Sunday, June 27, 2010

Music Therapy (again)

Just feeling this one. I know it's a love song, but for some reason when I hear this, I think of my parents and grandparents. Weird. Still, it's a great song.

Both my parents passed away in summer months. I had never thought about that way until Steve Wonder sang this at the M Jackson memorial. When I heard it then, I looked over at my sister and we just about started bawling.

Keeping on the Stevie Wonder kick, this is a song that I sang to my husband in the car as we were driving from Texas to Alaska. Even though things have been really rough since then, I figure it had to be love that kept us from killing each other on that long, long, looooong drive. (Good friends of mine might be able to get me to tell them the "piss story.")

One of my brothers is extremely clumsy, but he loves to dance. Once (and this is when I was a teenager), he and I were driving along (him at the wheel) and this song came on. We both love this song, but, let me tell you: this man should NOT try driving and dancing at the same time. He was doing that thing folks did back in the day - you know, tapping the brakes in time to the music? - Well... let's just say, that could have turned out to be an episode of "I Survived." Now. Go ahead, dance and bop your head!

This song right here... I fell in love with the vocals, but when I saw that brother with the cigar hanging out of his mouth (I don't know if it was Ray, Goodman or Brown), I was in loooove!!! One of my young crushes... These brothers are just some old-school smooth. You know I always wanted to freshen up my Afro Sheen, lip gloss and then hit the dance floor for this one! LOL

I used to lip synch my ass off to this one! I'd be in the mirror just dancing and perching my lips... (Know I can't sing for anything & never could hit those notes, so I'd just make the faces.) One time my mom came in and I almost hurt myself trying to play like I was brushing my hair instead of having a concert! 

I'm not really a big MJ Blige fan, but as ol' girl says, "This joint right here..." We'll close out those post on that one. It's kinda the way I've been feeling the last few weeks. And, yeah, go ahead and dance to it. I am!


Angels Without Wings

When I was sitting around the other day, feeling sorry for myself (like most job hunters will do every few days), I ran across some memories of people I have known. I like memories that make me smile. 

I think that we tend to remember people in pieces, not in the whole, because we learn people in pieces. We meet someone and either we connect momentarily or we get something deeper. Some of the people who I've connected with are the ones I was thinking of the other day. Here are some of the pieces of them that I remember:
  • I didn't think I liked this particular woman when I first met her. It was the circumstances: job stress and office politics/mistrust. But, thank goodness, I got over it. This woman is one of the most real people I know. She is funny and smart and true to herself. When she got married, I was invited to the wedding and came late only to find that she cared enough about me that she had been waiting for me. Isn't that something? I didn't know until then how much she liked me. It's always bothered me that I didn't know. When I think of her, one of the first things that comes to mind is the story she told of once riding a mule to get some cigarettes (this is back when she smoked), and I can never think of that without getting a fit of giggles. In my mind, she is a flower child.
  • Another woman I know is one of those who has been through some serious life shit and come out fighting every time. A survivor. We have certain parallels in our lives that connect us. We have deep love for parents we lost. We have struggles that no one else can understand. We don't give up. We once had what we call our "sidewalk talk." The only bad thing I can say about this chick is that she looks younger than her dang kids. I'm not kidding. No one should look that good to have kids (and grandkids). I'm hating on that just a little bit, but, girlfriend, you know I still love ya! 
  • One of my girlfriends is what I think of as my "sis-mama" because I love her like a sister and she has mothered me through some rough times. When I was completely on the edge of despair (no, not just on the edge, but about to teeter over), this lady was there to either catch me if I fell or slap me back into place. She housed me, fed me, let me cry and did it all without making me feel as lost as I was. When I think of her, I think of a bejeweled angel. She not only blessed me with her friendship, she even gave me another "sister."
  •  And I can never forget a certain young lady who was pretty much just a kid when I met her. She was so young and wide-eyed that I can't believe that her child is now just about the age she was when I met her. Good mercy! Time just goes by like a dream that you can't remember all the details of. How can little miss thang have a big old grown child??? I love ya, girlfriend!
  • Of course, my bestest girlfriend is the sister that my mother gave me. What would I have ever done in life without my big sister? Oh, I'd be such a lost soul!!! I can't put words to everything that my sister is to me, so I'll just leave that alone.
Like a lot of people, I believe in guardian angels, but I know that my angels  are the ones that God sent to me in the form of good friends. They are flesh and blood, flawed and wonderful people that I will always have my memories of. Some of them will be in my life every day, some of them will be in and out of my life. That's okay because no matter where they physically are at any given moment, parts of them are always right here in my heart.


Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Laugh Love Cry

Don't know if you ever heard an older person say something like, "I don't have to do a damn thing but be black and die," but it was something my mom used to say when she was feeling ornery (or "Ahn-ree"). I don't use that saying because, well, I guess it's just not my thing. My saying is: "My choice is laugh, love or cry."

And that is what life is, right? Choices about how to deal with whatever situation we find ourselves in. We can get mad, be sad or hurt, think about revenge... There are a lot of ways to deal with the good and bad that we get thrown at us. I've been through enough in the past few years that I narrowed my choices down to 3 for dealing with mess:

1 - I can laugh it off. You know - just shrug and chuckle and move on. Some things, no matter how big they seem in a moment, are really just not that big a deal in the whole scheme of life. Life's short & some things are just a blip on the radar. This is best to remember when embarrassing things happen to us. It's like: Who's going to remember this a year from now? (And even if someone DOES remember, so what?) So, for the silly things that happen to me to mess up a few minutes of my day, I think I'll just laugh and move on.

2 - Another way to deal with people who bother you is to choose to love them. I don't mean I'm going to be IN love or feeling deep love for someone who hurts me, tries to hinder me or bring me down in some way. I just mean, I am going to try to apply some Jesus love to the situation. I'm going to try to remember that I myself have done hurtful or mean things to people and I know that I'm not a bad person. I just have bad ways sometimes. Thing is, Jesus still loves my little narrow behind - even when I am just about the most unlovable person in the world! So... to anyone out there who guns for me: I might wanna slap a knot on your head, but I won't. I'm just going to love you like Jesus loves me.

3 - Last of all,, I have learned that there ain't a thing wrong with a little crying. We have tear ducts for a reason, right? (OK, maybe that's only for cleaning our eyes or whatever - but you know what I mean!) I used to try hard NOT to cry when things hurt me, but you know what? Crying is an alright thing to do. Sometimes. It's a normal reaction. Sometimes. It's a good release. Sometimes. I figure crying is a good way to let out your emotions and stress so that you don't end up in jail for seriously hurting someone else! (Just kidding. Sort of.) Usually when I start out crying I end up praying. Not a bad transition: crying tears to crying out to God.

Anyway. Just thought I'd share those thoughts with you. 


Monday, June 07, 2010

Randomly Me

I like:
  • warm not cold
  • funny words and sounds 
  • giggle-worthy moments even when I don't know what made them giggle-worthy
  • guy friends who can be friends without needing to be anything else
  • girl friends who know how to be okay with me whether I am ready to laugh or cry
  • my sister being my best friend
  • my family being who they are to me
  • when clouds make interesting shapes against a really blue sky
  • thunderstorms when I am cuddled up snug in bed
  • dancing and dancing and dancing
  • high-heeled shoes that make me feel tall and striking
  • a really good lip gloss (cause it makes me feel girly!)
  • my favorite silly tv shows all lined up to watch when I don't want to have serious thoughts
  • good home food (chicken and stews and fresh cornbread)
  • good fast food (burgers and fries and shakes)
  • knowing where I am & how to get where I want to go
  • looking at the mountains
  • that big relief I feel when something I was worried about turns out okay
  • knowing that, no matter what, I have some people who genuinely love and care about me
  • feeling 20 when I am almost 50
  • chewing crushed ice pieces (don't ask)
  • my puppy, Rags, when she is looking at me like I'm the greatest
  • solitude when I need it
  • noise when I need it
  • fresh pancakes with a cold glass of milk
  • those chicken wings from Walmart with some bleu cheese dressing
  • a really (scary) book - because I know it's just fiction!
  • Getting really still and quiet & knowing that God hears me