- Someday, we'll look back on this nervously and change the subject... (courtesy of Hilarious Quotes- as is the next line...)
- I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
- On the keyboard of life always keep one finger on the Escape key (link here)
- Never give yourself a haircut after 3 margaritas
- Who lit the fuse on your tampon? (Bit o' fun)
- If you're going to ride my ass, at least pull my hair & make me scream
- If you're not a hemorrhoid, get off my ass
- Eat Right, Exercise, Die anyway
- Damned if I do, Damned if I don't...so, damnit, I will!
- Horn broken - watch for finger
- I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead
- Difference between the Pope & your boss: The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring
- Work: it isn't just for sleeping anymore
- The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts
- If at first you don't succeed, try management
- Take my advice, I don't use it anyway
- Even crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it
- It's not how you pick your nose, but where you put the booger
- Crowded elevator smells different to midget
- Virginity like bubble - one prick, all gone!
- Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails
- Man who drive like hell bound to get there
- Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it
- ...Is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid with real lemons?
- ...Don't psychics ever win the lottery?
- ...Do we drive on "parkways" and park on "driveways?"
- ...Do we choose 2 people to run for President & 50 for Miss America?
- ...If "love is blind," why is lingerie so popular?
- ...Do you press harder on the remote control when you know the battery is dead?
Yo Mama Jokes:
Your mama is so ugly...
- ...When she joined an ugly contest, they told her "Sorry, no professionals."
- ...When she tried to take a bath, the water jumped out
- ...Her social security number is "1"
- ...When she was in school, there was no History class
- ...Her birth certificate is expired
- ...She knew Burger King when he was a Prince