When I Buy a Blanket

So.... now that I am here (you know, the place that I call M.M. - "Mayberry of the Midwest"), I am kind of falling in love with the area. Just like in any relationship, I don't want to fall too hard too fast, but...

The waterfall behind an old mill house

From a walk through the neighborhood

Love the trees that are everywhere

...And I mean everywhere!

And then I found THIS at the store. Yum.

A walnut. Yes. From a tree in my family's yard.

About 7 bucks for this humongous fish sammich

Just a sight I had to photograph as we went on a drive

Not every place is right for every person (no-brainer, right?), but every place is right for some person(s). From the minute I saw the landscape below from the window of the plane, I started having feelings for what I was seeing. Good feelings, calm feelings, hopeful feelings.

So far, I've seen soybean fields, cornfields, animal pastures... I even saw deer playing in a park.

My first full night here, I think I had the best sleep that I've had in years. And I only slept in bits and pieces. I kept waking up to go and sit out in the fresh air and sounds of a peaceful night. I listened to a stillness that I haven't been in the company of for a long time. I had little chats with God. I even had a little chat with a squirrel that was playing in a nearby tree. (Actually, I only chatted with him after my heart quit hammering. The little booger was playing so furiously in the tree that I imagined some big and scary thing was about to drop down on my head!)

This morning, I introduced myself to the cadence of the town - which cycles from slow, deep breathing to that which is slower and more shallow; I met and struck up acquaintances with  some of the streets and sights. I learned that not much is open before 7am. (Last night I figured out from the sudden silence that not much is open or moving after 8pm.)

Today, my brain is still tired and trying to adjust to the time and calm. I thought that my body was bone-tired, but I realized a few minutes ago that it's just trying to re-calibrate from too much stress to this feeling of being detoxed. It's very weird.

Because I've had my hopes dashed before - more than 'dashed', maybe more like soaked and beaten against rocks like so much dirty laundry - I'm cautious with my expectations. When I'm ready to accept that this really might be the place for me, I'll go and buy coffeepot. Maybe I'll even buy a plant.

I'll know that I'm ready to settle in when I go and buy a blanket. Right now, I'm working on just breathing.

Peace
--Free

Rambles

(Let's face it, I have nothing else to post about until I get my reviews going again! So... Welcome to a ramble of my thoughts.)

I woke up this morning feeling so good for the first time in such a long time. Funny enough, I had trouble recognizing the way I felt.

The coming of fall season matches the way I feel: a shedding and preparation for renewal. With that in mind, here are my random rambles for the morning:

• If you want a positive life, you must embrace as much good stuff as you can (and let go of the negative). Even when the negative thought of hitting someone below the belt sounds positive. 
• I've spent the past year or more shedding bad habits and bad relationships. And weight. Let's not forget the pounds I've shed. Mostly my own, but...
• I want to grow a garden. I once killed a cactus. I still want to try gardening.
• It's so adorable when Baby DJ calls me "Boo-Boo". Except when it's late and I'm exhausted. It's still kind of cute when he says it again but in a really sweet whisper because he senses I'm getting tired of it. I never get tired of that.
• I'm going to miss going to sleep with sun in my eyes. Unless this "vacation" out of state convinces me to RUN! Run right back to Alaska!
• One of the reasons I stayed off Facebook for so long might have to do with the games. Now that I'm on there (ahem, just for posting reviews...), I have spent too much time manipulating exploding cookies and gems and bubbles. 
• My new dietary habits have finally stuck. I didn't have my usual servings of water and fruits & veggies yesterday and I could tell by the time I went to bed. 
• Coming up with ideas for blog posts is touch when you get out the groove. Pictures help jazz up the duller posts. Pictures help a lot.

Want this t-shirt

But I'm NOT from Fairbanks

I wonder if my Texas fam would mind?

Peace
--Free

Annoyed by Advertising

As I am packing up, I spend lots of time watching shows on either Netflix or Hulu. Netflix is my favorite because I get to watch my shows ad-free. Hulu... Well, I wonder sometimes why I even bother to watch anything on Hulu. For one thing, they have this annoying habit of asking which ad I'd prefer viewing. Seriously? I'd prefer not having to use the Page Reload trick to skip the usual 5 commercials they show.

Are there ads that I don't mind? Sure. I liked the one with the little girl "driving" from the backseat while her dad does donuts in a parking lot. I liked it. The first twenty times I saw it. When I see it now, I find that adorable little girl to be an irritating brat I never want to see again.

I'm not just annoyed with TV ads. I hate almost any kind of advertising.

whatev

The worst advertisements are the ones that so clearly misrepresent the service of whatever company they hype. Capital One? Yeah, I want them in my wallet until I'm two days late with a payment. Bank of America? Well, they might want to sell themselves as a giant of customer service, but I've seen first-hand how lousy they are at employee relations... Such a joke.

Whenever Jennifer Aniston comes on to tell us how Aveeno is her secret weapon of beauty, I want to ask for a notarized statement of truth about the photoshop and makeup artists that are hiding behind the backdrop. Come on now. There's nothing wrong with a little vanity, but when you are lying to your fans about your "natural" beauty, I start seeing visions of Diane Keaton's and Ellen's un-photoshopped pics. Fight the battle of the wrinkles in the front lines next to me, but stop lying about your results.

Then there is the ad for some car. The prospective customer is hesitating over his purchase until he recalls all the good deals he's missed out on his life: dumping some now-famous actress because she was ugly; skipping out on the Twitter start-up because he didn't understand the 140 character idea... So, yeah, he better jump right on buying this new car. That's so stupid, all I can do is shake my head. The girl was an investment in love, the start-up was an investment in finances. The car? That's going to lose value the minute you get your car keys from the dealer.

Is it that ad agencies are lazy? Or do they just realize most of us pay only the most minor attention to anything we see or hear?

Tell you what, I was fascinated when someone took screen shots of all the fine print shown in minuscule font at the bottoms of most ads. I still needed to wear two pairs of glasses to see the enlarged shots of those. Once I saw them, I realized I'd need a top attorney, a linguistics expert and an inside man from Madison Avenue to interpret the fine print.

Why not just advertise what you're selling without all the lies, hoopla and spin? Just tell me that the candy tastes good. I don't need to believe it's going to make me see psychedelic colors or swim across the moon. I just want to know whether it's chocolate or not, does or does not have nuts, and maybe if I can buy it in a multi-pack or singles. If you're selling makeup, I only need to know if it's got sunscreen and what shades it comes in. Laundry soap: with bleach or without?

Car commercials are the most outrageous. Apparently, car companies are selling way more than a machine that goes forward, backwards and stops. I guess it's not a "car" if it doesn't talk to you or entertain you. Oh, and don't forget that any decent car must inspire drivers to play music inspired by Motown or 80's teen movies so that people pulling up alongside in traffic will want to dance and sing along with you and your car. Huh?

And what's with the people in the commercials? Where are all the folks that I can relate to? I've never seen people so happy to do dishes, laundry or other chores as the ones who appear in commercials. If we believe advertising, all our homes are full of light and sunshine and families who are nicely and neatly dressed enough to, well, appear in another ad.

Even the sort-of-cute ads by the popular nighttime cold medicine was a laughable jab at my self-esteem. You know the one - it showed people getting such a good night sleep that they were (supposedly) unconcerned with the way they looked. Yeah. Out of five or six people, there was one seriously real-life looking chick. She must have really had a cold at the time she filmed. The others - hah! - they could have been models for a pin-up calendar called "Sick and Sexy". (I might need to work on that title, but you get what I mean.)

I'm so sick of commercials now that, as I'm packing, I get the most stuff done the minute I hear an advertisement begin.

Maybe when ad agencies realize that they are starting to get stale with their "new and fresh" approach, they will just get back to basics. We really only need to know 3 things about any product: what it is, how much it costs, where we can buy it. Otherwise, it's all "adverse-tising".

I'm dreaming into a worm hole if I think even one advertiser gives a whit what I think. But, um, isn't that the whole point of their existence?

Peace
--Free

Reunion of the Youngest

I have a younger brother. We are not the youngest of six siblings, we are also most alike in temperament. We have both lived lives that have soared too high and dropped too low. Now, in our more mature years, we may have the chance to share some years of balance and calm.

My "little" brother (who towers over me), is a gently soul. When he tried to live a life hidden in other people's dreams, he soared. When he tried to live a life that he thought he wanted, and found it so contrary to what his heart is meant for, he dropped.

His life and mine have been so similar, yet wildly different. We've flown, and not been happy; we began falling from the heights, and still felt lost. When we hit ground, we had the humility to look to God. We've been rescued and redeemed; picked up and dusted off. We are here.

Soon, God willing, I will be living near my little brother again. We've made it through everything to find ourselves as grown-up versions of the children we used to be.

It's such a beauty and a blessing.

I was watching out for my little brother...

This time, my "little" brother is the one honoring our parents by watching out for me. Thanks, bro.

Peace
--Free

Pack and Go Life

I just had to stop what I was doing and write this post.

While apartment hunting, I began de-cluttering my life. I didn't realize how much useless "stuff" I've been packing around the past few years.

When I owned a home, I had closets and pantries and storage space to spare. And I did everything I could to keep them filled up to over-flowing. After selling the first house and moving to Arizona into another (smaller) home, I still had too much stuff. Stuff I didn't wear, use or eat. Just stuff to fill spaces.

When I left Arizona and moved into my first apartment ever, I didn't have much with me. It was nice. It would have been heavenly if the rest of my life had been as de-cluttered and orderly.

Finally, when I returned to Alaska and back into a family home, I began my accumulation of, yep, more Stuff. Clothes and knick-knacks and trinkets and decorations. I carried a lot of it with me into my current situation.

Now that I am looking at moving into smaller accommodations, I'm getting rid of all that is unnecessary. I expected to feel some sense of loss or emptiness but, I'm shocked at how renewed I feel. There is a feeling of freedom and lightness that I don't think I have ever known.

When everything that has led up to my current move began, I felt frustrated and angry. Lord knows, I don't need the stress of a move in the middle of the chaos that is my life at the moment. I had a week or so of just being pissed off and anxious.

Then, like at every other needful time in my life, God stepped in. In the middle of what I like to call "my personal storm," He sent a blessing of peace and calmness. People who don't believe in a personal Savior will be shaking their heads and tsk-tsking this, but I know what's true.

Today, while I was packing and sorting things, and making runs to drop things off at Salvation Army, my anxieties ebbed and faded. In my heart, I felt so much quiet and stillness that I had to just stop and say, "Thank You."

As for the future, I am planning to practice what I call a "pack and go life." It applies to objects, people and possessions - both spiritual and material:

• What I don't need, I won't have.
• What doesn't feed and nourish me, I don't need.
• What doesn't simplify or ease the way for me, I will avoid.
• What doesn't bless or inspire me can't take up space.

Growing up, I was taught that everything happens for its own reasons - even if we can't see or understand or agree with those reasons. In times of trouble, I always doubt that, but it's always proved true in the end for me.

I hope that anyone else who is dealing with their own struggles right now will find this kind of calmness and peacefulness. Those are the only things we should ever try owning in this life.

Peace

--Free