Monday, December 29, 2008

Music. Lyrics.

I happened across a song that I've loved from the first time I heard it. It's a love song, but I heard it way before I had anybody to love on my mind. The song is "I Wanna Grow Old With You" by Westlife.

So, I'm listening to this song when I am feeling anything but some damn love... and I flashed onto a conversation that I had with someone who I am very close to. This female and I were grousing about our husbands and it dawned on us that if we could blend our two men into one, we'd have pretty much the perfect mate for each of us.

My man tends to be more affectionate than her man, but her man is a way better financial provider than mine. She doesn't get enough attention from her man & I get almost too much (often the jealous kind). Hers doesn't know how to be social enough for her & mine is social when he wants to be and a jack ass when he doesn't want to be. Hers is addicted to video games and mine to alcohol. And when I say addicted & you hear "games" and think it can't be that bad - think again. I'm talking come home from work, change clothes and hook into the games and stay there until time to go to bed. Ev-er-y day. Mine is an alcoholic & you probably know what a pain in the ass that is.

So. this other female and I were wondering what has happened to all the really good men. Men who know how to treat and appreciate a good woman. Have they been run off by the bad women out there? Have they gotten spoiled by social changes? Are they all dead? I mean, damn.

Anyway, after my little hissy fit (and someone out there knows why THAT phrase came to my mind today), I tried to tell myself that these are the changes anyone goes through in a marriage. I tried listening to Sade's "By Your Side" to work up some stand-by-your-man kind of feeling. Sh*t, all I came away with is: I HAVE been standing by this man. Lots of us have been standing by some men and women who need to start deserving all our love and patience.

Yeah, I'm through ranting for now, but wait 'til tomorrow when I tell you about a falling out I'm having with a sorry-assed member of the family...

Peace
--Free

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Free Entertainment

I have my little tricks for keeping sane - Lord knows, you all have had to hear so much about that here lately...

Movies have never been my big thing. I never have liked going out to stand in a ticket line to sit in a dark, crowded (usually dirty) place with a bunch of strangers. At the movies, you can't hit a Pause button, you can't (usually) get seat-side service on food, you can really stretch out and get comfortable, you can't (without repercussions) tell the loud-mouth nearby to "Hush!" So. I have never enjoyed the movie-going experience. Besides, I like too many things that don't play in most theaters: Agatha Christie mystery shows, Alfred Hitchcock, the Twilight Zone - all that kind of stuff.

Enter the beautiful World Wide Web. At my fingertips, at my leisure, in the comfort of wherever I am, and with myself in almost total control, I have entertainment. Movies, music, gossip, news, etc. I used ot subscribe to the old Yahoo Music Engine (then Jukebox), but I let it lapse only to learn recently that YME/B is no more. It's all gone to Rhapsody. (I downloaded the Rhapsody program as non-paying, just to check it out & the dang thing is so confusing, right now I can't see PAYING to be that puzzled over how to use the service...)

ANYway... I told you guys already how I discovered some of the old shows I love. I have been on an overload of Hitchcock shows and Dick Van Dyke, Andy Griffith, etc. The only thing I haven't been able to find much of are 2 of my faves: Miss Marple and Hercule Poirot. *sniff*

The whole point to this post is that since I first started talking about watching movies and television online, I have had friends and strangers sending me all kinds of links. It's how I found Hulu.com. Now, I have someone letting me in on news about a site called The Old Time Radio Show Catalog.  The name says it all, but maybe not enough since the catalogue if pretty lengthy. The thing is other than a "daily download," you have to order the CDs.

I'm not sure how the person who contacted me actually did find me at the email address they used, but find me they did. And, as I promised, I visited their site & dug what I saw. And - now I'm sharing it with you. (BTW - the person contacting me did NOT ask for a plug. I might get a free CD, but I admire their coolness!)

While we are on the subject of diversions, I found some really good free card game downloads over at CNET.com

And here are some other cool places to visit (forgive me if I have repeated any of these links here or on BLinks - my state of mind these days is a little foggy and loose).

Hulu (for great tv shows to watch online)
Like Television (more tv online)
Chess Kids (don't fall over, but I'm trying to learn to play chess!)
Find Your Spot (take a long quiz & see where the site says you'd love to live...)
Free Tube (and it's back to online tv again!)

And if anyone can explain that dang Rhapsody to me (ya know, the "For Dummies" version), fire away.

Peace
--Free

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Merry Christmas, All

I've been so depressing here lately in my posts, I wanted to lighten up a little and wish everyone a beautiful Christmas.

I've been looking at all my problems instead of my problems & I need to stop that.

So... I'm hoping that if any of you are dealing with some heartache or other unhappy thing in your life, that you will take a moment tonight to just thank God for the blessings - no matter how small they are. Your SMALL blessings are ones that others wish for:

If you have a mate that you love and can depend on (no matter what other problems there are) - be thankful

If you have your health - so many people don't. My sister lost both her legs; a friend of the family just lost a battle with kidney failure, and I read in the paper where a 19-year old girl was killed in a car wreck last night.

If you have a roof over your head - no matter how raggedy or run-down - it's there.

If you ate anything at all today.

if you have a television to watch, a radio to listen to, a computer to spend time on, or books to read - be thankful.

If you are doing your worrying as you drive back and forth on errands - you have a car.

If you had cried yourself to sleep in your bed at night - you have a bed.

If you have grumbled over having to cook when you are tired - you have appliances and food.

There are just so many blessings & sometimes they just happen to be wrapped up inside our problems and worries. Lord knows I've had SO many tears and disappointments lately - but I am still so very blessed.

Have a thankful Christmas. Have a smile. Have a moment of prayer. Have a heart for someone else who may be hurting.

Peace
--Free

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Getting Through

I've made no secret of the fact that I'm "going through it," emotionally. One of the ways I've been dealing with a lot of my emotional pain is finding ways to distract myself when I get to feeling down. One of the distractions: watching old movies and listening to old radio shows online.

I'm about to post some links over on my other blog that might interest others who are into "distractions."

Also, I discovered this web site for online counseling/therapy. Now we can say that the Web has everything...

Peace
--Free

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Chasing Pavements

I don't even have words for how this singer and this song connected with what's going on in my life right
now. I wish I could meet her just to tell her that "Chasing Pavements" is going to be my personal song to help me get through the process of moving on with my life.

Take a listen - and go out and buy this lady's CD. I haven't heard original soulful sounds like this in a long time.


Friday, December 12, 2008

Going Through It

Lord, Jesus, help me.

What a month I've had. Who am I kidding - what a year I've had!

I hate to get on my pity pot, but your girl here has been through more crap than the Lord should put on someone.

The latest: after 6 months of marriage, I'm just about ready for a d-i-v-o-r-c-e. For real. And, trust me, I've given it my all. I have put up with stuff that I never thought I would. I have stuck with this man through nothing but thin. At what point do you say to yourself "Enough" and make up your mind to move on? After he's lied over and over? After he's promised not to lie and still lied? After disappointment's too many to count???

One of the reasons I've hung in so long is that I want to believe in real love. I really want to believe that if you love a person enough and stand by them through bad times that they will grow stronger. Well, that has not been the case in my situation.

I fell in love with a man who doesn't have anything in terms of material wealth. He's not the most handsome man. He's not any of the things that most women would look for. But I love him. Why? Because I think he really does have a good heart. The problem: he's weak. Too weak to face anything negative and make it better. Too weak to stand up to life and get through.

I still love him, but I can't depend on him for the emotional support that people in a relationship should share. I have to always be the "strong" one. I have to be the one to handle the problems and hardships because he will just fall apart under any kind of pressure. Well, guess what? I'm tired of being the strong one. I want to be able to lean on someone sometimes. I want to be able to know that I've got a partner who can take some of the pressure off us. I want to be the "traditional" woman.

Whew! Okay, I got that off my chest. I feel a little bit guilty about ranting so publicly, but, hey, this is MY forum to do what I want.

Who knows - maybe he will buckle down and get his act together in a few days and we will have a chance, but my patience is running soooooo thin right now. If things don't get better soon, you all are going to be seeing another post soon where I talk about what it's like to get on with life after major let-down...

Peace
--Free

Monday, December 08, 2008

Great Sites (for saving a buck)

Haven't been round here for a minute & don't have a ton of time today, but I wanted to join in the crazy commercialism of the season & plug a few sites I've run across. I guess you can call these sites shopping money-savers...

The Budget Fashionista - my niece is going to LOVE this one. I just sent her the link & I am starting to explore it more deeply myself.

Cheap Stingy Bargains... Well. THAT about says it all, huh? Mostly electronics, game players & movies & such, but I did see some other items sprinkled in. This is on my Google Reader list and I check it periodically.

Coupon Mountain clues folks into the deals available for a wide variety of products - clothes, jewelry, magazines... just about anything.

Deal Detectives - another good one on my Google Reader.

And, finally, yet another on my Reader:

Deal Hack

For those of you wanting to be a little more frugal year-round, there are some good sites out there to help:

Frugal For Life           Real Simple         Wise Bread     Budget 101  All Things Frugal

Tightwad Central     The Dollar Stretcher        Miserly Moms