water (I can stand this but not diet cola)
  • Fresca
  • Ground coffee
  • Instant espresso
  • Sweetened condensed milk (for rice pudding)
  • Rhodes cinnamon rolls (dessert)

There are days when I am okay with just having some cheese and crackers. And there are days when I try to eat the world in just a few hours.

When I say that my attitude toward food has changed, I'm serious. There was a time when I could not keep a bag of Rhodes cinnamon rolls for more than a week. They come with 12 rolls in a bag, people. There is a bag in my freezer that's been there for at least 13 days now. Same for the gelato bites I found at Aldi's. Folks, there were days when I had to remind myself to eat something. 

That was all before I made another change to the fasting plan.

It had been 32 days since I was in my doc's office, whining. I won't tell you what I clocked in at, weight-wise, but I will say that I had come down 16.3 pounds. 

Then something cool happened while I was looking for an app to help me track my fasting hours. I found one and it listed the various fasting plans. For the amount of weight I want to lose over the winter, the app suggested trying the 20:4 plan.

Uh... I guess my goal is a little bit "aggressive"... I mean, 20:4 is, well eating for 4 hours and fasting for 20. Wow.

I was worried that I wouldn't be able to handle such a short window of being able to eat. It's not that I want a lot to eat but I am used to having a lot more hours in which to eat. But I really want to get to my goal weight as soon (and healthily) as I can.

So far, the only hard thing about the 20:4 plan is that, with my sleep schedule, I don't get my first coffee until around 11 in the morning. Three and a half to four hours is a looong time to wait for my first cup of coffee with cream. And I stop all calories at 2:30 or 3. I tried staging my eating hours from 10 to 2 but that only works if I want more coffee than food. But I have been managing to do the 20:4 plan for a couple of days now. 

As I work on this post, I keep glancing at the tracker which tells me how long I have left to fast. I need to ignore that tracker! Right now there are still 13 hours of fasting time left. That is 13 hours until I can have coffee. Yeah. I do need to stop looking at the tracker until I have just 15 minutes left. By then, I am getting out my cup and the sweet cream and watching for the coffee to start brewing...

But this is working. It's working so well that I'm just mad I didn't start sooner. I'm not saying it's easy. It's not but it is doable. I don't even care when other people are eating and I can't join in. I just drink black coffee and pray.

This made me laugh so hard!
One key thing: I don't check my weight like a fanatic (anymore). I really fought to ignore my bathroom scale for the first 3 weeks. I remember someone once saying that we should judge our weight-loss success by how we feel and not what the scale reads. I highly recommend using that little tactic! Now, I only check every few days so that I can update the tracker app.

When you lose weight, you notice things you weren't paying attention to. For most of my life - up til I was about 30 - I was one of those thin people who never really gained weight and never had to think about what I ate, but I've been fat long enough now that I'd forgotten some good things about being my correct weight. 

These days, I feel more comfortable in every way. When I lost the first 10 or 12 pounds, I could see the change in my face. At 18 pounds down, I can tell how much better my clothes fit and feel. It is almost shocking to see the change in numbers when I look at the loss history on the app. I felt the results before I saw the scale.

When I put on my pants, nothing is tight, puckled up, or rolled. My thighs don't touch when I walk. My breathing is better. I don't cringe when I catch sight of my naked body in the mirror. I'm not exactly prancing around (yet), but I'm not instantly depressed at the sight. 

I have a couple of cute Dollar General dresses that I got when I moved here in 2017. When I first bought them, they made me feel pretty and comfortable. For the past couple of years, I only wore them because they were still kind of loose. That was 35 pounds ago, people. The other day, I put one of the dresses on and realized that I felt pretty in it - not just comfortable. Same with some other pieces of clothing that I tried on for the first time in a while. 

If I really want to see how gaining 35 pounds has changed me, I can just look at the wear and tear on some of my pants. The inseams are worn and the waistbands are stretched out. Just imagine how I will feel when I'm down almost double that 35 pounds!

The biggest sign that I am doing something right came when my brother and sister-in-law commented on the changes. They had taken me to that doctor's appointment. When they saw me a couple of weeks later, my SIL wanted to know what I had been doing to lose weight. My SIL has since signed up with NOOM. I can't afford that. I will stick with what is working. Intermittent fasting (or any eating plan/diet) is all about attitude.

Finally - I do realize that photographs are the best for showing a change. I am putting together a set of pictures. Luckily, I have some full-body shots from reviews I've done for some clothes. I will be doing a photo post when I hit my final goal. My first goal is about 17 pounds away but my final goal is to get back to my 2012 weight. If God is willing to let me see the day, I plan to go into next summer needing a bunch of smaller clothes...

Peace

--Free

Your Next Breath Isn't Promised

 

God has His plans. 

We think we are in control of everything but we are not. All we control is how we choose, act, love, reach out, hug, and say "I love you" right in this moment.

My mother used to remind me that "Your next breath is not promised". I know that is true but it's so hard to accept.

I lost yet another piece of my heart last night. My family is the definition of family. We are pieces of our parents and their parents. We are slowly losing our pieces as they leave us to go home to God.

Make sure that you tell those you love that you love them. Make a phone call, send a text, or drop by their home. Hug each other, smile together, and make good memories. Be a family, be a friend, be there for them and with them while you can.

Gabby, we will all see you when we get there.

Peace

--Free

Sunday, October 16, 2022

**HEADS UP** Head & Shoulders Royal Oils

The "Heads Up" posts are going to be for my take on products or ideas without a lot of my usual chatter. First up: Head & Shoulders Royal Oils line of products.

Head & Shoulders was not a brand I ever thought of when thinking of products to care for my naturally nappy hair. That's too bad because this stuff is the truth.

I was looking for a product to soothe my dry scalp when a product popped up in an Amazon product search:


Not only is the product good, but the dispenser nozzle is perfect.

Since I never had a problem with dandruff, I never thought of Head & Shoulders. However, until recently, I never had a problem with a dry scalp so... The product sounded like it might work for me. Also, I was kind of intrigued that Head & Shoulders had jumped on the natural hair care wagon with a "Royal Oils" line. Good name.

The scalp cream worked. I used it in conjunction with my JBCO which was not doing the job by itself. Within a few days, my dry scalp problem was done with. I asked around in some hair care forums about suddenly experiencing a dry scalp. More than a few commenters mentioned that age, climate, and certain styling products could be the reason for my problem. One good suggestion was to try switching up my shampoo and conditioner as they could be the biggest reason.

I normally use a variety of shampoos but for a long time, I have stuck with Aussie Moist conditioners. And maybe it was time for a change because my hair has also been bone dry for a while - ever since I cut it.

Anyway, the H&S scalp cream had worked so well that when I needed to buy conditioner, I got the Royal Oils Moisture Renewal Conditioner. I still had some Aussie shampoo but that conditioner... That stuff is the truth.

My hair has never felt so good both during and after using a conditioner.  Here are the products (if you can find them at your local Dollar General, the prices are much better).


I got the shampoo and conditioner at Walmart for $6.97 each (cheaper than Amazon's $8.56 each); the scalp treatment for $8.57 at Walmart and $8.94 at Amazon; the moisture mask $9.99 for a pack of 10. I didn't see the mask at Walmart plus I ended my Plus membership with them.

Each moisture mask pack gives me 3 treatments because my hair is so short now. For my previous head of hair, I could probably make a packet last for 2 full treatments. It's a thick cream and you have to add a little water or keep your hair very wet for it to work.

I was worried that the 5-ounce bottle of scalp treatment wasn't going to last very long but it's been worth it. I've used it about 3 times a week for 3 weeks as of today and the bottle is just under half full. Not bad.

Right now, I am using a routine with the H&S Royal Oils shampoo, conditioner, scalp treatment, and deep moisture mask. This is in conjunction with the JBCO that I use on my scalp for oil treatment and some Eden BodyWorks leave-in (for dry hair). I will go over the Eden BodyWorks next time.

Our winter weather has started here so my hair is extremely dry. For now, the best of the H&S products, IMO, are the shampoo, conditioner, and scalp treatment. I'm not sure about the moisture mask yet.

Ladies, this stuff is very affordable so it's worth trying out on your nappy naps. Here is the full product line. Make sure that you shop around for the best price.

Peace
--Free