Don't Give In, Don't Give Up.

I was felt personally devastated by the news that Mindy McCready apparently killed herself yesterday.
This woman is a stranger to me, but at some point when I was going though a really, really tough time, I caught an episode of Celebrity Rehab and she sang this song. I have listened to it when I needed a reminder to keep pushing on.

We never know what people are going through. No one who knows me know what I sometimes have and still do go through in my heart and mind. Whenever I have crept close to the edge of too much pain, God has pulled me back.

I didn't know her, but I am so very sorry that this woman's pain stole her away. If you are in pain, please don't let it own you. Don't give up. There are folks you can talk to.


In the U.S.:

1-800-273-8255 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

For those outside the U.S.: International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP)

Peace
--Free

Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings. Psalm 17:8

Randomly Thought

A random thing went through my mind today. There are 5 things that can make someone feel either silly, scared, or brave:

Being with a child
Being in love
Being intoxicated
Being threatened
Being dared

Like I said, just a random thought.


Peace
--Free

One Is Lonely & Dangerous

I'm kind of a loner but my family has the population of a medium-sized state. If I get off to myself for too long, someone will start a man-hunt. Every now and then, though, my folks know that I just need my time alone. I'm not sure what they think I do when I am hidden away from them, but it's really never that big of a deal. Mostly, I do a lot of thinking or praying or reading or- Well, okay, it's not always a big deal, but it can get weird. I'm going to throw this out there and ask you guys if I'm the only one that spends my "alone" time doing things like this:

• Sitting really still and trying to guess what "that" is in the Meatloaf song "Anything for Love." (Looking it up is not as much fun.) Are you like me and only come up with dirty meanings?
• Trying to do things I know I can't do because I've tried them before - like painting cute flowers on my fingernails or writing my name in calligraphy. My nails end up looking like the polish spilled on them and the calligraphy? That looks like I tried to write with my left hand - and I am right-handed.
• Think of insane ways to change my life up. I once did complete research on how to live in Guam on $30 a week. I'm told it is possible. I don't know about Guam, but I am giving Colombia some thought.
• Write and perform songs in my head that sound SO good! In my head. They sound good in my head. I've heard of air guitar and karaoke, but I think we need to have full-on fantasy bands.
• Use my unique thought processes to come up with a new product that will infect every consumer with buyer's lust. Apparently my thought "processes" are so strange that I once spent 3 hours thinking hard only to come up with... colored pencils. Yeah, I know.
• If I happen to be bored, alone and depressed, I will listen to music and manage to apply any song lyric to my life in the most negative way possible. You think I'm kidding? After a fight with a long-time friend, I made "Don't Worry, Be Happy" feel like a funeral dirge.
• If I am alone and happy, I love to cook. I just get a little too creative for my own good sometimes. I have recently come up with chicken and cheese bread pizza. I'm serious, so if you go and make money with my idea, I will be looking to sue...
• Do you remember Whoopi Goldberg's earlier comic routines - where she pretended to have long hair? I never did that because I'd had long hair before. But I am only a passable dancer - one who loves to dance. So... I was 

At 1:24 when he said "Punch it!" I threw something out and damn near had to call 911...

Peace
--Free

Internet Junk Food

As a citizen of the Web, I love almost everything about it. I mean, I can keep in touch with friends all over the world, watch interesting documentaries I might not otherwise have access to, take life-enriching classes for free, join in the reindeer games with people I might never meet, and do research on almost any subject I can think of.

Yep. I am lucky to be part of the internet nation.

Except.

Here's the thing: I have always felt like I should use the Web for more productive and positive things. I know that there are people who do.

You probably know that you can get an education online, but did you know that there is actually a University of the People? Or that you can take "the world's best courses"- for free? And then there's the discussion about taking  test-driving classes - for credit. Of course, I have to mention Salman Khan and Khan Academy.

Free education, folks. In a world where some people will walk miles to get a basic education, you and I can sit at home in our pajamas and take courses from places like Harvard and MIT and other "top universities" - for free!

So why have I been more concerned with the lives of  the Real Housewives?

Why? Because, like a lot of you, I live my Web life the way most children live their real lives. I don't want broccoli and spinach for dinner; I want pizza, or mystery meat cut into weird shapes then battered and deep-fried.

Well, that is going to change. I have got to have a healthier Web diet. I need more CNN and less News of the Weird. If I'm going to surf the Net when I get depressed, I need to spend way more time here than here.

I've kicked junkfood in my real-life diet, I've kicked tobacco, and I've damn- I mean, dang near quit cussing. Starting today, I am changing up my Web diet, which means I will be giving up a lot of the junk. Well, not all... You know I am still going to calm my nerves with an occasional visit to the gossip sites.

Peace
--Free

P.S.: Seriously, for more info on useful things available online, watch for my future quickie posts labelled "Free-4-All." I will round up some of the best free resources on almost any and everything you can think of.

Valentine's Day in Perspective

There are misconceptions in most cases and the truth in some about Valentine's Day for...

Singles:

• Dread going to work where everyone will be flashing their gifts & getting flower deliveries.
• Curse Saint Valentinus for putting your esteem through this annual torture.
• Sit and dissect the pitiful lives of people who are tied down to one person.
• Allow yourselves more beer and alcohol or ice cream than usual.
• Talk yourself into settling for the guy/gal you  don't really love so you won't die alone. Or with cats.
• Lie to the world about how you really don't think V-Day is that big of a deal.
• Drunkenly admit to your closest friends about how much it hurts to be single right now.
• Spend too much time thinking about "the good one(s) that got away."
• Get into bed, pretending that it's okay to be alone on Lover's Night - or
• Feeling pressure to come up with a good reason to be happy - alone.
• Go to sleep, thankful the day is over.

Non-Singles:

• Dread not getting your lover's gift or flowers in time for them to gloat for the Singles.
• Curse Saint Valentinus for putting your wallet through this annual torture.
• Sit and dissect the lives of people who are lonely & gift-less.
• Allow yourself to spend more money on one person than you did for everyone at Christmas.
• Talk yourself into staying with the worst person in the world so you won't die alone. Or broke.
• Lie to the world about how your lover is worth all that crazy money you spent on a gift.
• Drunk dial your credit card company to see what your balance is right now.
• Spend too much time thinking about "the crazy one you got stuck with."
• Get into bed, pretending to feel sexy because it's Lover's Night - or
• Feeling pressure to look thrilled to be in love for the next 364 days.
• Go to sleep, thankful the day is over.

In reality, life cannot be planned. Love and happiness, joy and sorrow - they rise and fall like the tides. Wherever you are, whoever you are - single or not - I wish you a Happy Valentine's Day. If only one person cares about you, you are blessed. I'm a Single and happy because I've learned that there are people who love me - they really, really do! lol

Oh - I'm writing this early because I plan to be eating more ice cream than usual on Thursday...

Happy Valentine's Day

To the Singles:

AKA: Happy unimaginative, consumerist-oriented and entirely arbitrary,
 manipulative and shallow interpretation of romance day!

To the Non-Singles:

Show how mature love has made you. Don't gloat on Thursday.

And to D. R., wherever you are:

Still & Always

Peace
Free

Smile Break!

Okay - enough with the moping. Time for a reminder of how good and sweet life can be - courtesy of some cuties:

"Uh, guys... Think you got it backwards."

Why can't we be more like them #1

Yes, we can all get along. They do.

This is the kind of thing that can make anyone an animal-lover

Aww... Mama can handle her bunch

Just... awwww....

OMG! This makes me giggle!

This one is for +J.D. Hughes & +Marla Hughes 

heh heh heh

And the last one 

Peace

--Free

Friend Power

My sister-friend (what I call one of my very best friends) called me last night. She knows what all I've been dealing with recently. Because she loves me, she doesn't get tired of my crazy moods and emotions. Well, so far she hasn't.

One sign of a good friend is that they can make you laugh when you haven't even been able to smile. This is one of the reasons I love this chick so much. Last night, she made me laugh so hard that, for a minute, I forgot to feel bad.

If you ever watched the show "Everybody Loves Raymond," you probably fell in love with the wife, "Debra." My friend reminded me of one of our favorite "Debra" moments. It's when Raymond spies on his wife and sees her listening to sad music and crying. When he finds out that it's something she does on purpose - to relieve stress and make herself feel better - he is puzzled.

For me and my friend, the funny part is not what Debra does (we call it emotional masturbation), but that Raymond is so mystified. He then tries to imitate his wife.  That is the power of womanhood, you know, that men find us so complex. In honor of one of our all-time favorite shows, and to make me laugh, my friend sent me the link to the following:

I laughed and got through a tough moment. Things haven't gotten any easier, but I'm still smiling. That's what good friends are for.

Thanks, "B.B." You did that for me. This one is for you:

(I didn't cuss!)

Peace
--Free

Hibernatintg and Healing

Some sweet folks over at G+ made me smile hard with a video the other day. (Thank you, Mr & Mrs H.) I guess I have dropped out of site in a way.

Every now and then, I need to stop, drop and roll. Roll into myself, that is.

I tend to be a bit manic. My thoughts run at warp speed and my emotions cycle even faster. When I was in my early twenties, my mother would worry about me. At the end of a bad day at work, she'd ask, "Does you body hum when you lay it down at night?"

Yes, sometimes it does. For the past couple of weeks, it has. When I get like this, I live up to my birth sign and go all crab-like. In the past, I've totally withdrawn from people and situations. That strategy has caused me a lot of heartache, so I had to learn to be wiser with it.

In my maturity, I withdraw, but I do it with a lot of thought and a purpose - and, most important, I don't succumb to it. I think of it as hibernating to heal. When I need healing, I turn to either family or God. Family is all right for surface wounds, but for the hurting that goes all through me, I need God.

This time I need God.

I am listening to * and reading one of my favorite Psalms. I'm staying very still and quiet, trying not to break into a useless mess of tears and despair. God is the only One who is going to hold me together.

Thanks to +J.D. Hughes +Marla Hughes and +Sandy Sandmeyer  +Julia Hawkins for their love.

Peace
--Free

* I don't know if the Christian Post knows what a blessing that entire resource is.

Get Fit or Sprain Something Trying

There are pros and cons to every aspect of my life. I have a Love/Hate list that would wear out Gutenberg's press. For example:

LOVE all the modern medicine that likely saved my life/HATE that *&#%ing prednisone that made me look like I was pregnant with whole world.

• LOVE my cellphone/HATE the bill.
• LOVE television for the entertainment/HATE that it sucks time into a vacuum of nevermore-land.
• LOVE the internet for all the easily accessible information/HATE it for the same reasons I hate my cellphone and television.
• LOVE all the nifty apps I can download to my phone and tablet/HATE that they kill all my excuses for being lazy, late, unmotivated and responsible.

See what I mean?

Phone and tablet apps have been an addiction of mine for a couple years. I used the games when I was too fat and sick to roll over and find the television remote. When I got better and needed to exercise my brain muscles, I still used the games - I just had a better excuse for wasting all that time. Now that I am SO much better (thank God and my most excellent doctors), I am using apps to help me stay off cigarettes and get my body back into shape.

So... this fitness thing...

I found an amazing set of apps ** to use for my regular exercise routine. LOVE these, really I do. Of course, with LOVE, HATE follows.

• LOVE that I can adjust the time and intensity of the workouts.
• LOVE that I can carry the app around (via my tablet) anywhere.
• LOVE that I made it through most of the routines my first time out.
• LOVE that I might actually feel healthier and more fit in a month or so.

So, you are maybe thinking, what is there to hate? Well, go get yourself some popcorn, take a seat and get comfy:

• HATE that I had to use the shortest time and lowest intensity and still dang near died of a leg cramp halfway through the first routine.
• HATE that the chick leading the workouts has short legs and can lunge easy. (I have long legs and it's my story that the longer the legs, the more difficult the lunge.)
• HATE that I had to skip a couple of the exercises because my body started talking to me like a lover at the end of an argument. ("Really? You are going to push me like this? After all we've been through? I thought you loved me, cared for me.... Come, let us go have some cheesecake and talk things over.")
• HATE that I have to do at least two weeks of this before I stop aching for hours after every workout.
• HATE that I'm not 25 again, with a body that just snaps back from a setback.

~sigh~

Yeah, I grouse a lot, but I really do love that I live in a time when I got to see all this cool medicine and technology. It is, after all, saving my life. Nothing to hate there.

Peace
--Free

** Disclaimer: I am not compensated in any way by the producers of these apps. I would like to be, but...

A Thousand Years & Lots of Tears

Did you spend all your life waiting for someone? Did you not know them when they were right there? Did you regret that? Do you dream of another chance?

If you ever get the one you waited for, don't let them go, no matter how scared you get. You might not get a chance to have them again.

Yeah. I am in one of those moods tonight. Time for a good tearjerker of a song.

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave?
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone?
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

One step closer
One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

I'm going to bed. I just can't stand being sad for myself any more tonight. +Julia Hawkins knows what I mean. Hope she is saying a prayer for me.

Peace
--Free