(REPOST) On a Personal Note

(I am re-posting this one because I was just reminded of how powerful depression is. I don't want anyone to ever think they are "the only one" or that they cannot come through this. Life is full of trials. If you suffer from depression or any other mental troubles, see a doctor. Call a hotline. Reach out. Do something other than giving in to the darkness.)

I've been doing so many product reviews that it's been a long while since I shared anything else here. With spring peeking into the windows of my apartment, my depression is easing and I thought I could talk about that struggle.

It's a serious business, dealing with depression and anxiety. It's even more serious (for me at least) as you age. When I was in my 30's, I could ward off "the blues" by focusing on family and friends. We always had a gaggle of babies and toddlers around and my mother and sister were still here with me. Now, I feel quite alone. Here's the contradiction: I am a loner by nature. I like being alone. My best friend is the same way. We once lived together for 5 months and were perfectly happy spending at max about 20 minutes a day together. She says that we are able to entertain ourselves with our own thoughts and imaginations. Blessing and curse.

The other day, I found myself wanting to get on a plane and get to Arizona as fast as possible. I have some family here, but Arizona is where the babies are. The smile and trust of a baby is a magical, mysterious kind of medicine. Babies don't care about your past. They don't ask you tough questions about the mistakes you made. Babies don't know that you've ruined marriages and relationships. Even older children - the ones who have only ever seen the you that you are now - don't want to talk about what you did wrong to be alone. They just want to be your friend. They want you to be their protection. They want your hugs and bedtime stories and attention.

Of course, I didn't run off to Arizona. Instead, I locked myself in with my plants and the radio and books. I prayed and cried and apologized to my past. I cooked food that I wasn't hungry for. I made bread and cakes that I gave away to my neighbors. I lay in bed and ached with a craving for I know not what. I scolded myself and I talked to God, making promises and asking questions and listening for answers,

When I get really deep down in the darkest blue of these moods, I will aim my pity outwards - but in a mean and backhanded way. I will talk to the muted screen of the TV, preaching to the seemingly morals-free and happy living people I see there. 

...To the girls with their asses hanging out of shorts and lips twisted up for duck-faced selfies: "You life-wasting piece of ignorance."

...To the celebrities parading their wealth and extravagance: "Really? You needed a diamond that large when there are hungry children in the world?" 

...To the product spokespeople: "Keep your iPhones and Androids and your supplements for a flat tummy. Sell me some peace, some quiet, some hope in mankind."

And, sometimes, while I watch the world spin around in the madness that is, I feel hopeless. I will silently scream into the void, and wonder if that scream is heard in another realm.

While living through this insanity, I at some point, found myself asking some actress in an old black and white movie about my theory of sadness. "Why is it that our laughter is so much louder than our tears?" (By the way, she didn't have an answer. She got killed by the man she was in love with but who was in love with another woman.)

I usually come out of the worst of this mood after talking to the TV. There's nothing like talking aloud in empty rooms to make you look down and realize how close to the edge of madness you are. When pieces of your sanity start to break off and crumble down the mountain, you begin to remember how you cherish the safety of the steady ground. That's when I will stop talking to myself and start playing music.

Music is powerful - either powerfully good or powerfully bad. When David played for Saul it was to soothe. David - loved by and in love with the Lord - had that holy blessing that Saul no longer did. The music was his sharing of a balm.

I never listen to certain music when I am in my blues. No Bird York reminding me of being In the Deep. Otis Redding making me lonesome for my father's history with his Sitting On The Dock Of The Bay on the dock. Such stuff but stuff that tempts me back to the gravelly edge of my sanity. 

When I need healing, I listen to Dora Pickett singing James Cleveland's God Is or Big Daddy Weave singing about being (thank Jesus) Redeemed. These are people - with all their flaws and, surely, their own hidden struggles - who are loved by and in love with God. They have blessings in their songs.

I, too, am (thank Jesus) loved by and in love with God, but in my darker hours, I need that holy balm. Music is like the laying on of hands - God's or Satan's. (Trust me, you don't want to listen to the angry anthems such as Tupac's Holla If Ya Hear Me or Fight the Power from Public Enemy after reading a news piece of another black kid being choked out by a cop. And, if you still doubt the power of music, think of how many babies were conceived while their parents got warmed up by Marvin sing about Gettin' It On. When Beth Hart sings Tell Her You Belong to Me, I want to sit in the dark with a glass of wine, smoking a cigarette, and cry about some imaginary man. Powerful.

Some music. A lot of prayers. Just desperately holding on to the hem of Jesus' garment to keep from falling... That's how I push through.

So, I am coming out of the dark. This time. Like I said, spring has been leaking in between the slats of my window blinds. Sun and hope. Warmth.

Spring is my favorite time of year. Probably because I lived so many years in Alaska. Spring has always, always, always felt like the dawn that comes after the long night of winter.

In another few weeks, I will have more plants and herbs to calm myself with. I will be able to walk down to the lake and breathe in air that's not biting me with icy teeth.

Once again, I have come through the struggle and I have regained the ability to hope. Maybe this will be the season that I will fall in love, or in like. Maybe this is the season that I will be able to finish working on the book. Maybe is a good word because 'maybe' does not mean 'never".

Peace
--Free

Angering the Hormone Fairy

 No kidding. Either I really have ticked off the hormone fairy or my inner child has escaped again. Or - and this scares me a little - the Mental Pause Fairy is back to visit.

I knew something was up when I was more sweaty than usual. It's humid here so "sweat" is the new normal. But this was excessive, especially one day when I realized I had not sweated so much since a certain Mother's Day I spent in Phoenix. For the past several days, I have either been too hot or too cold; too chatty or too leave-me-the-hell-alone-y, and either crying at every minimally sad thing I see or laughing until I cannot breathe. 

I took out my garbage the other day and noticed that someone had tossed a bunch of household items - seat cushions, ratty Tupperware, and some old-man clothing. I broke into tears right there next to the dumpster because I decided that another of my elderly neighbors had died. That happens too much in this building and it's heartbreaking to watch families discarding their loved ones' things.

So maybe my menopause has only been in hibernation? I thought I was over "The Change" but maybe not? Maybe my sarcoidosis triggered something? Or the medications? That could be. 

A couple of weeks ago, I went through a horrible bout of feeling all out of sorts. My fatigue was raging, my brain went haywire, and I was super-clumsy. I had to do a lot of re-posting of old stuff because I could not string together more than 5 sentences - out of my mouth or on paper. Not being able to communicate is tough.

The worst thing about my problem in communicating clearly is that my very best friend in this life happens to be struggling with some kind of dementia. She's almost 80 but was so sharp until recently. Of course, I still call her a couple of times a week - that will never not be a thing - but... Our conversations are like a verbal Picasso or Escher creation. 

Ever since I was diagnosed with sarc, I try to be super-aware of my moods. I'm already temperamental and have crazy cat lady tendencies at times.  That's not fun for other people. So when I am being really weird, I make every attempt to keep to myself. I don't even like to be around my loved ones when I am feeling "some kind of way". It's not good for relationships of any kind.

The other day, I got so mad at one of my brothers that I felt nearly homicidal. The feeling only lasted for about 5 minutes, but so do some cyclones. And it was all over a fan. Yes, a fan.

I have a ceiling fan in the living room and in the bedroom. My apartment holds heat as if it's the center of the world's climate crisis. I don't spend a lot of time in the living room. I might sit there to watch something that happens to look better on the television than it does on the small screen of my laptop. But I'm not big on watching television so I spend most of my time in the bedroom. My writing desk is in there and, of course, the bed. The ceiling fan in the bedroom is decent - if you position yourself right dead-center underneath.  I don't sleep in that position. For that reason, I have a tower fan that stays next to the bed. 

My tower fan is so important to me that I made sure to get one that looks nice. Since it's going to be there until I move or die. I've had it since-

hold on while I check the buy-date on Amazon

-about 7 days after I moved into this place. So 4 years come July.

I run that fan all night every night, no matter the season. After so much use, it's starting to slow down. It doesn't cool the air as well or blow as hard as it once did. I've always cleaned it pretty regularly with those magic duster things and canned air but that's no longer doing the job.

Because my brother has a shop vac, I asked if he could take the fan home and blow it out for me. That was on a Monday. By Wednesday, I called to ask if he'd blown out the fan yet. No. He didn't want to simply blow it out. He wanted to take it apart and oil it and make sure that it was really clean.

I know my brother. He so much like my dad and was going to become a NASA project manager of cleaning that fan. I might not see that fan again until the Lord returns.

To speed things up, I told my brother not to worry about taking the fan apart. Just blow it out and bring it back. Please, I begged.

Thursday, I called my SIL and found out that my brother had indeed taken the fan apart. He was in the process of cleaning it but wanted to make sure to oil it well and, while he's at it, replace a couple of the scr-

I think I must have burst a blood vessel at that moment because I saw a flash of bright white light. People say that you cannot do a "slam down" hangup on a cell phone. I disagree. I hit the End button so hard that I hurt my finger.

I guess my SIL relayed all this to my brother because he had the fan back in the next couple of hours. 

Am I ashamed of my childish and entitled behavior? Over a fan? Yes, yes, I am. Will that stop me from acting like a crazy woman the next time I get irritated? It's going to depend on these hormones.

And, ladies - I'm talking to any of you who still have a working uterus - here's something you might not know: the process known as "The Change"? That can go on for many years. Many. Years. 

I had been told this once but I guess I forgot. It's not a simple one-step process, the whole Menopause thing. (They should, by the way, use my term "Mental Pause".) There are 3 stages and 4 categories to this madness. I'm pretty sure the categories are similar to those of hurricanes. I don't know, but the stages? 

1. Perimenopause  - I hit this at around 52 years old - after I thought I had hit it at 50. Scary to think I could have still gotten knocked up at that point in my life - especially because of the spouse I was with. 
2. Menopause - This is your last period. And you won't know that - until you don't have another one.
3. Postmenopause - This is it. You are done. At least, I thought so. Apparently, my hot flashes haven't met the doctors who claim I should be done with hot flashes. Or flashes of cranky and of crazy. Apparently.

Those 4 stages? I call them the Ghosts of Past, Present, and Future.

Am I happy to be without the worry of monthly periods? Yes, of course. But no one told me that for the first several months of not having a period could be so weird. For one thing, I still had cramps. And I still felt nauseous. It was as if my body did not want to let go of the misery of having a period.

Anyway.  Since I seem to be having some of the symptoms of this hormonal madness, I went back to some of the remedies for it. I am drinking more water, I am trying my best to stay in bed for at least 8 hours - even if I'm not sleeping. I also try to eat more yogurt and tofu. Someone told me that soy would help during menopause and I think it did. I can't remember now. But I did pull out this old cooling pillow from storage...

Last night before bed, I took extra care with my prayers. I asked for more patience. For my friends and family so they don't kill me while I'm like this. 

Peace-

Free

(Repost) My Beautiful & Silly Family: The Ladies

 (I am continuing with these repostings until I get new ones written. I told you I didn't want this blog to be all about reviews and nothing but. This is one from June of 2019 that I love because it has to do with the people I love: my sisters - of the bloodline or of the heart. I hope it makes you smile a little.)

(One of my play nieces told me that it would be cool if I put up a video for each post. Sounded cool. Go support an artist.)

I can NOT dance but I fell in love with Kinjaz & Jabbawockeez

after seeing the Jabbas' "Dreamz" show in Vegas. 

The choreographer for this performance

 is Keone. He and his wife are some badass dancers.

Today I feel especially blessed to have such a wonderful family. I mean, don't get me wrong, I have some family that I am embarrassed to claim, but... family is family and I could have done worse.

say "Cheese"

I think that the one thing my family has been blessed with is a sense of humor. The women in the family are definitely funnier than the guys, in my opinion.

This morning, I was talking with one of my nieces who still lives in Alaska. We talk almost every other day. She drives me crazy, I drive her crazy, and we love each other to pieces. She is also one of the funniest people I know. When I was telling her about the little mayflies that swarm around the back entrance of the building I live in, she teased that I was missing the Alaskan mosquitos. I asked if they were already getting bad up there this season. Her response: "One of them is knocking on my car window right now."

One time not too many years ago, this niece and I were at Walmart (as we were just about every other day) and somehow we got onto the subject of cheese (don't ask) and how many different varieties there were. She started goofing around and saying the word "cheese" with an accent somewhere between classy and drunk. I cracked up every time she said it until people around us probably were wondering if they needed to call Security. We carried on like that for at least half an hour because giggles never get old.

I have another niece who is just as hilarious. I always love to hear her tell about the first time she went to meet her then fiance's family. His whole entire family was there - from a great-grandmother down to a pre-teen cousin. It was a family get-together kind of situation and even though my niece is used to large gatherings because of our family, she was still nervous. I mean, this is the family of the love of her life, right? At dinner, my niece was glad to see that apparently, her future family-in-law could cook good food. Eating would give her something to do other than be nervous and she dug right in, picking up a dinner roll and dipping it into some gravy. She tells how, just as she had her mouth full with the first bite, she realized how quiet it had gotten. She looked up to see that everyone was waiting for her to join hands with them and say grace. She says the worst part was she had to finish chewing before she could join in. She and her husband are still together all these years later.

My other niece - who is the mother to that little piece of my heart that I call DJ - tends to have a potty mouth. She and her family were still in Alaska when I was about to move here. In the weeks before I left, I would remind my niece to watch her mouth in front of DJ and warned that he would start to repeat her swear words at the worst possible time. She was a stressed mom of two, trying to hold down the wife gig while working parttime in real estate. She was not doing well with cleaning up her language. I was over storing some of my things in their garage one day when I hear DJ getting scolded for something. I was too busy to pay much attention but when I went into the house, he ran over to me, just sobbing his little heart out. When I asked what was wrong (because I'm the fun lovable aunt this time around) he admitted to whatever bad thing he'd done. To quiet him down, I told him there was no reason to be so upset. These are the exact words he said to me in a very earnest voice: "Uh huh because when daddy gets home, he's gonna tear my ass up." I know I am a strong-willed woman because I managed not to fall out on the spot laughing. My niece heard for herself and couldn't deny that she was famous for using that threat. By the way, DJ's dad is a big old softie who only has to use his "daddy voice" to enforce the rules. My niece did learn a lesson that day though.

You've heard me talk about my sister. She was such a hoot. I have so many stories about her I don't know where to start. She was one of those people who could make you laugh just by the way she changed her expression. And whenever we were people-watching, she could look so innocent while she had me cracking up with comments she'd make. She also made up words that somehow made sense. For instance, she'd describe a fussy person as being "persticular" or a "sticular". Makes sense, doesn't it? She was also brutally honest. I remember once when I was wearing long braids and made the fashion choice to tie a bandana around my forehead one day. I really thought I was cute as could be until my sister asked why I was walking around "looking like a pirate." On the other hand, if my outfit was on point, she'd be the first to compliment me.

My sister and I had a mutual girlfriend (let's call her Liza) who was always doing something different and daring with her hair. You could see her wearing a short bob cut in the morning and by dinner, she might have curls down to her butt. If someone asked, she always said it was her hair. She rationalized that it was her hair since she'd paid for it. One time when my sister and I were out and walking somewhere downtown with Liza, my sister suddenly got so tickled about something that she stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and doubled over laughing. She was laughing so hard, she could hardly breathe. Liza and I had no idea what was so funny and we had to wait while my sister got herself under control. When she did, she stood up holding up one of the weaved in braids that had come loose and fallen from our Liza's head. That set it off and there we were, three grown women, standing on a street corner in downtown Anchorage laughing like loons. I'm pretty sure we made an impression on the tourists.

Liza once shaved off all her hair except for a little tuft at the very top that she (having been 3 shades darker than I am) dyed bright yellow. I don't know what style she was going for but my mother started calling her "Baby Buddha". Liza didn't care and I always admired her confidence.

My best friend (and surrogate sister) is unintentionally funny. When she gets excited or mad she has trouble finding the right words. She called me one day to tell me how busy she had been taking care of some business downtown. She was telling me that, to top everything, she'd had to use an inconvenient parking spot. She couldn't find one on the street and had to use (her words here) "You know - that place where they stack the cars". We are so connected that I knew right away that she was thinking of a parking garage.

My friend and I have cellphones and landlines. We call each other on whichever phone happens to be most convenient. Once when we were talking I could tell that she was distracted and rummaging around for something, She said she has lost her cellphone. She went on and on about not replacing it if she couldn't find it because she hated her service provider anyway and she was always losing the damn thing and blah blah blah. As she went on and on, I glanced down to see which number she was calling from. She was looking for her cellphone while she was talking on it. I almost didn't have the heart to tell her.

I can't tell you how much I love that I have (or had) these women in my life. Just thinking about them today has made me feel happy inside. I think I will go call my best friend now because we have a lot to laugh about.

Peace
--Free


NOTE: Mentioning "today" is not accurate since I am having to rearrange the scheduling of this post. My bad.

Funny Car Stories

 For some reason, when I think back on some of the funniest happenings in our family, they have to do with cars. I will share some of them now.

The time Chubby dropped a bomb on us, baby. Dropped a bomb on us!

I've mentioned that our family has traveled the Alaskan-Canada (AlCan) Highway a lot. Well, one of those times was when my older brother, Chubby flew from Alaska to Arizona to drive my mom, sister, and some of the kids back up to Anchorage. They'd be coming back in a newly leased Honda Accord that the ladies weren't used to yet. (You'll understand later why we had a hard time getting used to new cars.)

Where it could take my sister and me a week or more to get just from Anchorage to Seattle, Chubby could get from Arizona to Anchorage in the same amount of time.  And I guess he was making good time, as usual, but he did need to stop for naps.

On one of these naps, he just pulled over into the breakdown lane, ate some of the packed sandwiches and things from the cooler, and ratcheted back in the seat to snooze for a bit. My mom in the front passenger seat and my sister in the seat behind mom's also dozed off. Until they were awakened by something awful and mysterious that was (as my sister later put it) coating the inside of her nose and gagging her awake.

It only took a couple of seconds before both women realized that they were not under attack by military-grade stink bombs. The stink was coming from Chubby as he happily continued snoozing.

My sister said that she hadn't seen our mom move so fast in years. Once she had snatched off her shoe and boomeranged it against one of the kids' heads when they let slip a cuss word. Mr. Murphy knows what I'm talking about...

(Excusing the language, that is one of the funniest and most relatable - for me - bits of comedy.)

Apparently, both women looked like keystone cops trying to get their car doors open. But the doors were locked. They looked for the manual locks and couldn't find them.  When they did find the locks, the doors wouldn't open. 

My sister swears that, if anyone had driven past the car at that point, they'd have sworn there were kidnapped women trying to escape.

As if the first stink bomb wasn't bad enough, Chubby let loose another one - a silent one that my sister claims she could see. It reminded her of the twisting smoky green clouds used in cartoons to indicate reeking garbage.

That did it for mom. She reached over and started swatting Chubby upside the head and yelling for him to "Open the damn doors before we die in here!"

Chubby came awake, ducking mom's hand, and realized what was happening. He quickly released the master lock from the driver's side door and laughed himself to tears watching mom and my sister practically fall out of the car.

The car had to be left open to air out before Mom would even go near it again. I bet they didn't feed Chub any more bologna sandwiches.

The car and the fishing rod

Okay, this one is hard to explain because I can't remember now how the fishing rod worked. But...

We never had new cars back in the day. Our used cars weren't usually too bad but we had a couple of rough ones. One of them - I think it was a Dodge something or a Gremlin that played lead in another of my stories - would only start if we used a kid or a fishing rod. Let me explain that.

If one of the kids was around, we would open the hood and get into the driver's seat, ready to turn the ignition on the count of three. We had to time the ignition turning with the pushing down of something under the hood. (I wish I could remember the details.)

We had to keep a fishing rod in the backseat because we didn't always have a kid or someone else with us. It took coordination and a spectacular lack of public shame to hook the line on the fishing rod to whatever that part was under the hood while we got in the driver's seat and started the car.

I was young and extremely vain. There were times I would put off going somewhere because I just couldn't deal with the public humiliation of starting that car. And I wanted to be mad about it. But my mom reminded me that we were three single women who owned a nice home and were able to feed and clothe our kids with no help. And if that didn't buck me up, Mom would throw in one of her favorite sayings about a "Po' ride beating a proud walk any day." Yeah.

When all you can do is laugh

That Dodge-or-Gremlin from the last story comes up often when we family members tell funny stories. This one happened to me and my sister one day when we were having a girls' day out.

A "girls' day out" for us back then was to hit the mall, maybe buy some shoes or a purse, or something for our hair. We'd sit somewhere to people-watch while my sister cracked on passersby, keeping a perfectly straight face while I would be in danger of getting my butt kicked by some of those passersby. She was never mean about it - well, not super mean. She'd maybe see some really crazy-looking guy walk by and tell me to "go get my man before I lost him". That kind of silly thing. All the humor was in her delivery.

After we finished hanging out, we might grab something to eat. Then we'd go home. On this one day, we had gone to a salon that belonged to a really close girlfriend. She had done up our hair really cute. We looked too good to go straight home, so we did the mall thing and then started home.

Now, remember, I was really, really vain back in the day. I thought I was just too cute and I know that my sister was really pretty. So I am driving that thing we called a car - got it started and everything... On the way home, I was stopped at a light when another car pulled up alongside us. A car full of some young handsome guys. Too young for us, but still really handsome. And they were hurting themselves looking over and flirting with us. Made us feel good but we did the whole "not paying attention to these silly little boys over here" and ignored them.

The light changed and the thing we called a car, did something new. It sort of hitched, as if it was going to die and it didn't move forward. Puzzled, I pushed down a little more on the accelerator and 

BANG!!!

I was sure that someone had hit us with a missile. Not only was that bang deafening, but there was this absolutely humongous cloud of black smoke that had burst from the tailpipe and obscured everything behind us. Cars behind us started moving quickly into other lanes. 

But the car was at least moving. Slowly. We went about five feet before the car got over its hissy fit and drove normally. 

In the meantime...

The cute young guys paced alongside us for the next couple of blocks before they turned in a different direction. I'm surprised they didn't run into something. They were laughing so hard that one of them just slumped against the window and slapped the front seat in amused agitation. 

I was so embarrassed. But my sister found it really funny. She ended up laughing harder than those silly boys. 

Then when we did get a nice car...

I can't remember what year it was that we got my favorite car ever. One of my older brothers found it for us - another lease - and I was in love from the first time I saw it. It wasn't brand new but it didn't need any special talents to start it up or to drive it. It was a smoky black 1992 Honda Accord with a sunroof and a great stereo system. It is still my favorite model of car. 

My brothers had just had it with our used junkers. They lived in places like Seattle, California, and Arizona while we lived in Alaska. They worried about us driving around with the kids in raggedy automobiles in a place that had snow and ice-coated roads for much of the year. So we accepted the help and got that Honda.

It was a good time for us to have a more reliable car. I worked at a hub near the airport and I was going to work the night shift for a while. The boys felt better that I'd be making the drive out to the airport in a car that was safe and very reliable. I mostly liked being able to play the stereo and use the wipers at the same time with no issues. And, don't forget, I thought was SO cute.

So on one winter evening, I am on my way to work. It's around 7pm and it's pitch black. In the winter, "pitch-black" started at about 4 in the afternoon. Because, you know, Alaska. 

Another thing that was great about the Honda was that it sat low and got great traction on slick roads. That's important. 

I was at the final stoplight on the roadway before starting the last stretch to the airport. I have maybe 3 miles to go when I stop at this last light. I'm sitting there, just grooving along to - I don't know, probably Earth, Wind, and Fire or something "old school cool". There has not been a lot of traffic and I think I'd only seen three or four cars on my way to this last light. All of them had exited off except for one. I see it come up behind me and then move to the other lane and stop on my driver's side.

I say that I "see" all of this but I really wasn't paying a lot of attention. I was listening to music and already thinking about work stuff. Because I work in an airport-type setting - a lot of offices connected to a big hangar - and because I'm on the night shift, I am dressed casually in jeans and a company shirt. I have my hair slicked back in a little bun and I have a baseball cap on. 

As I am sitting at this light with no other traffic but that one car next to me, I get that feeling of being stared at. I kind of casually turn my head to look at the other car and my heart just about thuds right out of my chest. The driver - who I can tell is a big guy and probably really tall - was looking at me and when I turned my head, he raised his finger and motioned firing a gun at me.

What???

I turn back to look at the light and am even thinking of running it when it goes green. I hit the gas and stood that Honda up all the way to work. And it didn't skid, slide, or act any kind of a fool. I didn't even look to see if I was being followed. 

One of the benefits of working at the airport is that there is always security. And this was post-9/11 so airports had security like crazy. We damn near had snipers on the roof.

I didn't even go to a parking space. I pulled up in front of the entrance where the security guards could see me. And then I couldn't move. My legs were just shaking and I knew I wouldn't be able to stand. One of the guards came out to check on me and ended up parking my car while another guard helped me inside. 

I was shook. Literally.

Anyway, I have a lot of brothers - play and real - who asked around town about the guy and car I described. Turns out that there was a drug dealer, badass in town who was mad at someone who drove a smoky black 1992 Honda Accord with a sunroof. One of my guys saw the other Accord and said that the only difference was that mine still had its California plates. 

I went out and got some kind of big, bright-colored radio station sticker for the back window and bought some things to hang from the mirror. Anything to make our car look more distinctive. 

Yeah.

But we weren't walking

Looking back now, I can laugh. Matter of fact, some of our best times as a family is spent laughing about the horrible cars we drove. And I only told about some of them. I didn't mention what I drove for a few months while waiting for my family to follow me from Arizona back to Alaska. It was some Toyota (I think) or something that I bought for a couple hundred dollars. I only needed something to get around in before the family arrived with our newer car. This temporary ride was laughable. There were no keys to it. They weren't needed. I had to use a paperclip and a bobby pin to turn the ignition. Right after I got it, it started conking out on me at stoplights. One of my brothers had a friend who owned a gas station and he told me to bring it by for him to check it out. When I did, it took him and his crew a minute to stop laughing. He wanted to give me one of his cars to use. But my mom raised me to be tougher than that. I just asked if he could do something so it wouldn't shut off at lights. He did something alright. The car didn't shut off at lights anymore because it constantly revved high. Oh well. I got my money's worth before I finally gave it to someone else who needed a car.

Another junker we had would frost up on the inside. We had to use a scraper to clear the frost from the inside windshield every now and then. Yet another beauty had a bungee cord holding the passenger door closed. It was fun to get in and out of. 

We had an old Audi once that stopped on me halfway to work. I spent half an hour on the side of the road while some helpful passerby tried to find the battery to give me a jump. We didn't find out for another half hour that the battery was located under the back seat.

I didn't know how to act once we got that Honda. It was almost too boring. The next car we got was an even newer Accord. Then we got the Ford Explorer. New. 

But I never forgot my mom's saying about poor rides and proud walks. I have since ridden in Hummers, concept cars, limos, sports cars... They all do the same thing: get you from one point to another. I'm blessed that I was never without a vehicle back then. I'm just plain blessed.

Peace

--Free

**REVIEW** The Ninja CE251 (detailed review)

The first part of this is a quick overview.  Following that is a very detailed review. You can skim through and stop at the highlighted points that interest you.

**there are never affiliate links in my reviews**

Because of my botched review of the electric percolator both here and on Amazon, I want to be very, very careful from here on out and especially with this one. I have waited a while to write this so that I've had a chance to use the machine more than a few times. I've been adding to the review over the weeks I've been using the Ninja. (NOTE: I started using the machine on 8/6 and I am finishing this review on 8/27. If there are any errors, I will have to catch them later. I'm too tired of writing this to read it anymore...)

I’m going to cover some concerns mentioned in other reviews and what I experienced. I will try to add some tips I have picked up online. I really need this review to be spot on.  (That whole percolator debacle has well and truly traumatized me.)

First, I will do an overview of the pros and cons for people in a hurry. For lots more detail, see the rest of the review.

Overview of the Ninja CE251

Pros:

• Has an Auto Shut-Off feature. This was my biggest disappointment with the percolator.
• The machine is not very noisy when brewing.
• Dumping used grounds is not messy at all if using a paper filter.
• Delivers consistently great-tasting coffee (I've been using mine for about a month at this point).
• Has function for programming delayed brewing (to wake up to coffee), and
• Has a "Small Batch" function to give a good flavor for smaller brew amounts. 
• Choice of 2 brew types: "Classic" or "Rich". (I use this to punch up weaker coffee types).
• The delay programming feature does not have to be reset every time if you use the same wake-up time every day. (Mine stays set at 6:30.)
• Easy to use and clean (once you get the hang of it).
• Reaches the suggested temperatures for brewing (195-205F). I registered temp of 199-208F.
• The "showerhead" drip design evenly soaks the grinds.
• The machine has a slight pause at the start of brewing for "blooming" the coffee. (I just learned about the concept of "blooming".)
• The removable (and less messy to fill) water reservoir.
• The carafe is not as fragile as expected & does not drip/leak/spill when pouring coffee.
• There is a Brew Stopper so you can cheat & grab some coffee while it's still brewing.
• Unlike with the Keurig, I can save money by using both whole bean and ground coffee.
• The Ninja is a nice-looking machine.
• The biggest positive is that the Ninja is (so far) a great machine for the price. I think it is worth what I paid.

Cons:

• The Power, Brew, and Clean buttons were really hard to press until I had used them a couple of times. The Power button is still really hard to depress (even after a month of daily use). I have to hold the machine to keep from scooting it back when I press the Power button.
• The "blooming" pause is really short. I think it only lasts about 4 or 5 seconds. I have read that up to 40 seconds is ideal. ~shrug~
• Dumping used grounds from the reusable filter is messy and hard to do.
• The Delay programming can be confusing at first. (But easy once you get the hang of it.)
• The glass carafe does, of course, "cook" the coffee after a while. The less coffee in the pot, the faster it degrades.
• The carafe has to be tipped and rocked to fully empty it of liquid.
• The lid of the brew basket opens upward. Because of this and steaming issues, it's not good to place the machine underneath low cabinets. (Also, you need easy access to the removable water reservoir.)
• The water reservoir is only good for the coffee you are making & has to be filled each time with whatever water you need.
• The "beep" alert for the end of a cycle is extremely hard to hear. I have been standing 5 feet away and barely noticed it.
• The Ninja in this model only comes in the black & steel design.
• There is no option for a thermal carafe. You can't even buy one for the Ninja because of the design of the drip mechanism.
• Many reviews state that it is hard to find a replacement carafe if you break one.

All in all, I think that the pros outweigh the cons a lot. Because I have seen reviews reporting problems in the 2nd year of use, I did buy the extended warranty for an extra 9 dollars.

Would I recommend this coffeemaker to friends and family? I already have. I got mine based mostly on the recommendation of a niece.

This is a quick video I did so you can see how it runs (during a cleaning cycle) and what it sounds like.

Now, if you want all the deep-dish skinny, continue on...

Okay. If you really mean it...

Packaging, size, weight & look 

• It comes in a box that tells what is inside. Ask for it to be sent in plain packaging if it's intended as a gift or you don't want nosy neighbors (or porch thieves) to know your business.
• The box contains a full Model Number that you can photograph for your records. I suggest keeping all the boxing/packaging for at least 6 months - just in case you need to do a return.
• The Ninja size dimensions are close to that of the Keurig K-Classic. However, the Keurig is heavier (because of its water reserve) and more rounded. I find the Ninja is easier to love and reposition.
• This model of the Ninja looks more streamlined. It comes only in a black and stainless steel design with a glass carafe. It looks stylish and I think the look will "age" well. My Keurig was red (to match my kitchen) but was mostly plastic. The plastic did wear over time with cleaning and use. The Keurig was cute but has a cheaper look than the Ninja.

Calling all porch thieves!!!

Countertop space & placement issues

This works best for me

• Because the brew basket on the Ninja opens upward, it might not fit under your cabinets. Even if it does fit, the steam might damage the cabinets over time.
• The water reservoir is on the right side. It's best to place the Ninja for easy removal or filling of the reservoir. More on this in a moment.
• The cord is long enough for my needs. However, there is a warning not to use it with extension cords so know that.
• I didn't find the cord length in the manual. In answer to a customer question on Amazon from 2018, SharkNinja gave the cord length as being 26 inches. In answer to a question elsewhere (search the question box), another person said the cord is 28 inches. I question both answers. My cord is decently long - maybe 26 inches long, but...  if you need to position the cord around or over things on a counter, it's not going to look that long.

Ninja CE251 compared to the Keurig K-Classic

• The Keurig is fast but the Ninja produces better flavor. Also, the Ninja is not super slow (see more later)
• I can use both whole bean and ground coffee with the Ninja.
• I like being able to make more or less coffee in one brewing. The Keurig was limited to servings of 6-10 ounces. 
• The Keurig pods came in a variety of flavors but were costly. More affordable pods lacked quality.
• Some pods could be defective and unusable. This didn't happen often and usually only happened with budget pods.
• I can better control the strength and quality of brew (even with "bad" coffee) with the Ninja and some other drip coffeemakers. Other Keurigs do have more options for this.
• The Ninja was cheaper to buy and is cheaper to use than the Keurig. 
• I paid $79 on Amazon for the Ninja + $8.55 for a 3-year protection plan. I think I paid around $80 at Walmart for the Keurig in 2017 with no protection plan. Both machines have gone up in price.
• For a coffee/pod price comparison, the Amazon brand of whole bean coffee (that I can ground fresh for each brew) is $6.99/12oz bag
• The Amazon brand of ground coffee is $5.30/12oz bag
• The Amazon brand of pods is $23.37/100ct
• My Keurig made 6-10 ounces of coffee per pod.
• I use 1 tablespoon of ground coffee to 6-8 ounces of water.
• You can do the math here. My brain exploded when I tried. I make my coffee in the Ninja based on 1 tablespoon to every 6 ounces of water.
• The amount of coffee I use will depend on the ground type. The finer the grind, the less coffee I use.
• The Keurig was, for me, purely functional. It's great for saving time and effort in coffee-making.
• I enjoy making coffee in the Ninja. Because I am learning more about coffee, I like the "involvement" of brewing in the Ninja - or a French press, Moka pot, pour-over, etc.
• Keurig pods can be less messy than using the reusable filter in the Ninja. The paper filters are just as mess-free as with pods and take up less room in the trash.
• The Keurig has that water-in-reserve function which is how it cuts down on time. 

The 2 machines

The Ninja is 
behind the Keurig

Response to other reviewers concerns

• The glass carafe:
• It is nowhere near as fragile as I expected from reading some reviews Maybe the company read those reviews and made some changes?
• I am careful with the carafe and especially follow a couple of tips:
• I try not to set it down anywhere but on the warming plate. If I do sit it elsewhere, I make sure to put a dry dishcloth or paper towel underneath.
• I never put it in the dishwasher. I don't even put it in the sink with other dishes. 
• I rinse it after every use with water closest to whatever temp the glass happens to be & then I handwash it once a week or so.
• I make sure that the warming plate is dry before I set the carafe on it. (By the way, even with the "brew stopper" function, the liquid does drip when you remove the carafe.)
• The carafe pours nicely without dripping or making a mess. However, to completely empty it of liquid, I have to turn it upside down and rock it back and forth.  This is irritating but not a  big deal.
• The lid of the carafe does not flip open. It slides. If you don't click the lid into place, the carafe will not fit back in the machine.
• I have not had issues with the carafe staining badly. And I don't wash it after every use - only rinsing it with warm water.

• The brew basket & reusable filter:
• As with the lid of the carafe, the removable brew basket has to click into place before you can close its lid. (I only remove the basket for weekly cleanings.)
• The brew basket holds a lot of moisture no matter which filter you choose. This is annoying because that moisture drips and spills when replacing the carafe. (Remember, it's best to keep the warming plate dry.) I have gotten in the habit of keeping a clean dry dishcloth nearby just to stick in the basket in between making coffee. Or I will use a paper towel to dry it out.
• The brew stopper is handy for cheating some coffee before it's finished brewing. However, it does tend to drip when you remove the carafe.  Make sure to dry that warming plate before replacing the carafe.
• The brew stopper does keep coffee from leaking all over when you carry it to the trash to dump the filter.
• I prefer to use a paper filter but I have used the reusable filter a few times. The reusable filter does not let grinds through. It does let some "silt" through that you only notice when you get to the dregs of the cup.
• You are not supposed to use a paper filter inside the reusable filter. This affects the coffee's flavor. Use either one or the other.
• TIP: Some people believe that letting some silt through improves the flavor of the coffee. I haven't paid enough attention yet to notice a difference. I do have friends who make their ground coffee like you would instant coffee. They just add the water to the grounds in their cup and let the grounds settle before drinking the brew. 

• That water reservoir:
• The reservoir can be confusing because a lot of us have owned Keurigs.
•  Unlike with a Keruig, the Ninja's reservoir holds water only for the current brew. You have to fill the reservoir each time you brew coffee.
• If you are making 6 cups of coffee and put 8 cups of water in the reservoir, the machine will use all 8 cups of water.
• The purpose of the Ninja's water reservoir is only to make less mess. It's easier to fill the reservoir instead of trying to pour water into the back or top of a machine.
• I placed my machine near enough to the sink that I don't have to remove the reservoir to fill it. I either just use the sprayer from the sink or - most often - use filtered water from a pitcher.
• Some reviewers mentioned their machine starting to leak after some use. One reviewer suggested this might be from weakening the seals on the reservoirs by removing and replacing them. This is one reason I try to fill it without removing it. (I remove the reservoir every so often just to clean it with soap and water.)
• If you do need to remove the reservoir to fill it, it is a lot easier and less messy than filling the backs or tops of other machines.

Not bad for a manual.
Could be better

Basic use 

& the functions

• The Power & setting the clock:
•  If the machine is plugged into the wall, the clock still works and you can simply press the Power button on the front of the machine to start making coffee. You can turn that Power On or Off by pushing it. 
• If you leave it on, it will go into a "sleep" mode after a certain amount of time. In other words, I can leave the house and the machine will power off if I forget to turn it off. The warming plate's power is adjustable. 
• You can turn it off so that it doesn't start warming after your coffee has brewed or you can adjust it to stay on up to 4 hours after the brewing cycle. (I like this because I have left the house and worried about whether or not I turned off the coffee pot, unplugged the iron, locked all the windows...LOL)

• Brewing:
• The machine delivers good flavors. Really good. I actually gave away some coffee after brewing it in the percolator and not liking the taste. I had a little of that coffee left over that I brewed in the Ninja. It was delicious. 
• The one thing I always like about the Keurig is the quick brewing so I'm glad that the Ninja is not as slow as I expected. I did about 5 cups (brewed on Rich which takes longer) from 10:10 to 10:18. I did 4 cups (on Small Batch and Classic) that started at 10:36 and beeped out at 10:42. 
• While the Keurig is still much faster, I couldn't program it to start in the mornings. To be honest, I'd rather have my coffee waiting fresh when I wake up than brewing fast at other times.

• The Clean function:
• This is a favorite for me because just seeing the button reminds me to clean the machine if I keep forgetting.
• The manual and other users suggest cleaning the machine when:
• it begins to take longer than 12- 15 minutes to brew or
• when there are changes in the coffee flavor and/or strength 
• I know that the Clean light will come on, but I am not sure if that is at set intervals or just when the machine has issues.
• I can run the Clean function at any time by filling the reservoir and pushing the button.
• I use the Clean function with water only about once a week. I will use it with a vinegar and water solution about every other week.
• In addition to running the Clean function, I wipe the machine down (outside the machine, inside the brew basket, and the top of the showerhead) and rinse the reservoir on a regular basis.
• The first time I ran the Clean cycle (after about 15 cups of coffee)
• I ran the cycle with the reservoir filled to the 12-cup capacity.
• I started the cycle at 6:45 and it stopped at 7:17.
• The manual does not clarify the difference between "cleaning" and "descaling". Using my common sense, I assume "cleaning" is doing the basic wipedown/water run-through and "descaling" is running vinegar through the machine. I have not yet decided if I will use citric acid in descaling this machine. I have used that with the Keurig and other drip machines. I have posted before about the money-saving uses for citric acid.

• The Delay Brew function (to set for your wakeup):
• This was the function I hated most until I figured it out. The manual does a terrible job of explaining how to use it. This is the Ninja video which does a better job. The following are the steps I use:

1. Make sure the time on the clock is correct to the current time and the Power light is On.

2. Add your water to the reservoir & coffee to the basket. 

• TIP - for a practice run, don't use any coffee; just run water through. Trust me.
3. Choose brew type (mine is Small Batch, Classic)
4. Press Delay and the clock will start flashing
5. Set what time you want the coffee to start brewing (ex 6:00 am - and make sure of the AM/PM selection)
6. Press Delay
• If the programming worked, the Power light should be lit up along with the Delay and your brew type buttons. The warming plate light should NOT be light up. If it lights up, you've messed up & the machine will start brewing.
• If you messed up or need to change the wakeup brew time or brew type, press the Power button. It will beep. Press again. When it goes off (not lit up) you can turn it back on and start over with the Delay Brew steps.  
• I did mess up the first couple of times & the coffee immediately started brewing. That's why you should practice without adding any coffee. 
• TIP: If you get up earlier and want to start the brew right away, just press the Warming plate button. That will start the machine.

***Here is a video from Ninja with the Delay instructions shown***

I hope that the video helped along with having the steps written out here in this review.

The Clean cycle is running

• Temperatures
• Coffee fanatics (of which I am becoming one) say that the best temp for brewing drip coffee is between 195F-205F.
• My Ninja (checked with a basic food thermometer) clocked between 199F-208F - depending on whether the thermometer was placed directly under the showerhead or in the carafe after the brew had finished. (I'm sure that the electric percolator got to around 200 to 210 when I scalded my hand. The difference with the Ninja is that it's a rounder, easier-to-handle carafe vs the tall easy-to-tip percolator.)
• My coffee is always hot enough to ad creamer from the fridge without overcooling the brew.

inserted directly into the brew basket

inserted under the showerhead
while brewing

In Summary

• The pros outweigh the cons for me with this machine. If I pick what I am happiest with,
• The coffee tastes so good most of the time.
• The Auto-Off function, of course
• Being able to program the brew to start when I want. Surprisingly, this comes in handy on my infusion days. I love having coffee afterward but am usually too wiped out to make any. My brother usually stops at McDonald's just for me to grab a coffee on the way home.
• After using it several times a day for about 4 weeks, I am more than happy.
• The quality of the brews can be inconsistent depending on:
• The coffee being brewed
• Whether I'm using the reusable filter or a paper filter
• The grind I select for the coffee-to-water ratio
• Whether I use Classic or Rich brew selection
• Basically, I have been responsible for all the quality issues - either by choice of coffee or preparation. 
• I've had no problems with the carafe - which was my biggest concern from reading other reviews. I take care of it but don't baby it.
• If I had to pick what still bugs me after this month of using it:
• The Power button being so hard to depress.
• The way the brew basket case holds & drips water in between dumping the filter.
• That the 2-cup batches of coffee "cook" very quickly. I will even sometimes make 3rd cup just to solve this. Ideally, 4 cups or more is best.

By the way, right after I got this coffeemaker, I had to buy some non-pod coffee. I got both whole bean and ground for myself and was given several coffees to sample. When asked by someone if I had settled on a preference, I had to say no. However, I am leaning toward these - in order of how much I like them:

1. Cafe Bustelo (done in the Ninja and as faux espresso with the stovetop percolator). It's less than $2.50 for the 10oz brick at Aldis where I can snack a couple of the bricks with my regular grocery delivery. Amazon is crazy stupid expensive with it. 
2. 8 O'clock Columbian Peaks whole bean (daily in the Ninja). This is under $7 for 11 ounces at Hyvee and a much better bargain at Amazon at about $10 for 22 ounces whole bean. I'm about to do a Subscribe & Save because I drink so much of this.
3. Illy Intenso whole bean (my next favorite to Bustelo for a very dark roast drip). This is around $12 via Instacart from Hyvee and Target for just 8.8 ounces of ground. Amazon hast the same sizes in the whole bean for about the same price. It's good stuff but high & I only use it when I have the extra money in the budget. "'Extra' money," she said, choking on her laughter.

I will, of course, be doing reviews on all the coffee I've gotten to try. Kaladi Brothers Coffee - which is just legendary in Anchorage - is online and is going to be sending samples. I plan to find something I like and get a subscription because of the free shipping. Yay. Then I will be able to drink their coffee out of my Kaladi travel thermos.

So there you go. Probably the most detailed review I have ever written. Probably more detailed than anyone has written about a coffeemaker. If you are geeky enough to want more details, check out this review. It gives a lot of specs and other technical information that I glossed over.

Peace

--Free

(Repost) **GRIOT** Devil Beating His Wife

(I'm going to be posting twice today. When I was recycling some of my old posts I realized how mundane this blog has been lately. I think I have gotten away from why I started this blog. I always wanted to share my thoughts and feelings as a way to uplift people - and myself. I used to blog about things that perhaps other people could relate to. Looking at some of the more recent posts, all I see are product reviews. How did that happen?

Anyway, I am going to still post product reviews but I really want to focus on life and living and being. For today, I am resharing a Griot post first then I will finally put up a review of that dang Ninja coffeemaker that I have been trying to finish for the longest. This Griot post is from July 11, 2019. It's one of my family's favorites.)

Being the child and grandchild of southerners, I grew up hearing a lot of odd phrases. To be honest, my relatives just talked plain funny. They had weird phrases and they painted the English language with a beautiful array of colors. My people used language in their own way, just as they put a unique spin on living life.

my mother in her late 20's-early 30's (?)

 For the longest time, I thought that only my mother said things like "You don't believe fat meat's greasy". That was for when I was being warned that my misbehaving was about to get me a whooping. Modern mothers threaten to start counting to ten, my mom had more colorful ways of warning me.

 While a lot of the phrases I heard had to do with consequences of my behavior (for instance, my butt was constantly in debt from all the checks my mouth wrote), there were some to go with everything from the weather to someone being sick.

I remember whenever it rained while the sun was shining, my mother would say that the Devil was beating his wife. I was surprised to learn just now how commonly that saying is used - and in a lot of cultures. I'm going to have to go take a closer look at that website.

one of the aunties

When my Yankee friends were "about to" do something, I was "fixing to". When Yanks were not paying you any attention, I wasn't "studdin" (or studying) you. You might be going to Heaven, but I'm going up "yonder". We also go over yonder, back yonder, or way yonder.

I'm not sure if this one is Southern or not, but where others might say someone had you wrapped around their finger, we'd say that they had your nose wide open. Another way to put that is to say that someone has your drawers (underpants) hanging on a bedpost. That, I think, had something to do with voodoo (or "hoodoo"). Another one from the voodoo files is to say that someone must have "worked a root" on you.

an uncle with a church group

Maybe right here is where I can get into my Big Mama's fear of all things pagan. Big Mama wouldn't eat food if she didn't know who cooked it. If she didn't know you, she wouldn't eat your food unless she had watched you prepare it. Why? Cause she was scared of hoodoo. For that same reason, she never left her comb or hairbrush laying around where just anybody could get to it. As Christian as she was (which is why she didn't like voodoo/hoodoo), she wasn't ashamed of her superstitions. She was one of those people who, after accidentally spilling salt, would toss some over her shoulder. Yes, my Bible-believing grandmother could be so unconsciously paranoid that it was kind of hilarious.

 These are some random photos from an old
photo album of my mother's

I don't know most of the people except that they are aunts, uncles, extended cousins, or 
very close family friends.

 I thought it would be cool for my younger nieces & nephews to see these photos. I just now started posting links to this blog of Facebook because that's where the kids hang out!

 

 I love the hair & clothing fashion of the '30s, '40s, and '50s.










Maybe because of their cultural ancestry, or maybe just because they were very practical and thrifty people, my relatives even dealt with health issues in their own ways. I've already talked a lot about my grandmother using asafetida poultices to deal with chest colds. I suppose there's a reason 'fetid' is in the name, but I just learned another thing: that asafetida gets its name from being funky. Wow,. At any rate, my mother never tortured me or my siblings with it but our Big Mama made up for it by giving us daily tablespoons of Castor oil. You might want to throw up every morning after your dose of oil but you were never constipated around Big Mama.

On my mother's side of the family, it was less about the countrified 'slanguage' and more about the Texan lifestyle. Where back in Hope, Arkansas where our Big Mama took us fishing with worms for bait, my West Texan grandfather let us enjoy his walnut and pecan trees. My mother would make homemade, fresh-churned ice-cream right in the front yard of Grandaddy Bud's house. Back in Arkansas, we ate bacon from pigs my grandmother's husband, Mr. Brown owned. We had fresh eggs and meat from his chickens.  In Texas, we ate peaches and apples and crab apples fresh off Granddaddy Bud's trees.

My granddaddy Bud always owned a pickup truck of some kind. My cousins and I would ride in the back while he went around to different homestead's taking care of business and sharing the goods from his trees. I remember one time when he took us on a long ride out "in the country" and showed us fields of cotton ready to be harvested. He told us to ask our mothers about their time spent picking cotton as kids. My mother told me that it was one of the ways she and her cousins made money as young girls. They would spend hours in the field, filling bag after bag with the cotton. I was absolutely horrified, but my mother had good memories of the time spent with her cousins and friends out in those fields. Even though she explained to me that there was a difference between being forced to pick cotton and being given a choice to get paid for doing it... I never could handle it. Years later, when I went through my stage of being a junior revolutionary and idolizing Newton and Seale for being bravely defiant, I would just cringe when I thought of my mother picking cotton.

Back when I was young, church and religion was a different experience depending on which grandparent I was visiting. My dad's mom (Big Mama) was deeply religious but didn't attend church on a regular basis. Nevertheless, if there was a heavy storm, she made everyone (kids and adults) get still and quiet. If there was any lightning or thunder involved, well, forget doing anything but taking a nap. You weren't going to disrespect the Lord in Big Mama's house by doing much of anything until the storm passed. To this day, during a heavy storm, I will sit my tail down and try to be still until the weather calms down. Unlike Big Mama, I don't go around unplugging everything, but I'm not trying to party down.

I didn't realize it until I was writing this post, but apparently, I carry a lot of my recent ancestors around in my behavior. Yesterday, I was cooking some sausage in my new cast iron and I flashed back on my mother standing in front of the stove, cooking something in her cast iron. I understand that people we love don't go ever completely away. They are in our memories of them. They are in the lingering memory of their touch or the sound of their laughter. They are here with us in the ways they affected us, changed us, or made us love them.

Peace
--Free

For the video pick, I think this one is just about perfect.