Randomness

I haven't bothered with my old blog where I used to post different sites from around the web. I miss it a little, so here's some random stuff for you:

Brie-cicles... She's Joy, she's a baker. The site's amazing. The  brie-cicles are my favorite.  Bookmark her site.

Portable Apps... Found this site of cool sites on a G+ post. Been hooked since then. Go and explore.

Count your calories, or... let Calorie Count do it for you. I'm doing the whole getting my fat-a$$ into shape thing. I'm using other resources I'll school you on, but this is my fave for checking nutrition labels. (And, no, you don't have to sign up to use, but it would be nice & will give you greater access to the tools there.)

My Fitness Pal... is, so far, my favorite online fitness journal source. For one thing, there is an accompanying phone app that actually works on my Blackberry. For another, it seems a little more user-friendly than the others I have tried so far. Of course, that's me, you might like one of these others...

• FitDay - Has iPhone app. Kind of pushes the premium services. 
• Live Strong - Can use Facebook to connect (boo, hiss). Partner of the Lance Armstrong Foundation. 
• Everyday Health - has "My Calorie Counter" buried in the site. (I started out using this one but switched to Fitness Pal.) MCC is in midst of changes, so it's not very user-friendly. I found it difficult to navigate through the different menus... So, meh, your call.
• Calorie Count (mentioned above) - has same tools as most of these sites. I haven't tried them yet.

That's a start, but there are others I haven't even really looked at (My Food Diary, My Net Diary, Fit Click & so on... my oh my!)

Well, I had a few more items to add, but I got carried away with the food diaries. Now I have to go and deal with my offline life, so I will try to get back another time and add more random things.

Peace
--Free

Oh... Screeech!!! Back up, back up...

I forgot to add Ideeli - a shopping site. Tho I am too dang broke to shop there (yet), I have fallen in love with their purses and boots. (I get weak for 3 things other than a good man: perfume, purses & boots, yes ma'am). Ideeli doesn't do fragrances, but that's what Sephora's is for. Meantime, are these boots just too freaking hot to trot??? Then again, I'm no longer the clothes whore I was as a younger woman!

I am a little disappointed in the Shoe section. Nothing simple-sexy-classic - just a bunch of clunky looking things. No one makes a really pretty heel anymore...

Anyway, Ideeli has most of what you'd want to browse for. I didn't check out the jewelry - jewelry is personal & I don't like to glob it on;each piece should be really special. There are plenty of known "labels," if that's your thing. BTW - it's a "join" site, but you don't have to do so just to browse.
Enjoy.

   

Materialistic Moments

It is taking me forever to write this post and get it ready to "publish." It's a little project of mine where I share some of my moments of materialism.

I am a pretty low-maintenance kind of woman (in my more, ahem, mature years) and I long ago got over the notion of money buying happiness. But. I am woman, watch me shop! LOL Actually, I can't and don't really even want to shop til I drop, but this is a game an old friend and I liked to play. We called it dream shopping. We'd pick a specific type of item and then dream about what we'd buy if money were no object. The irony is that we did this when we were sometimes supposed to be working. (We were on the night shift and things often got slow. Had to find some way to kill the time!) It was such fun. I haven't heard from that particular friend in a long time, but our little game is still a fun way to pass the time.

Today's dream subject: perfumes, perfumes, perfumes...

Ahh, what can I say? This is the maker of the most fabulous fragrance ever.

I cannot even describe to you what this scent makes me feel. (You know I belong to the Guerlain site!) There was a time when I had over 15 Shalimar bottles and holders. I hope they are still in my storage, but I believe the man I was married to got rid of them...

Then there was this wonderful scent. The funny thing is, I could only ever find it in miniature sizes. Great fragrance though, and way more (and I do mean waaaay more) affordable than Shalimar. 

Flori Roberts "Gold" fragrance was a winner. I'd have men and women stop to ask what scent I was wearing and where I got it from. Sadly, the scent is discontinued. I couldn't even find a picture of the bottle or box. The pic I'm including is from another F.R. product with a similar looking box. I'm so sad...

I have to explain this one since it is a men's cologne. Somewhere on this blog I have previously posted on how I feel about smelling this scent on a man. Oh. My. Good. Mercy. This is the most intense scent. Ever. I loved this so much that one Christmas I gave the women in my brothers' lives a gift by giving all the guys this cologne. Yes, the ladies were very happy. I even got some for myself. I'd spray it on my pillow and sheets just because it smelled so good. (Okay, and because at the time I was single and just liked having that masculine smell around. LOL) So, yeah, this one is on my dream list.

Laugh if you want, but there was a time when I was all about some Charlie. I had a bottle on my dresser, one in my purse, one in my desk drawer at work, and, yes ma'am, I kept a bottle in my car. I was more "Charlie" than Shelley Hack - and not only was she the model for the fragrance, but she ended up being one of  the "Charlie's Angels." Shoot, you couldn't tell me nothin' about some Charlie... And it was right up there with another favorite:

Emeraude. I still wear this stuff. For one thing, I can afford it and, for another thing, even if I couldn't, I bought so much when I could I still have some! Love it, love it, love it. If only it had more of an oil base and lasted on me more than half and hour. Still, classic.

I won't keep posting the pics. It's tedious because you know I forget what the hell I'm doing half the time. (I just realized I had a couple of pics that have nothing to do with this post, but I kept trying to insert them... Ah, well.)

Other perfumes (or colognes) I have loved: Dune, Hynotic Poison (not the orginal sickening, choke-a-horse crap) and Opium (yum). This one here is also a favorite, but I hate the bottle design.

Yep. It's "Angel." One of the BFF's (Barb) with her bougie ass got me hooked on this one. I think she even got me my first bottle. Then that heffa moved away and I had to support my own habit!

Now here are some scents that I wouldn't be caught alive wearing. I don't believe even my worst enemy would squirt any on me when I'm dead. I mean, what the heck???

Isn't this just insane? Of course this is not a perfume I would buy. I mean, I wouldn't even want this on my dresser... (Okay, maybe if my potential man was into it. I'd agree to keep it hidden somewhere in a lingerie drawer!) Anyway... I remember now that I had heard of products under this name a few years back. There was an uproar by concerned parents and such. The name, by the way, stands for "French Connection U.K." I have a problem getting things past my brain, so I always first see the wrong word - you know, the "bad" word. Silly world, huh?

Surprisingly, Britney Spears' fragrance is not that bad. It's not for my body chemistry, but it smells really nice on my niece. (She is embarrassed that it's from Britney so she hides it in the very bottom of her purse. Idiot.)

Other than Emeraude, I have in my possession (only because I stockpiled when I had a JOB and something called "disposable income"): Hypnotic Poison, Queen (Latifah's really nice fragrance), Halle (a feel-better gift from fam) and like half a drop of Shalimar perfume left in one of the bottles that survived my marriage. I won't even use the Shalimar. I just sniff the bottle every now and then to make myself feel better. LOL

Of course, there are some nasty (in my opinion, of course) scents. You know the ones, those that smell like scented rubbing alcohol, a too-sweet candle,  or (yuk) burning butt. Some scents are nice until the person wearing them decides to suffocate the rest of the world with it -  like some chick in Safeway the other day. I don't think I have ever smelled a fragrance that sugary. And she must have wanted to get rid of a stalker since she apparently soaked in it. It was way horrible. I didn't get closer than ten feet of her and I up with that stench on me. (I am so serious. I got home and my sister asked, "Are you on a new medicine?" Wow.)

Anyway... I hope I gave you a new way to pass the time. Go ahead, dream about what you would buy if you could. In this economy, dreaming is about all most of us can afford to do.

Peace
--Free

This Diet Thing

So... Can't remember (without looking at notes) when exactly I started working on the diet & exercise routine, but yesterday I joined an online community where I am able to track my progress. What surprises me most is that I didn't meet my goal of 1850 calories. I only made it to 991.

Me? Not make my daily calories?

I almost fell over when I looked at my daily total. I not only missed my calorie intake goal by almost 600, but I burned over 1500 in my exercise. Crazy, right?

I knew how many calories I'd been burning, but I really believed I was eating way more calories during the day. I am going to have to be careful. I don't want to pass out somewhere.Wouldn't that be hilarious? The woman who was trying to eat the world just a couple of months ago...

At the rate I'm going, I am hoping to be back in really good shape by the time we get warmer weather. It will not only be much easier to do some outdoor walking, but I won't have to layer down in clothes to cover all this fat.

Vain as it may be - I cannot wait to wear cute clothes and shoes again. I'll probably just stand in front of a mirror naked for the first few days! I haven't even wanted to look at my body for almost a year. It's going to be nice to have a waistline again.

Yep, Spring is coming up all over the place.

Peace

--Free

My Mama Was Right...

... About a LOT of things. That dawns on me more and more as each day of my life unfolds.


 For instance, Mom always said that people need to learn the difference between friends and acquaintances. It took me a while, but that one sunk in when I was in high school. I had a habit of claiming almost anyone I met as a friend. Whenever some random person ended up disappointing me, Mom would repeat herself about friends vs acquaintances. I'm glad because the friends I have happen to be very few but very true.

Another of Mom's lessons was to be kind to everyone because you don't know what anyone is going through. This is proved out by a really deep friendship I have now. The friend and I are so opposite on the surface that I wasn't sure about her at first. Now that we are friends, I've learned that, around the time we first met, she was going through one of the darkest times in her life and was almost to the point of giving up. I was feeling pretty worthless myself, thanks to the abusive relationship I was in. The funny thing is, what brought my friend and I together was sharing laughter and not misery. I didn't even realize she was unhappy until later on.

Even the broken relationship of my marriage is helped by Mom's advice. I will never be able to be with that man again, but I don't hate him.  He's not a bad person, he just has things to deal with that make him the way he is.

Mom also told me that doing wrong does not go unpaid. I'd get this talk from her when I was sure that someone had treated me wrong. Mom wouldn't agree or disagree, she'd just tell me that I was learning from my own experience how NOT to treat people. She'd say that no one gets away with hurting others - not in the long run. At the time, I thought she was talking about how bad people would be judged by God in the end of it all. What I learned later on in life is that evil, cruel or just "bad" people are re-paid in life - by the life they live. Think about it: people who are truly "bad" cannot be truly happy. Happiness does not breed anything bad.

One of the strangest things my mother said to me a long time ago (and I have to paraphrase and piece this together the best my bad memory will allow me!) happened after she went on a little day cruise during a vacation. At the time, I was making pretty good money, but Mom, my sister and I were also raising the four kids. During this vacation that Mom and I were on, I was stressing the whole money thing. Our vacation budget was so tight that I was scared to do anything not planned. Well, mom wanted to go on a day cruise. No, let me stop fronting and say this: Mom WENT on a day cruise because that's what she wanted to do. Later on, when I was being all passive-aggressive, letting her know how she had strained the wallet, she gave me a talking to. (Remember now, I am a grown-ass woman at the time!) She told me that it's important to be careful with money but not to the point of being miserly. No matter how broke you are, you have to enjoy life. The important thing, in her opinion: not to get attached to either poverty or wealth.

I am glad that I listened to my mother. Because of the things she taught me, I have lived well, made great friends, survived really horrible things, and been able to (mostly) smile through it all.

I miss my mother every day.

Peace
--Free

First Moves

It's 4:30 in the morning. I'm wide awake.

My best friend and I were up really late talking. About men.

Men. They really are hard to figure out.

My friend and I are both in situations where we have what we are calling our "Grown folk crushes." And neither one of us can figure out what the objects of our crushes are thinking.

This is some hilarious stuff. To be grown and still not able to "get" what a man has going on in his head...

What do men think? Do they worry that if they are attracted to you, they have to wait to make sure you are attracted to them? Why are their signals so subtle?

Yeah. So. J and I have decided (because we are women and always logical) that both our crushes are just as nervous as we are about approaching someone they like. Makes sense. No one wants to risk being deflected. No one wants to make the first move.

So. What to do? What to do?

J has made up her mind to make the first move. Easy for her. If she gets cut off at the pass (get it?) she doesn't have to see her crush again. Embarrassing but survivable. She can lick her wounds, come tell mama-pal all about it, have some ice-cream and move on. Eventually.

Me. Hah. I'd have to feel like crawling under a rock in shame every time I saw my crush. Or move away. Or just will myself numb and blind and completely undisturbed every time I saw him.

Wow. You think that as you get older, you get wiser, right? Well, that ain't happening over here.

Before we hung up, J asked me the world's stupidest question: "What's the worst that could happen?"

What is she? New to the planet? The worst that could happen is that I end up mortified and frozen on the spot. Just end up standing there, rooted to the spot, mouth hanging open while I try to think of a way to act like I wasn't telling someone that I am attracted to them. I mean, how do you play that off? Say something like, "Oh, okay, so... heh heh. Yeah.... All right. Um..."? See, I'm good at most social situations, but I really don't think I could pull that off without looking like I need rehab for the critically stupid.

Bottom line is, I haven't decided what to do yet. I am the queen of proud. There is almost no way I would set myself up for that kind of humiliation. Almost no way. I might get a burst of crazy and just blurt everything out the next time I get the chance. Tell you what though, J better have ice-cream and sugar cones ready. And not just the regular old sugar cones, but those really nice waffle-y kind - the ones coated on the inside with chocolate. And maybe some Snickers bars. I can't survive crushing (really, did I say crushing) disappointment without caloric comfort.

Whatever happens, I will let you know. Because if I'm going to go down in flames, I might as well write about it.

Peace
--Free

A G+ friend posted this song I had not listened to in a while. It's really the kind of song you hum to yourself when you are crushing on someone. (Etta James' "At Last" doesn't come til your are out of crush stage and into the getting-to-know-ya stage.)



(And, by the way, that whole "women always logical" thing? You know that was just a joke, right? Of course you did.)

Getting Healthy for Summer

Um, so...

I am seriously back in "Gotta" mode.

Gotta kick this cigarette habit, gotta lose this weight, gotta get myself thinking straight so I can get back to work.

Hell, I even feel like I gotta do something with the crazy hair of mine. You might think that's silly and vain, but, trust me, I look like a hot Edward-Scissorhands-is-my-stylist mess. Really. It is that bad.

The exercising is going well. I'm a little frightened by how well. I keep thinking that I'm starting off so good that there's nowhere to go but down. (I am so cheerful these days!) Anyway, here are pics (aka: PROOF) of my stats from the past few days...


This (on the left) was actually NOT my best day. I have proof from my family that I did an hour once. Funny thing is, the calories for that hour were about the same as for the 45 minutes.

Not so bad. Did it all to Chaka Khan & Etta James.

For some reason, THIS dang near killed me!

I am missing some pics from my camera. Think I stored them to different places. But, anyway, you can see I am making an attempt at the exercise.

Dieting is extremely easy. I am a proud person, so I don't like to eat food that's not mine. Also, I've gotten so picky lately about what I like. Kind of back to the yogurt and cereal phase. I am listening to my doctor and trying to fit proteins in there.

The cigarettes? That's just insane. I'm  not slipping up and smoking, but I am so cranky that no one wants to be around me...

Oh, and the hair situation? Not sure about that yet. I will either break down & relax it (and risk having to make an emergency trip to my friend Sharon to have her fix it) - OR... I will leave it natural and add some length with a weave. I'm not good at doing self-weaving, just so ya know.

As for getting primed back up for work, I tried going over one of the old Broker's Exams the other day. Totally depressing! Every answer, every concept was right there on the edge of my mind... I actually even forgot how to code garments. Like I didn't clear imports for fifteen freaking years!!!

The best I can do is stay hopeful and hope everything gets better. Something wonderful is going to come out of this nightmare, I just know it.

Here is hoping that you guys are all staying healthy or getting there.

Peace
--Free

Doctors, Staff. Patients & Patience

(Note to readers: Not posting as much because I have some trouble putting my writing together lately. I have to write things out longhand before typing them. The Sarcoidosis makes it hard to put the thoughts and words together spontaneously - though, surprisingly enough, I can still type pretty well. The writing and proofing on paper has got to be good for keeping my abilities up. I hope I can get it finished and posted soon.)

Anyone who knows me has heard me speak about my doctor. I know that there are many, many excellent physicians, but my doctor is the best one for me. I truly believe that God put me in his care when I fell sick with the Sarc. For one thing, I have always hated having to see a doctor and  had never been hospitalized before. I was terrified at the idea of being that ill, and everything was very confusing to me at the time. My doctor is "new" enough that he is still passionate about his calling and tireless in the pursuit of it. On top of that, he is just a good and decent person.

Having said that, I have to admit that I am probably the worst kind of patient! I'm scatter-brained (somewhat by nature and somewhat by Sarc) and can be difficult. I don't always readily follow the doctor's orders and I am sometimes resistant to common sense.

Still, my doctor is the soul of patience. I think maybe one reason God put me in his care was to build up his patience for patients (not trying hard to sound cute!) and show him the worst right off the bat.

I have gone in for appointments in various stages of lucidity, fear, hysteria, depression, optimism... You name it, I've felt and shown it. And, through it all, my doc has been steady, hopeful, truthful and uplifting. He stays honest with me - not sugar-coating anything, but he doesn't ever make me feel like I'm  facing something I can't handle. Matter of fact, I could swear that he oftentimes has more confidence in me than I have in myself.

Most doctors (at least the few I'd previously seen) feel only responsible for the specific physical health issues of their patient. Like if you go to a doctor because you have migraines, they work to treat the headaches - ease them and find ways to maybe end them. They don't have to give a damn about whether or not you are depressed because you have the headaches, or whether your headaches make your life hell in general. They don't have to, but some do. My doctor does give a damn. I guess that about sums up my situation.

I think that if I were my doctor, I'd probably be ready to go into therapy by now. Probably I'd have to pray for strength, meditate or do some calming, stomach acid-cooling pill-popping just before an appointment. (I take that back. I would not be my doctor. Period.)

Actually, I have two doctors. The other one is a specialist. He's excellent and has been wonderful to me during my treatment. He's a little more remote. I know that he's had his "me." Somewhere, at some point, he had the patient like me who just broke him right in. I'm sure that's why doctors put up those cool exterior defenses - to keep from being worn down by so much caring. It's great to care, but I bet when you've got a bunch of patients to deal with, there's only so much of yourself to give.

So. I am thoroughly grateful to be my doc's patient at this time in his profession. Or maybe (and I really believe this might be the case), maybe my doctor is just in the right profession for his personality, character and depth of compassion. I think he may be one of the rare ones. One of those who won't "burn out" because his well of sincerity is deep enough to span his lifetime.

Oh, and I can't talk about my doctor without talking about some of the nurses I have been under care of. Talk about having to be a special kind of person! I could never be a nurse because all my feelings show so clearly. Apparently nurses have additional skills that concern facial muscles. During just that one stay in the hospital, I saw what these men and women really go through. I thought I was a unique pain in the ass. Noooo... I saw nurses having to deal with patients who went out of their way to be human headaches.

One of my hospital roommates had a knack for waiting until the nurses were at their busiest before she became a quality assurance tester for the Call button. She'd announce to me what her request was going to be just before she buzzed. "I'm going to need a snack because that meal was just flimsy." (Our meals were not the least bit "flimsy.)  Or, "I think they're going to have to give me a sleeping pill. I feel like I'll be up all night." (She was up all night because she watched TV and yakked on her cellphone.) People I know and love are fair game, but I hate being rude to strangers, so I'd just vaguely acknowledge this woman and then go back into my stupor of boredom. She'd lean on that buzzer until I just knew everyone at the Nurses' Station was visualizing a strangulation, Hell, if I'd been lucid enough, I'd've done it for them and claimed emotional duress or something. Did those nurses grit their teeth or roll their eyes or, I don't know, come in and slap the tastebuds off this woman's tongue? Nope. They came in just as if her every need was their only duty. Wow. Just a beautiful bunch of folks they were. (And me with my crazy ass, I couldn't remember not a specific name when I was surveyed later! That has bothered me a lot ever since. The best I could do was indicate the dates I was in their care.)

So, if you are ever sick enough to need a doctor or a hospital and nurses, be thankful for the good ones. Be nice to nurses. It takes special people to do such a disgusting and stressful job with a smile and kind word.


Peace
--Free

A Lovely Day

Summer is coming.

I can't wait to sit in the sunshine and just... be.

Maybe ride in a car with my hand out the window.

Or find a pretty spot outside and dance a little.

Have some wine.

Smile and think of pleasant memories.

Be thankful for family and friends.

Thank God for His bringing me through some things.

Smell the air, feel the breeze, glow in the sun.

I am for sure going to play this song and dance a little, smile a lot and be thankful...

Peace
--Free

(P.S.: And, yeah, I will be thinking of you & you know who you are...)

Futuristic Architecture?

Was over on G+ where someone posted this. Fascinating to think about, but one of my G+ pals and I were wondering exactly how living in one of these buildings would work. I commented to him that I'd rather be the neighbor that could just observe it. His question: "How would you enter the building?" I wonder that myself because, as I told him, I have trouble with revolving doors. (That's actually not a joke. I am the woman who reacts to revolving doors like someone trying to jump in a a fast game of jump rope.)

Still, this is quite a strange idea...

The more I look at this, the more questions I have, like: Who are going to clean the windows? SMH... This looks like something the Antichrist would live in! LOL

Peace
--Free

Writer's Note (or) Beautiful People

I haven't written anything (creatively) in several months - not since before my diagnosis. The other day, I began to feel something stir. Don't know what it will lead to, but I have a plot in mind and a few words in my head:


Beautiful people should never fall in love


Except with us


Those so longed for should be frozen in time


Or not exist at all


Because they break longing hearts


They get into the minds and dreams of other us


Beautiful, longed-for people


They make us want them and all we can not be


We are so


Beautifully done in


By the beautiful


Beautiful people

... We will see what I can do with this. Hope my brain cooperates.

Peace
--Free