One Hand and the Other

 I've posted here or on another of my blogs about how a friend of mine is battling cancer. One of the things that came up in a conversation she and I had was how everyone wants to see Jesus but nobody wants to die. We were talking about eternity, but the same thing applies to our daily lives.

We Christians want to see Heaven, but don't want to die to the things we enjoy  here on earth. I see so many family and friends hanging on to sin with one hand and reaching out to Jesus with the other. The Bible tells us to resist the devil and  he will flee. Oftentimes, we'd rather resist the gospel to hang on to some things of the world.

For a long time I did the same thing. I held on to some things because I didn't no better, but even when I learned better, I didn't want to really let go. I wanted to find some kind of biblical "loophole" that would allow me to ease my conscience. I had to learn to listen to more mature Christian brothers and sisters who would lead me to Scriptures about specific things. It was hard. I was resisting the gospel. Who knows what else I am doing in ignorance?

I had more than one person rebuke me about astrology and following horoscopes. A ministry about the music industry opened my eyes to tactics used in entertainment.  I had a heavy interest in the paranormal and the occult and was hooked on shows that featured hauntings and occult experiences. I had never really looked at or understood what the Bible had to say about this (Deuteronomy and Isaiah).  Thank the Holy Spirit for opening my eyes to some of these things.

What are some of the things you are hanging on to? Are they material things, attitudes, a way of life, expectations...? When we call ourselves "Christians" and still practice certain things, we are not being a good representative of Christ or the gospel. We may even be misleading other Christians into thinking that something is okay.

When I struggle with choosing the Lord over worldly things, I often think about the rich young ruler in the Bible. If he had not been rich and had nothing worldly to give up, choosing to follow Jesus would have been easier. I think that this is obviously true for all of us.

I was in communication recently with a young woman I know. She questioned my opinion that Yoga is not for Christians. I don't know if she is a Christian or not,  but one thing she said stuck with me. She mentioned that she has been practicing Yoga for fifteen years. When we put a lot of time or effort into something, we don't want to give it up. If this lady is a Christian, this will be a struggle for her.

Another friend of mine used to be a heavy partier and recreational drug user before she came to Christ. Though she had not been an alcoholic, she won't touch alcohol at all now because it reminds her of her past. She had to give up everything that tied her to that old life.

For some people, their struggle is with money or material possessions. Maybe they made their money illegally or gained their possessions immorally. How difficult would it be for, say, a drug dealer to give up the cars and homes they gained through criminal activity? What if doing that meant being dirt poor and having to start all over?

For some people, the struggle may be with giving up a lifestyle. How does someone who has gained all their esteem from being beautiful or exploiting their  physical attributes give up the vanity? (I now think of the lady named Gretchen on Real Housewives of Orange Country. In opening credits, she says "God is my savior, my husband is my king, and my body, it's sinful." At one point she did a "sexy" modeling shoot for her line of seductive clothing. Like so many people today, her sexy image is a huge part of her identity.

The point is that we all have weaknesses that the Enemy can use to keep us from being the most effective witnesses to the gospel. We need to learn where we are vulnerable and then work at giving those things up. We need to start resisting Satan and  not the gospel.

Let me end by adding this: I think that the Enemy loves to use us against each other. Most often, when someone tries to warn me of some spiritual danger, I don't immediately react with gratitude.  Usually, I am a little resentful and I either challenge them to show me where Scripture agrees with them (and we do need to always consult the Bible), or I disbelieve them completely. Sometimes, I try to point out that what I am doing is harmless since I don't take it seriously. I am learning to just  listen, check Scripture and pray on everything. If the Enemy had his way, every discussion would turn into bullying, resentment and just a general falling-out among believers.

5 Things A Married Woman Should Consider

When I did a post a couple years back on 6 Things Women (I) Want, I didn't follow up with a post for the ladies. Here it is now. In it I am speaking to Christians who went or are going into marriage as the Bible teaches. I realize that many couples are like I was and entered marriages that were broken before they were made. These things I mention are what I would have considered had my situation been better. If not for the abuse in my marriage, I would have considered these things before separating. I hope this post is a blessing to others.

Pride - Not worldly pride, but loving pride, if you can call it that. Whatever you call it, it's what will make you present your best to the world as a man's woman. It's what will make you want to represent yourself well as a Christian and married woman. Comb your hair, clean your clothes, keep your home clean. Keep your words clean. No Christian woman needs to be known for her ability to curse well, talk loud or cut someone down.

Hardworking - Don't be that woman who thinks being pampered is a ticket to laziness. If you both work outside the home, you both still have a home to care for. Take the time to prepare his meals, do his laundry and make the home nice. His job is to the the "man stuff" (and don't let the world trip you up with talk of sexism), your job is to do the "lady stuff." What's wrong with having feminine and masculine roles? If you want to start buying into what the world says about sexism gender roles, just look at where it's gotten us. If you are the sole breadwinner and there is no reason why he shouldn't be helping out, then something is wrong already.

Respect -  For your husband as your husband, a man, and a father. The world might not respect him, but he's not married to the world. Don't emasculate him. Don't parent him. Don't manipulate him. Don't try to rule over and be the "head" in the marriage.

Be his wife- You are not his "old lady" or "current thing," you are his wife. You are joined as one flesh. Don't live your marriage as if it is a temporary situation. You are married to him and not to anyone else. Your goal should not be to attract other men because you have the only man you need to be concerned with. I heard one minister remark that many woman make church leaders their "daddy" or "father." He is so right when he points out that this is disrespectful to a woman's husband and that it's not biblical. You are not married to your pastor, bishop, reverend or whoever. Your husband is your head in your home and family.

Be Feminine -  Again, don't listen to what the world says about gender roles. Assuming the man married you because you are a woman, be a woman and let him be a man. Don't try to take on his duties in the home. If he can't do something well at first, he can learn. He can't learn if you are always taking over and doing them for him. Be womanly and desirable to him. If his heart is right with the Lord, he won't take advantage or abuse that situation.

2Wives, be subject (be submissive and adapt yourselves) to your own husbands as [a service] to the Lord.    ²³For the husband is head of the wife as Christ is the Head of the church, Himself the Savior of [His] body. ²⁴As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands.
    ²⁵Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, ²⁶So that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, ²⁷That He might present the church to Himself in glorious splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such things [that she might be holy and faultless]. ²⁸Even so husbands should love their wives as [being in a sense] their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. ²⁹For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and carefully protects and cherishes it, as Christ does the church, ³⁰Because we are members (parts) of His body.
    31For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 32This mystery is very great, but I speak concerning [the relation of] Christ and the church. 33However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [[a]that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and [b]that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly]. Eph 5:22-33

Peace
--Free

FLASHBACK: 6 Things Women (I) Want In A Man

Looking back on posts I did prior to renewing my commitment to Christ, I see so much that I would like to amend. I will be doing that in a series of "Flashback" post.

I did one post a couple years ago called "6 Things Women (I) Want In A Man." I really don't want to change much about it except to advice readers to look at Ephesians5 and add a couple of points:

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, (Eph 5:22-33 ESV)

 Be someone she can submit to and feel safe in doing so.

Be the head without being big-headed.

Love her as Christ loves us.

When I wrote the original post, I don't think I followed up on my promise to do a post for the ladies. That's coming up!

In My Sarc Shoes

You know that old saying about walking a mile in someone's shoes, right? Well, I'm learning what it is to walk a mile in the shoes of someone with a chronic illness.

I wasn't going to post about it because I've been trying to be all "keep your head up" about it. When a Twitter friend asked me about how I was doing, I almost gave the usual polite response until it dawned on me that speaking up might help others. I have run across other blogs and forums where people have spoken up about their experience with Sarc and that's helped me. So, my turn.

When I was first diagnosed I was told how rare Sarcoidosis is supposed to be, but within weeks of telling people I had it, I found out about 3 people in my area who also have it. One person is a guy I used to work with, another is an acquaintance of his and still another is a member of a family I am fairly close to. Later I learned that possibly tens of thousands of people in the U.S. alone may suffer from it.

There's no relief in knowing that I am not alone or part of some minority. It would be easier, I think, to have some disease that's more well-known - both for the treatment and the understanding. What's most frustrating about dealing with the effects of Sarc is that no one seems to really understand what it feels like. If I had, say, diabetes or had suffered a stroke, at least people could empathize when I described a symptom. In the case of Sarc even I don't know all the symptoms so I'm constantly worried.

The other day I just went into the bathroom and cried for half an hour. Why? Well, let's see, my back aches and I don't know why. My eyes feel swollen and itchy and sometimes are red for hours. And I don't know why. When I walk for any amount of time, my legs get tired and heavy and I'm worn out like I've run a marathon. And I don't know why. I break out into sweats at any given moment. And I don't know why. Worst of all, my brain seems to go on hiatus at various times, making me feel completely stupid and incompetent. And I don't know why. I feel so cranky all the time. And I don't know why. I feel great for a time and then fatigue slams into me like a wall. And I don't know why. Parts of my face, arms and legs go numb for whatever reason... Don't even get me started on what the medication does to me. The prednisone has me swollen to 40-plus pounds over my usual weight. The methrotrexate has my hair dry and falling out. My cuticles are dry, cracky and they hurt to touch anything.

I'm only 50 years old. I feel some days as if I am going on 80.

My best comfort has been in talking with the guy I used to work with. I find myself calling him up or texting him to ask ridiculous things like "Do you get the really horrible back ache for no reason?" Or, "This sounds crazy, but do you lose your train of thought right in the middle of doing something?" And I can't tell you how relieved I feel when he can say that the same thing happens to him. With other people, I don't think they take serious how scared it makes me feel. They care but they don't understand. How can they when I don't understand it either.

So, I am walking that mile. And it's so hard. It's hard not to feel sorry for myself. It's hard not to be upset at people who just seem to be clueless about how I feel.

That's all the bad stuff. Now, the blessings:

I know that God has a plan. He's never let me go through anything without a lesson. So, what have I learned or gotten out of this nightmare of Sarc?

I have been humbled, which is never a bad thing! I have gained compassion for anyone dealing with an illness or some other situation out of their control. I have been forced to do more praying and thinking and sitting still. I have received kindness and support from unlikely sources. I have learned to appreciate the things I can still do.

Most of all, I appreciate being humbled. One of my sins was my ego. It was easy for me to look at a person who didn't have what I had or wasn't able to do what I could do and dismiss them. I'd shrug them off as not worthy. I didn't consider what might have brought them to the place they were at and was holding them there. Now I understand that, for all I knew, God might have been working on them the way He is working on me. I've learned not to try to be all-knowing about people and their situation. I've learned that I am not as wise as I might like to think! lol

God has had to break me to make me.

Whew! I think I feel better getting all that off my chest. In the meantime, I hope that my Christian brothers and sister will pray for me. Pray that God's will be done.

Moreover [let us also be full of joy now!] let us exult and triumph in our troubles and rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that pressure and affliction and hardship produce patient and unswerving endurance.
    And endurance (fortitude) develops maturity of character (approved faith and tried integrity). And character [of this sort] produces [the habit of] joyful and confident hope of eternal salvation.
    Such hope never disappoints or deludes or shames us, for God's love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us. (Romans 5:3-5)


Peace
--Free

Getting Back In Shape

Sooo... I am on this "diet." LOL

After going from 145 pounds in July up to 185 now, my doctors have lowered the dose of steroids they have me taking. Maybe now I can start losing some of this weight I've put on. Not for vanity sake, but just so that I can get around better, feel more comfortable and, hopefully, get rid of the awful backaches I've been having. My little old frame just was not built to carry this much flesh!

I'm not really doing a specific diet, just keeping things to moderate levels. My main intake consists of cereals, oatmeal and yogurt. Oh, and coffee!

The yogurt has been the easiest to adjust to. I just take some plain Greek yogurt and mix in a little bit of some flavored yogurt. I can eat that several times a day, no problem. Oatmeal I also love, but it gets a little boring.

I'm really hoping that the pounds will come off now that the steroids are lowered. Man - I cannot even remember the days when I struggled to keep 120 pounds on myself! The days of sizes 0, 2 and 4 are LONG gone. I had to break down and get a pair of jeans the other day and I ended up with a size 14... The only thing loose are the legs of them.

But I am thankful. I am still here, not felled by this disease or some worse one. I am still able to voice my prayers to God, still able to see His holy Word, and still able to jump and shout in joy.

When I get past a lot of the physical stuff, I guess I will update the picture I use for my online presence. That one I have up is almost 8 years old, I think!

Keep me in your prayers, all.

Peace
--Free

Monday, February 06, 2006

February 6, 2006.

That was when I first started this blog. My FIRST blog. My very first post was "Introducing Free Being Free." I was about to leave Alaska and move to Arizona. My life was a scrambled puzzle and I was using the blog for comfort, advice, attention... Whatever.

I was such a different person then. Calling myself a Christian but not living like one. Lonely but not wanting to seek the right things in my life. I could have been settled, but I wasn't content.

If I could go back and do things differently, I would still have sold the house my sister and I owned, but I would not have gone to Arizona. I would not have ended up mixing family with business.  I would not have gotten married again.

Woulda, shoulda, coulda...

But who knows - my life might have been better as far as material things, but I might not have come this far in my walk with Christ. I think I needed the bad times and the heartache to get here. I needed to fall to my knees to call out to God. If that's it, then it's all been worth it.

I have to tell you, I thought about deleting some of the more revealing posts. I didn't like looking back at some parts of what I've gone through. Wanted to cover up a lot of the "old" me so that it wouldn't reflect badly on the reborn me. But, no. It's out there and maybe it needs to be. Maybe someone who is going through their own changes will be able to relate to it and use it to see what Christ can do to transform a life. Forgive me for the foul language and the worldly attitude of that "old" me.

So, still here. I am truly Free and I thank God for that.

Peace
--Free

Update on Newest Blog

Have finally come up with a name I like for the newest blog: Friend or Faux.

Feel free to check it out, but only if you really want to think about your Christian walk.

What Is Your Joy Based On?

(Wrote this on my phone the other day in the middle of waiting for a doctors' appointment. It was on my mind because of how I see so many people feign joy.)

Don't use what makes you happy to make someone else sad.

I know people who can never be happy unless they compare their joy with a negative in someone else's situation. If they get a new toy, it's not just a good toy, it's better than so-and-so's. If they accompliish something positive it's because they were smarter than someone else...

You know the type, maybe. They are ecstatic about some good fortune of theirs until they can't beat someone else over the head with it. You can almost see them deflate, their joy seeping out of them...

And it's not that their toy isn't better or that they weren't smarter - it's that their joy probably wouldn't exist without someone else's lack of joy. What kind of pleasure is that?

Joy should be, I think, a completely positive thing. If your joy is based on comparisms to what someone else is or has, then REAL joy will forever be out of your reach.

Only someone who is, at their inner self, unhappy needs this - call it Competition Joy or Showoff Joy. What will happen to them when others have more than them? Will they be able to find joy in their lives when they have no one else's situation to look down over?

No, joy should be what it is: just joy for itself. Joy in your best times and in your worst times. God-given and pure.

We should never focus on someone else's misfortune in order to see our own joy. My being able to fill my home with roses is nice, but not if I use it to point out the stink in someone else's home.

Just saying.

Peace

--Free

Man Worship?

When Steve Jobs died the other day, I wasn't too surprised at all the news and comments. He was kind of a big deal.

I was surprised when the news and comments kept going and going.

People on social networking sites were admitting to being depressed and "devastated" by the loss of this man. Someone on my twitter line spoke of going out "right now" to buy a black turtleneck. In spite of someone having died, I almost had to laugh at the silliness of it.

We saw this same thing with Michael Jackson. I'm sure we'll see it again when another "star" of the world passes. Just like with Michael Jackson, I was disturbed by the way so many people were reacting about the death of someone they don't personally know - other than his products. I hope that since so many people admired him, the Christians in that crowd had prayed for him all along to be saved.

What really got me was how many Christian people seemed to be in deep grieving. I see where pastors and other church leaders had to chime in and talk about his innovation and genius and contributions to society. Of the Christians, I didn't see where many brought up the fact that they hoped he died in salvation. (The man was a Buddhist, not a Christian.) I didn't hear a cry of hope that he had, at the last minute, accepted Christ. But I heard plenty about his "genius" and ability to anticipate tech needs...

Okay.

But just a thought: if a man like Steve Jobs - who, as it seems to be, was a very smart man but maybe not the nicest - could be worshiped like this, what would it take for us to worship anyone?

Maybe it's just me, but I have to wonder if the Antichrist came along, would we be so easily impressed? I mean, let him invent something better than the i-products and we'd probably fall down in a stupor of gratitude.

Yeah, I know, I'm being a little simplistic, but...

Watch yourselves, people. Don't be so quick to be blinded by the outer of a person that you don't pay attention to the inner.

By the way, out of all the accolades heaped upon Steve Jobs, I found this one article (so far) that takes a closer look at the man and the company. (And, yes, I can tell that the author is peeved that Jobs products provided a lockout on a lot of lascivious material - which I applaud!)

Peace
--Free

I Don't Like Change!

I've said it before and I'll probably say again the next time something happens:

I DON'T LIKE CHANGE!

I have someone in my family who just got a great opportunity to grow and spread her wings, so to speak. The only problem is: she has to leave the state to pursue this.

Booooo!

As you can tell, I am being so very mature about the whole thing. I can't help it. I don't like being apart from family - not even when they tap dance on my very last good nerve. I like having them around and close by.

I think I got this trait from my mother. She liked having her brood all around her. We always had big, full homes and holidays. When a crisis hit, we were mostly close by to all pull together. Good time and bad times, I remember lots of food, lots of family and just lots of love (or something like it).

*sigh*

I just had to get that off my chest. Matter of fact, I am procrastinating. I'm supposed to be over at this relative's house right now to help her get packed up for the move. Um, yeah. I'll get over there in a minute... LOL

So, change.

I'll go along with it (I have no choice), but I won't like it.

Peace
--Free