Faked Out by Television

I was feeling pretty down this past few days. It's my own fault. I have been spending too much time out of my own head and into the often-false reality of television and the internet.

If you ever want to feel like crap, spend a solid weekend watching something like "Criminal Minds" or any other show that focuses on the worst of society but has heroes that are uber-attractive, fit as mules, and so smart they can think in hyper-speed.

Seriously. I have never seen women bounce back from pregnancy and go straight into size-2 mode in under 5 episodes. Once, one of the agents had a baby in one episode, was on leave for maybe 1 or 2 episodes and came back the next episode with the body of a perfectly hormonally balanced 16-year-old. I take that back. There are 16-year-olds who don't look that good during summer vacation when they are well-rested and not stressed by jobs, serious responsibilities, or studies.

The women are usually lots hotter-looking than the men, but those men... They are it-factor attractive even when not actually face-on attractive. That's because their clothes always fit well and they stride around with that big-d*** attitude of the subtlely narcissistic. Excuse my filthy mouth, but that's was the best way to describe things...

Anyway. Back to my feeling inadequate and ugly.

(By the way, that meme right there is funny but... true story: I once screwed up my twists and had to walk around looking crazy this one day! Actually, I've done it more than once...)

~sigh~

 
It probably didn't help that I spent the weekend not feeling well, laying on the couch in raggedy PJs and eating like someone who had to forage at Big Lots for food. Looking at those beautiful agents with their fearless swagger, I hated my dry hair, dry skin, and my too-long, and unpainted toenails. I actually avoided looking toward the mirror whenever I went into the bathroom. Who needs that kind of a downer?

I think my favorite character on "Criminal Minds" is Spencer. That's because he's a guy so I'm not hating him for his hair, flat tummy, or thigh gap. But the way he thinks faster than Superman flies... Come on now, people. I get that the writers have to get from plot start to finish in a short amount of time but between Spencer's hyper-brain and Penelope's impossibly efficient computer skills, I start doubting my right to walk around unattended.

The episode that took the profiler image way into the superhuman league was the one where Agent Morgan was being tortured by some tough guys. First of all, let's just talk about how the actor playing Morgan is so gorgeous I would never want him to love me. What crazy woman wants to stand next to a man who looks prettier than she does? Morgan couldn't manage to look ugly even when the bad guys were pouring that molten burning stuff down the center of his chest. And he manages to mind-flip himself into a parallel state of mind to not just get through but to outsmart all the bad guys and survive. He even looked good lying on the stretcher three breaths away from meeting Jesus.

Speaking of Morgan, let's talk about his platonic work wife. Have you seen Penelope working her computer? I don't care what federal agency she works for, I am not sure that there's any real-life tech station like hers. She can have 9 different things happening on once screen and find a killer 6 states away with only 2 clues and 5 minutes before someone dies. Yet, we still don't know who killed Tupac in the middle of the Vegas strip? Okay.

If I were one of the people doing the job of those Criminal Mind profilers, it would be a whole different vibe. For one thing, I am pretty sure my hair would never be decent. Between maintaining a relationship, kids, and anything else outside of catching and surviving bad guys, I'd probably spend the other 2 hours of my life trying to do laundry and wash dishes. There'd hardly be any time left for visits with the therapist. And I would most definitely not be trotting around in those slick black runway-for-the-working-girl outfits. I'd have jeans for each day of the week, shoes that I could run in without creeling over and breaking an ankle, and I don't think I'd be wearing my cutest bra and undies around such crazy killers. We won't even talk about the last time I could tuck a blouse in without looking slightly bloated. Guys, I just depressed myself to tears.

I'm fussing and complaining but I will be back for another binge-watch the next time I am on my sickbed. Hopefully, by then, I will have rebuilt a little of my self-esteem. I will try to at least have something healthier than pizza and strawberry soda for snacking.

UPDATE:

If you know me, you know that I would NEVER agree with probably 99.999% of anything a Trump would say. However... There may be a little something to his "fake news" ranting. Or at least celebrities and social media "influencers" faking us out. I happened to run across this very fun video by my new favorite YouTuber. (This young man reminds me so much of one of my nephews that it scares me a little!) Enjoy this one:

Now, don't you feel a little more beautiful in your glorious and infiltered body??? I feel downright gorgeous.

Peace
--Free

I am the most beautiful girl in the world.

To my 7-year-old nephew, I am. And you are beautiful too
because you & I live with no filters.