Thursday, August 26, 2010

Communi-fusion!

I need to know that I am not the only one who has this problem:

There is someone very close to me (the closest of anyone in the world), but we have the hardest time communicating.

When we talk and I say one thing, it's as though this person hears something completely different. I'm not sure if they really are NOT understanding me, or if they CHOOSE not to understand me.

I can say on Monday, "The sun is shining." On Tuesday, when it's raining, I can say, "It's raining today." On Thursday, another sunny day, when we are having an argument about the weather, and I say, "The sun is shining again," this person will say, "See, you lie. You said it was raining."

Huh?

Then we get into a worse argument because I find myself frustrated, trying to explain that I'm NOT lying when I say it's nice TODAY, but that it was raining on Tuesday. This person will go on and on about the time I did say it was raining. In the end, I start to feel like, well, damn, I MUST be lying because the person is right - I DID say at some point that it was raining and now here I am saying that the sun is shining...

Yeah.

I'm in Hell.

How do you fix such broken communication? How do you even START to fix it when those are the kinds of conversations that happen? (OK, the conversations are not really about the weather, but you know what I mean.)

It wasn't always like this. It just seems that when this person gets under the least bit of stress, wires get crossed and this is how we end up discussing anything.

I really, really need to figure out a solution to this. I've prayed about it, read books about it, and searched every way I can think of to communicate differently. Nothing has worked.

Anybody else ever deal with this kind of situation? Got any advice? And don't tell me to just walk away from this person. I can't. I love them too much. I just need to know how to deal with this or correct it so that I don't end up going nuts!

**SIGH**

Peace
--Free

2 comments:

  1. I do not know how i stumbled upon your blog...but i am glad i did. As i read this post i swear i thought it was someone writing about me. It seems, as you said, at the least bit of stress, i become a liar, ugly in attitude, yelled at for breathing...you get my drift. I have tried to keep track of dates it happens to see if its some weird reverse pms or weather or anything explainable...to no avail. We were very close as well, 10 yrs best friends then 2 yrs dating, now 7yrs married and it has beena battle the past 5yrs. We have worked through alot to now see it regress..rapidly i might add. You are not alone. I fight myself daily with the crazy aspect....my current conclusion...i may be crazy but not in the way i am made to feel and seem. i am a happy soul, a recovering pessimist, a fledgling optimist that smiles now even when i sob. I dont have any fix or solution, if you do im all ears. i do know that even sunshine burns when you get too much,so plant your own garden and nourish your own soul. peace, maria

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  2. Hi Maria - I am glad that you did find the blog & glad you like the post. I think I have figured out what the problem of communication is: the person I am talking about feels insecure and has some esteem issues. Instead of confronting any issue head on (which might lead to them having to admit wrongdoing on their part), they get flustered & nervous & choose to derail communication between us. I think that they are trying to distract me so that instead of getting to the root of a problem or issue, I end up defending myself or getting all confused. In the end, I throw up my hands in frustration and quit the discussion... Isn't that the perfect way to avoid having to answer questions?

    I hope that you find some relief from your own situation. All I can do is pray and, when it gets to be too much, make the choice to let this person go. (I know what my mother would say if she were still here and she had this problem: "Honey, I love you, but not enough to let you drive me crazy!")

    I love what you said about sunshine burning if you get too much! So true. Everything in moderation was given for joy, but too much of anything can be harmful.

    I leave you with a prayer that I have been praying A LOT lately: "Thank You, Jesus. Forgive & protect me, Father." I am thanking Him for his love & blessings first.

    Please stay in touch. God bless you and hang in there!

    ReplyDelete


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