Accidental Anger

I have a LOT of incidents of getting mad on accident. I call these my "accidental anger episodes." Okay. Maybe "accidental" isn't the word to use, so let me explain.

Some days ago, I got irritated that I it seemed there was no way to use my G+ to chat on my phone. (I don't know why it bothered me since I am always showing as "invisible" on the chat. That was an accident too. I just didn't realize I was always "hiding." Anyway...) I mentioned something about this online - after I'd thrown two hissy fits and thought about kick-dropping my phone. One of the really nice people on G+ (hi, +Randy Kelly) calmly and casually mentioned the app I needed. That he didn't put our typed conversation on one of those sites, like maybe, "Stupid Things Android Owners Do," is something that may yet happen...

That's what I mean though. I got so mad that I seriously wanted to do damage to my phone - knowing that this device is my one lifeline to doctors, family and friends in case of some emergency.

Now that I am aware that I have this "anger" problem, I'm really trying to work on it, but I still have moments.

Yesterday morning, I got super pissed off that my Yahoo Messenger wasn't working. I knew it wasn't working because I had just talked to one of my nieces who'd said she was sending me something good and gossipy within 10 minutes.

Well.

I sat glued to my computer, afraid to move more than ten feet away. FOR 25 MINUTES. I was steaming when I never did get a message notification sound. I mean, my niece knows how I love juicy family gossip. My whole family knows how I love juicy family gossip, which is why some of them avoid me every now and then!

I couldn't call my niece right then because she was at work -working from home is a bigger hassle than you might realize - and I didn't want to look that eager for gossip. Anyway, I gave up on waiting for Messenger to fix itself. I tried to figure out who the hell I needed to contact at Yahoo to tell them about their crappy messaging program. I got myself all worked up over this until I wanted to chew some shoe leather (because I gave up smoking, remember?), and even hearing from one of my best friends didn't totally calm me down. (Now, if a hour-long phone call re-hashing those crazy ass Atlanta Housewives doesn't cheer me up, not much else will.)

I tuckered myself out being mad and fell asleep. The next day, I got a call from my niece. She was surprised that she hadn't heard from me after the info she'd messaged me.

"Huh?"

"Didn't you think that was hilarious?"

"Huh?"

"Um, Auntie? Have you signed into your Messenger?"

Well, hell.

I didn't know that I had to sign into Messenger to get the messages anyone sent me.  I thought that as long as I was signed into my computer, it would just...

"What did you think?"

"I thought that when you got a message something that Messenger would just beep. Or buzz. Or something."

When my niece got through laughing until she had the hiccups, she let me know that I have to at least sign in to be alerted to any waiting messages.

"I should have told you," she said. "You don't use your Yahoo mail anymore and you hardly ever have used Messenger."

Even though she was trying to be nice, I was still kind of ticked off. (And don't you just hate when that happens?)

Peace
--Free

Love It or Hate It

Love Revlon for their Black Cherry (#477) Super Lustrous Lipstick. Why? Because I have such a hard time finding a good red for my skin type. Oftentimes, the color will be okay, but the formula will dry my lips to the texture of sandpaper. Get it right, folks: all dark black people are not blue-toned; some of us have the red undertone.

Love "Wint-O-Green" Life Saver mints. They are my new addiction since I gave up the tobacco sticks. (Day 33) My only complaint is a petty one: what the hell is up with the Wint-O-Green and Pep-O-Mint names? People all over the world already think Americans are a dumb. I make spelling and grammar mistakes here, but I'm not being paid for writing this blog. Use the correct spelling, guys. (And are the makers of Life Savers even American? Wrigley's?  ~shrug~)

Love Werther's candies, but they cost damn near as much as my cigarettes. Still, love 'em! Just try one of the caramel apple ones and tell me you aren't in love.

Hate Air Wick's Fresh-o-matic Vanilla Cookie Scent. LOVE the automatic dispenser, but that scent is ugh. Smells more like stale cookies. (And I kind of have an attitude about the dispenser's snake-like sound, but...) Thank goodness it's a scent limited to funking up the holidays.

Love the Beyond Belief whipped body creme in the Fresh Cotton scent I found at Sally's Beauty Supply. I got a 4 ounce tube for a whopping dollar ninety-nine (cheaper on the web). Fell in love with the texture, smell and slightly pearl-esque glow it initially leaves on the skin. Most of all, my broke ass fell in love with that price. 

Looking at this list, I'm happy to see that I Love more than I Hate. Still, I need to find more of what I love. 

For instance, what are the best lipsticks for darker complexioned women? Are there any good soy candles out there that I can fall in love with and not go broke buying? Does anyone make a decent air freshener that lasts and smells good? While I'm at it, I'd like to know if there is a good gelato sold in major supermarkets? (Right now I'm down like James Brown with the Talenti brand.)

Ah well. Looking on the bright side,  the less I love, the more I save.

Peace
--Free

The Habit That Kicked Me Before I Kicked It

You might be real tired of hearing about it, but it is about to be Day 34 of my being smoke-free. Every day that I wake up, breathing better, feeling better - and, hell, just not making my sarcoidosis worse - I want to shout and dance like we used to do in church.

The cigarettes and I have a long and entertaining history. Think I'm kidding?

As I was telling +Marla Hughes and +J.D. Hughes last night, there was time when I walked to the store for cigarettes. Not that big of a deal to walk for the smoke, but this was 3 blocks from my job, I was wearing three and a half inch heels, a skirt and it was during the wettest, slip-tricky part of winter breakup. I must have looked like a jones'd-out hooker on my way back to my office, the way I was huffing and sucking on that cigarette...

There was another time that I learned to roll my cigarettes. (It's a sick habit when you are rolling something that isn't really going to mellow you out.) I learned the fine art of cigarette rolling because I had an unreliable husband and lived in the worst neighborhood I ever had. My husband kept the car (when we had one) and might disappear for days. Walking to the store that was down the street was out of the question. Being the slightly siddity, Bougie heifer I am, I was scared to walk to the mailbox without a security detail. Call me what you want, but the first chance I got, I bought a bag of tobacco, some tubes and a rolling machine. (My ex said I even went uppity in that respect. I guess most folks just use rolling papers.)

Like I said, cigarettes had my ass kicked several years before I kicked them. (Listen to me - talking like I've got years under the belt instead of a single month!) I would say that I had a bad thing going, but a friend of mine had it way worse to let her tell it. We worked at the same company but in different departments and, at one point, she had to spend a week on the night shift taking a class I was giving. During breaks, to keep herself alert, she told me stories of her life living and working outside an Indian reservation. I just about died laughing when she told me how she had let herself run out of cigarettes when she was without any transportation but a mule. The nearest, safest place for her to stock up was on the reservation - about six miles away. The funny part was when she demonstrated her riding that mule in dusky light to get to the store or whatever before it was too late. I asked if it was worth it. She said those were the best cigarettes she'd ever smoked in her life. At the time she was telling this to me, she had been smoke-free for about 10 years. 

I have another friend who almost lit her hair on fire. She was tossing a cigarette out of the car window (karma, karma) and it blew back in on her long hair. She damn near killed herself, trying to bat out the fire. 

Another friend got all dolled up for a date - fake hair, fake nails, tits might have been real - and, while lighting a cigarette, set an acrylic nail on fire. Had to dip her finger in her drink. Believe it or not, her and her date have now been married for a lot of years...

The most embarrassing things that have happened to me because of smoking have to do with bad luck, clumsiness and/or drunkenness. I have burned my fingers, burned my lips, and almost torched the front porch... (That last one was bad luck: Outside having a smoke, house phone rang, I dropped lit cigarette into what I thought was a paper cup with water in it. No water in cup. Cup lit up. Smoke alerted neighbor. I felt stupid. Shit, I could have felt homeless.) Once, when extremely drunk (off half a bottle of wine), I tried to put out a cigarette with my foot, forgetting I wasn't wearing shoes. I almost missed an important flight once because I just had to risk that smoke-break during a layover. Try leaving and re-entering Dallas-Ft. Worth airport's security with a twenty-minute window. Go ahead, try it.

Despite all the negatives to smoking, I can honestly say that cigarettes did serve some sort of purpose in my life. It was having a cigarette that saved my ex's life a couple of times. If I hadn't had that few minutes of smoking while I plotted, I might not have talked myself out of his murder. Think about it: no smoking in jail. There were times when the girls were teenagers and never had to find out what it would be like to have the taste slapped out of their mouths, the black beat off their asses or being knocked into a new year. This was all due to the calming influence of tobacco. Now that I think about it, my sister and I raised four kids and helped with another ten or twelve kids. I'm lucky that cigarettes is all I ever smoked. If I could drink, I'd have ended up an alcoholic, but I never get past the third glass of anything... Not to make light of it, but I'm pretty sure that crack was going to be next on my list of addictions.

Peace

--Free

Things That Shouldn't Bother Me. Shouldn't.

These are some things that really, seriously bother me. Maybe they shouldn't, but they do. Any of this ever happen to you?

• When there are 2 squares of tissue left, but no one changed the roll.
• Going to the store with a list and still managing to get all the way home missing something.
• Making plans with the people you love and they have the gall to hold you to them.
• When someone comes into a room and drops a stinky Butt Bomb then leaves. I don't know about you, but I'm always sitting there either a) wondering if, among my other health issues, I am now emitting some kind of funk that I am unaware of at the time, b) looking like the guilty party when someone else wanders in, or c) trying to hold my breath and find the air freshener before the Green Mist can cling to me.
• Getting your mouth all wet for last night's leftovers only to find an empty container.
• Preparing a meal and, halfway through cooking and measuring,  realizing you are out of something. It's never the main ingredient, but it's usually one that makes the dish worth the calories.
• When stuff is stacked so haphazard in a freezer that the ice cream fall out and damn near breaks one of your toes. (Does not matter at all that it's not my freezer and I am stealing a taste of your ice cream.)
• When I eye-flirt with the cute guy who smiled at me in the store and he misses it because he's off in la-la land, but not the John Gacy behind him. No. It's those guys that always catch the look...
• Waking up out of dead sleep because I have dreamed  the idea that will make me rich and happy - just as the idea is dissolving into a maddening fog of... nothing.
• Seeing your doppelganger who looks better, dresses better and seems to set the standard for... being you.

I just want to think that I'm not the only one who thinks like this.

Peace

--Free

**REVIEW** Face & Body Care

Haven't done one in a while, and I really have been meaning to do a review of Bio Oil. It's just about one of my favorite things to keep on hand. Living in Alaska can suck the moisture out of a camel's hump. Imagine what it does to our skin. Bio Oil isn't the only thing, but it's one of my faves. Here it is with the rest of my personal arsenal:

Bio Oil  - Every skincare product does not work for every person, so I can't say what this will do for you. For me, this stuff is like magic. I use it on my face before I go to bed and first thing in the morning. Sometimes, depending on what type of Sahara effect this place has on my skin, I use it once or twice during the day. It goes on oily (duh), but rubs in so well that, at least for me, doesn't stay oily. I'm pretty sure all that massaging it in does good for the circulation. I mostly use it on my face, but when I have concerns about other parts of my body, well, it works good anywhere. (I originally heard about it from women worried about stretch marks after pregnancy. I've never been pregnant, but when that 65 milligrams of prednisone kicked in back in 2011, I looked like I was having somebody's triplets.)

I don't use it on my hair because it's too expensive for that (the oil, not my hair, which is all mine), but I have one friend with dry and kinky-but-I-mean-nappy hair. She doesn't process her hair in any way and says the Bio Oil keeps it soft and moisturized. I have started using the oil on my lips at night and in the morning along with a rub of lemon juice. (Getting these motherpuckers ready for Valentine's Day.) I also use the oil on my elbows and knees. I'd use it on my feet if I thought it would help, but that would be like trying to feed a continent with one Cheese-It. For the normal person with normal feet, Bio Oil is probably perfect. My feet need a quarterly appointment with a lady and her chisel and acid. Yeah. I have no real secrets left.

By the way, if the oil by itself does seem to be too oily for you, but you still want the conditioning of it, just use it on wet skin only. My income-poor ass has done that just to stretch out my supply.

Note that the the website hails Bio Oil as "America's #1 multi-use skincare oil." That may be true, but if you plan to "multi" anything with it and not go broke, try buying it in the 3-pack at Costco or Sam's Club. It's $10 for a 2-oz bottle at the Anchorage Walmart. I paid around $21 at Sam's for a pack with 2 2-oz and 1 4.2-oz bottles. Score!)

***

No 7 - This skincare product  line is by Boots. (Don't ask me. I never heard of this Boots. I thought the product was made by a company called Numbers.) There is a whole range of skincare, makeup, etc. Like I said, I didn't know. I just use the anti-aging serum called "Intense." (Makes me sound like I need a lot of help, don't it?) I literally stumbled over this stuff at Target's. Literally. A tube of it had fallen or been dropped on the floor and I stepped right on top of it and damn near slid to the furniture aisle. Whatever. I recovered my cool gracefully. My friend is the one who looked stupid, giving herself laughing cramps.

What I like most about the product is that it's cheap (about $12), hypo-allergenic, is cheap, goes on smooth, feels amazing and is cheap. It really does feel great on the skin - not greasy but very-- it's true so I have to say it-- intensely moisturizing. On top of being cheap, a little dab goes far. If you live in a normal climate, you probably will never have to use anything along with it. I probably won't in the summertime up here, but right now, I do use it over my Bio Oil in the morning only. (Remember, the Bio Oil soaks into the skin - or that's what it feels like.)

Palmer's Cocoa Butter Formula Moisturizing Body Oil - (My mouth dried out just saying it!) This is cheaper than Bio Oil so I use it on the rest of my body.  Actually, I would use the Palmer's on the rest of my body even if I was Bill Gates' wallet. It's just the best stuff. But I can't use it on my face. Also, I wish it didn't smell all cocoa-buttery, but, hey, the smell doesn't linger too long. This is something I do use on my feet as well just because, between chiselings, it does make those dogs look a little less... arid. Not summer-sandal-worthy, but it keeps them from being bad enough to shred paper with. (Why am I putting myself on blast like this?)

The best thing about this product is how silky it makes you skin feel. You watch, your skin will feel so good, you'll walk around touching yourself. (But don't. At least, not like that. At least, not in public.) I will warn you women: if your man is picky about how you smell, give this oil some time to mellow out before you add any perfume or such. Maybe because I have a thing about perfumes, I find that adding any scent too soon after the Palmer's is like "good + good = funk." Also - and I can't believe I almost forgot to mention this - do not get this crap on fabrics. I have a favorite sheet set that I now can only put on the bed top-part down. Shit. Got a big old bed out of a hooker-motel-looking stain the size of my ass on the sheet. That's because I sat my naked, oiled-up ass on the bed one day.

Anyway.

So, that's the lowdown. Get out there and be cheap and beautiful. You know what I mean.

Peace
--Free

P.S.: my friend pointed out that I didn't mention Oil of Olay's serum this time. That's because they don't pay me. Let me quit fronting: NOBODY pays me to talk up this stuff. I just feel like sharing the news. At any rate, I've talked enough about Olay before. Apparently, the serum is only working for me during the summers now. I guess my skin had a mood swing about seasons or something.

Put Your Own Jam On It, Girl

This is probably one of the cutest videos ever.

To set the scene: it's a couple days before Christmas, me and the roomie are broke, but feeling just glad to be alive. We've finished getting the two gifts we can afford for family & friends and we are going to my fam's for dinner. Just as the roomie is about to turn off the car, one of her favorite songs comes on.

We are stupid, but we manage to cope.

Yeah. This is how we handle life and its ups and downs.

Peace
--Free

It's Business Time!

+Spencer Bryant started something with this the other day. I have a friend who sent it to me and whenever he calls me now, instead of "Hello," I hear, "It's bizness, it's bizness..." before he is laughing too hard to finish.

Had to share this with more than the Google Plus crowd...

I seriously cannot watch this without laughing out loud - loudly. (My roommate has a crush on both these guys now. They are cute and so damn funny, I don't blame her.)




Um, okay - I couldn't leave you with just that one. This next one is the one I tease my friend with now:

I'm going to become their B.A.G. - Black Alaskan Groupie! ROFL

Peace

--Free

Random, Wandering Thoughts

Random thoughts:

• I just hate when I find a product I love only to have it go away. Not go away as in a friend or sister stole it out of my house, but as in whoever made it decided to stop.
• Bodycology's "Sugared Vanilla Bean" fragrance falls on the list of things that went away. So does the Brown Sugar and Fig line of products at The Body Shop. (I actually won't buy from them because of that.)
• In the Foods Not Great For Me department: I can't decide which gelato tastes better  - the Talenti or Villa Dolce brand. I wonder if either comes close to "authentic" gelato? ~shrug~
• 26 days, 10 hours smoke free. I'm happy and proud, but why the hell am I just as broke as I was before this? Dafuq is up with that, huh? (I got my new cuss word from a cool G+ chick)
• I hate conceited folk. I don't care who you are, you just ain't that hot.
• I hate whining. It's not that bad if you are still able to whine.
• I love someone who can laugh. I don't mean a cute "tee-hee" kind of thing - I mean a big old gut throbbing laugh. (I really love someone with a contagious laugh. I have a niece who has me laughing when I don't even know what's so dang funny.)
• Mad, mad, mad that I cannot figure out how to wear eyeliner without damn near putting out an eye! (Told my niece about this & she gave me a tip: apply a little face cream around the eye, blot, then apply liner. Goes on smoother. Well, I will be damned.)
• Started this post yesterday and today someone made me laugh right from the gut. My friend got a perfectly timed photo:

good thing I'd already brushed those teeth.

• Putting together my Amazon Wish List. Told my sister and she dead-panned, "What for?" (Guess I will alert the brothers since my sister doesn't seem that interested!)
• Just thought of something I should ask my doctor about: is it  possible to have a vanilla deficiency? Not as in "not enough Keanu," but as in vanilla spray, vanilla candles, vanilla hand lotion... I am seriously beginning to wonder.

Anyway. That's enough of that. I was starting to bore myself into a nod-off. Tomorrow I will be happier and more interesting. I promise. (Baby DJ gets back on the red-eye tonight. I can't wait.)

In case you've all forgotten how adorable my nephew is, here's a throw-back pic:

Peace

--Free

Get Ready. (It's Coming....)

Yep. Valentine's Day is just around the corner.

I'm not always a grouch, so I'm going to dedicate this one to my real-life sweetheart. Perry - this one is for you. I think you will feel it even from all these miles away.

(Doesn't this remind you of us? LOL)

To the rest of the folks out there - you better start getting ready to fit into those special costu- I mean, ahem, outfits. Get saving for the flowers, candy or whatever it is that makes your sweetie smile.

Peace

--Free

P.S.: T.C. Carson used to be one of my hottest celebrity crushes... He played on that show "Living Single" with Queen Latifah. Isn't he just a chocolaty piece of gorgeousness? ~sighhhhh~

(Re-post) Children & Wisdom

(I was going through some old emails the other day and the one that prompted this post popped out at me. I've been too busy the last couple of days to play, so here's a copy/paste re-post. Enjoy)

I got this in an email & it gave me goosebumps. Maybe because I have been struggling lately over what love really is and what loving someone really means. I have been looking in the Bible for insight on the love between spouses and keep landing on 1 Corinthians 13:4 - Love is always patient; love is always kind; love is never envious or arrogant with pride. Nor is she conceited.

When I saw the answers these children gave, I realized they understand love a lot better than I do. The question "What is love?" was posed to children aged 4 to 8 by a group of professionals (according the the email) and these are the answers given:

• 'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.' Rebecca- age 8
• 'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'Billy - age 4 ('Safe in their mouth.' What a beautiful thought!)
• 'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.' Karl - age 5
• 'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.'Chrissie - age 6
• 'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.' Terri - age 4
• 'Love is when my mummy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.' Danny - age 7
• 'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more... My Mummy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss' Emily - age 8
• 'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.' Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)
• 'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,' Nikka - age 6
• 'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.' Noelle - age 7
• 'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.'Tommy - age 6
• 'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.' Cindy - age 8
• 'My mummy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.' Clare - age 6 (ROFL!!!)
• 'Love is when Mummy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.' Elaine-age 5
• 'Love is when Mummy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.' Chris - age 7
• 'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day' Mary Ann - age 4
• 'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.' Lauren - age 4
• 'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.' (what an image) Karen - age 7
• 'Love is when Mummy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.' Mark - age 6
• 'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget..'Jessica - age 8

And the final one --

Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbour, the little boy said, 'Nothing, I just helped him cry'

(I felt like crying myself when I read that last one. I once heard a minister preach about being a friend by sitting with someone during their suffering and grief. He illustrated his point with Job 2:13 Then they sat down on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights with no one speaking a word to him, for they saw that his pain was very great. The minister said that sometimes when people go through suffering, the best thing to do is to say nothing but to "sit where they sit," in other words, to sit with them in their grief. That little kid could teach everybody something.)
Peace
--Free

P.S.: This is a good time to be busy. Outside looks like this:

HUGE flakes still coming down. No signs of stopping. Ugh, winter.