My (New) Life Adjustment

Living with a disability is challenging in ways other people understand and in ways they don't. Living with an invisible disability has its own special challenges. I like a challenge. Most times.

I have learned various "workarounds" to deal with my cognitive and physical problems. As a matter of fact, I don't even like calling my issues "problems" Let's just call them challenges.

My physical challenges are easier to deal with. I know what I can and can no longer do. The new twist to this is that I have recently relocated to another state and will, for the first time in almost 8 years, be living on my own. When I lived in a household with a roommate or family, I had a lot more support for daily living obstacles that I never really thought much about. Now that I am looking for an apartment here in my new town, I am forced to consider a variety of challenges from new angles.

Getting out and around is going to work differently. When I was living in Anchorage, I knew the streets and basic locations of my personal "landmarks". Because my brain seems to work strangely, there were times when even driving to the most familiar of places (think Walmart on the other side of town) required orienting myself before starting the trip. On a good day, this only required plotting out the route in my head (Get on Old Seward, head towards the church, turn left onto Lake Otis, head down Tudor., etc.) and along the way, I'd make sure to keep track of where I was so I didn't get off route (going past my doctor's office meant I'd missed my turn onto Tudor). On a great day, I didn't miss any turns and have to re-route myself.

Other people are able to use their Google Maps navigation. I can do that too except I might have to pull over to pay attention to the directions because it's hard for me to listen to the instructions while actually driving. Crazy, I know. It's also a little embarrassing. So I find it easier to "self-plot" routes.

Also, I could understand North from South and East from West. Of course. I'd lived in Anchorage for most of my adult life.

Now that I am here in my new town (thankfully a very small town!), I am staying with family while I wait for my application to go through on an apartment. My brother and sister and law have told me that I am more than welcome to use their vehicle anytime I want. I've told them they might want to reconsider that offer. If you think it's embarrassing losing my way in a town I spent over 50 years in, just imagine getting lost in a tiny spot where nothing is more than 5 minutes away from anything else.

Out of my price range for 3 lifetimes!

Yesterday while riding around with my nephew (who has a learner's permit and must be accompanied by a licensed driver), he realized that he had a band practice. He wanted to know if I could drop him off at his school and make my way home okay.

Uh... Probably not. Not only was I still recovering from a weekly medication, but I was just a little bit lost. I had a vague idea of which direction home was, but I wasn't completely sure. So we ended up going home and getting my other nephew (also in possession of only a learner's permit) to do the drop-off.

I can't describe how frustrating this all is. Pre-Slip, I would have been able to make my way around this town on the first day here. Knowing where I was wouldn't matter because I'd have been able to reason out the directions by following a grid or just finding my way back to the street my family lives on. I no longer have that ability or confidence. I've got memories of once getting lost and having a mild panic/anxiety attack while on my way to a doctors appointment. The same doctor in the same location I've been going to for years!

So.

This is where I want to live
Not exciting, but location is everything

I've decided that I probably will not own a car again until I get better. The apartment that I am applying to live in is income restricted and for seniors only. It's situated beautifully in the most convenient downtown location - close to shopping, banking, and leisure. Thank Jesus and please pray that I get in. Half my stress about living solo will be erased if I can get a spot in that building. I won't have to depend on having a car to do most of my necessary business and it will be hard to get lost if I leave my apartment.

Should I have to move into my second or third choice of an apartment, I will be out of walking distance to grocery stores and my bank. That means I will need to rely on family or the special transportation provided for people like myself. Or that I will have to get a car.

Managing daily living is going to also be easier should I get the apartment I prefer. Because shopping is closer, I will be able to get groceries and other necessities at my own pace. Being able to buy as I need things (versus stocking up) will be easier on my budget. The biggest plus is that I will be getting regular exercise in small, daily doses. Even when my balance is off, I can manage short distances. Back in Anchorage, there was no need even thinking about walking to the grocery store - too far away and the route isn't pedestrian-friendly - and the closest convenience store is too pricey. Here, there is a discount grocery literally around the corner from where the apartment is. The bank I joined is directly across the street, there is a Woolworth-type mercantile a block away, and I the streets are very pedestrian-friendly - even for the elderly and physically challenged. There's even a library and church within walking distance.

Praying, dealing with it all, and just living are my immediate goals. Yes, I am out of my routine of many years, but I want to focus on getting healthy and whole again. I want to enjoy this journey - no matter how rocky and precarious it can sometimes be. All that means is that I have to be life-adjustment ready. I am. With God's help, I truly am.

Peace
--Free

Employment Hope for the Disabled

I'm a very happy chick this weekend. Even though the temps have dropped and it looks like winter is going to be here for the full stay (no early spring for us!), the sun in my world is starting to peek out.

A lot of my blog posts in the past couple years (maybe most of them) have referenced my disability. I like to think of it as "this damn sarc". Other than the physical damage the sarc has caused, it's also beat hell out of my esteem. I probably had the disease lurking for years before it put me in the hospital. For two and a half years, I haven't been able to function at my normal abilities. For a while, I couldn't walk without running into walls and there were times I couldn't remember my name. The time I spent not able to drive was bad but the worst thing was not being able to work.

Most people who are temporarily out of work find other ways to use their time. I couldn't do much of anything that required being able to concentrate for more than five minutes at a time. Even writing a simple blog post took hours.

A few months back, I told my doctors that I really wanted to try getting back into the workforce. If I could find work I could actually perform. If my sarc remained stable under treatment. If I wasn't terrified of relapsing or losing the ability to continue treatments. A lot of ifs, a lot of fear and anxiety.

I can't be the only person in this situation, so I want to share news that there is some hope for us. I don't want to get specific because I only know about my personal situation. Let me give some general suggestions for other disabled people to start finding hope:

• Check with a local Vocational Rehabilitation office. See if they offer the services you need to get back to work.
• If you are receiving the government disability benefits that you earned, check on having those benefits analyzed. A Benefits Analyst can outline your options for returning to work and maintaining insurance until you are fully recovered. 
• If you don't know where to begin in finding a voc rehab agency or Benefits Analyst, contact your hospital for help finding a social worker or anyone else who can assist you.
• Ask, ask, ask. If you are receiving any kind of benefits or assistance from any agency, trust me, those folks want to help get you back on your feet.
• Be polite, be sincere when reaching out for help. People really do seem to want to help folks who truly do want help. (I have some angels in my social networks who were encouraging to me from the very beginning. You all know exactly who you are. By the way, I love you!)
• You might get discouraged, but don't stay discouraged. If you run into a wall (not literally!) when trying to find information, just go another route.
• Contact hospitals, clinics, local and federal assistance agencies. Even try asking your doctors. (I lucked out in getting caring physicians.)
• Local assistance and programs vary by state, but you can easily check out help via federal programs.)
• People out there don't always share what they know. You may have to ask around.

Like I said, I don't want to go into specifics about my situation, but I will say that I have had a lot of my fears addressed. Not only are people helping me determine what kind of employment I'm currently suitable for, they are going to help me gain employment. 

For all the griping folks do sometimes about our government, I've learned that, as a disabled person, I'm very lucky to live in America. 

So. Hopefully, before this year is over, I will be able to gripe about driving to work in crappy weather. I look forward to it.

Peace

--Free