Here's the deal: I am moving. (Yes, again, but this time for keeps!).
Last time I tried making a break with Alaska, I had a perfect storm of health issues (my own, a friend's and my sisters) to rain all over my intent. This time, I have nothing holding me to this place. I'm ready. More than ready. At this point, a move is almost necessary for me to proceed with anything else in my life.
I had to do a lot of praying to get to this point. I've been through a lot of struggles and stressful life changes that I never imagined I'd have to deal with. There's been death and divorce and a lot of other causes for sadness. About a year ago, I was talking with someone about how rough the past 10 years have been for both of us (and she has had it way harder than I have!). This image reminds me of what she told me at the end of our conversation:
|Good advice for the battered soul|
For now, my book (that neglected project) is on hold. My other book is on hold. My plans to start video blogging... all on hold. Just until I get moved and settled into my new surrounding.
I almost don't even want to mention the moving process. Ugh! Moving is right up there on the stress scale with death and divorce and going to jail. Not that I know anything about the latter!
I started thinking about moving right after my sister passed away but didn't want to make a hasty decision. As soon as the first anniversary of her death came and went, I knew it was time to start making a life and a home for myself. It only took me another year to make the decision final in my head. Most of that time was spent preparing myself to be more than a car ride away from this little piece of my heart:
|I love him so|
It's going to be tough not seeing him every day, not snuggling with him to watch his Iron Man videos or have interesting little conversations or pretend that we are communicating via radio. This is the kid that got my heart and soul safely through the last couple of years. Thank goodness we'll be able to use video messaging and phone calls to stay in touch. Also, he usually does an annual stateside visit where I can get over to see him. I think he'd much rather have a happier aunt that he sees once in a while than one who is slowly suffocating in sadness and inertia. And the kid is so smart that, this time next year, he'll probably be able to spell both those words!
The thing about moving is, it's very tiring. VERY tiring 😫😫😫😫😫😫😫
Because of my medical issues, I had to give myself plenty of time to work with my current doctors in setting up a new care team. That went easier than I expected. The most tedious part of this move is that I am not looking back so I have to get rid of almost everything before I go. Not that I have a ton of stuff, but I have enough.
A friend of mine is helping me to get rid of a bunch of stuff. She is doing donation and consignment runs for me each week. I can't believe that, as broke as I am, I have collected eight - EIGHT - garbage bags full of clothes, shoes, and purses already. Don't ask me why someone with no money needs that many purses!
Let me tell you something serious: I am NEVER going to accumulate so much stuff ever again. Ever. There is no reason for me to have a couple closets filled with clothing when I basically wear four pairs of jeans, maybe ten tops, three pairs of footwear, and a couple of coats. I can spend $6.00 and do all my laundry in about two loads - and that's allowing for separating lights from darks.
I was telling my best friend that the other day and she just laughed at me, but I am for real. My new attitude is going to be not to buy, accept, or even look at anything unless I have a plan for using it. I mean it. I don't even want to collect groceries that I don't have a meal plan for. I am so disgusted with myself now for having so much stuff that I haven't used in years when there are people going without things they actually need. Besides, think of the wasted money. Ugh!
The other thing that is giving me heartburn is just arranging the few things I am shipping ahead. There's not much I plan to keep, but memories are always hard to pack. I gave up on the idea of taking my car. Believe it or not, I feel attached to Ol' Bessie Lou... And my lovely trailer. That's going up for sale also. That was another hard thing to think about getting rid of.
I'm glad that I am giving myself so much time. I made the decision around the beginning of February and waited a couple of weeks to see if I had any trepidation. When I realized that this is a necessary life change, I decided on July as my be-somewhere-else date. Then my docs here did such a good job with referral appointment, I had to move that date up a bit.
So far, I'm doing okay with getting things in order, but the fatigue is really weighing me down. Almost anyone dealing with a chronic disease can tell you that fatigue is a constant shadow. I'm trying to keep my stress levels low so that I don't aggravate my condition, but... moving. Ugh. I'll be so glad when I can sit down (okay, I probably won't have chairs for a while) and know that I don't have to worry about all the little details I'm dealing with right now.
Do you get any sense of the anxiety, excitement, hope, and the sheer shivers I'm feeling?
Anyway, I had to post something to explain this little hiatus I'll be taking. My blog numbers are so low right now, it might take another year to build them back up!
When I get back to this blog, I hope to see you guys still dropping by and supporting the effort. In the meantime, I'll be welcoming all prayers and positive vibes to get me through the rest of this summer.
P.S.: If this post is rambling, my apologies. Fatigue.