Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Chop Chop


Between my meds and either that temp straightening and an overdosage of supplements, my hair was a mess. Thicker at the root (yay), but ragged at the ends (boo).

I know how to let go of stuff.go. So I just chopped all my hair off. Well, not all. I did leave about and inch and a half. And I only left that much so that I could put in place my new plan for regrowing a healthy head of hair.

I tried to find my other pictures - you know the ones we keep of our younger and better looking selves? I remember having the healthiest head of hair ever. I could wear it straight, curly, wet, pony-tailed, bunned... I could actually just shake my fingers through it and walk out of the house and attract positive attention.

Not missing my younger years as much as I am not having to work so hard to have healthy hair.


My PLAN is this: I've chopped off my hair and I'm going to baby it like a rented Ferrari. I'm fine with very short hair. I've learned how to wear hair scarves and other accessories to feel nice about my appearance. However, I know that I'm going to want some versatility so I'm going to occasionally wear clip-in extensions. I chose human hair in the kinky/curly set. My niece actually walked me through choosing the hair, the clips, and instructions. 

Oh PAUSE! First I have to mention a particular store (other than Sally's Beauty) where I used to love shopping at for hair care supplies. It's called Queen's Beauty Supply in our local Northway Mall and is the sister store of one called King's Beauty Supply. I've been going in there off and on for over a year. When I went to pick out the supplies I needed to do these clips, I chose a bag of 14-inch hair that was $10 more expensive than the 10-inch hair I could have used. I didn't realize this until I walked out of the store, got five feet away and my niece (still on the phone) mentioned it. So, I turned around and walked back into the store and asked about doing an exchange. The response: "No cash refund. Just store credit." He didn't even try to be nice about it. Basically, he pointed to a sign tacked at KNEE LEVEL - seriously, it was that low down on the wall. (BTW, I had paid with a debit card.)

Now, my niece said that I overreacted when I told her I would never shop there again. Maybe. Maybe not. At any rate, I think it was short of good customer service. I can always order via Amazon now that I know which brand stuff to buy.

Moving along.

The reason I chose using clip-ins is because I recently learned that they can be used in protective styling. I'd stayed away from anything to do with sewing and glue because I don't want to damage my hair. That's the opposite of my goal. (I've used a glue-in weave once. Loved wearing it. Hated the mess of getting it out. And it did a bit of tearing.)

There are several online resources that mention using clip-ins as a protective styling method. Black Hair Information shares tips and tricks for blending the extensions into your own. Black Naps also looks at some pros and cons. Black Girl Long Hair offers links to products. 

This is going to be my planned routine:
  • Wearing lots of oils and leave-in treatments at night. (Coconut Oil, Jojoba Oil, etc.)
  • Shampooing once a week (with mild, moisturizing and low-protein shampoos).
  • Deep conditioning (meaning with a cap or with heat) once a week.
  • Trimming once a week. (Something I don't do often enough)
  • Taking regular vitamins daily (including my 1 Tbl of molasses.
  • Trying to rest more.
  • Cutting back on coffee.

My niece walked me through choosing the right hair and supplies, but she's not hear to walk me through the actual process of making the finished product. Thank goodness for YouTube and, in particular, the Mayvenn videos. 

This is the video I am going to be using as my reference when I get started.


I will try to come back often to post on my progress. Once I actually cut off my hair, I had that moment of panic (I always have that moment) and thought, "Oh crap! WHAT did I do???" But you know what? When DJ saw my hair (or lack of) all he cared about was whether or not he and I were going to play with his cars or G.I. Joes. Long hair, short hair, that baby don't care!

Here's to the journey..


Saturday, February 20, 2016

**REVIEW** Red Palm Oil

I've mainly stuck to the more common oils and butters when it comes to using them for my hair and skin. Coconut oil has been a favorite, and I've got argan, marula, avocado, and a little bit of raw shea butter in my little beauty chest. I haven't ever really heard much mention of red palm oil though.

I can't remember what put my attention on this particular oil. I think it was something I read about caring for extremely dry hair. Not sure now, but am I glad I found out about it.

This is the brand I picked up at a local health food store:

on sale for $4 and change.
Normally $6 something

The texture reminds me of coconut oil. It's very thick and slightly hard until it gets any kind of warmth. The color is not so much red as a sort of "brick orange" and, boy oh boy, you have to be careful not to stain your fabrics. I did stain an old towel that I use just for messy jobs. I will see what happens on wash day...
The first thing I did with this was risk staining something by slathering it on right before taking a shower. I wanted to do a light body scrub with the oil and my rice powder. Every now and then I like using rice powder or baking soda mixed with oil to do some all-over exfoliation. I usually use either refined or fractionated coconut oil, but this was my chance to try something different. Since I was experimenting, I went ahead and massaged some of the oil (minus the ricee powder) into my hair along with some coconut milk.

The palm oil goes on really nice. I can tell that it feels more moisturizing than coconut oil. It also feels a bit heavier on the skin. When I exfoliate with oil and powder, I always use my hands. (Ladies, since massaging in a scrub takes more time than just showering, this is a great time to do the self-exam of your breasts. Because cancer sucks!)

The palm oil rinsed off nicely with my liquid soap and, no, it didn't stain the tub, thank God. The softening effects were amazing. My skin felt like silk. As for my hair, I have to say that the palm oil is going to be a great pre-poo treatment. I did shampoo the oil out, but I think that next time I might just try rinsing with very warm water. I love that the moisture lasted longer than it does with a coconut oil conditioning.

Now, don't get me wrong - I am not ditching my coconut oil. For one thing, the palm oil doesn't have the fragrance and deliciousness of coconut oil. I do know that I will be keeping palm oil in my regimen. I like how it made my hair and skin feel, and I love that it makes a more effective lip balm than coconut oil. (By the way, try doing a oil and baking soda or rice powder lip scrub to fight chapping.)

So, I loved the red palm oil. I'm not crazy about the staining. One thing I tested was rubbing the palm oil into my skin really well, letting it 'set' for a couple of minutes, then seeing if it would stain my sheet. It did not. Hmmm.

When I used the oil on my face (pre-makeup), I noticed only the slightest possible tinge of it's color. Of course, I have dark skin. What I wonder is if the oil would be a nice addition to lighter skin tones. Maybe in place of tanning? I don't know and I'm going to have to experiment on one of my friends to see what this would look like.

Okay. I love this for my skin and hair. Definetely. So, what about using it for cooking? I tried that out.

I had some ground veal that I've been meaning to defrost as soon as I had a recipe. I never did look up anything I liked so I just mixed the veal with some tumeric, red pepper (yes, me), a little salt, some onions, garlic and chopped spinach and sauteed it in some of this palm oil. After I drained the meat, I ate it over some thin noodles.

The oil certainly added a nice color to the bland veal. The flavor was very, very nice. With the seasonings I used, I couldn't really pinpoint the oil, but I really liked the results. For that quarter pound of veal, I used about a half tablespoon of oil. That was plenty. I cooked it on medium-low heat and had no problems with smoking or anything.

Just like with coconut oil, I understand that there are different ways to incorporate the palm oil into the daily diet. That's great when you have multiple uses for a product. I did a side-by-side shot of nutrituion labels (RPO on left) to show a comparism with coconut oil. With my coconut oil, I add it to my coffee and smoothies, plus I like to spread it on toast. For the palm oil, I think I might add it to meats and veggies with I'm baking them because I don't fry food that often anymore. I love the color.

Here are some sources I checked out for more information:

Of course, just because something is natural, that doesn't mean we don't have to be careful with it.  Make sure you do your research and watch how your hair and skin reacts. As far as ingesting something, well - use your common sense.


My niece told me about this video and I just have to share it. This post seems the perfect spot.

Stop hiding them dang butters!!!

Monday, February 15, 2016

**REVIEW** Quench Absolute (from Dove Advanced Hair Care Series)

Since like all 'naturalistas', I must keep this kinky/curly hair of mine sufficiently moisturized, I am always reviewing various products made for that purpose.

The first thing I look for is effectiveness. Next thing: affordability. Other things play a part, such as availability and brand identity. (BTW, I mainly consider brand because I think the bigger the brand, the more true their hype should be. Also, I like to see lesser known brands get the attention they should.)

Dove is a huge brand. I like most Dove products (hair, bath, and hygiene) because the brand is generally very truthful in their claims. They don't tend to overstate things  in their ads. I was happy to see that, like so many other big brands, Dove was getting deeper into the  natural & kinky/curly hair game. I think that this might have been around a while before I noticed:

That's Quench Absolut from Dove Advanced Hair Care Series.

I'm so used to seeing the familiar Dove logo on store shelves that I almost ignored the product. That it was not a shampoo or washout conditioner make me stop to check it out. Then I spotted this on the label:

Heck yeah! Right?

The price was very nice (under $6 for the 3.3oz container) especially for Alaska. What I wanted to test was how well it was going to do on my dry hair. Since I got this at Target, I know that I could do an easy return if I was disappointed.

I am not disappointed. Well, I am a little, but that's because I only recently spent waaaay more money on about 4 other products that (best case) work equally as well as the Dove, or (depressingly) don't work half as well. Keep the price of this product in mind. 6 bucks...

The one thing that I notice is that the list might not be as "natural" as some people would like. I'm all for products being as natural as I like my hair, but I do want my hair to feel as good as it looks. So, you know, what can I say? Here is the list of ingredients in Quench Absolute:

Water (Aqua)
Cetearyl Alcohol
Stearamidopropyl Dimethylamine
Behentrimonium Chloride
Fragrance (Parfum)
Dipropylene Glycol
Lactic Acid, Amodimethicone
Potassium Chloride
Disodium Edta, Gluconolactone
Propylene Glycol
DMDM Hydantoin
Peg-7 Propylheptyl Ether
Cetrimonium Chloride
Lysine HCL
Mauritia Flexuosa Fruit Oil
Sodium Sulfate
C10-40 Isoalkylamidopropylethyldimonium Ethosulfate
Hydrolyzed Keratin
Yellow 5 (CL 19140), Red 33 (CL 17200), Blue 1 (CL 42090)

As far as how this works on my hair, I can say that the relief from dryness is instant. Also, I love that I can apply this and not lose styling. You know how some products, when applied during the day, will weight down or just throw off the style that you worked so hard on.

Before using the Quench, I went through my evening routine. I moisturized my scalp (using a product that I will review tomorrow) and about a quarter inch of my roots. Next, I sprayed my hair with a mixture of water and black castor oil, then I did about 6 rows of  2-strand twists down the sides and back of my head. Before I tied up my hair for the night, I sprayed on some StaSofFro. (BTW, my water/oil mix is in an 8 oz bottle. 8 oz water/6 drops of oil added, then shaken often as I use it.)

Next morning, my hair was still well-moisturized so I just took out the twists and styled my hair into a curly/coily 'fro. As usual, my scalp was fine but, after about 5 or 6 hours, I started noticing some dryness in hair. Perfect chance to put Quench to the test.

This is what the product looks like, by the way.

It's pretty thick - a lot like a heavy lotion - and I was worried that my hair would be weighed down or that I would lose some curl definition.  (If you can see from the photo, I actually rubbed a little around on my palm to give you an idea of the initial wetness it leaves.)

I find that I can either rub it between my palms, then pat it onto my hair or (and this is my fave way) I can rub some between my thumb and fingers and dab it on in dry spots. I only needed to use it once on the first day. The second day, I wanted to apply more a few hours after the first application, but something dawned on me. To save product, I got my water bottle out, set the spray to the finest mist possible, then sprayed over my head to absorb some mist without getting my hair too wet. That is going to be my method from now on. No use re-applying product when I can just amp up what's already there.

The day after using it the first time, I checked to see if there was any flaking or buildup. There was not. This is Day 4 and I didn't have to apply more product. I did the water mist trick and notice the softness came back and stayed even when the water dampness was gone.

Remember what I said about this being thick like a heavy lotion? Well, I have been thinking about how my cousins and I used to use actual lotion on our hair when we were younger. Not to take anything away from Dove, but I think their product is a lot like lotion that has been tweaked in the lab to make it more hair friendly. I mean, other than buildup problems, using regular lotion might work just as well. I'm just saying...

So, yeah, this is one of those products that I will be ranting about. The price looks even better when you realize that you don't have to use so much from day to day (even without my little water trick!).

Last of all, in case anyone was wondering, I don't think that people with straighter hair would be able to use this with good results. The lotion-y texture would be too much for finer, straighter textures. I guess if someone was going to be wearing their hair pulled back and tucked, they could use this as a protective product. Not a bad idea if you're trying to nourish and baby damaged hair - no matter the texture or type.

Now I have to go and check out the rest of Dove's Advanced Hair Care Series.


I want to mention something I recently learned about dry hair. An overload of protein can cause that dry, straw-like feeling I sometimes get with my hair. I didn't know about this - which is why I have done egg treatments more often that I should. I checked some of my hair care products and noticed that, yep, the ones that are protein-free (or even mostly so) are the ones I get best results from.

When I did figure this out (thanks, Google), I immediately looked for a source to help keep me straight on ingredients. Once again, it's Curly Nikki to the rescue! She has a list up to identify ingredients that are proteins or humectants. Lifesaver!!! Once I checked the list, I realized just why it is that my hair will crave something like Aussie Moist - especially when I'm dealing with certain hair issues.

So, go and check out that list on Curly Nikki. Matter of fact, bookmark the site.  I rely heavily on C.N. for discovering new stuff and learning about hair care. You will want to go back time and time again, trust me.

Thursday, February 11, 2016

**REVIEW** Palmer's Coconut Oil Formula Leave-In Conditoner

For those of you who want to look up the item later, the entire name of this product is: Palmer's Coconut Oil Formula (with Vitamin E) Strengthening Leave-In Conditioner.

Since I've been reviewing various leave-in treatments for hair, I can't believe I almost forgot to tell you about this.

Palmer's has great shampoo and wash-out conditioner. I found that out when my late sister started using it. She had been prescribed a lot of new medications that did strange things to her hair. She always had gloriously beautiful hair and, when she started having trouble with breakage to the point that she had to cut a lot off a lot of it, she didn't mind so much. What bothered her was that she lost a lot of the softness and manageability. That's when she started using Palmer's products. I borrowed the wash-out conditoner and was hooked. (Along with Aussie Moist, Palmer's is up there with my favorite conditioners.)

What I didn't know about until a few months ago was the Palmer's leave-in. By the time I picked upa  bottle, I was using and reviewing other products. Just recently, I pulled the Palmer's out of my product drawer and gave it a go. I'm only sorry that I waited to use this.

I think that, like with any product, effectiveness has to do with the blend of ingredients. I've used other products that have some of the same key ingredients that are in the Palmer's, but there's something about the ratio or mix that makes this product better.

Here's a list of the ingredients (I bolded the ones that I hear so much about as being great for natural hair):
Water (Aqua), Propylene Glycol, Behentrimonium Chloride, Cetearyl Alcohol, Cocos Nucifera (Coconut) Oil, Dimethicone, Phenyl Trimethicone, Hydrolyzed Keratin, Tocopheryl Acetate, Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Juice, Silk Amino Acids, Panthenol, Cyclopentasiloxane, Cyclohexasiloxane, Stearyl Alcohol, Phenoxyethanol, Stearalkonium Chloride, Dimethyl Stearamine, Methylisothiazolinone, Isopropyl Alcohol, Fragrance (Parfum), Benzyl Benzoate, Coumarin, Limonene.

Now, don't get this Palmer's product confused with their similar-named "Olive Oil leave-in" item. (I want to try that one next!)

What I really like about this leave-in is that it immediately softens the hair. Of course, I love the other benefits but, more than almost anything, I like for my hair to be pleasing to the touch. I think most people are like that. Whether you wear your hair nappy, curly, or bone straight, it needs to feel nice. If I didn't care about how my hair felt, I could just glop on any kind of product and roll on with my life. The Palmer's softens the hair quickly, but I do have to reapply at least once a day. Over several hours, the product dries and loses some of the moisturizing effects. Also, after three days or so, there is some buildup (but this can be handled by massaging the hair with a warm, wet towel).

Since my hair does best when I change up on products ever few weeks, I like switching between the Palmer's and my old standby, StaSofFro. It's as if, one product (even shampoo and conditioner) works great for a period of time, then I have to use on of my other favorites for a minute. ~shrug~

To show just how much I love this product by Palmer's, I will be using it more than I use any of my recent KeraCare purchases. (Not because I don't love KeraCare, but because of the prices. I can get 3 of the Palmer's items for the same price I paid for one of the KeraCare leave-in products. I'm going to stretch out my use of those costly items!)

Finally, I will say that having tried the shampoo, rinse-out conditioner, and now this leave-in, I think think the trio makes for a good regimen. My plan now is to rotate my shampooing and conditioning between Aussie Moist, Palmer's, and my J.R. Liggett Moisturizing Shampoo Bar. I will, of course, always continue looking for leave-in products!


Wednesday, February 10, 2016

**REVIEW** Ion's Crystal Clarifying Treatment

Recently, I wanted to strip the last of "temporary straightening" product from my hair. After going straight (heh heh) for a couple of weeks, I realized how much I love my hair in it's natural state. It's much more versatile. If. for any reason, I want to wear a straighted style, my kinky/coily hair does alright with a flat-iron.


I washed out most of the temp straightening product, but there was just enough left to screw up my curl pattern. I tried doing a rinse with vineagar. That helped a bit, but my ends were still stringy. Then I tried using a little bit of my Castile soap (mixed with some essential oils for the shampooing and a heavy conditioner afterwards). That helped a bit but, as you might know, I had to go easy on the Castile because it leaves the hair feeling straw-like.

Finally, I checked at the local Sally's Beauty Supply. This little packet right here cost me around $2.

That is Ion's Crystal Clarifying Treatment. Sorry that my photo sucks. Here's a better one:

The product is made to remove buildup and prep the hair for other treatments. I also see, from looking at stuff online, that some folks use it to lighten up hair that dyed too dark.

I found it interesting that the product is vegan and free of  Sulfate, Gluten, Paraben, Alcohol, Phthalates, and Soy. Here are the ingredients included:

  • Sodium Gluconate
  • Ascorbic Acid
  • Xanthan Gum
  • Disodium EDTA
  • Glucose
  • Citric Acid
  • Malic Acid
  • Polyquaternium-1
  • Allantoin
  • Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Juice
It worked. And it didn't leave my hair feeling as rough as the Castile soap did. Of course, immediately afterwards, I slathered on some more heavy conditioner and sat under a heat cap for about 15 minutes.

Now, I do know that there are clarifying shampoos that are used for similar purposes, but that straightening treatment was not going to go away without a fight! (On the plus side, I suppose that's great for someone who wants to retain the straight look for as long as possible.)

My curls are back, but my hair is still healing - either from the frequent stripping and washing, or from the temporary straightening product. Thank goodness that I've been taking some Hair, Skin and Nails vitamins. Also, I've been using some really wonderful leave-in conditioners and hair milks.

I'm passing info along about this product because it might be useful. I wish I had thought of looking for such a product right from the start.


Thursday, February 04, 2016

**REVIEW(s)** KeraCare, Marc Anthony, and SheaMoisture

No matter what type of hair we have - kinky, curly, coily, straight, fine, thick, short, or long - we know how frustrating it can be to find products that suit our individual hair care needs.

Speaking for myself, I get to try a lot of products in exchange for doing these reviews, but I also go out hunting on my own sometimes. And I also bag something... One day, I spent a gift card on 8 different hair care products from a local store. Curling creams, styling gels, polishers, conditioners... I ended up taking every last one of them back. Not one of them worked. 

By the way, my name is Trudy, and I am a product junkie.

Naturals be like:
Credit to Elle & Necie at Natural Hair Daily

That might be a bit harsh, actually. I'm not the kind to just try different products out of a bad habit. I just have trouble finding things that work, so I have to do the buy-and-return thing. Often. And, believe me, I have no trouble returning a product that doesn't work for me. (This is why I am starting to be way more careful about ordering things online if I don't already know the brand. More on that later.)

This review is for 3 different products I have recently tried. I have a few different goals when I'm looking at hair products. Since my hair is coarse and damaged, and I wear it relaxer-free, I have problems with moisture retention and breakage. For styling, I like having a gel or curl cream for twisting my hair at night (either bantu-style twists or corn-row twists), so that I have more curl definition during the day. Finally, I like good cleansing and rinse-out conditioners. I will alternate fully shampooing my hair with just massaging in then rinsing out a good conditioner, which is called "co-washing" the hair.

natural hair problems.. funny but true:
Credit to Natural Hair Problems

So far, I have a good shampoo that works well to clean my hair without stripping it. I use J,R. Liggett Moisturizing Shampoo Bar. The only thing I don't like about it is that, if any gets in my eyes, it burns like hellfire. I'd love to find a bar that works as well and doesn't have that kind of effect on the eyes. For conditioning, I have a few different favorites. I like Aussie Moist 3-Minute Miracle Moist for deep conditioning after a shampoo. For co-washing, I use Aussie Moist 7-in-1 conditioner. For deep conditioning with heat, I prefer Elasta QP Ultra Hydration or Cream Cholesteral (by Proclaim) because they are both extremely affordable and effective. The QP comes in such a huge size that I rarely have to stock up. With the Proclaim, I add water and shake the container to thin it out because less works better, plus this gives me a higher yeild of product.

With the cleaning and conditioning covered, what I still needed was somthing to use as 1) a daily leave-in conditioner and, 2) a moisturizing, non-sticky, non-greasy feeling cream for doing my twists. I was hoping for products that would be both affordable and effective, but I was willing to pay more depending on quality.

Recently, I tried out 3 products and am only unhappy with one. Let me back up and say that I am extremely happy with 2 of the products and supremely unhappy with 1 product. (On top of being unhappy with it, I'm irritated at the process required to return it. But, again, more on that in a moment.)

Let's start with the positive.

I found a wonderful daily leave-in conditioner that works even on my dangerously dry hair. It's this one by KeraCare:

The photo from the BeautyClicks page is better than mine...

I love this stuff. It's light, but very, very moisturizing. I only have to use the smallest amount. What I like to do is apply it to the roots of my hair just before I take down my twists. Once I have the twists down, I apply a little more of the KeraCare to any dry spots.

The thing is, KeraCare products are not cheap. This 4oz bottle is around $16. OUCH!!! But - and here is what it took me a minute to figure out - in the long run, it is much cheaper than a higher priced 16oz product I tried. And that is the one product that I loathe...

That right there is from SheaMoisture. Let me say now that SheaMoisture is one of those brands that seems to get a lot of undeserved (IMO) positive hype. Anytime I read something about natural hair, I hear "SheaMoisture is the stuff!" Bullcrap. I think the brand just has great marketing.

That leave-in by SheaMoisture was horrible. It was sticky going on and, after it dried, it felt slighty tacky to the touch. My hair might have been less dry, but I couldn't tell. The worst thing is that the price is crazy expensive for such lackluster results. (To be fair, a lot of folks seem to love SheaMoisture products. This is the second thing I've tried from them and I was underwhelmed both times. The other thing I tried was a small foil pack sample of some curl cream. Yuck. At least I didn't pay for that mess.)

I'm sending the SheaMoisture back (even though that means printing out a return label and praying I didn't toss the box it came in... ~sigh~)

I hate SheaMoisture so much that I don't want to spend anymore time discussing it. So, back to the positive.

The next product is one that I tried for the first time a long while back. I think I got the mostly empty bottle from a family member. There was only a little bit left and I loved it, but had to search for the bottle to get the brand name. It's Curl Envy 24-hour Moisture from the Marc Anthony Strictly Curls line.  At $7.99 for a 4.5oz bottle, this is super affordable. (Side mention: My dumb self, I thought that the singer Marc Anthony owned the line! "Tell me, baby girl, coz I need to know..."

What I love, love, love about this leave-in is that it's perfect for doing my twists at night. Before finding this, I was just spritzing my hair with water at night. That worked great for styling my hair, but it didn't really boost the moisture throughout the night and after I took down the twists. When I use this moisturizer, I have a lot less dryness in the morning. My routine now is to spritz my hair with water, add a little bit of this product, then do my twists. I can really feel the difference in the elasticity of my hair when I'm doing the twists. There so much less breakage and pulling. LOVE it. 

                                                 28 of Our Favorite Natural Hair Memes | Black Girl with Long Hair:

While I also love the KeraCare, I have to say that I think that the results are a bit similar with the Curl Envy. The KeraCare moisture lasts longer, but... At the price, I can always afford more Curl Envy.

So that's the rundown on a few products I've been trying out. I will try to come back and update this when I've used the KeraCare and Curl Envy for a longer period of time. Also, a friend of mine saw a leave-in by Dr. Miracle when she was at WalMart. She said she thought it would be something good for me to review so she picked up a bottle to give me. Isn't that sweet? Anyway, I will do a review of it when I've tested these other products for a while. 


**RE-POST** From the Archives of 2006

Image result for email
some emails really are funny
(This is an OLD post - from way back on FRIDAY, JUNE 30, 2006 It was from an viral email titled  "For My Lady Blogger Buddies" and I got it from one of my sisters-in-law. It's still funny, and I needed something to post on the blog today! Enjoy...

Okay - and the guys too. Anyone who wants to laugh. No post today, so enjoy this. It was given to me yesterday when I went to lunch with my office family. I'm surprised we weren't kicked out of the place. I'm not sure who wrote it, but YOU WILL LAUGH. (It's a little long...)

CAUTION: Be prepared to laugh out loud!

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.
It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.


So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my "honey pot" and stretching down to the inside of my ass cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. OH NO! What have I done???!!! Another deep breath and RRIIP! P!! Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. WHAT?! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, my "man magnet". Which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.

Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. My

LIFE FLASHES BEFORE ME!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. Kooter? Sealed shut! Ass?? Sealed shut! Both sealed tighter than

Fort Knox!!!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to Shit! My head may, quite frankly, just pop off!"

What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!!

I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? WRONG!!!!!!!

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your ass and nether regions glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!!

God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter -

"So girlfriend, my ass and "kitty" are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking your ass and crotch?" She must be reveling in humor and wantsme to repeat it for her enjoyment.

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your "man hole" girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on my cooch, and

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend.

It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.

"IT WORKS!! It works!!"

I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!! Looking like an Osama Bin Laden gotee!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color.....

Now that's funny ........ Notttttttttt.
Hope this made your day (or night) a bit nicer. Smiles can do that.