Free of Facebook

Finally broke free of that demon Facebook! lol.

They don't make it easy to leave. I was forced to give a reason (just selecting "Other" would not do), so I type gibberish in the box. I feel like I shouldn't have to explain or give a reason. It's a website not a relative or spouse...Then I had to reload the captcha (or whatever those security letters are called) twice before I could even read the letters. I think that's their  THEN I had to notice the little tiny sentence about opting out of receiving mails from Facebook. Really? I have to tell you to leave me alone? Didn't I just break up with you???

What tedium. I'm pretty sure I will have nightmares about being pursued by the ghost of Facebook.

Still loving Google+ Even though my circles are small, I like that I can check out people's art, photos, musings and ideas without a lot of hassle. I'm waiting for Google to develop a better way to search + by interests. Right now, I have to use the basic bar search which brings up too many results. Other than that though, I'm fine with it.

I guess I'm cleaning out my internet closet. As of now, I have Google+, Twitter, Blogger and Bloggers, and a couple of smaller and random networks I participate in. I want to start integrating all my blogs that I have scattered all over the web.

I need to find out how UrbanPerspective and MrsCooper have their web stuff organized....

For now, as always

Peace
--Free

Thinking About Mom

I don't believe in ghosts or anything like that so I have never wished I could see dead relatives or friends, but last night something really nice happened to me.

I went to bed feeling sick with this stupid cold, feeling alone just from the world and wishing so much that I could just spend a few minutes with my mother.

When I was about 21 or 22, after I had left my first husband and come home, I went through a kind of identity crisis. I felt like I was just wandering through life. I didn't know what I wanted or what I wanted to do with myself. I think I went around for about a month feeling like this - just going to work, coming home, going to sleep, waking up and doing it all over again.

My mother (like most mothers, I guess) could tell that I was dealing with something deep. We are not a kissy-huggy type of family. My mother was not the type to ask you what you were feeling. It just was not her way.

What she did was, she was sitting on the couch (I think she was shelling peas or something) and when I came into the room, she patted the seat next to her. I went over and sat down and she just put her arm around me and pulled me  onto her shoulder. And I just bawled.

Mama didn't say anything, but I told her something like I felt lost. I can't remember what I said exactly, but it was something like, "I don't know who I am."

My mother told me that I was her baby girl. She said that's all I needed to be.

I never told anyone about this at the time. I think I was embarrassed. Not long before, I had had a little bit of an emotional meltdown with my sister and I'm sure she told Mama about it.

I forgot all about this happening. I don't know why because I think about my mother almost every single day.

Anyway, last night I dreamed about that very thing. The details aren't clear, but it was basically a dream about that moment with my mom.

I woke up this morning feeling better than I have for a long time. I think that God knew I needed to have that memory of my mother. It's going to help me get through a lot of stuff, and I know I have a hard road ahead of me, so I'm glad.

When my mother passed away and family came home for the funeral, we shared memories of my mom. My aunt Lizzie told us how much she loved Mama. I remember something she said to us: "Your mother had a hard life early on, so I'm glad she had a good life later."

I am my mother's baby girl. I am my mother's daughter. I am having a hard time right now, but I will have a good life later.

Peace

--Free

Thanks Given

Thanksgiving this year was good for me. I am learning to accept things and be okay with them. Life is what it is and it's futile to try to make it something else. Learning that lesson has been painful, but it's one I am thankful for.

I am thankful for coming closer to the Lord. Of course, the closer I get, the brighter His light shines on my life - exposing the best and the worst!

Believe it or not, I was even a little thankful for the snow yesterday. One of my web buddies was complaining that 70 degree weather is not nice this time of year. I get it. Don't think that I would want that kind of temp at Thanksgiving or Christmas - but I could sure use it most of the rest of the year! LOL

I am also thankful for memories of my mother. Whenever feel alone and lost, which has been a lot these days, I can think of Mom and her strength and know that I am her child. If she could deal with bad things in life, and she had to, so can I.

I am thankful for my friend Jone. She has been a true, true blessing. (She reminds me that when we first met, we really kinda didn't click for a couple of days!) I don't know how I would have survived the last few months without her friendship. Even now she is such a rock of encouragement and validation that I appreciate.

I am thankful for my doctor. What a kind, compassionate person he is. I'm sure that there are many doctors who are as good, but I lucked out in getting him.

I am thankful for the team of people working with me to get through this treatment and the aftermath to come. Julie and Ranae and Jaime and all the others. So glad for their patience and empathy.

I am glad for my sister. My rock. She gets it. She gets me.

I am glad that my little brother lived through his crisis and is here to see another year.

I am glad for this blog and the friends I have made through it. Some blessings come to us in different ways. It still surprises me that I have met people through this blog that I am in touch with almost 6 years later. (And I miss some folks, like Supasister, who are dealing with their own deep, deep feelings. I know she is out there though, and I know she will be back.)

Most of all, I am thankful for something my aunt taught me: everyday should be thanksgiving and we should love and care everyday like we do on the one day.

So, lots to be thankful for. Lots to be hopeful and grateful for. Praise God for his gifts to us.

Peace
--Free

R and R & P and P

Rest and Relaxation
With the extremely cold weather we are having here in Anchorage, we are all doing our best to stay in. At this point, I would pass up free servings of my favorite foods if I had to leave the house to get it. No jive. It's something like -2 out and the High is expected to be -1? I'm like, Are you serious? And just to make things even more fun, there might be fog later in the day. Really?

Sooo... I have my weekend entertainment all lined up. It involves blankets, pillows, several Agatha Christie books, some Murder She Wrote dvds and the computer.

Actually, I have to tell you about a movie I stumbled across on You Tube. I was setting up a playlist of all the Sherlock Holmes videos and not paying attention to the dates. One of them turned out to be a 2004 movie called "Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Silk Stocking." Let me tell you, that was a gooood movie. Rupert Everett plays Holmes and the story is full of unexpected turns and tricks. Nice. I don't know how long it will be up on You Tube or if it is part of their movie collection... At any rate, you should go check it out.

For my reading entertainment, I loaded up on a bunch of Poirot and Marple mysteries. I will never get tired of those two. I just found out that ITV (BBC tv) is going to do 5 final Poirot films. I've already watched all the 22 ones that have been done and I just love the actor David Suchet because he does Poirot so well. To see for yourself, check out one part of one of the videos. Just wish I could find Miss Marple videos as easily...

Of course, in between reading and watching movies, I will be checking in on my G+ page. I'm a little bit addicted! I don't think I've been on Facebook at all for the past few days except to read the messages that pop up on my phone. I am just about ready to shut it down, or at least follow my friend Drew's lead and start unfriending a bunch of dead weight.

Praise and Prayer
I know that there are a lot of people out there who, like me, are dealing with a lot of issues - health, financial, etc., - that are so heavy. Those issues are not just going to go away, but while we deal with them, it's important to try keeping up your spirits. If you like to exercise, then do that. If you like to knit or do crossword puzzles, then do that. Your problems are something you deal with everyday. I know that I have the doctors' appointments, meetings with counselors and social workers, then there's trying to get insurance and bills paid. It's a lot of stress. If you don't do something enjoyable in between all that, you will crack. You will forget how to smile and be joyous. You will forget how to fight against the spirits of despair and depression. The Enemy just loves when he can see us start to weaken.

Don't weaken. Let God give you strength and hope. Pray and give thanks  and give praise for all the blessings you do have and show God how you appreciate your life by enjoying what you can. Seriously, your troubles aren't going to last forever. God has plans for all of us.

For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome. (Jer 29:11)

Isn't that wonderful? Even though that was a message to a nation, Jesus's life, death and resurrection transferred that same promise to us.  So, be encouraged. Even if you lose everything else in your struggles, do not lose faith in God.

Peace
--Free

The Breakup

Dear Facebook,

We need to talk. I know, I know, no one in a relationship wants to hear those 4 words, but... Well, I'm just not feeling the way I did when we first started out. Let me try to explain.

At first, you fulfilled all my needs. You were so easy to get along with and you let me hang out with my friends... It was nice. You didn't mind when I got hooked on the games - matter of fact, you encouraged it. You made the games better and better and- Well, you know what I mean. You let me try different things. You let me have a farm with all kinds of cool equipment and buildings. I might not have had the biggest farm around, but it was a pretty one! (I didn't even tell you about the secret farm I had on the side... No matter. I never used it much. When I found out that was cheating, I was too ashamed to do anything with it.)

Not only did you let me have a farm, but when I got bored with that, you let me have my own cafe. Now that is what really made me love you even more. I tell you, I was never happier than during the hours I spent decorating that place, finding just the right name and choosing the dishes... It was pure joy. You did get a little annoyed when I started slacking a little. First with the farm - the crops were just went to weed! Then I just couldn't keep up with the cafe anymore. It just got too complicated, what with all the new and improved equipment and recipes... I almost had no life outside the cafe! And all those other chefs wanting my help. It was  a constant chatter of "Can you send me this? Can you send me that? Will you taste my salad? Will you come season my dish..."  That was bad enough, but I also had the other farmers always pleading for help with planting, sowing and trading. Sheesh! I felt like going into the witness protection program!

But still, that's not your fault. I should have stuck to the simpler pursuits you introduced me to later, like Bejeweled or Collapse. I could handle those without losing hours of my life like an alcoholic having a blackout. Plus, this also gave me more time to spend with my friends. Well, if you can call most of them that.

I was always surprised that you let me have so many friends. Maybe that's because though I ended up with over 200, only about 5 ever came around on a regular basis. The rest of them were never even in the area - not even for a drive-by post - or they only came on to have their say and disappear. Some of them were around on a regular basis - if you wanted to hear about what time they took a deep breath or what song they listened to while stuck in traffic... Then there were those who only ever commented on their own posts. You'd rarely see them visiting anyone else. They were interesting at times, but not that interesting... Yeah, I should have been a little more discriminating. I should have stuck to the friends who had something interesting to say and actually noticed what others had to say. That's what I get for going in for quantity over quality. I could have saved myself the trouble of people who stick their noses in comments made on someone else's post and then get huffy. *shrug* Live and learn.

Now, I'm not here to blame you for the time I wasted in useless farming or restauranteering (and, yes, that is a real word - or at least I think so). Anyway, the real concerns have to do with trust. I feel like I don't know what you are doing from one minute to the next. I feel so vulnerable and never know if you really are protecting me. I mean, I don't want just everybody knowing my business. It's not like sharing such personal things with you has been easy. I mean, I tend to be kind of a private person. Basically, I trust you, but I don't know who all you are associating with. I mean, really! In this day and age you have to be so careful.

Also (and I really didn't want to have to bring this up because it sounds a bit petty, but...) you tend to be a tad moody. I'm sorry, very sorry, but I just had to say it. I mean, I never know what you are going to do from one day to the next. Just when I get used to you being one way, you go and change. If you could ever just give me some kind of warning.  Because I don't mind change, really I don't. You know what we've already been through. And I've stuck with you, right?  It's just that, well, when you want to change something, do something different, maybe spice things up, it would be nice if you'd let me know.

Anyway, that's what I wanted to tell you. I don't know if it will make a difference. After all, I'm just one person out of millions who adore you. You won't miss me if I leave, probably won't even notice. Maybe someday you and I will make a better team, but for now... Well, this is difficult, but I haven't been completely fair to you either. You see, I've started another relationship elsewhere. At first, I just wanted some comfort I wasn't getting from you. I didn't expect to be swept off my feet. It all happened so fast. I had only planned to introduce myself, you know, break the ice and maybe just have a little harmless fun. Before I knew it, I was meeting new friends and having all sorts of interesting encounters... Oh, it was just glorious! Just everything I could want in a relationship.

I'm sorry that things have turned out this way. Even if you care enough to change, I can't give up this new relationship. It just meets my needs in a way that you haven't been able to. Besides, I feel like I've grown so much and learned to choose my friends more wisely. It's like starting over and getting to keep only the best while leaving the worst behind.

I'm not completely out of your life. I will stop by every now and then, when I have time, just to see how everything is going.

Well, I can't stay. I have to get back to... Well, no matter.

Take care! Smooches!

I can be reached here on G+ if you want.

Peace
--Free

Remember When

I've been in a reminiscing mood all day. With Sarc, one of the things I have trouble with is remembering. Mostly, I can remember things that happened a long time ago, but have trouble with the here and now. Since I have the precious gift of so many older memories I'm posting on the #Remember hashtag over on Twitter and figured I might as well share here:

Remember when Mom baked & you got to like the spoon?

Remember  when Moms made "sample" cakes before they baked the real one? I always got to eat the sample!

Remember when kids played hopscotch, jump rope, jacks and marbles? Do they still do that?

Remember when you got your first "press & curl" & no more pigtails? (OK this is for black women, ppl! lol)
Remember when ANY adult could smack your behind when you misbehaved?

Remember when you had to say "ma'am" & "sir" to adults?

Remember when you couldn't call adults just by their 1st name?

Remember when you could get pieces of tar to chew on? I'm sure that's why my teeth were so healthy back then.

Remember when curfew was whatever time the streetlights came on?

Remember when you could go to the corner store & get a lemon & peppermint stick? Put the ppmnt stick in the lemon.

Remember when church went on for HOURS? And it was always too hot or too cold. And you had the MLK paper fans.

Remember when getting chocolate milk w/school lunch just made the whole day better?

Remember when a bully called you out for a fight after school & you just dreaded 3 o'clock?

Remember when kids made mud pies? & somebody came out w/SuzyBake ovens. I got 1 & U couldn't tell me NOTHIN! I was Julia-Betty Cro-Childs

Remember playing dress-up in Mom's clothes? I dang near broke my ankle wearing her heels.

Remember  the smell of freshly mimeographed papers the teacher handed out?

I Remember when my mom could make a feast for the family out of a potato, onion & a piece of hamburger meat.

I Remember my first "perfume" was vanilla extract & baby powder.

I Remember  being taught that no matter how old I am, I'm still to respect those who are older

I Remember being taught that being "grown" and being mature are 2 different things. There's too many immature "grown" folks these days.

I Remember when our phone was on a party line.

I Remember riding w/mama in this old light blue truck. Seats were all cracked, smelled like oil rags & gear shift was on steering wheel.

I Remember that during lightening storms, grandma wld unplug EVERYTHING & we kids had 2B very still & quiet.

I Remember my aunt's sweet tea. It was real strong w/about 2 inches of sugar sitting in the bottom. Haven't had such delicious tea since.

I Remember catching lightening bugs & using the glow part for jewelry.

I Remember eating hoecake w/onions & gravy, pinto beans & hot water cornbead. Daddy liked hot skillet cornbread w/cold buttermilk. 

God's blessed me to have so many wonderful memories. I hope you enjoyed the stroll as much as I did.

Peace

--Free

Almost Over Facebook

Why?
Truly, I really am just about over Facebook. There's really only two reasons that I can blame of Facebook itself:

1- Too many changes, no stability.
2 - The whole privacy issue thing

Everything else that bothers me about Facebook is my own fault. For one thing, I have let my "friend" list get way out of control. One of the reasons I participate in social networks is to, well, network. I'm not talking anything fancy, but I like the exchange of ideas and information. I get that from Twitter, but there's that whole 140-character limit thing...

Twitter
The best thing about Twitter is the constant interaction. You can always find someone who shares your interests. There's very little dead weight and if there is, you can easily pare down your list. I currently "follow" 1431 people (or groups) on Twitter and I have 1737 following me. Here's how that breaks down:

Tweeters I interact with on regular basis (such as group meets, Bible study, She Speaks,  Vocal Point, etc) 100-200 (sometimes more, depending on attendance or a Twitter "party").

Interact with 1-on-1 on regular basis (Twitter stream and  DMs) 100 - 150
Interact with via DM and email on constant basis 20-25
Interact with on semi-regular basis (outside Twitter stream) 10-15
No interaction or rarely on Twitter stream 30-45

Another big Twitter plus: I can put out a prayer request and immediately have at least 20 to 30 folks respond.

Facebook
I know I'm not the only one having fits over all the changes on Facebook. The privacy and issues of instability is Facebook's fault. It's my own fault that I don't enjoy the interaction (or lack of). For one thing, I let my "friends" list get out of control. On Twitter, I pick people based on interests and ideas and common intellect. On Facebook, I picked family, friends, acquaintances, fellow gamers... I pretty much approved anyone who sent a request. As of today, I have 202 "friends" and here's how that list breaks down:

People I know personally, am related to 81
People I know, but haven't seen for years (but we interact) 7
Ditto (but we don't interact) 41
People who are rarely or never even ON facebook 72
People I only know online, but communicate with regularly 5
People who actually talk about something other than what they ate or where they checked in at 9
People I have no idea who they are at all 11
People I only have on my list because of the games 12

There's a lot of dead weight. Out of 202 "friends," I get very little or no interaction. Unlike Twitter, I'm networking with people who are not in my life area: I don't party, curse or talk about a lot of the things I dis before I committed to Christ. Most of my posts or "shares" are news stories (because that's a big interest) or of Christian and social interests. Don't get me wrong - I love my friends and family, but most of them are not the most conservative of folks...

The Switchover
 I have been looking around for something more expansive than Twitter and more substantial than Facebook. I've signed up for an invite to Diaspora (which might be a little over my head) and I very recently set up my Google+ profile.  My dream is to somehow have the best of Twitter, Facebook and my blog communities. It's going to be hard to leave Facebook, though. Problems and all, it's still the first place where I was able to have all the family "together."

Google+
The thing I like about Google+ (so far) is that I can set up "circles" of  friends. It seems much easier than the lists on Facebook. One of the first things I've done is designate circles to keep everyone in their own little realm. Now I have to figure out how to add the FB, Twitter and Blog folk I want to keep. Other than family, there are only about 7 people I'm taking from Facebook. Twitter is going to be more complicated.

The one downside I can think of is that I'm not sure how many people use Google services. I've used Google for around 5 or 6 years - for my blogs, mail and the many other services they've had - but I don't know a whole lot of people with even Gmail. Hmm... Gonna have to think on that.

So... I will hopefully be able to shut down my FB account sometime in the very near future. Pretty sure I will go through withdrawals. In that case, I'll just open another FB account and keep the friends' list on the quality-not-quantity side.

Peace
--Free

You Don't Have to Like It...

(This was originally posted at my Friend or Faux blog. That blog is newer than this one and, probably because of the religious nature, does not get as many visitors as this one. SO... I am sharing this particular post here.)

This is not for non-believers. This is strictly for Christians - and not those who just call themselves Christian, but for the ones who truly desire to live what they claim. (Non-believers won't like it, but they don't really care, right? And "pick-and-choose" Christians will probably choose to ignore it.) By the way, this post is a result of talking to people I care about who choose to ignore some of the things I am discussing.

You don't have to like it, but you might want to pray about it:

• Practicing Yoga is not for the Christian. I have family members who practice it and I want to say they do it out of ignorance or being fashionable. Some have been led to believe it is okay because of bad teaching. I was stunned to realize that there is something out there called "Christian Yoga." Whatever the reason, I have warned them about it. Not sure if they appreciated my warning, but they might want to pray about it. For everyone else, here is one reference to examine and here is another. Now, go talk to God about it.
• What you listen to, watch  and do does affect your life. I had a real hard struggle in giving up listening to music and comedy that had foul language and shady references to Christianity. When I started weeding out things for the language, that was almost all of it. As a Spirit-filled Christian, why would I want to be bombarded with crude references to women, sex and life?  Or listen to someone brag on and glorify their material pursuits or criminal activities?  Then, when I looked at the lifestyles of the people producing this "entertainment" or diversion, I had to ask why I would support or encourage them. What exactly are they diverting my attention to?  My  own current battle: I have a nasty tobacco smoking habit that I am struggling to quit. Not only is it bad for my physical health, but it's a weapon the Enemy can use against me when I am trying to witness to others. My doctor has started me on a new medication to help me in my quest to quit.
• Prayer is central to the Christian life. Reading and studying the Bible is central to the Christian life. I know many Christians who are first in the line going into the church on Sundays but they war against the very gospel because they don't pray or read the Bible. They believe what they want to believe or what the world tells them to believe, but when a fellow Christian tells them something, they react from their feelings. What they should do is learn to listen, then go to the Bible prayerfully to see what the Lord wants. In other words, get prayerful and seek Christ on something before you get mad. This was a hard thing for me to learn. When I had things pointed out to me - like my cursing and smoking and entertainment choices - my reaction was either to get defensive or point a finger back at the person telling me I was falling into a trap. When I learned to pray about things and really take a look at what they were telling me, most times I had to agree that they were right. Doesn't mean I changed what I was doing right away, but I was convicted by truth. 
• Sin will either feel good or it will feel bad. Either way, its effects and consequences are always bad. 

Finally, before you get on a huff and start telling me it isn't my business what you do, I am doing this out of love and out of what the Bible teaches:

But instead warn (admonish, urge, and encourage) one another every day, as long as it is called Today, that none of you may be hardened [into settled rebellion] by the deceitfulness of sin [by the fraudulence, the stratagem, the trickery which the delusive glamor of his sin may play on him]. (Heb 3:13, Amplified)

You don't have to like it and I don't either. I just feel like I needed to warn you. The Bible tells us in Proverbs 9:8 that a "scorner" will hate you for it, but a wise man will love you. (And, yes, there is a difference between "judging" and rebuking, warning or correcting.)

Happy-Happy, Joy-Joy

This is going to be happy post. A buddy of mine has demanded that it be. (If you make it to the end, there is a reward of sorts!)

The other day I was in a really snotty mood (part Sarc & part human button-pushers) and after my pal let me vent, she suggested that I fight the blues with some joy.

"You know what?" she said, "Sometimes people aren't out to ruin your day. They just do and say normal things that seem irritating because of the mood you're in."

Good logic.

"So why don't you - when someone says or does something that makes you feel mad or hurt or whatever - why don't you just think of a blessing?"

For some reason her advice sounded familiar.

"I happen to know that it works," she continued. "A really good friend of mine taught me the trick."

Oh. Yeah. I remembered telling her the same thing once.

So, I've been taking my boomeranged advice and it does work. Sometimes, if the Sarc has my mind fuzzy, I just say, "Thank You, Jesus." It's something I usually say when I'm feeling good, but it's even better to remember giving thanks when I feel not so good.

When I reported back to my friend how this was working out, she suggested that when I just feel frustrated with life in general, I should think humorous thoughts. Now, even though I have a blog dedicated to humor, I thought I'd share some short & funny pieces here. We all deserve to smile sometimes. Enjoy!

*****

*Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.
*Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
*The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
 (credit to these folks)


*I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
*Alcohol never solved any problems, for anyone... but then again, neither has milk.
*I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here
*Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
(credit to these folks) 

*I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months- I don’t like to interrupt her.

*I have CDO. It’s like OCD, but the letters are in alphabetical order, LIKE THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE.

*A retired husband is often a wife’s full-time job.

(credit to these folks)

Peace

--Free

Me + My Hair = ?

I am thinking it might be time to cut my hair off. I've been hanging into the parts that the medicine hasn't taken out yet, but I'm finding more and more thinning patches.

This is another blow to my already flagging mood. I know that it shouldn't be that big of a deal. It's just hair, right? And someday it will (probably) grow back. And, even if it doesn't, I shouldn't be that vain. I should just be thankful for all my serious blessings - not sitting here grousing about hair.

But, in the meantime, it's the last physical thing that seems normal about me. With all the rest of my life in a mess, I have my body morphing into a perpetually pregnant shape, my face all chipmunk-y. Add the back aches, leg aches and red-itchy-swollen eyes... All I have left is what's left of my hair. (If I comb it just right, it's hard to tell that parts are missing.)

It doesn't really matter though. Tell the truth, most of the time I don't have the energy to deal with it. Takes too much time to fix it so that it looks normal. I have so little left on the sides that it looks shaved.

It's just hair though. I should be ashamed for even thinking about it. My blessings are too numerous and the sufferings of others are too deep for me to be worried about my hair.

It's just hair.

Peace
--Free